Get It Right

By Vinkunwildflowerqueen

AN. This is the first thing I've written that actually takes place within the musical!

Despite the fact that she had been the top of her class before her abrupt end to her education at Shiz, or that 'ignorant', 'dumb' or 'stupid' were never words that sprung to mind when one was asked to describe Elphaba Thropp- well, those who still remembered that Elphaba Thropp once existed, before she became the Wicked Witch of the West, at least; Elphaba had long accepted that she did not have all the answers and she never would.

And it seemed now at least, many of life's mysteries- or what Elphaba considered mysteries, Elphaba was suddenly discovering the answers. Yes, it was possible to be so desperately in love with someone you hadn't even seen in two years, and who you hadn't known especially long before that. Yes, it was possible to be happy and loved and to forget for a few blissful moments that all of Oz wanted you dead. It was possible to feel love and be love and forget that the man who had given up his freedom and innocence to be with you had betrayed your best friend to do so.

Elphaba now knew that when your heart broke, it caused you physical pain. And it was possible to feel as though you would drown in grief, that you couldn't breathe for knowing you now had to face life without the man you loved- even though you'd only had but a moment together, a mere glimpse of what could have been. Elphaba had been in hiding for two years, having limited human contact and forsaking all comforts of human company; but she had never felt more alone than she did now- although she was physically surrounded by others.

Chistery and his fellow Winged Monkeys were busy exploring Kiamo Ko and its surroundings, enjoying their freedom after so long being caged in the throne room at the Wizard's palace. And even now, Elphaba could hear the sobs of the girl Dorothy, crying out for her Auntie Em and pleading for the safety of her pet dog. A small twinge of guilt plucked at Elphaba's heart, somehow distinguishable from the pain and grief that had been suffocating her since her arrival at Kiamo Ko, after she'd fled the scene in Munchkinland.

Elphaba stiffened resolutely and straightened, shaking her head so that her long black hair rippled.

"No," she said sternly to herself, refusing to feel sympathy for her sister's murderer. "They wanted a Wicked Witch, they've got one. You've made your choice, Elphaba."

She knew it wouldn't be long before the Witch-hunters came for her, perhaps led by Boq and the other strange companions the child- the murderess had picked up along the Yellow Brick Road from Munchkin City. And normally, Elphaba would have felt a sting of fear about what would happen when they did come, as would anyone. As said before, she wasn't stupid. She knew it would be the end of her and in the few times she'd come close to being captured in her years on the run, she'd felt a rush of fear when she'd thought of being discoverated. But not now. Not after Fiyero.

Elphaba couldn't help but wince at the mere thought of Fiyero's name echoing inside her head, his last words to her still ringing in her ears.

"Elphaba, go!" he'd ordered, desperately trying to buy her freedom. And now look where that had gotten him.

"Stupid, brainless, empty-headed idiot," Elphaba muttered furiously, trying to stay angry at him, if only to conquer the pain of knowing she could have prevented this from happening.

Why in Oz's name had she ever let him leave that throne room with her? Why hadn't she insisted he go back and make things right with Glinda- his fiancée?

Elphaba wished she could run, just go back into hiding- desert the sinking ship, as it were. But she knew she'd gone too far now to stop what was happening.

"What have I done?" she murmured faintly, a rare moment of clarity since leaving Fiyero.

Dorothy's cries seemed to have intensified, resounding through the castle and Elphaba closed her eyes against the sound, wishing she had the excuse of the child to cry her own tears, which she steadfastly refused to shed.

She wished it would be that easy as to flee, to turn her back on the mess that was her life. But at the same time, she didn't want to run. She'd been running for two years and she was still in the position she'd been then- making a mess of everything, despite her good intentions and causing harm to those around her.

Elphaba had spent so much time and energy trying to help the people she cared about, or anyone who needed aid. Dr. Dillamond, the Lion Cub, the Monkeys, Nessa, Boq… Fiyero. And even as the Wizard, Morrible and the citizens of Oz screamed for her head, declaring her Wicked… the Animals of Oz, the ones in hiding, the ones in captivity, the ones who had long fled to safety in Quox, they all looked up to her, the Wicked Witch of the West, for deliverance. Their fate had been resting on Elphaba's shoulder's for so long, and now she was beginning to feel the strain.

She had never claimed to know all the answers or to know what she was doing, she'd only done the best she could. And now Elphaba was fed up with good intentions, embracing the label Morrible and the Wonderful Wizard of Oz had so generously bestowed upon her- the Wicked Witch of the West.

What had she said to Nessa? "I have done everything I could for you and it hasn't been enough. And nothing ever will be."

There it was, the last words she had ever said to her little sister. But even in her guilt and regret, Elphaba knew she had been right. Not just in regards to Nessa, but her entire life. She had always, always, done everything she could and it had never been enough. Her best intentions, her best deeds, her good… it was never good enough and it never would be.

