"Simon."

"Yes Viral?"

The beastman sighed and gripped the large handles within Gurren Lagann's cockpit. "There's something you should know before you let me pilot this."

"What's that, Viral?"

"I think…"

"Ooh, there's a surprise."

"I think you're a raging idiot to let me actually physically inside Gurren Lagann."

From the upper deck of the ganmen Simon laughed, and his face popped up on the intercom screen in front of Viral. "Is that so?"

"Yes, that is so." Viral frowned and leaned forward, poking at the screen. "What is this?"

"It's an intercom that Leeron designed so that we can talk to each other during battle."

"Um, Simon." Viral raised his hand. "I have a question."

"Yes Viral, what's your question?"

"Why?" He sneered, leaned back. "You're like, two feet above me. If I needed to talk to you, I could just go up."

"Or I could go down."

"Anyway."

Simon smiled and tilted his head. "I think I'll follow your advice. Just a moment."

His face blinked off the screen, and Viral groaned, leaning back in the seat. It was comfortable, but it would be more comfortable if he didn't have the knowledge that it was the same seat where Kamina had sat. And defeated him. Over and over and over again.

He shifted uncomfortably, made a 'tch' sound, folded his arms. This whole situation was like someone stabbing his pride to death with a rusty knife. And his pride hadn't even gotten a tetanus vaccine or been educated on possible cures or anything. It was just inhumane.

Completely without warning Simon dropped into the compartment in front of him, and Viral nearly choked on his irrational fear of contracting rusty-nail-related diseases. "Okay, so, let's talk."

"What about?"

"I don't know." Simon shrugged. "You wanted to talk to me, didn't you?"

"Um. No." Viral's brows knit together and he frowned. "I was just saying that if I wanted to talk to you, I could just yell up to you. Intercoms are stupid. So it's not surprising that you humans thought of them."

"Leeron put them in right after Kamina and I "combined," because my drill was like. Right by his head. There wasn't a fancy little compartment thing." Simon gestured to the 'fancy little compartment thing' above Viral's head, which could be opened and closed depending on the level of combination that was going on. "It made sense at the time."

"Right."

"You're so critical." Simon murmured, frowning and leaning against the visual monitor of his ganmen. "If you hate humans so much, why don't you just like, go away?"

"I told you." Viral replied sourly, his frown firmly in place. Seriously, one of these days, his face was going to freeze that way. And Simon vaguely thought of what would happen if Viral was ever happy (yeah, like that would happen) and if he tried to smile, and then found out that his face was frozen in a frown. "You're not the only ones who want to protect the Earth. I live here too, remember?"

"Yeah…" Simon sighed. "Well, on a different note. How does it feel to be Gurren Lagann's pilot?"

"Shameful."

"Oh dear." Simon sighed and let his head fall forward into his hands. "Please don't make me regret my decision."

"Oh, you won't regret it." Viral said, leaning back and crossing his legs. "But it's probably going to take you some time for you to get used to working with me." He smirked (letting Simon know that at least he was capable of the muscle movements involved with smiling, whether it was sarcastic or not.) "It's probably going to take me a while to get used to it too, I suppose."

"How does it compare to your old ganmen?"

Viral snorted. "Please. Even Gurren Lagann can't compare to Enki. Enki was amazing."

"What happened to it again?"

The blonde growled and narrowed his eyes. "Your stupid grapals destroyed him."

"Ah…" Yeah, okay, this was awkward. Simon, what were you thinking? Making Viral the pilot…God, Kamina's probably rolling in his grave right now. He would die (again!) if he found out that Viral had been allowed to pilot his (and Simon's!) ganmen. "Well, um…"

"Yeah, nice recovery, Simon." The younger of the two glanced up to find Viral smirking at him, leaning against one of the conveniently placed (and totally useless) armrests of the chair.

Simon smiled weakly and sighed, shrugged, and leaned back against the display. "So…what was Enki like?"

"What?"

"Your old ganmen. What was it like?"

Viral raised his eyebrows. This was a strange conversation. Hell, everything was strange. Here he was, being civil with a human, who was actually showing interest in what his life used to be like? And not just any human, no, but one of his greatest rivals. Very strange. The situation just begged to not be taken seriously.

