Hello all. I do understand that I suck very much. I have not updated this in a while and I am really sorry. I have a ton of final projects to finish for school at the moment so I cannot promise regular updates until they are complete. But, the more reviews I see the sooner the chapters will be put together. The italics are flashbacks or song lyrics. Anyway I hope there are some that are still reading and that enjoy this chapter.

Oh yeah
Oh yeah

More like oh no. Here it is. The first real day since the break up that I will be seeing Quinn in school. I can't deny that my stomach is in knots and I feel the need to puke. I also can't really say if this is because I am afraid to see her or so happy to finally be able to see those sweet eyes and enticing lips that I still love so much more than I should. And as I turn on my car and hear the soft hum of the engine mix into the melody of my thoughts I don't think I want to know.

So scared of breaking it that you won't let it bend
And I wrote two hundred letters I will never send
Sometimes these cuts are so much deeper then they seem
You'd rather cover up, I'd rather let them be

As I entered through the doors I looked around the place that seemed so much lonelier, so cold. Everyone walked around as if nothing had changed, nothing was different. And I guess to them it was true…Quinn and I were only a disaster waiting to happen. I guess they had that idea from the moment they knew we were together. I only wish I had the same idea. I slowly deliberately walked to my locker, trying to keep my head up high, trying to pretend that my world wasn't falling apart and I was searching for some reason to feel like I was worth anything, a reason I deserved to be walking down the hall at the moment.

And at the exact moment that I reached my locker and opened the lock and had finally found some sort of normal, something to remind me that not everything had changed I heard it. The noise that sounded like fairies excitedly talking, like a newborn baby expressing all their innocence and joy to the world. I heard her laughter. And when I looked up and saw those perfect hazel eyes it terrified me. Because those were not the same eyes of the lover I had once had…those were the eyes of a predator closely watching its prey. And as she glided slowly towards me I forgot everything I had ever planned to say to her. It was all too much and I forgot about the hundreds of letters I must have written about what I would say when we finally saw each other again…what I would say to make her heart beat the same rhythm as mine once more.

"Watch it Berry" With those heartbreaking words she was gone; strutting confidently down the hall as if we had never had the nickname talk. I remember the nickname talk as clear as day. There is no way she could have forgotten, it was in the beginning of our relationship when all apologies were spoken and trust was cautiously handed out.

She had gotten me to drink, but that is a story for another day. We were sitting on the couch each of us slightly buzzed, facing each other. I was super aware of her near me, her hand grazing my thigh, her legs leaving a trail of burning ice wherever they rubbed against mine.

I felt the alcohol coursing through my veins and for once I felt strong and somewhat confident in her presence. She had a goofy look on her face and suddenly words were just spilling out of my mouth. And even though I was drunk, I remembered and meant every one. "I don't like it when you call me Berry."

At the sound of my voice she looked up and once again my breath was caught in my throat by the pure beauty that she held. She gave me a quizzical look and gently held my hand. "Why?"

I shook my head at the foolish words I was about to say but still let the alcohol set them free "It just makes me sad"

Her hand grasped mine tighter and just that simple touch made me feel like nothing else could ever hurt me…no one else could ever touch me. Her head was down and the look of defeat just didn't suit her. "I'm sorry"

"Why would you call me that Quinn…you're smart, and I know that you knew it hurt me. Why would you want to hurt me like that…what did I do?" I always felt insecure around her. She was perfect, she is perfect. She's like an angel and angels don't make mistakes. So if something went wrong between the two of us I simply assumed I must have been the cause.

Her head snapped up and her eyes met mine. I almost let out a gasp at the sight. Her eyes were like crystal…but they had an element of warmth that wouldn't let me look away. Her lips trembled trying to find the perfect way to let the words out. "You scared me. The way I felt about you scared me."

At the moment I forgot about the way her hand was practically melting mine and our legs touching. All I could think about was what we could be…what we should be….and if it could happen. "Are you still afraid?"

"No because now I have you. And I promise the only reason I would ever call you Berry now is because you are just as sweet as one." She finished her phrase with a light smile, her eyes shining with amusement. She laid a soft kiss to my cheek and I could have sworn it was something miraculous.

"That sounds good to me"

"Sleep sounds good to me" And with that she let out one of her carefree smiles that could melt any glacier and guided me up the stairs…guided me to happier days.

So when I heard her say Berry in that cold, cutting voice I knew exactly how she was going to play her game; because after all, we all know that she seems to be the master and I am just some silly pawn on her board. She will pretend like it had never happened…trying to cover up the only thing I was so proud of I always wanted to show. She was going to cover up our love and pretend like she hadn't been holding my heart; like she isn't slowly crushing it at the moment.

So let me be, and I'll set you free

I am in misery
There ain't nobody who can comfort me, oh yeah
Why won't you answer me?
The silence is slowly killing me, oh yeah

I could only clutch my books tighter as my heart painfully clenched and my shaky walls started to slowly come crashing down. And right before all was lost I felt strong yet soft arms engulf me in a warm hug. It wasn't my angel. It was not the one that I wanted it to be. But as I heard Kurt's soft voice telling me that everything would be okay I realized that it was a close second. And in the next moment as I saw her blond locks turn a corner, my heart speeding up, I realized a close second was not what I needed, I needed her.