Her father had always said that Elphaba was cursed from the moment she was born. In a way, she'd always thought Madame Morrible had a point when she'd first declared that "her green skin was but an outward manifestorium of her twisted nature", or rather her cursed soul- if indeed she had a soul.

Everything… everyone Elphaba came into contact with tumbled down, coming crashing down around her. Every time she tried to make good, it just made a bigger mess and Elphaba was almost desperate for something to go right, do be able to fix it all somehow.

"How many times will it take for me to get it right?" she whispered aloud, hating herself more in this moment than she ever had before.

The sobs of the girl began to grate on Elphaba's last nerves and she began to pace up and down before the trapdoor covering the room where the child wept. Elphaba was at her wits end, she didn't know where to go from here. Every time she closed her eyes, she had visions of Fiyero's beaten, broken, bleeding body and she felt like she couldn't even stand for the pain that vision brought her.

Fiyero… for those few sacred moments they'd had in the forest, it hadn't even seemed like it was actually happening. For the first time in a long time, Elphaba had felt like… Elphaba. Not a fugitive, not the infamous Wicked Witch, but Elphaba. For just those moments, she'd allowed herself to believe Fiyero's promise to her.

"You and Glinda will make up and someday everything will be the way it's supposed to be… We're going to be together always. You can see houses flying through the sky… why can't you see that?"

And Elphaba had stupidly, foolishly, let herself believe that. And then to flee the cornfield, and knowing what Fiyero would suffer at the hands of the Gale force, because of her… being robbed of the dream of a life with Fiyero, of being loved, truly loved… it had shaken Elphaba to the core, robbing her of her faith.

Elphaba wasn't a religious person, and she didn't believe in much- especially when the last person she'd believed in had been the Wizard, and they all knew how that turned out. But Elphaba had always believed if you were doing good, for the right reasons, it would all turn out right in the end. Because when you were green, what else could you believe in?

And now it was too late to take it all back and fix her mistakes. But if she could… and how she wished it were possible… how far back would she need to go? Back to Nessa and Boq? The Emerald City and the levitation spell that had begun all of this? The Lion Cub that day at Shiz?

"Have I ever done anything good at all?" Elphaba wondered.

And now there was nothing to do but face her mistakes. Her father had always told Nessa- always Nessa, never Elphaba, that making mistakes and facing them made you stronger and wiser. Well that was all very well and good for Nessa, who's biggest mistakes were never anything more significant than missing a stitch on a needlepoint or spilling something. Elphaba didn't see how facing her mistakes would do any good, she couldn't fix them. It was too late for that… for her father, for Dr. Dillamond, for Glinda or Nessa or Boq. Or Fiyero.

Elphaba swallowed a desperate sob that threatened to burst out of her lips and was immediately furious with herself, either for wanting to cry or for not letting herself cry she wasn't sure. She allowed the anger to spread through her and it grew to become anger at all the people she could no longer help or apologise to, who had dared to leave her or been stupid enough to let her get close enough to be hurt by her in the first place.

Chistery and a few of the other Monkeys who had cautiously and silently entered the room to watch her pace jumped and let out cries of alarm as books flung themselves off their shelves and across the room.

Elphaba herself was startled, and she stopped her pacing to stare at where the volumes had landed on the floor. It had been a long time since her magic had spontaneously caused an effect around her, but it made sense in a way. Elphaba wouldn't allow herself to express any of the emotions she was feeling- so much pain, guilt and anger cursing through her veins that she felt like she could scream, so the power was doing it for her.

Another wave of pain crushed itself around her heart as she recalled the last time her magic had acted of its own accord- the Lion Cub with Fiyero. A broken sob finally escaping from her lips, Elphaba sunk to her knees, literally unable to stand a moment longer.

"I can't do it anymore," she said, just needing to speak the words aloud.

"It's too much, I can't do this. It's all my fault…this isn't fair," she choked out and then immediately snorted to herself.

"Really? What a surprise Elphaba, life isn't fair. You've always known that."

It was true, that had been one of the first truths Elphaba could remember learning. How else to explain that Elphaba should have been born the way she was, or that their mother should die and not only rob Nessa of a mother but her ability to walk? How else to explain that her father despised her, or that her mere existence made Nessa ashamed to be associated with her?

Was it fair that Glinda had been able to turn a blind eye to her conscience and the corruption of the Wizard when Elphaba couldn't? Or that the only person in Oz that could possibly love her, Elphaba, broke the heart of her best friend- her only friend, by doing so?

Elphaba would have to live the rest of her life- and she was at least thankful that if the witch hunters were on their way to Kiamo Ko now that she didn't suppose the rest of her life would be that long, knowing her last words to her sister were words of pain. And that wretched little farm girl had taken the only thing that remained of her sister, thanks to Glinda.