"You can't imagine, Simon." He said, shook his head, and sighed. "The vibrations were indescribable."

"Vah…" Simon's brow furrowed and he trailed off in obvious confusion. "Vibrations?"

Viral pretended to be shocked. This was far too amusing, and had the potential to bring him quite a bit of satisfaction. "Of course! You can't tell me that you've never noticed Lagann's vibrations."

"Not…really…"

"Simon…" Viral shook his head and made a 'tsk' sound. "I'm actually disappointed in you. I think this may actually be the most disappointed I've ever been."

"You're confusing."

"What's confusing?"

"You're confusing." Simon repeated, giving him a flat look and folding his arms. "Gurren Lagann doesn't vibrate. It runs smoothly, because that's what a good ganmen does. Duh, Viral. Seriously. All that time in prison must've seriously messed you up."

The beastman had to work a little bit to contain the flare of anger that began within him. "The problem isn't with me, Simon. You're just sheltered."

"I'm not sheltered, you're just freaking obsessed with stupid vibrations. And tetanus. What the hell, Viral? You're a beastman. Can you even get sick?"

"How the hell did you know about that?" Viral hissed at him, standing up from the chair. In the tight space, their argument was way too cramped for pleasure and had the potential to get uncomfortably heated, but that was the last thing either party was concerned with right now.

"Are you kidding? You freaked out when you found a rusty nail on the floor of the Construction Chamber. Gee, what a shocker! Rusty nails where construction is taking place!" Simon snorted. "I don't know why I'm even wasting my time arguing with you."

"Oh, poor little Simon can't fight like a big boy without his precious Aniki? That's too bad." Viral sneered at him and folded his arms across his chest. "I pity you."

"I pity you!" Simon retorted, looking somewhat victorious. Viral just looked confused.

"Um. Why?"

Ah, okay. Simon clearly hadn't been expecting that. Somehow, their arguments (which had begun blossoming as of late, as they had been spending more and more time together) had always ended up this way. One of them would say something completely stupid, and the other would have a completely obvious response, and then there would be this awkward silence while the Idiot of the argument tried to win.

"Well, you obviously have a crush on me." Simon said airily, waving his hand. "I was trying to save you the sha-"

He was cut off as Viral shoved him none-too gently against the interior wall of Gurren, growling fiercely. Simon noted that he sounded kind of like a bear, which totally fit with his paws (one of which was currently wrapped around his neck) but hadn't Viral said something about being a shark and…a cat? Or something?

"Say that one more time. Give me a reason to break your neck."

"Viral, you shouldn't try and hold it in anymore." Simon said softly, trying to save his breath, as Viral was holding him rather tightly around the neck. "Everyone can see."

"Everyone can see? I'll tell you what everyone can see." The blonde snarled. "Everyone can see that you're obviously attracted to me, and I think it's just pathetic that you try to divert attention from yourself by deflecting it onto me. If I even had the smallest interest in you at all, believe me when I say you wouldn't be able to notice."

"Gee Viral, you seem really twisted about this." Simon muttered, raising a single eyebrow. "Could you maybe feel threatened that I've discovered you?"

"Threatened?" Viral let out a short, harsh laugh. "Oh, that's rich. I'm threatened because I am completely in love with you and now you've discovered me, so what on Earth am I going to do?"

"That's it exactly." Simon said, smiling sweetly. "I'm so glad you were able to come to this conclusion, Viral. That's probably the most impressive achievement you'll make for quite a while."

Viral's hand around Simon's throat tightened again, squeezing out the breath that the younger of the two had managed to catch back while the beastman's grip was slackening.

There was a pause between them, with Simon trying vainly to keep a normal breathing pattern while Viral glared at him, his grip remaining steady.

"So," Simon cleared his throat and thanked God that his feet were still mostly touching the ground. "Does choking turn you on, Viral?"

The pause was elongated a bit longer after this, but finally Viral smirked. "You know what, actually? It does." He leaned in closer to Simon, a lot closer. So close in fact that when he placed his lips by Simon's ear, Simon got a healthy whiff of what he assumed was Viral's natural scent. Which was surprisingly wonderful.

"It turns me on a lot."

"Unfortunately, it is not a fetish shared by all." Simon murmured. "So, if you don't mind, I'd like to be released."

