It's Sam-centric with a little bit of everything thrown in. What you know is what I know and anything else is spec or wishful thinking. I have no real spoilers; just spec on my part and some spec I've seen around the fandom. But other than that, I have nothing.

.xo.

Looking back, he can honestly admit that it starts when he wraps his arms around Rachel Berry's waist to keep her from unleashing hell on his football teammates. (Okay, so he didn't want her getting hurt and she was acting all ninja while Quinn was only yelling at them so he figured he was better utilized grabbing Rachel rather than standing behind Quinn and shouting "What she said!")

But, yeah, that's the moment when things start to change. Even if he doesn't know it at the time.

He's not dumb. Not in a real world kinda way, anyway. Sure, he has dyslexia but is getting a lot better since Quinn started tutoring him. He's getting pretty decent grades and the Learning Center helps him out because most of his teachers let him take his tests orally. He knows the answers, most of the time; it's just the words and letters and stuff get mixed up on the page and by the time he sorts out what the question is, class is over and his page is almost completely blank. (The only think he's really never had any problem reading was music.)

They didn't believe him at first. The teachers. Because his old school hadn't believed him. But Artie had taken the time to hang out with him a little bit and he guesses the super smart kid in the wheelchair has more pull than the new kid with the lemon-dyed hair, so they get him a real tutor and some of his free time is spent in the Learning Center.

So he gets help and he has a steady tutor and then Quinn as a special tutor. And Quinn gives him almost-rewards for getting the answer right while his tutor just gives him this creepy smile and nods.

He's pretty sure Puck calls the kid Jewfro and he, Jacob, stalks Rachel.

He mentions to Jacob that he's got Rachel's back now after she tried to go all La Femme Nikita on the football team and he's pretty sure the kid backs down.

He doesn't see Puck giving him many threatening looks anymore. Just, you know, the regular ones.

But anyway, he's not dumb. He knows Quinn's not being completely truthful about the whole Finn situation. He doesn't know what, exactly, the lie is, but he's pretty sure he'll figure it out sooner or later.

He likes puzzles. Even if he's complete shit at them most of the time.

When he feels her slipping away, his beautiful, smart, funny girlfriend, he gets drastic. He buys a purple hoodie and starts a Bieber tribute band.

And the girls dig it like crazy.

And Quinn does too so he thinks it's worth the effort of acting like a total loser. Wouldn't be the first time, definitely won't be the last.

He sees Quinn say something to Finn and he wants to believe it's her telling him to stop acting all weird about saving his life and the mono issue and stuff but something in his gut tells him that it's just not true.

Santana pretty much confirms it.

He doesn't want to believe it, though, because Quinn's his girlfriend and he gave her a ring and she broke into his locker to actually put it on.

Sure, in the beginning she said she wasn't looking for a boyfriend but they just kinda happened and it was pretty much the best thing to ever happen to him, aside from that one wicked awesome hunting trip his dad took him and his brother on when he got an eight point buck.

But that's besides the point.

She loves him. She would never cheat on him. She learned her lesson when she slept with Puck and got pregnant.

But then he thinks back to the mono and to what Santana said and the weird looks that Finn keeps giving his girlfriend and the looks he doesn't think she thinks he sees her giving back and it all just clicks.

"Once a cheater, always a cheater," his sister told him once after her fourth breakup with the same guy.

He was, like, twelve and thought he got caught punching in the level-skip codes on his old school Mario game but now? Now he gets it.

So he dumps Quinn, in his mind, at least, and kisses Santana.

It's pretty damn hot, truth be told.

So he dumps Quinn again, out loud and for real this time, and drops the bomb that he's dating Santana. Even though he isn't. Well, not really, at least, because Santana doesn't date.

But it's cool because now he can tell her he dumped Quinn and he's pretty sure Santana'll let him get to at least second base after dinner that night.

Glee gets tense and weird after the breakup – not as bad as when Rachel and Finn split up but then again he's pretty sure the only people who didn't think there was a breakup coming were Rachel and Finn.