And Fiyero… if she hadn't been so shocked by Boq's announcement of Fiyero and Glinda's engagement and decided in that moment of weakness to return to the Emerald City- to release the Monkeys… Fiyero and Glinda would be happily planning their wedding now. And as painful as that thought was, at least Fiyero would be alive. It hurt more than anything, more than her guilt over Nessa or Boq, or the guilt of betrayal and the hurt she felt for Glinda, to know that Fiyero had sacrificed himself for her safety without a moment's hesitation or doubt.

She should have known better than to think he wouldn't follow her, even though she'd told him to stay when she'd flown to Nessa's side.

"I should have made him stay," Elphaba whispered, but she didn't know if she meant stay in the clearing or back at the palace.

Elphaba distantly recalled what she had said to Fiyero back at Shiz so long ago when they'd freed the Lion Cub from the classroom.

"You think I should just keep my mouth shut, is that what you're saying? Do you think I want to be this way? Do you think I want to care this much? Do you think I don't know how much easier my life would be if I didn't?"

For a long time, all Elphaba had wanted was for someone to recognize, to acknowledge that she did care. She was sure that someone, somehow would look at the acts of the Wicked Witch of the West and realize that she had never actually harmed anyone, that she was doing what she did to give the Animals their freedom back, so they could somewhat regain what the Wizard had stripped them of. But the Wizard and Morrible's propaganda had worked well. No one was looking at what she was doing or the reasons behind it, not as long as she was defaming the glorious and wonderful Wizard!

But Elphaba had persisted in her cause, even when it seemed she was making no headway. But now…

Dorothy's voice interrupted Elphaba's train of thought.

"I'm frightened, Auntie Em, I'm frightened!"

Elphaba gritted her teeth and stormed over to the trapdoor.

"For the love of Oz, stop crying! I can't take it anymore."

She knelt down and flung the trapdoor open. "You want to see your Auntie Em? And your Uncle…." She stalled, unable to recall the name of the brat's uncle.

"Oh, what's-his-name again? Then get those shoes off your feet!" she snapped, slamming the door shut and silencing the girl in the process.

Elphaba heaved a huge sigh, too many thoughts and emotions threatening to overwhelm her again.

"Little brat... takes a dead woman's shoes!" she fumed. "Must have been raised in a barn!"

Suppressing it all, she turned to find Chistery, wondering where all of the Monkeys were.

"Chistery?"

She looked up, finding him perched up on top of the wardrobe. "Oh, Chistery, there you are. Where are the others?"

Chistery said nothing, but pointed out the window. Elphaba raised her eyes pleadingly to the faithful Monkey.

"Chistery, please?" she begged. "If you don't at least try to keep speaking, then you'll never…"

Elphaba was cut off by hurried footsteps approaching the room and she whirled to face the newcomer.

Glinda.

For one split second Elphaba was glad to see her best friend, until she remembered it was because of Glinda that she was in this mess in the first place. It was Glinda who had let the Gale force capture and take Fiyero away to his death, who had given Dorothy Nessa's shoes- Dorothy, the person who was responsible for Nessa's death in the first place!

Elphaba's gaze was cold as she turned her back on her friend. "Go away."

Glinda didn't listen, hurrying down the stairs. "Elphie- they're coming."

Elphaba didn't care, she knew perfectly well they were coming. "Go away!"

"Elphie, let the little girl go," Glinda begged pleadingly. "And that poor little dog, Dodo."

Elphaba's mouth tightened and she said nothing as Glinda tried to beseech to her.

"I know you don't want to hear this right now, but someone's got to say it. You are out of control! I mean, come on, they're just shoes. Let it go!"

Elphaba whirled around angrily. Let it go? The girl crushed her sister to death under a house and then took her shoes and Elphaba was expected to just let it go?

"Elphie, you can't go on like this-" Glinda tried again, but Elphaba cut her off, fuming.

"I can do anything I want! I'm the Wicked Witch of the West!" she spat at the blonde, storming away icily.

The door opened and another Monkey entered the room, landing at Elphaba's feet.

"At last! What took you so long?" she demanded.

The Monkey said nothing, just handed her a piece of paper. Brow furrowing in confusion, Elphaba snatched it from him.

"What's this? Why are you bothering me with-?"

Her breath caught in her throat as she opened the note. She would recognize that handwriting anywhere, even though it had been so long since she'd seen it.

She couldn't hide the shock that flittered across her face, there was just too much emotion and too much happening to hide it all any longer.

"What is it? What's wrong?"

Glinda saw her expression and immediately paled. "It's Fiyero, isn't it?"

Elphaba felt as though she could burst into tears, but not for the reasons Glinda thought. Folding Fiyero's note with trembling fingers she nodded faintly.

"We've seen his face for the last time," she said quietly, not looking at her as she answered, although it wasn't quite lying, she reasoned to herself.

Elphaba paused then, realizing what she had to do. This was it, finally… her one chance to get it right. To finally do good. And just like every other time in her life, she knew it would cause someone- Glinda, pain while doing so. But she knew the benefits would outweigh the costs in the end, and she had a moment to set things right. With Glinda at least, she could end things properly and get this right.

The End