"Hn, I don't think so." Viral leaned over, and Simon could feel his razor sharp teeth tug on the lobe of his ear.

"Um, okay, Viral, seriously." He fidgeted a little bit, trying vainly not to shame himself by fighting against Viral, as he knew how useless it would be. Ganmen were one thing, but when it came to close combat, Simon didn't stand a chance. "This is getting way too personal."

"It started personal, idiot." Viral hissed at him. "I think what you're trying to say is that it's getting too close for comfort."

"Um, yeah. That too."

Viral leaned back and raised his eyebrows, and in response, Simon raised his eyebrows. "You should be fighting me."

"I would lose."

"I think that's the most intelligent thing you've said all day." Viral smiled sarcastically and released Simon's throat, but before he had a chance to react, Viral's paws or hands or whatever the hell they were had Simon's wrists, and his arms were pushed up above his head.

"Um."

"You said you didn't want to be choked. Consider this an act of kindness."

"I really am not liking where this is going at all." Simon felt his face heat up in the tell-tale signs of a blush, which was horribly embarrassing, which made him blush even more.

"Where is this going, Simon?"

"You tell me."

"Why don't you tell me where you think this is going." Viral said, smirking. "Whatever it is, it's turning your skin this wonderful pink color."

"Tch."

"Poor, poor Simon." Viral said softly, coming forward and placing his other hand (paw?) on Simon's neck. It was strange - the thing had the sensation of skin, but it was way huge. And a somewhat strange color. And had claws. "Always so helpless and confused."

"I am not helpless."

"But you are confused." Viral said, raising an eyebrow and tilting his head. "I wonder, Simon, what are you confused about?"
"I can't begin to imagine." Simon muttered, squirming a little. Viral snorted and came closer to Simon, and pressed himself against the younger boy.

"Stop squirming. It's annoying."

"Maybe you could go about this some other way."

"I'm kind of running out of hands, here."

Simon cleared his throat and tried to fidget, but with Viral restraining him in all sorts of interesting ways, that wasn't really working out. "Oh, that's what those are?"

Viral sneered and moved forward a little more, and Simon sighed. "Simon, you're not really in a position to be picking fun, here."

"Yeah, whatever." Viral grinned and leaned forward, his lips centimeters away from Simon's.

"Especially this is very, obviously consensual."

"Um." Simon murmured, his eyebrows furrowing. At some point along this his eyes had slipped shut, and the fact that he was blushing like an idiot at all of these strange points of contact that he had with Viral and the fact that they were two seconds away from kissing wasn't really helping. "It's-"

Viral silenced him with a kiss that was about as gentle as having your face chewed off by a shark. Simon distinctly felt the beastman's painfully sharp teeth digging into his lower lip, which was immediately followed by the metallic taste of his own blood on his tongue. Viral pulled away quickly, dragging his teeth on Simon's lip, deep scratch marks making themselves known on the inside of Simon's mouth.

"Ow!" He glared at Viral, wishing he could hold his mouth in pain, like his body told him to. His hands were still restrained, however, so it was all he could do to watch Viral smirk at him, a small stream of blood trickling down from his mouth.

"Aww, did that hurt?" Viral mock pouted at him, and Simon snorted.

"No, Viral, it doesn't hurt at all. You just tried to eat my face. No bigs."

"Please. I didn't try to eat your face. Nothing about your flesh is appetizing in the least. At least, not for eating purposes." He just kept on smirking, and Simon seriously wished he could hit him. Or bite him back. But something about that seemed seriously juvenile.

"What the hell does that even mean?"

"It means that I would never eat you, because you don't appeal to me in the way of food."

"Are you implying that I appeal to you in some other way?" Simon sneered, but was a little surprised when Viral's expression remained placid.

"That depends."

"On what?"

"Do I appeal to you?"

Oh dear. Okay. Simon should've known that this was coming. Any idiot could've figured out that this was coming. After all, there was that whole thing about crushes (or maybe that was just irony's way of giving Simon a cosmic bitch slap) and then Viral had him around the wrists and they were so close and…

"Ah."

"'Ah?'" Viral asked, his eyebrows knitting together. "I'm pretty sure this is a 'yes' or 'no' question."

"I don't want to answer this question."