But then his girlfriend (she labeled it herself so he was gonna use the term at his every chance) told everyone that she slept with Finn (well, she wasn't his girlfriend at the time – either time – but she was now so he was still gonna call her his girlfriend) and all hell broke loose and then Rachel kissed Puck and hello when the hell did that happen? and it was all downhill from there.

So Rachel was without Finn – without anyone – and Finn was staring at Quinn like she was some kind of prize.

And she was, almost, when she wasn't, like, putting him down or talking about the stupid prom or how she missed being a cheerleader and the most popular girl in the school and how she wanted to torment Rachel (and he made sure he stayed tuned in for those particular rants because he wanted to be able to warn Rachel when the crap was gonna hit the fan – he'd successfully helped her dodge two slushie attacks and a near-pantsing episode).

But now she's not his business anymore and he's not hers so he doesn't feel bad about making out with Santana in the hallway or tickling her in glee. (Okay, so she hates that but he likes to see her smile in a way that doesn't make him think of a female praying mantis about to eat the dude praying mantis she just … you know … with.)

And it hurts less and less every time he sees her glance at Finn with a secret smile.

He's not really all that drunk at Rachel's party but Santana is and she's even more … loose … when she's got some drinks in her. She's weepy and psycho but he figures everyone's got their drunk personality and that must be hers. Tina and Mercedes laugh at everything, Quinn and Lauren yell at everything, Brittany takes her clothes off (though from what he's heard she doesn't really need any liquid courage for that), and Rachel hangs all over Finn. It wouldn't be unusual except they're not together and he should be pushing her away. (He's not; he's sitting down and wrapping his arm around her and putting his leg over hers and it's not weird or anything but it kind of is because Finn's being a complete dick over the whole Puck situation – though only with Rachel and not Puck so that's kind of messed up – and they're not together and he's pretty sure they won't be for a long while.)

He feels really bad for her because even in her drunk state, he knows the contact, the closeness, means more to her than it does to him. He's pretty sure Finn doesn't realize he's leading her on. Again. (From what he's heard, at least.)

And when she suggests Spin the Bottle? He's so in. And not just because Santana tells him he is.

He kissed his own girlfriend a few times and gets Lauren once, at which point she glared as him, taps her cheek, and tells him her lips are reserved (and he nearly laughs out loud at the look on Puck's face).

And then he gets Brittany and she's, like, a really awesome kisser. He doesn't feel like a complete dick (but at least half a one) when Santana yells no me gusta and breaks it up.

Then Rachel kisses Blaine and he thinks he sees, like, sparks or something (probably just spit) and then the game is over and Rachel and Blaine are singing but he doesn't care because Santana takes that opportunity to straddle him and stick her tongue down his throat thus proving to everyone in the room that he's taken. (He didn't know his relationship status was in question but when his hands cup her behind and she grinds into him? He'll totally let her prove whatever it is she feels she needs to prove to their friends.)

When he tells Artie he wishes the two of them were as close as Brittany and Santana he means it. He wants a real friendship with a dude. Like, the stuff bromance is made of. He doesn't have it now and he never really did before. He thought maybe he and Finn could have had that friendship but with football and Quinn it never really worked out.

(He'll never admit out loud how sad it makes him that he and Finn will never be anything near like Finn and Puck or Brittany and Santana.)

It doesn't take long, however, for Brittany to tell Artie that Santana admitted she was in love with her.

And it doesn't take long after that for Artie to tell him.

He doesn't break up with Santana and she doesn't break up with him, but she knows he knows and they kind of just avoid each other for a while.

And then they become friends because, really, who wants to see the person they love – or, okay, really like – hurting because the person they love is in love with someone else. (He's not sure his own brain connects the right lines to the right people but he knows that it sucks for him and Santana and they could at least bond over it.)

But anyway, it's in that moment he decides he's going to befriend Rachel Berry. Because she looks sad when no one is paying attention and he thinks someone like her should be happier.

When he starts spending time with Rachel it's really not about trying to date her. And they don't date. Not really. Not out loud. Not officially or anything.

So they go to dinner and the movies and sometimes she convinces him to go to the local theater and okay so he takes her to a baseball game or two. And they hang out at his house or her house and sometimes they do homework and, fine, sometimes there's kissing or whatever involved.

