There may not be another way to your heart
So I guess I'd better find a new way in
I shiver when I hear your name
Think about you but it's not the same
I won't be satisfied until I'm under your skin
Immobilized by the thought of you
Paralyzed by the sight of you
Hypnotized by the words you say
Not true but I belive 'em anyway
So come to bed, it's getting late
There's no more time for us to waste
Remember how my body tastes
You feel your heart begin to race
~Shiver, Maroon 5
Absence diminishes mediocre passions and increases great ones, as the wind extinguishes candles and fans fires.
Eight Years Later
You've had absolutely no contact with anyone from Lima, Ohio, for eight years now. You had sent your fathers cards on their birthdays, but never with a return address and always from the other side of town, just in case. Once, you sent Kurt and Blaine a postcard and asked them to say hello to Mercedes for you.
Those were the only people that you even kind of missed though.
Really.
Just them.
You hadn't thought about anyone else.
Except, maybe, just every once in a while, you wonder how Noah is. If he's dating someone, where he went to college, if he kept playing the guitar. Sometimes you remember him when you smell cloves or apples and occasionally you taste cinnamon for absolutely no reason at all.
It's not because that's what he tasted like.
It isn't.
Really, the only time you think about him is when your cell phone rings. And that's only because you're ring tone happens to be Sweet Caroline. But it's not like you searched for that song, all right? It was just right there in front of you and you've always liked it.
And no you don't experience a slight pang of disappointment when it's Neil Diamond's voice coming from the tiny speakers on your phone and not his.
But everything's about to change.
Because you just got your dream role on Broadway, a role that will make you a household name, that will make you famous.
You just got the role of Maria.
And there's no way you'll be able to keep that quiet.
It's being announced tomorrow morning.
You expect Gleeks and Glocks and fathers to descend the next day.
Surprisingly, your dads aren't the first to show up. It's Brittany and Mike and Artie that find you at the coffee shop across the street from where rehearsals are being held. You're walking towards the counter when a blonde blur pretty much side tackles you. You lie dazed on the ground while Brittany squirms happily on top of you, her smile so wide it almost hurts your cheeks.
"Rae!" she practically shouts, "I thought that aliens had taken you! I'm so glad you're not being probed!"
You start giggling rather maniacally.
It was hard, when you left. Honestly, by the time you finally had everything in order to leave for New York a few years ahead of schedule, you weren't that hated. Not like you were at the beginning of Glee, anyways.
You were friends with Kurt and Blaine, Mercedes and Tina. Brittany and Artie and Sam and Mike all smiled and waved when they saw you and you had something with Noah. Even when you and Finn weren't together, you cared for him. Even Quinn and Santana tolerated you.
But you still had to leave.
Lima was slowly but surely killing every ounce of spirit you had.
So you packed your bags and snuck out with no regrets.
There's no denying that you were excited to see everyone again though.
You weren't expecting everyone to show up to see you, but, well, you wouldn't be all that surprised if they did. Leaving the way that you did, dramatic and properly Rachel Berry-esque insured that they weren't going to forget you any time soon.
So once there was a way to find you, once you were named Maria, there was no doubt in your mind that they would come. Some as friends, some as curious acquaintances, and others as, well, you weren't sure what Noah would be coming as.
If he came at all.
Which you totally didn't care about, by the way.
A laughing Mike yanks Brittany off you and she bounces over to stand behind Artie, her face still covered with that wide grin. You grab Mike's extended hand and he helps you up, pulling you into a tight hug as soon as you're off the ground. He releases you and shoves you backwards gently and you're still giggling when you land on Artie's lap and he pops a wheelie.
You hadn't realized how much you missed these people until they were here again.
You spend the rest of the day with the three of them, catching up and telling jokes and laughing with one another. Mike and Brittany still randomly start to dance and Artie still has that adorable smile of his and the familiarity of it all is surprisingly nice. You show them all your favorite places in New York, well the ones you have time for, and exchange phone numbers.
They promise to be there opening night.
You promise there'll be free tickets waiting.