Girl you really got me bad
You really got me bad
Now I'm gonna get you back
I'm gonna get you back

I drew in a shaky breath as Kurt slowly pulled away. And for a few terrifying moments I was back in the dangerous world where pain seemed to be just around the corner waiting to attack. But before I could internally freak out Kurt took my hand and offered me a sweet smile. Leading me to what I assume was glee club.

He gave me a troubled look as we continued down the hall through the crowds of people. "Will you be okay in Glee today Rachel"

At that I had to let out a small smile. It was nice to have someone to count on as just a friend. But then I thought of all that could happen in this glee club meeting. Sure some of it would be bad but maybe in the safety of our second home she would finally let me understand where it all went wrong…where I went wrong. "I'll get by…I guess I can't just stop everything at the moment. But thank you for caring."

His face contorted into rage, one style that Kurt rarely wore. His voice was strong and strict yet so soothing at the exact same time. "It is my job to care, just like it was Quinn's job to do exactly the same. What did she do to you Rachel…I swear I have assembled a glee army that is ready to massacre her on your command."

"It's okay right now Kurt. I just don't want to talk about it. I don't need an army either I just need you to stay with me during glee"

I heard a frustrated or possibly disappointed sigh leave his lips before he put on one of his heart warming smiles that even made me feel happy. "I can do that"

Your salty skin and how it mixes in with mine
The way it feels to be completely intertwined
Not that I didn't care, it's that I didn't know
It's not what I didn't feel, it's what I didn't show

So let me be, and I'll set you free

As I walked into the room I didn't have to look because I could practically feel her. I felt her presence, I smelled her unique scent, and I was being suffocated. And when I finally got the strength to turn around I saw her. There she was. The Quinn on her throne untouchable…cold as ice, with her two knights Brittany and Santana at her sides. I used to have a plan for every situation thinkable but this…I never ever thought of this before. As I stood there trying to decide what to do I felt a hand grab my wrist and realized there was no choice to make. I looked up to see Finn with his dopey smile guiding me away from her to sit with the other members of the glee club who were sitting in one big group. Apparently they knew some of what had happened, and that some was enough for them to know that they wanted to take care of me. And no matter how they had treated me in the past...I never could have been more thankful.

Mr. Schue walked in and by the look on his face the tension must have been extremely obvious and for once he didn't seem to have a motivational speech or a plan, so I decided to suggest something.

"Well I think that maybe we should rehearse the number one more time"

Her voice was sharp, sort of like a sword slicing through the air, but at the moment it felt like a final slice through my fragile heart. "Stupid idea. No need to cling to the number for so long…but you would know a lot about clingy wouldn't you? Anyway we don't need any more practice with it."

I didn't know what those words were supposed to mean. I didn't know if they were meant to tell me something or to simply hurt me. Yet as I looked around and saw the shocked and disapproving faces of my fellow glee members I decided to simply ignore them. "Well if you could see it from my point of view we could use more work…I am the more professional and knowledgeable one here."

I made the mistake of looking at her and I saw her eyes narrow as she let out a merciless chuckle. "I'd like to see it from your point of view and all that but I can't seem to get my head far enough up my ass."

"Quinn not appropriate; we will rehearse the choreography one more time and then we should be set"

She looked away tearing her fiery gaze from the situation. This was not how things were supposed to go; totally ignoring me is one thing but her doing this is a whole different pain. What's worse pretending it never happened or clearly knowing it did and then her purposefully hurting me? I couldn't say and I don't know...all I know is that we are standing in our starting positions and she is less than two feet away from me. I can smell what once felt like home and I can practically feel the anger radiating off her. And as the song steadily progressed; nearing the part where we were supposed to dance one of her feet shot out right in front of me. I'm not sure if it was the shock once I realized what she was trying to do or the momentum but I wasn't able to stop myself from falling on the ground…my ankle twisting and turning in ways it was never meant to. I could feel the cold, heartless ground beneath me and I let out a soft moan, a cry, that wasn't simply for the ankle pain. And then I heard a booming voice, and felt a rough yet soothing hand on my arm.

"Quinn if that is really what just happened, if you honestly just did that you are a goddamn heartless bitch." It was Finn, I had never in my life heard him this upset but I knew it was him hovering above me. And when I opened my eyes he was starring daggers at her…the only thing more surprising is that her once icy eyes were slowly darting between him and me.

"Since when did you start caring about her?"

"I think the better question, that we would all like answered is when did you stop?" He was met with a shocked expression from Quinn and dropped jaws from everyone else in the room. Once he was certain he wasn't going to get his answer he focused back on me, giving me a soft smile. "Come on Rachel let's get you to a nurse."