But they're not dating.

(They're totally dating.)

At least that's what Santana tells him when she asks him if he wants to go to the roller derby with her on Saturday night and he says he can't because he's going to some kind of ACLU charity benefit thing with Rachel and her dads.

"Are you shitting me?" she asks him with some kind of weird, nearly painful looking face.

"That's a stupid phrase," he mutters as he shifts some clothes around in his closet looking for his one good suit. "And no. I promised her I'd go with her." He pauses and looks back to her. "D'you think she'd like daisies or lilies better?"

She stares at him for a long moment, lithe body reclined on his bed with a Maxim open in her lap. "You're fucking serious?"

"It's only proper to bring a girl flowers when picking her up for a formal event."

"Holy shit. She brainwashed you."

"Look, are you gonna help or not?"

She thinks for a moment before shaking her head and turning back to the magazine. "No."

"God I hate you."

"Yeah yeah," she mutters. "Have fun on your date with the mayor of Crazytown."

"It's not a date!"

"Keep telling yourself that."

So, turns out it's a date. And what they've been doing? In high school world it totally means you're dating.

He's been dating Rachel for, like, a month without even knowing it.

He supposes everyone else knows, though, because Finn keeps shooting him dirty looks and Puck looks like he might want to beat him up for some reason. (He's always been curious about the exact nature of Puck and Rachel's relationship but hasn't ever been able to get up the guts to ask. Maybe one day he will. You know, when he's not so into kissing Rachel. Because he's pretty sure the kissing's going to stop when he brings it up. She's not exactly the most rational girl in the school.)

He keeps kissing (dating) Rachel after the glee club loses (big time) at Nationals and after school lets out for the summer.

They go on dates and hang out by the public pool and generally they're alone but sometimes Mercedes and Kurt tag along, or sometimes Santana agrees to hang with them (so long as Mercedes isn't there and there's no chance that they'll end up watching a musical later in the day. He thinks it's pretty gutsy to demand that of Rachel but it usually works so Sam's got the best of both worlds on those days – his best friend and his girlfriend and not Cabaret or Evita.)

He likes hanging out with Kurt and Mercedes too, because they're Rachel's best friends. They make her laugh like few other people are able to and he's thankful for that. He's thankful for a lot of things since he started dating Rachel.

He's thankful for Rachel most of all, though, and he figures that must mean he's falling in love with her or something.

One weekend Rachel and Mercedes decide to go to Cincinnati for some kind of production of RENT for charity or something and Kurt can't go because he's helping his dad at the shop and Sam really doesn't want to go if it's just going to be him and the two biggest divas he's ever met watching a show that they did a duet to (and probably criticizing every note), so he offers to help Burt and Kurt at the tire place. No big deal, right?

Wrong. Because it turns out hanging with Kurt and Burt is a lot more fun than hanging with Rachel.(He feels bad for thinking it because, hello, Rachel's his girlfriend (even if they never use the terms – he thinks she might be afraid of labels now because of her and Finn and Finn and Quinn and probably something about Puck and Santana thrown in there too) and being with her should be the best part of his day or week or life or something.

But it's not. Not really. Sure, he likes being with her and kissing her and watching movies with her and sometimes teaching her stuff she didn't know (that's mostly sports stuff) but he really likes the way Burt's teaching him to fix up cars and change tires and stuff. Because he's going to need to actually know that in real life. Who cares about Liza Minnelli and Michael York and how they're both having sex with some guy names Helmut? He doesn't (but Rachel does and if there's one thing he learned while dating Quinn it's that he has to like what his girlfriend likes or there's very little kissing and much less of anything else happening for a while).

So they chat, him and Burt and Kurt, and he's surprised at how much Kurt knows about cars and stuff. Sure, he knows Kurt would have to know at least a little bit, but he's got these gray coveralls on and a smudge of grease on his cheek that he just wants to reach out and wipe off (because he knows how sensitive Kurt's skin is because he talks about it all the time when they're at the pool) and he catches himself before he does it but not before Burt notices the movement.