The next day, you finish rehearsal and walk out the doors to see your fathers. Dad, the short one, is crying silently and daddy, the tall one, is glaring at all the people that walk by and look at him curiously.
As soon as they see you, you're being hugged again and you're starting to think that all the love is going to break your ribs.
Then daddy whispers, "We missed you, Star," into your ear and you start sobbing along with your dad.
Maybe you shouldn't have left them the way that you did.
But they never would've let you leave. And you needed to leave. If you hadn't, you would probably be preparing to work as a teacher in some small town, in an annoying school where kids throw frozen drinks at each other and shove geeks into their lockers.
You simply could not live that life.
So you ran.
And you had to leave your fathers behind.
They spend the rest of the weekend with you, rearranging your living room and sniffling every time they saw a picture of you with one of the numerous friends you had made living here. Dad full on bawls when he sees the diploma from Julliard, the GED you got right before you ran tucked neatly behind it.
Daddy cooks so much food that you're going to have to give some of it away or it'll go to waste. They never bring up how much you hurt them and you never apologize.
Empty apologies are worse than none at all.
They type their numbers into your cell phone and copy down your address in three separate places before leaving. The entire time their getting ready to leave their apologizing that the visit was so short and complaining about work. You just roll your eyes and tell them you're not going anywhere.
Dad bursts into tears again and daddy hugs you so tight you can't breathe.
The next visit comes three days later.
You open the front door to find two blondes standing there, their eyes wide and their fingers twined. Sam's hand is raised, about to knock, and Quinn is shifting from one foot to the other nervously.
The two of them stare at you in silence for a while. You stare back.
"Britt gave us your address! She wasn't sure which days you rehearsed and she didn't know if we'd be able to find you and, yeah," Sam suddenly blurts out, the words coming in a rush. You giggle and give him a gentle hug, pressing a kiss to his cheek. Then you smile at Quinn and wiggle your eyebrows as her when you catch sight of the large diamond on her left ring finger.
"We got back together after graduation," she murmurs, glancing behind you. You roll your eyes at the blatant curiosity and allow them inside. She tells you the story of them getting back together and then engaged and then married while they poke around your apartment.
"We wanted to invite you, Rae," Sam says from where he's inspecting your photo album, "but no one knew if you were, like, alive, let alone where you were."
You just smile at him sheepishly, the hard look in his eyes softening at your grin. He scoffs and leaves off scolding you, going back to your photos.
Quinn's eyes meet yours in silent understanding.
She doesn't have to ask why you left and you don't have to ask why she didn't.
You stand with a million watt smile and ask what kind of food their in the mood for. When you say that pretty much everything you could think of is in walking distance, Sam's eyes light up and Quinn giggles, reaching out and grabbing his hand while the three of you walk out of the apartment.
Before they leave that night, Quinn gives you an awkward half-hug and Sam enthusiastically spins you around, setting you back down to tell you that there better be tickets waiting for them along with Britt's, Mike's, and Artie's. You can't help the laughter that spills from your mouth when he adds the or else.
They leave; bright smiles on their faces and your phone number written half on Sam's hand, half on Quinn's.
You hadn't been able to resist when they wouldn't stop holding hands at the restaurant.
Mercedes, Kurt, and Blaine show up next and you can't stop yourself.
"Are you guys working in shifts?" you ask before they can even hug you. Mercedes and Kurt gawp at you from your doorway while Blaine breaks out in a large grin and twirls you around.
Once he puts you down, Mercedes hugs you quickly and then the two of them move off to the side.
Kurt steps forward, glares at you, pulls you in for an impossibly tight hug and then shoves you backwards, keeping his hands on your shoulders while he scolds you. He lectures you for no less than ten minutes and it doesn't matter how much you whine or pout or glare, he won't stop.
Finally, he glares one last time and then wraps you up in another hug.
"I demand that I see your rehearsal space. Now, Diva," he says when he pulls back. You chuckle while you link arms with Mercedes, pulling her out the door and locking it behind Kurt and Blaine. You raise your eyebrow at Mercedes when you see the boys' laced fingers and she grins wickedly before leaning in and whispering all the gossip you missed out on in your ear.
