DISCLAIMER:I do not own Harry Potter or Katekyo Hitman Reborn.

If there's one thing I could keep
It's you that I would save
This Lion's just a Lion
And a Lion I will stay

Lion. by Hollywood Undead

Arrigo Porter, formerly Harry Potter, was pissed.

Years ago, after the war, Harry had been wandering the world aimlessly as Arrigo, mindlessly seeking purpose, when he had met the young man named Tsuna in a small tapas bar in Sicily. From there, Harry had leased a small villa in the town and met Tsuna every Thursday where they chatted for a few hours about everything and nothing.

When the first assassination came, Arrigo had notice the suspicious movements and was moving before Tsuna, bursting upwards, fist slamming into the man's throat with astonishing speed, a flicker of silver hitting the ground. He had assumed the assassin was after him, rather than the gentle, slender young man who looked like a kid playing dress-up in his father's suit.

The man who often came on at the same time, a dark-haired man named Hibari, stood a few steps behind the downed man, eyebrows arched in surprise. "Wao~" he later found, was a truly impressive compliment from Tsuna's Cloud Guardian.

Arrigo and Tsuna never brought up the incident, but the next day, Hibari turned up at the door of his villa with a proposition.

That was how Arrigo became the personal bodyguard and assistant for the Decimo Boss of the Vongola Famiglia. He was surprised to find that he was only two years older than his friend.

It was some eight years later, after the war with the Millifore was long over, that the Clusterfuck Incident occurred.

Arrigo never really interacted with any of the Guardians other than Tsuna and Hibari (who was, technically, his superior), but he watched well and saw things that he passed along to Hibari.

The Storm Guardian, Gokudera Hayato, was much like a mix of Hermoine and Ginny. Hermoine's intelligence and certainty that he was right, matched with Ginny's stubborn, aggressive, obsessive and sometimes sly personality was potentially dangerous in the Mafia business, especially since Tsuna wasn't assertive enough to his friends to rein Gokudera in when he deviated from the plans because he thought his plan was better. If he weren't so loyal, Harry would have flagged the silverette as a potential threat to Tsuna and the Famiglia. Turns out Foundation had Flagged the Storm Guardian after he shot a mission to hell, got his subordinates killed, and had nearly started a war with the entirety of the Upper Italy Mafia network. Because he knew better than the tacticians with all the data.

The Lightning Guardian, Lambo Bovino, was a naïve, immature brat, and in Arrigo's opinion, he should never have been given a position of power until he'd at least had some decent field experience to give both maturity and a more realistic view of what the repercussions of his careless and selfish orders could be. He was flagged as a possible liability and was saddled with a set of discreet handlers at all times.

The two Mist Guardians, Rokudo Mukuro and Dokuro Chrome, balanced well, covering each other's weaknesses. Chrome was indecisive when confronted with a problem due to low self-confidence, while Mukuro often dragged out his missions to play, often showing hidden sadism. Despite that, Chrome was an excellent defensive illusionist, while Mukuro was more than happy to take the missions that necessitated deaths. Neither showed any problems with their boss or anyone else, aside from Mukuro's playfully sly flirting with said boss, Hibari and, to his own amusement, Arrigo. Chrome was loyal to Mukuro (Arrigo had heard that he'd saved her life when no one else would, showing either deeply hidden compassion, or a deep calculating streak) and Tsuna, while Arrigo believed Mukuro genuinely liked Tsuna and believed him to be infinitely better than any other Mafia Don, and unless Tsuna had a complete personality change, Mukuro would remain loyal.

The Sun Guardian, Sasagawa Ryohei, was very, very dense from blows to the head, almost punch-drunk. He was a non-threat unless someone managed to trick him, but he was closely monitored by members of Foundation to head off this possibility and was mostly kept on-site.

The Rain Guardian, Yamamoto Takashi, was a lot more aware than most gave him credit for. He had a healthy respect for Arrigo, greeting him whenever he wandered into see Tsuna. Very empathetic, Takashi was strongly aware of the feelings of those around him. Arrigo would even go so far as to say some were emotionally dependant on him, including Tsuna. He was usually used as a gauge by other Family members as to how serious the situation was. He was more relaxed and quiet than most of the other Guardians, but he was one of the most loyal.