He thinks Mr. Hummel is going to call him out or kick him out or something but the older man just smiles and asks for a socket wrench. He hands a tool to him and gets butterflies in his stomach when Kurt pats his cheek and says "that's a screwdriver" before handing his father the right tool.

He doesn't know why he has the butterflies but he doesn't entirely hate the feeling of them.

He and Kurt start hanging out more and more when Rachel and Mercedes sign up for a summer musical for the local theater company. Kurt really had no interest in playing a role in Chicago and Sam knew he wasn't an actor.

So they would get together when the girls were rehearsing (every. day.) and hang out and sometimes work with Burt and sometimes just watch TV. And sometimes they would go to the mall and Kurt would play stylist for him and he didn't really mind that much because those butterflies are still there and he still doesn't know exactly what they mean. Because they're kinda like the ones that were in his stomach when Puck first started talking about his mouth and balls and stuff but they're more intense or something because the ones he had for Puck were fleeting and it seems like every time he sees (or talks to or texts or IMs or comments on Facebook) Kurt the butterflies are back and it's really messing up his head.

He still doesn't hate them like he knows he should.

When Finn and Quinn end whatever it is that they have, he's pretty resigned to the fact that he's going to lose his (not) girlfriend to the guy who broke her heart into four hundred billion pieces.

He guesses he must make a face after Santana tells them that Fuinn (what the hell is a Fuinn?) is off because Rachel turns to him, kisses him on the lips and tells him she loves him.

It's not the first time she's said it and it's not the first time he responds in kind, but when his stomach rolls and he feels nauseated he realizes that yes, he loves her, but it's not the same way she loves him and he's going to be another in the long line of guys who break her heart.

He gets determined, though, and decides he's going to love her like she deserves if it's the last thing he does.

Because Rachel deserves love and he can give it to her. He just has to try a little harder and fall a little deeper and pretend that he doesn't feel more when he and Kurt are kicking back watching Project Runway than when he and Rachel are laid out on her bed with his hand under her shirt and hers creeping towards his belt.

He knows he can do it. And he should do it. Because his parents love her and her dads trust him and she deserves to be loved. Right?

He can't help feeling that loving her will end up hurting himself though, and he's seventeen and not sure which should be more important.

They don't break up when school starts (how can they when they're not officially together?) but the kissing and other stuff slows until it stops and he sees her smiling sadly at him when she sees him talking to Kurt and that complete douchebag Blaine. (He doesn't know when he decided Blaine was a tool but he figures it was probably around the time when he saw the kid take Kurt's hand in the hallway and link their fingers together.)

(The butterflies turned into anvils and he didn't appreciate that feeling at all.)

But he's friends with Kurt so he tolerates Blaine and rolls his eyes when they give him another of the stupid nicknames the club comes up with when two members get together. (He and Quinn were Quam and he thinks that sounds kinda dirty; he and Santana were Samtana and he and Rachel were Samchel and he thinks it was all stupid.)

(He thinks he and Kurt would be Hevans and he smiles when he thinks of it.)

But Klaine is on and he hates it. He hates that they hold hands and he hates that they kiss and he hates that he doesn't get to spend much time with Kurt anymore because he wants to spend time with his boyfriend and not his regular friend.

And he hates himself for wishing Kurt wasn't with Blaine because he knows Kurt is happy.

And that's all he really wants.

Except that he kinda wants Kurt to be happy with him. And that scares the crap outa him but it's true.

One day he may even say it out loud.

He kind of keeps to himself after his weird realization that he wants to be with Kurt. Because on his first date with Quinn she asked him and he denied it and he wasn't lying then but when he looks back and thinks about how he feels now he thinks he probably shouldn't have shut that door completely because he's at least a little gay – if there are varying degrees – and he feels bad for lying to Quinn.

And then he remembers she cheated on him and mentally cusses her out.

But anyway, he keeps to himself and he starts watching. Not in a creepy guy-in-the-bushes-like-Jacob-ben-Israel kinda way. Just in an observer kinda way.

He watches as Rachel and Mike literally dance around each other and how she smiles at him and she talks and talks and talks and he actually listens. And it doesn't hurt like it should to see her happy and moving on from their whatever even if Mike's still with Tina, technically.