Then the final crashing blow was thrown. Her voice was a soft whisper and she was starring straight at me. I couldn't read her eyes. I could not understand the look she was giving me, but I knew that tone. It meant she was getting what she wanted no matter what. "No. I'll take her and don't bother arguing with me, any of you. Let's go" And as we walked out, my arm draped around Quinn's shoulder for some sort of support, I could practically feel the despair of the others.

I am in misery
And there ain't nobody who can comfort me, oh yeah
Why won't you answer me?
The silence is slowly killing me, oh yeah

The walk to the nurse was awkward. The waiting was awkward. I could feel her eyes on me every single second, following every movement I made. But I had made the mistake of looking into those eyes far too many times and this time I was content with focusing on my hands. While looking at my hands I used my fingers and I counted.

I counted how many times we had kissed.

I counted how many times we had said I love you to each other.

I counted how many times we had snuck out and taken midnight walks through the street.

I counted how many times she had hurt me.

I kept counting until I had gotten so caught up in the math that I almost missed the smell of vanilla and cinnamon, or the tapping of her fingers on the desk, I counted until I almost forgot that she was even existed. But then I remembered what it was I was counting.

Girl you really got me bad
You really got me bad
And now I'm gonna get you back
Now I'm gonna get you back

You say your faith is shaken, and you may be mistaken
You keep me wide awake and waiting for the sun
I'm desperate and confused, so far away from you
I'm getting there, I don't care where I have to roam

I was in the midst of counting when I heard the scraping of a chair against the floor, and that the tapping had subsided. I knew that could only mean one thing. She was leaving me again. But I didn't trust my mind or my heart. They always seem to be playing tricks on me. So I decided to look up, and sure enough I saw her standing…slowly getting closer to the door. She was looking at me, her eyes a storm of some kind.

Her voice was soft and not so stable. It made me want to hug her. It made me want to hate her. It made me want to simply cry. "I don't think this was such a good idea." With those final words she began to take steps toward the door.

I closed my eyes and just tried to let her leave. I tried to make it all okay. But all I could hear was the light sound of her small steps running around in my mind and I had to stop it. I was confused .I didn't care that I had an ankle that felt like it had been in a tub of molten lava and I didn't give a damn about how desperate I would look. I got up and took a step toward her. The pain my ankle had survived before was nothing compared to now. Before I knew it I was falling, slowly, quickly falling, while letting out a low moan. Everything went black and then I felt something that I hadn't felt in what seemed like forever. The walls of my old castle, my armor, and her arms were wrapped tightly around me. Leaving burning trails wherever they touched my skin. I breathed it all in. I could smell her around me…I could hear her heavy breathing…I could remember what it used to be like.

Why do you do what you do to me, yeah?
Why won't you answer me, answer me yeah?
Why do you do what you do to me yeah?
Why won't you answer me, answer me yeah?

I opened my eyes once more and was met with pure hazel. I came back into the moment. Back into the now, in which Quinn and I were nothing but in the same glee club, in the same school.

I was angry, I wanted to shout it. But that just wouldn't fit. The only thing that seemed right at the moment was a whisper. So I continued to gaze into her eyes and feel her arms around me and I asked the question that just wouldn't pass. "Why is it over? What did I do?" The lone tear started the journey down my cheek. It was soothing in a way…it made me feel.

She didn't answer. Why wouldn't she answer me? I felt her harsh breath against my neck. Painfully slow she brought her hand up and wiped the tear from my cheek. Her fingers were cool against my cheek; they were familiar but still exhilarating. I looked up and saw such a young, innocent, terrified look in those eyes that it just stopped the restless beating of my heart. Before I knew it the moment was over though. It all seems to end too soon. I had been placed back in my seat. The nurse was now standing in the room and once again Quinn was gone. And once again I missed her.

I am in misery
And there ain't nobody who can comfort me, oh yeah
Why won't you answer me?
The silence is slowly killing me, oh yeah

Even though I could feel the nurse tenderly wrapping up my ankle and I could feel the medicine making its way through my system, I was still hurting. I gazed at the spot the angelic girl had silently vacated. She hadn't said a single word about it. And I don't know what's worse, the fact that I didn't get to hear her smooth, comforting voice once more before she left or the fact that it was so easy for her to pretend nothing had ever happened. There are awkward silences at times, there are thoughtful silences….I don't really understand what hers is, what it could be. But I want to; I need to.

With one final pat to my ankle the nurse stood up and gave me a slight smile. "Okay it seems we are finished here. Just remember to take some Tylenol if the pain starts up again and you should be just fine."

I offered her a slight smile and a thank you before hastily rushing out of the office; the sound of my footsteps all around me. Maybe she didn't understand, but I did. My problems were not simply medical at the moment…and Tylenol can't help a heartache that won't seem to go away. I wasn't so sure that I would ever be just fine. .

Girl you really got me bad
You really got me bad
And now I'm gonna get you back
I'm gonna get you back

So I hope you enjoyed it. It took me a while to get back into the writing groove and I'm not too sure about this chapter so I would really love it if you could review and tell me what you think. Thanks.

By the way this is the song Misery by Maroon 5.