A/N: If you couldn't tell, it's about America, if he were Pocahontas. The alternative title to this story is Poke-a-hot-ass, though there will be no on-screen wham-bam-thank-you-England. But fear not! There will be innuendos, song parodies, and offensive material to please all nations! Review or we'll send Grandpa Rome after you.

The songs parodied in this are: The Virginia Company and Steady as the Beating Drum. Load up your playlists and sing along!

We present to you:

PocahontUSA

Communist Incorporated

In sixteen hundred seven
We sail the open sea
For Stalin, Marx, and Russia
Only death will set us free

For the New World is like heaven
But they're the bourgeoisie
Proletariat must rise
For the KGB

For Communism Inc.
And Russia's tyranny

DENMARK:

Ho! Be that brows? Is he comin' with us? Hither tither!

NORWAY:

Don't talk to me.

FINLAND:

I've heard stories about his eyebrows! I heard they contain some sort of magic...

SWEDEN:

...''

FINLAND:

You're right, dear!

DENMARK:

Can't fight no capitalist pigs without some eyebrows! You coming with us, Iggy of the brows?

NORWAY:

You are a buffoon.

ENGLAND:

Don't call me Iggy! My name is England and I am an absolutely invincible British gentleman! But I also like communism, apparently, in this story.

DENMARK:

Do we have everyone?

NORWAY:

Where is Iceland?

SWEDEN:

''...'

On America's chaste beaches
The aliens wait for me
There's vodka rivers flow
And you'll drink it 'till you pee

And America for Russia
Canada too, why not?
And we'll use Mexico for
Sweatshops and the like
It's for Communism Inc.
And Russia's tyranny.

The ship -aptly named Ukraine, after Russia's dear, endowed sister- filled with the hopes and dreams of the Nordic countries and the resigned spirit of the Communists sailed off into the unknown -or America- looking forward to new, exciting, possible sweatshops.

But hark! What death through yonder window breaks! It is the east, and the clouds are a strorm!

"Oh my!" said Finland, trying his hardest to secure the Nordic's bizarre hats in this type of weather. "Oops! I have tumbled over the side of the ship all of a sudden! Save me, hubby!"

Looking stern, Sweden ripped off his shirt, exposing his rippling muscles of manhood. He dove into the swirling, tumbling ocean, and thrust through the wetness, until he reached his mate. Using his Viking powers, he summoned a SEA SERPANT! who lifted them back onto the ship, placing the lovers -wet and spent- upon it's bosom-y, voluptuous deck.

"Wow!" exclaimed Denmark, who was quite obviously drunk. "England! You used your brow-powers (browers), to save Finland! And that stupid Swede. How we are indebted to thee!"

"I am quite invincible!" said England, sipping his tea triumphantly, in the rain. "I didn't even know I did this until you brought it up. I am quite splendid."

And Norway concentrated on drinking himself a little closer to death.

It got a little bit colder, and a little bit gayer, as Governor Russia and his gay slave Latvia strode out upon the deck of the ship.

"Comrades!" said Russia, looking around. He gazed upon the panting, wet, and bothered Finland spread-eagle'd on the ground. "It seems you have been too friendly with the ocean, da? If I'd have known you were getting lonely, I would have invited you in!"

Sweden sent a fiery gaze in Russia's direction, that would have killed a lesser, more human nation, but Russia is covered in a thin layer of permafrost. The gaze only caused him to blink a little. "'''''''" said Sweden, angrily.

"Sweden, don't be rude!" said Finland, elbowing his man's pecs.

"I have much to say to you, comrades!" said Russia, communist-ly.

"Let's go! Communism! YAAAY!" squealed Latvia, in proletariat delight.

"Now," began Russia, a look in his eyes. "We will soon be at the shores of America. It's the final countdown. We are here, to spread the seed -my seed- of Communism over the face of the unsuspecting capitalist, virgin, nation."

"That sounds nice!" said Latvia.

"So have some more vodka, for in the morning, we KILL! Kolkol, this reminds me of my home country. Oh what games my sisters and I used to play!" And with that, Russia walked back into the ship.

"Man, I hope there be bitches abound there," said Denmark, in an attempt to make Norway jealous. It didn't work.

"As long as there aren't any nice young fellows who I take in as a little brother and then a lover," said England. "Because that would be gross."

"I agree," said Finland. And then they joked about things and sailed into the future.

MEANWHILE, back at the pow-wow:

Americans: we like to eat!

Chippewa Chippewa Apache Pue-blo

Hau-de-no-saun-ee

Chippewa Chippewa Apache Pue-blo

Hau-de-no-saun-ee

Working 'till the day is done

Eating snacks just for fun

People go and people come

Into the melting pot of... yum

By the waters sweet and clean

Where the plastic surgeon lives

Fill the boobs and reduce the hips

And put the extra fat in lips

O Germania, sky meat god

Help us roast the hamburgers

Keep the grill burning strong

We would like fries with that

Turkey, bacon, ham, and beef

Americans: we like to eat!

Cow to meat to bun to mouth

(Chippewa Chippewa Apache Pue-blo)

Americans: we like to eat!

Chippewa Chippewa Apache Pue-blo

Hau-de-no-saun-ee

America looked across his land and waterfall, spreading his arms wide like the bird he so admired. If he wished hard enough, perhaps he would become an eagle, and fly into the sky to meet Germania, the sky god of meat.

"America!" whispered a blond voice with glasses and a bear for some reason. Who was also in a canoe. "I don't think you should be up on that rock there, eh."

"Is that you there bro? Bronada? Canabro? CanBROda? I can't hear you. Don't worry! I'll jump down so I can hear you better."

And then America dove -like an eagle would if an eagle were a penguin- into the crystal blue water Canada was floating on. America's beloved nature pets, a French hummingbird named France, and a Spanish raccoon named Spain, followed with eagle-dives of their own.

"Oh my gosh!" Canada squeaked, as America did not resurface immediately. "Are you okay? Are you dead? Maybe they'll finally notice me!"

Canada's hopes were interrupted as America flipped the boat in jest. "Gotcha good, broski!"

Canada fell into the water, wishing he would just drown here. He did not. But his bear did.

"Finally... sweet release..." Kumajiro thought, as he sank to the bottom of the river.

"You need to visit your father, Chief Italy," Canada called from the water, as America was already boat. "He's looking for you!"

"Thanks, brah!"

And with that, America paddled off, leaving his broski mcbro bro to fend for himself in the wild, virgin, waters.

"Kay, bye..." said Canada.

TO BE CONTINUED...