"So it's a 'yes,' then?"

"What?" Simon shook his head. "No I didn't say that."

"Okay, well." Viral glanced out the visual monitor briefly to make sure that no one would be disturbing them. But Rossiu was busy with whatever it was that Rossiu did, and everyone else was busy trying to figure out what the hell it was they were supposed to be doing so Rossiu didn't yell at them. "I'm pretty sure that you're not…not (it took him a moment to get that double negative figured out) choosing to answer because you're trying to protect me. And there's only one other person in here that you would be trying to protect, and you wouldn't have to protect yourself if your answer was 'no.'"

Simon gave Viral a quizzical look, a single eyebrow raised. "When did you get smart?"

"When did you get stupid?"

Simon sighed. "Okay, so. Um." He closed his eyes, which proved to be a horrible mistake.

Before he could formulate a civil-enough response, Viral's lips were on his again, but in a kiss that was infinitely more tender than its predecessor. Simon was acutely aware of Viral sucking on his injured lip, as well as the beastman's thigh pressed between his legs.

He wasn't sure if he was supposed to return the kiss, but just as he decided on an answer Viral pulled away, brushing his lips against Simon's.

"Better?" He whispered, and Simon opened his eyes slowly to find Viral's two golden ones watching him intently.

"…Different."

"Hmm…this is not a satisfactory answer."

"Ahh, I meant-" Halfway through his change of answer, as to avoid any surprise affection from the other male, Simon's lips met Viral's again. The blonde was an unexpectedly good kisser, and Simon found himself actually enjoying the way his tongue swept against his lips and gently prodded, trying to gain access into his mouth.

This was something he was a little more hesitant to grant. But Viral was persistent, tilting his head so as to gain better access to Simon's mouth and pressing every contour of their bodies so close that they fit into each other perfectly.

"Is that better?" Viral purred in Simon's ear after he'd pulled away, nipping at him more playfully than anything.

"It's…" He wanted to choose his words carefully, but be honest with not only Viral but himself at the same time. "Better than what, exactly?"

"Better than being bitten and choked."

"Ahh." Simon mused over this for a moment, and it amused him that he was actually thinking about the answer. "I think pretty much anything is better than being bitten and choked."

"Hn. That's good." Viral nudged at Simon's neck with his nose, and Simon's eyebrows furrowed. This was odd…but not really unexpected. It was certainly surprising, yes, but with all of the time that they had been spending together, alone…

"Simon?"

"Yes?"

"If I let you go, do you promise you'll be a good boy?"

"Oh, right." It was at that moment that Simon remembered that his hands had gone almost completely numb from the lack of blood flow to them, and he nodded, which Viral could feel as his face was tucked in the crook of Simon's neck.

As soon as his hands were released and they made their way around Viral's broad shoulders, he had the pins and needles feeling of sensation returning to them. On top of that, Viral had begun placing butterfly kisses along Simon's neck, his arms having wound around Simon's waist (at some point his neck had been released, but he wasn't at all surprised by not having registered it.)

"I can guarantee you that I'm not going to have the patience to kiss my way into your pants." Viral breathed, and Simon couldn't help but chuckle, and blush impossibly dark red.

"Well, um…"

"So, I was thinking."

"Shocker!"

"Oh, ha-ha." Viral pulled away and sneered. "You already pulled that one today, idiot. Everyone knows that you don't use the same insult in the space of twenty-four hours."

"Anyway."

The beastman rolled his eyes before continuing. "Anyway, I was thinking that maybe if you promise to behave yourself, I'll let you away from this wall and we can make ourselves as comfortable as possible."

"That depends. What constitutes 'behaving myself?'"

Viral smirked and leaned forward again, flicking his tongue in the shell of Simon's ear and nibbling on it gently. "Letting me have my way with you."

"Nn, I think I can-"

"Before you make your decision," Viral interrupted, pulling back and giving Simon a serious look. "You should know that…being intimate with me tends to be a little…animalistic."

"Um." Simon blinked and tilted his head in confusion. "What do you mean by that?"

"It's not exactly…" Viral trailed off and glanced out the visual monitor again, mostly for somewhere to look that wasn't Simon. "Tender and gentle and magical. It's more like screwing for the hell of it, and having it be over about as soon as it started. And having lots of pleasurable feelings in between."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"Sounds…fun?"