Rachel's not doing anything wrong, per se, but she's not exactly discouraging the slight flirtation Mike is showing to her through dance.

When Tina calls her a slut and a boyfriend-stealer, Rachel goes on a date with someone from the baseball team and Mike breaks up with her.

He thinks she can only really blame herself because Mike and Rachel flirt; it's in both their blood and they do it without even thinking about it. It's sort of like they were going to be drawn together anyway and it started long before he got there and before Tina became Mike's girlfriend and really everyone thinks it was always going to be Finn and Rachel but maybe they should have seen that there was always going to be potential for Rachel and Mike.

They start dating a week later and exactly everyone is surprised but him (and Tina).

(He also sees the way Tina starts looking at Artie and the way Artie frowns at the sight of Santana and Brittany hold hands.)

He watched Puck and Lauren implode a lot later than any of them thought it would and how Quinn starts looking at him. He assumes the two of them are going to get back together because he's smiling and she's smiling and he's never seen that happen at the same time before.

He watches everyone in the club find love or lust or some combination thereof. But he doesn't watch Kurt and Blaine because it hurts his stomach and his heart and he still hasn't said it out loud and maybe he never will because he's pretty sure, at this point in his life, Kurt would be the only one worth taking the risk for.

And Kurt doesn't even know he's alive.

Not romantically at least.

"You should just come out," Santana tells him one day when they're laying on his bed playing a video game while Brittany usues his computer to do research.

"Come out of what?" he asks as his Yoshi passes her Mario.

"The closet," she tells him seriously. "It's a lot better if you're honest with yourself."

"No," he responds softly. "It's only better if you say it out loud and you know the other person wants you." He pauses, glances at Brittany and then turns back to her with a sad frown. "You knew she was in love with you even if she couldn't say it. But me? With him? I'm just the pathetic kid who's a year too late to have any shot."

"You're not pathetic," she snaps back. "You're just …"

"Done with this conversation," he finishes in the same tone.

"Sam?" Brittany calls from his desk. "I clicked on a picture of a girl who was hot and looked like Santana and now the screen went blue. Is that bad?"

Santana allows him to end the conversation so he can figure out if Brittany accidentally clicking on a porn pop-up crashed his computer completely.

He pretty much knows he has to avoid Santana for a while after that. At least until she forgets he's pathetically pining for a dude who would never – could never – be into him.

Because for what it's worth, Blaine's pretty much the perfect boyfriend to Kurt. He's considerate and kind and holds his hand in public and opens doors for him and actually listens when Kurt talks.

(He's still a complete douchebag but he figures that maybe he's a good douchebag and if Kurt's happy he's happy. Except he's not.)

But he's still Kurt's friend, kind of, and when he calls on a Wednesday night and says Blaine's taking him away for the weekend and would he please go to the mall with him to pick out a new outfit, he's pretty much helpless to say no.

So he goes and he pretends it doesn't rip his heart wide open when Kurt suggests they find some new boxers shorts for him. Silk. Preferably black.

He wants to tell Kurt that it shouldn't matter what color or fabric of underpants he has on because Blaine shouldn't be seeing them anyway. But he just smiles and nods and tries not to cry when he sees how satisfied and happy Kurt is when he runs his debit card through the machine and tells the young cashier that his boyfriend is taking him away for the weekend and he can't wait to surprise him with his new delicates.

Kurt comes back even happier than when he left and Sam knows that they had sex.

He has a stomach ache and tells the same to Mr. Schue and leaves glee after five minutes. He ignores the looks that both Rachel and Santana send his way.

When Rachel and Santana corner him when he comes out of the boys' room one day, he thinks two things: first, when the hell did those two become friends and second, he's in deep shit.

"You should say something to him," Rachel says without preamble.

"I don't know what you're talking about," he answers as he puts on his dumb blonde face.

"I have two gay dads," she reminds him needlessly. "Why do you think we never worked out? It wasn't because I didn't love you, Sam, I did. But you didn't love me. Not in the same way. And that's okay because I hoped you would step up and take the chance. But you didn't. Why?"

