Well, this story is short, sweet, and total crack. The pairing is RitaxLockhart, so that should tell you enough. I honestly cannot explain this. This was written in about an hour for a friend of mine after a discussion we had, which featured this pairing. It's total random, and not my usual writing style. But anyhow, enjoy!

Disclaimer: Harry Potter is not mine.

A Professional Interview

Rita beamed endearingly at her quarry over the rims of her glasses. "So, Gilderoy, tell me a little about yourself!" she chirped, her acid green quill at the ready. Across from her, her interviewee, Gilderoy Lockhart straightened up a little and smoothed his hair, flashing her a startlingly large grin.

"Well, well, where to begin? I've accomplished so much in such a short period of time, it's hard to condense the tale!"

Rita smiled and leaned forward, resting her heads on her hands. "How about something personal? Something no one knows about you? Something… secret?"

Gilderoy paused and considered this for a moment, twirling a string of curly blond hair around his finger. "A wonderful idea, my darling reporter!" he finally announced. "How about this… when I was ten, I had a goldfish. It was a fabulous goldfish, and I was convinced it would be my forever friend." The man sighed and took a dramatic pause. "But then… the worst happened." He nodded. "Death. That goldfish was on the only one in my life who understood me… and then… I was alone in the world."

Rita beamed. "Perfect! But what if, say, it was your favorite grandfather who died? That you generate a lot more heartache on the behalf of your fans."

"Capital idea!" Lockhart seemed thrilled with the prospect. "I'll get more letters than ever!"

"I'm glad we think the same way, Gilderoy." Rita smiled in a hopefully winning way. "Now tell me, how did you come to land a job at Hogwarts?"

"Well, as you know, I am an acclaimed wizard when it comes to dealing with matters of Dark sorts. Dumbledore, the kind old fellow, had read my books, and knew that I was clearly the best choice for the position. Many, many people applied you know, but you can't compete with experience like mine! I never even interviewed for the job – Dumbledore asked me personally! And, of course, I accepted. Imagine – young minds educated by a master like me!"

"Fabulous." Rita nodded crisply. "Now, what can you tell us of your personal life? I know your fans are dying to find out what's happened since the whole fiasco with Celestina Warbeck."

"Oh!" Lockhart cried dramatically. "Do not speak that name in my presence! But you may tell the fans I have another woman I've taken interest in. The curiosity will keep my name in the papers for weeks!"

"I can see it now," Rita agreed. "Who Is Lockhart's Secret Crush? An Investigation Into the Possibilities by Rita Skeeter."

Lockhart flashed that impossibly bright smile again. "You would write it, my dear woman? Why, but you are perfect! Your writing style generates emotion and intrigue… my fans will absolutely love it!" He blew her a kiss. "We'll need some women who would be willing to pose as "mystery dates" for me. I'm thinking Aretha Hays, Bonnie Carina, and Jamie Rocca here! Stars, idols, all seen with a hero like me! They'll get the publicity and I'll get a good story!"

"What about your real "mystery crush"?" Rita enquired. "Will she appear in the article?"

"Well, naturally! She'll be writing it! No one will ever guess!"

Rita Skeeter, usually emotionless and professional, floundered. "Wh… what? Are you talking about me?"

Gilderoy seemed confused. "Of course! Who else?"

"I…" Rita shook her head. "Why me?"

"Well, you're sharp, you're witty, you're as tough as nails, you're a fabulous writer, and we can make each other famous! What other reasons do you need?"

In her mind, Rita could see a plan forming. With Gilderoy, there would be scandal and drama everywhere. Besides his life, she'd have a back stage pass to other famous members of society's. The articles she could come up with…!

Besides, the man was attractive.

"Are you asking me out, Gilderoy?"

Lockhart nodded, his curly hair bouncing on his head. "Of course! Whaddya say?"

"I… I accept."

[-]

Seven Years Later

Rita stroked Gilderoy's hair as he lay in the hospital bed. "Here," she murmured. "Can you sign this paper for me?" Her fiancé nodded, his face like a child's on Christmas morning. Happily, he scribbled his name on her blank sheet of paper. "Thank you," she muttered, smiling at the man.

Rita's ticket to a life of fame had lasted only a year, but along the way she had discovered a passion for the man next to her that outdid any opportunity for a good scoop. He had lost his memory six years before after an incident at Hogwarts involving a memory charm. Every day, she sat by his side, clasping his hand, and hoping, just hoping, that one day he'd remember her again. Remember the love they had shared. Remember the wedding they had planned. Remember everything.

And she'd sit by his bedside until that day came.