Viral snorted and gave Simon an incredulous look. "Most people aren't really into that."

"Well…" Simon blushed deeply and rubbed the back of his neck nervously. "I've never really…ah…you know…"

"You're a virgin?"

"Okay, you don't have to say it like that."

Viral laughed, and Simon made a 'tch' sound and blushed deeper. "Relax, sweetheart. I promise I'll try to not fuck your brains out."

Simon choked and his eyes grew wide, and Viral laughed again before pulling him away from the wall and against his chest. "And we can cuddle afterwards."

"Oh dear…"

"Oh, you'll be okay." Viral said, sliding his hand (paw?) down Simon's back and tugging at his pants, which felt like they would give easily. "What's the worst that could possibly happen?"

"Gee, Viral, I can't begin to imagine."

Viral chuckled and turned Simon around so that he was in the center of Gurren's main compartment, then began with the button/zipper of his pants. "I already told you to relax. There's not much more I can do for you."

"I'm going to die…" Simon sighed, leaning against Viral and resting his head on the beastman's shoulder. He was actually a little surprised at how comfortable it was, and how much relaxation it brought him, despite the fact that he was seconds away from losing his innocence.

"You're not going to die. You're going to go to Heaven." With that Viral stripped him of his pants and pushed him away a few inches, smirking broadly. It really made Simon want to hit him a lot, regardless of their newfound feelings for each other.

"Quit smirking like that. It's annoying."

"Mmhmm." Viral sighed and gave Simon a thorough once over. "This is going to be somewhat problematic."

"What is?"

"You're a virgin."

"God, Viral-!"

"You need to be stretched, but…" Viral gestured to his hands (paws?) and his large claws (nails?). "I'm not really the person to do that. So you're going to have to do it yourself."

"What?"

"Don't worry, Simon." Viral took his hand and led him over to the pilot's seat where he placed himself, and proceeded to pull Simon into his lap. "It'll be totally easy. And perfectly enjoyable."

"Ah…Viral, I'm not really sure about this." He was on his knees in Viral's lap, and the blonde smiled sweetly (or, as sweetly as Viral could manage) and began stroking his already-bare chest.

"Why not?"

"Gah…" Simon groaned and let his head fall, and he was met with a face full of Viral's hair, which smelled surprisingly delightful. His list of reasons was drawing a blank, which was embarrassing and frustrating at the same time.

"See, all you have to do is this…" Viral took one of Simon's hands and reached around behind him, then moved one of his fingers to prod at his entrance. "We really need some lube, but that's probably why God gave you humans your tongues."

With that Viral pushed Simon's single finger inside of him, and Simon gasped more in surprise than anything. "How does it feel?"

"It's so weird…" He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to focus less on the feeling of his own finger inside him and more on the way Viral's hand felt around his, or how nice it was to be so close to the other male.

"You know what? Two is going to feel even weirder."

"Two? Viral, you can't be-"

He cut himself off when Viral pushed another finger inside, and this time his gasp was more in pain. The sensation certainly was something that he couldn't compare to anything he'd ever felt, especially when Viral whispered, "Move."

Simon naturally began scissoring, and he didn't even know how he knew to do this. Yes, it was more painful than just shoving his fingers in there, but it was nice to have Viral squeezing his hand and nipping at his collar bone and softly licking the junction between his shoulder and neck.

"And here we go for three…"

He bit back his protest, but a soft groan passed his lips and he buried his face in Viral's hair, trying to smother the sting. He could feel Viral's hands encouraging his fingers to move within him, and a natural lubricant began seeping from his back as well as his front, slicking up his fingers, making the motions a little easier.

"Hn, that's a good boy." Viral purred, nuzzling his neck. "Are you ready for more?"

"Um…"

"That a yes." Viral murmured, and helped Simon withdraw his fingers and spread his legs. The position was unbearably revealing - his hips were completely open to Viral, who had his own very substantial organ out and ready for the task at hand. He was flushed, and already a little sore from the whole stretching thing, and he was sure he would never recover from feeling his own fingers inside him.

"Come here, Simon." Viral opened his arms, and Simon drew closer to him, positioning his hips directly above of Viral's. Sure, he had never done this before, but that didn't mean he was completely clueless when it came to the works of love.