Kurt and Mercedes are in awe up on the stage, messing around with one another and trying to 'out-diva' each other. You sit with Blaine in the stands, chatting amaiably while the other two play on the stage.
"He really missed you Rae," Blaine finally whispers, wrapping a warm arm around your shoulders, "we both did."
You lean further into his body and promise to never do it again.
He smirks and holds up his pinky. You lock yours around his without question, the two of you dissolving into laughter when you hear Kurt's voice from the stage.
"Diva! Stop trying to steal my man! Once was enough, thank you very much!"
Mercedes leaves that night, not without extracting yet another free ticket promise, but Kurt and Blaine take over your living room for the next week. They only leave once a surly Finn is sitting across the hall, staring sullenly at your door.
You promise Kurt that you'll be on the lookout for a place for the two of them to live as they were planning on moving to New York as soon as possible. You press a kiss to Blaine's cheek, ushering them out the door and promising them tickets as well.
You really hope the director will actually allow you to have all those free tickets.
Finn stands without a word and walks into your apartment, glaring at one of the photos that has you and two guys friends in it. They're pretty much wrapped around you, which you assume is the cause of the glaring, but they're also totally gay. However, that's none of his business so you just let him keep glaring.
"How, how could you just… leave? Without even a goodbye?" he demands, turning to face you.
"I was drowning, Finn," is all you have to say.
Maybe the two of you didn't have the best relationship, but you always understood each other when it was important. It didn't always matter that he didn't listen to you because he still understood what you meant for the significant things. You're incredibly grateful for that skill right now.
He just shakes his head as the anger melts away, reaching out and grabbing your hand, the move easy and comfortable.
You grin at the complete lack of post break-up awkwardness or lingering-feelings sparks as he drags you downstairs, explaining that Schue was waiting in the café down the street with Tina and Santana.
When you get there, Mr. Schuster hugs you and tells you how proud he is. Tina smiles and embraces you, quickly pulling you down into the empty seat next to her. Finn sits on your other side while Santana hurriedly explains that Brittany made her come.
You just smirk back at her and nod, turning to Mr. Schuster and starting up a conversation about Glee.
When they're leaving and you're, once again, promising that there'll be tickets waiting on opening night, Mr. Schuster asks if he can have and extra for his wife Emma.
You laugh and hug him again, telling him congratulations.
Finn hands you your phone back, now with his and Tina's numbers inputed.
"This time, we'll totally find you if you disappear again, Rach. I took a, like, CSI course in college and everything," Finn says as they're leaving, that goofy grin you used to melt over plastered on his face.
You aren't disappointed that Noah doesn't show up and you don't care that no one mentioned him. After all, why would they tell you about him? It's not like anyone knows that he took your virginity and you haven't felt like that with a man since.
But whatever.
It's not a big deal that he never shows up on your doorstep like every other person from Ohio did.
And, if you happen to tell your director that you need sixteen tickets instead of fifteen, it's just in case someone wants to bring a friend.
It's not because you're hoping he'll show up.
It isn't.
Rehearsals pass in a blur and, before you know it, it's opening night.
The Glee Club and your fathers are the first to stand when you come out after the show to bow, clapping and screaming so loudly you actually fear for their vocal chords.
You try to ignore the empty seat at the end of the row.
When you come out from backstage, there's a mess of hugs and tears as pretty much everyone attempts to squeeze you until your ribs snap. Even Santana and Quinn hug you, quickly, but still.
They insist on everyone eating together before the night ends and everyone has to go back to their own lives. You end up sandwiched between Blaine and Kurt, Brittany and Finn across from you. The table is full of laughter, everyone congratulating you and sighing over your performance, your dads and Mr. Schuster whispering how proud they are of you. Your phone is lighting up with text messages from all your New York friends and you cast mates and Blaine and Kurt are trying to convince you to move into the open apartment across from the one that they found.
Life is so close to perfect.
You try to not think too hard about what that last missing piece is.
It's a few weeks after your first show and your life has finally settle into a comfortable routine.