He stares at her for a minute before glancing to Santana, who shrugs, and looks back to Rachel. "Not exactly out of the closet, Rachel. I don't even know if I'm full on gay because I really liked making out and stuff with you guys and the thought of Santana and Brittany together sort of still gets me hot."

"That's besides the point, Steven Tyler," Santana says as she rolls her eyes. "I get hot when I think of two guys going at it and I'm firmly in the tacos only camp now."

"You're vulgar," Rachel says with a frown and a wrinkled nose.

Santana brings her fingers to her mouth and makes a peace sign and he knows what she's going to do before she does it so he slaps her hand away before her tongue can poke through. "Don't be a bitch."

"Take your own advice," she snaps back. "C'mon, Berry," she says as she grabs Rachel's hand and starts pulling her down the hall. "Let's leave the chicken shit to wallow."

"You're such a bitch!" he calls after them, not caring that he didn't specify which. They don't turn around anyway.

He decides the best course of action is to avoid Kurt. If he doesn't interact with him he can't look like a lovesick fool for feel like someone cracked open his chest cavity, ripped out his heart, stomped on it and put it back in upside down.

Kurt approaches him a few days later and asks why he didn't call when he was having trouble with his English homework. He doesn't have the heart to tell him that he couldn't bear talking about Romeo and Juliet with him.

He tells Kurt that it's fine, it's just one quiz, and Rachel's helping him out.

Kurt tells him that Rachel has a boyfriend she should be concentrating on and he'll set up a study schedule and help him out. Sam refuses to bring up Blaine because yeah, he wants to spend as much time with Kurt as he can. Even if it's just reading a stupid book and studying for a test that won't even matter after the paper's handed in.

Kurt and Blaine start fighting over all of the time Kurt's spending with him.

He feels like a complete dick for smiling when he hears Kurt shout that maybe they should take a break if he so jealous of Sam.

"Blaine and I broke up," Kurt says on a regular Thursday after glee. "That's why he wasn't here."

He tries to say he sorry but he can't, so he just places a hand on Kurt's shoulder and frowns.

Kurt looks disappointed at his lack of comforting works but he just shrugs. "Sucks, man. But some people just aren't meant to work out. I mean, look at your brother and Rachel."

Kurt actually laughs at that. "Mike's ready to kill Finn right about now. He keeps finding out where they're going on dates and showing up. It's hilarious and just another crazy act in the Finn and Rachel Show. They're meant to be together," he stresses. "Like me and Blaine."

He stares at his friend sadly for a moment, briefly wondering if he's right, before dismissing the thought. Because he's not going to jump on Kurt like a lion jumps on a fresh kill. So he nods and gathers his things. "I hope everything works out the way it should."

"Not the way I want it to?" Kurt smiles.

He just smiles back and walks out feeling better than he has since he admitted to himself that he wants to be with Kurt.

When Blaine starts seeing someone new, Sam realizes that he has to endure Kurt being sad then Kurt hooking up with a random guy.

He realizes this because on Tuesday Kurt's at his house crying into a handkerchief and Friday night he's at a party hooking up with some dude from another school.

And Sam wants to punch a wall be he realizes that now he won't be a rebound if he gets Kurt to agree to go out with him.

So as he watches some guy roughly the size of Finn stick his tongue down Kurt's throat, he begins to formulate a plan to get Kurt to agree to go on a date with him.

All of his plans fly out the window when he sees Kurt sitting with Santana and Rachel. All three are laughing and happy and he can't help but smile when he sees his ex-girlfriends wrap an arm around the other's shoulder and laugh harder.

He take a deep breath and marches up to the group, one purpose in mind.

"Hey, Sam," Rachel says through her giggles. "Everything okay?"

He doesn't feel rude when he ignores her; he knows she'll understand. "Hey, Kurt."

"Hello, Sam," he answers, an odd look on his face. (He guesses it's because he ignored Rachel and she let him and nobody ever gets away with ignoring Rachel.)

"Do you maybe wanna go to the movies or something with me Friday night?"

Kurt stares at him for a minute before he smiles slowly and Sam knows the answer without having to hear the word.

-!-

A special thanks to Laura, Kenz and Janine for their feedback. This is something new for me and I hope you all like it.