He sat down slowly, and the feeling of being completely filled overwhelmed him. Viral was huge, and by the time Simon was completely seated on his lap, the pain and sheer tightness of it all was enough to bring tears to his eyes.

"It really hurts." He gasped, realizing in that moment that he had been fisting Viral's long hair this entire time, biting his already injured lip hard enough to reopen the wounds that had stopped bleeding quite a while ago.

"I'll make it feel good."

"I know." They sat there for quite a while, Simon just adjusting to the sensation of having someone inside him. After a while, however, he could feel how stretched out he was getting, and how the feeling of Viral sitting inside him grew less and less tight.

"So, um." Viral cleared his throat and tried to make his eyes soft for Simon, who was completely opposed to the idea of looking him in the face as he would probably start blushing and giggling like an idiot. "I don't really care if you're ready or not, because I seriously need to start moving here. Like, right now."

"Uhm. Right. Okay."

As it happened, animalistic didn't even begin to describe what sex with Viral was like. As he knelt on the floor, his ass being pounded mercilessly by Viral, his brain turned into a useless puddle of much from the ridiculous amount of pleasure, Simon thought that maybe it was a little more like being fucked by some high-speed projectile that just so happened to land perfectly in his ass over and over and over again.

It was all he could do to keep from screaming bloody murder, but not yelling Viral's name and begging him for more was far beyond the scope of his control. He groped for something, anything, on the floor that he could hold onto as the beastman's cock slid out of him easily, and thrust back in again, hammering against his sweet spot that Viral had somehow managed to find within a few minutes of this whole ordeal. He could feel sharp teeth nibbling at his hypersensitive skin, and large hands (paws?) stroking his painfully sensitive cock. It was more than he could handle, and the pleasure was there, and it was finally starting to brim over the edge and he could feel Viral's release and yes…!

oOo

"You suck." Simon murmured, curled up against Viral's side, pouting like a five-year-old who had been denied candy just as he stepped into the candy shop.

"You can't say I didn't warn you." Viral muttered back at him, stroking his spine thoughtlessly. "But I must say, that was a little disappointing."

"Not that I'd expect any less from you, Viral."

"Okay, my manhood is off limits. If you want something better, than you do it next time."

"Fine, I will."

Viral glanced at Simon in surprise, who stared up at him defiantly. After a few seconds of their stare-off he sighed, shrugged, and leaned his head back on the makeshift pillow that had been fashioned out of their pants. "Whatever."

Simon sighed a sigh identical to his new lover's (that was the only way he could think to describe Viral - it's not like they could actually get married or anything, and Viral wasn't human so it's not like they were boyfriends…) and settled against his chest. They laid quietly together for a while, when…

"Ah, Viral?"

"Mm?"

"Could you stop purring?"

The deep rumbling that had started up within Viral's chest came to an abrupt halt, and he glared down at Simon. "I am not. Purring."

"Um, yes you are."

"No, Simon, I'm not."

"Well, you're not now, but you were just a moment ago." Simon smiled at him and poked his chest, just a few muscle movements away from a sneer. "What? Is it embarrassing? I think it's cute."

"It doesn't matter, because I wasn't purring."

"You were, Viral. Like a cute little kitty." Suddenly, Simon's face lit up, and he experienced a euphoria that even a Viral-induced orgasm couldn't compare to. "Viral. I finally understand."

"Understand what?"

"You're my sex kitten!"

Pause.

"Simon."

"Yes, Viral?"

"I hate you."

A/N: Yay! This is easily the worst fanfiction EVER! 8D

Okay, so, first thing's first. The lemon in this is complete fail. I took the easy way out on this one, because the entire time I was writing it I was thinking about how hot it would be if Kanda and Allen got caught makin' the nasty somewhere awesome. xD; So, yeah, my inspirational juices were going somewhere other than where they needed to go.

I like the ending. I think it's funny. Did I happen to mention that the title was epic failure, too? See, it's a jab at how Viral's a "shark with feline genetics," which doesn't make any sense, because how can someone be a shark and a cat at the same time? Zero sense is what's happening right now.

You guys have my permission to stone me now. And take away my cookies. *shaaaaame*

~Sara