You eat lunch with Blaine on Mondays and Wednesdays, Kurt with Tuesdays and Thursdays, and both of them on Fridays. You go out to breakfast with your New York friends as often as you can, dinner with your cast mates after most of the shows. You talk to your fathers on the phone at least once a week and keep in touch with Mr. Schuster through email. Brittany and Finn text you the most, completely random things that are more than likely to cause you to break down into giggles. You keep up with Mercedes mostly through Kurt and you've even texted Sam and Mike and Artie a few times.
Things are good.
Then, on your day off, you walk into your favorite coffee shop, the one where Britt and Mike and Artie found you, and bump into someone that smells like apples and cloves.
He catches you easily, his arms sliding around your waist casually, like he does it every day.
They still fit perfectly.
You're trying not to blush as you back away and look up at him, his hazel eyes more green than brown. You know they only get that way when he's nervous or excited and you can't help but wonder which one he is currently. They also get really green when he's turned on, but you aren't supposed to be focusing on that.
Before you can say anything, your phone begins to ring.
Where it began, I can't begin to knowin', but then I know it's growin' strong.
A slow smirk curls his lips as he stares down at you, his eyes suddenly a lot greener.
"Hello, Noah," you finally greet, still close enough that you can feel the warmth of his body seeping through your clothes.
"Hey, Crazy Girl," he mutters back, his voice surprisingly fond. "You live around here?"
You lead him back to your apartment without question.
His lips are on yours before you can even get the door open, that same delicious fire spreading through you as cinnamon coats your tongue.
The two of you stumble through the door and he kicks it shut behind him, reaching back to lock it before allowing you to lead him down the hallway.
Now, you are aware that sleeping with a man that you haven't seen in eight years isn't exactly proper behavior.
But then again, it wasn't proper behavior the first time you had sex with him either.
Your musings are cut short when you feel his hot breath against your ear, his hands unbuttoning your jeans while your own fingers fist in his shirt. "I missed you, Rachel."
You drag his mouth back to yours and forget how to think.
You're lying next to him on your bed, curled on your side with your head on his chest and his fingers weaving through your hair. "We will have to talk about this in the morning, Noah," you whisper, unwilling to completely break the comfortable silence.
"Sure babe. But there's really only one thing we need to talk about right now," he murmurs back, pulling you closer against him.
"Oh really? What's that?" you ask, lifting your head and resting your chin in the middle of his chest so you can meet his eyes. He runs a hand down your spine and you shudder, his eyes suddenly dark green again.
He clears his throat and smiles at you, surprisingly shy. "Well, I kinda need a place to stay. I'm likin' NYC so far, Rach. Don't really feel like leavin'." His hand runs over his head as he speaks and you take a moment to miss his Mohawk before you respond.
"Well, I do have some extra space…" you trail off and his grin widens before he flips you over, tickling you until you're breathless.
His eyes meet yours and your suddenly breathless for a whole other reason.
He kisses you again, sweet and languid and warm. His hand slips down your side and you moan, his other hand cupping your jaw.
You've missed this man.
You wake up in the morning all tangled up in him, his limbs intertwined with each one of yours. He's already awake, looking at you with a gentle smile on his face. He shifts so that the two of you are face to face, buried under your covers with your hands laced and your noses touching.
"I want a lot of moments with you, Rachel," he whispers, his eyes unusually soft.
"I'm looking forward to a lot of nights with you, Noah," you return, your heart beating too quickly as that last piece falls into place.
You're both smiling so widely when he brings his lips to yours that you can't properly kiss.
As bright, warm laughter bubbles out of your throat and his eyes begin to sparkle, you decide you don't really care.
You can always kiss later.
Happy ending, for all those romantics that reviewed : )
I hope everyone liked it! I'm pretty sure I'm done with it now. I don't think there's anything else to add. Sorry that there wasn't all that much Puck interaction, but they ended up together! So, that makes up for it?
I don't own Glee or Maroon 5's Shiver.
Please review? I'm hoping to reach 30. I think that'd be pretty freaking awesome.