Then there was the Cloud Guardian, Hibari Kyouya. Arrigo found him to be the most professional person in the upper echelons of the Famiglia, as well as the most protective (though it was entirely possible it was possessiveness). There was a fond regard towards Tsuna, but rather than friendship, familial or romantic fondness, it was more a possessive pack-orientated fondness a wolf had for a pack-brother of similar or same rank. Aside from being aggressively territorial, Arrigo believed that Hibari was the least likely to ever change his opinion or loyalties towards Tsuna. Arrigo would even go so far as to say he was incorruptible.

And he would have killed to have someone like Hibari on his side back at Hogwarts.

He had even less experience with the Varia, but Xanxus always glanced at Arrigo where he was at his desk in the corner to the right of the door. Without fail, even when there were other people, even people from other Famiglia, in the room, the second thing he did when he entered the room after the initial people, dangers and exits scan, was look for Arrigo.

He'd once asked the man about it during the Millifore Invasion where they were preparing for a bumrush to re-join the comrades they'd been separated from, and had been told that Xanxus considered Arrigo a highly dependable and skilled bodyguard and used his body-language to gauge everything about the situation. The one time Arrigo had been sick while Xanxus was in, the head of the Varia was so on edge and difficult Tsuna described it as pulling rotting teeth from a rabid lion.

The rest of the Varia followed the leader's lead with only a few curious looks.

Reborn was someone who was designated by Tsuna, Hibari and Xanxus as completely safe. The formerly-cursed hitman barely registered on Arrigo's radar after the first cursory glance and nod of greeting.

The Don of the Shimon Famiglia, Enma, was someone Arrigo was potentially wary of. Everyone was so intent on seeing the similarities between Enma and Tsuna, they dismissed the differences. There was no doubt in the bodyguard's mind that the two Bosses were genuinely good friends, however, Enma had a darkness and ruthless streak that Tsuna lacked, and that is what eventually led to the Clusterfuck Incident.

Arrigo, the Varia Storm Guardian Belphegor, and a number of lesser bodyguards had escorted Tsuna to a meeting with Enma, Adelaide and a few of his own bodyguards at a restaurant.

The first clue Arrigo had that something was wrong was when Tsuna jerked and began to turn towards the kitchen. Arrigo was between Tsuna and the kitchen, kicking out the chair from beneath his Don, before he even registered the modified Gatling gun sticking out of the serving bench, Belphegor already flipping the heavy oaken table when the gun began firing.

The last thing Arrigo recalled as he hit the ground and passed out was seeing Adelaide using her remaining uninjured arm to drag Enma's bloody form out the side door, Belphegor and one of the bodyguards ducked behind the bar and Tsuna's hands pulling him behind another table.

When he woke up three days later in the Vongola Medical Wing, having taken seven bullets to the lower chest and abdomen, he was informed that only himself, Tsuna, a lucky rookie bodyguard and Belphegor had survived from the Vongola party, and only Adelaide and Enma had escaped from the Shimon party, though Enma was still in a coma from injuries sustained. Belphegor was apparently in the throughs of feverish delusion after being gut-shot at close range. He was getting better, but wasn't quite there yet, and wouldn't be for a few weeks. The rookie bodyguard lost partial movement in his dominant hand and would be reassigned to a non-combat position after healing.

All would have been fine after his recovery faze if only so many of Tsuna's Guardians and close comrades and friends hadn't given the fluffy brunette the impression it was his fault. Yamamoto and Chrome were on an undercover mission and so were under a communication black-out. Kyouya was in Namimori and wouldn't be returning for a few more days. Reborn was in the wind with the Varia hunting down the attackers. The Shimon had closed ranks. And the Cavallone were getting mixed information and so were having to hold back so they weren't working with faulty intelligence.

Gokudera and Lambo were, by turns, browbeating their supposed 'beloved' Boss with what they would have done if they had been there, making the young Boss fall deeper into depression, so much so that his smiles were practically translucent over his misery. Sasagawa was just dense and incapable of picking up social cues unless they smacked him in the face and were explained with small words and large font.

This was all ranted at him by a frustrated, angry and unhappy Mukuro, who was the one who kept having to chase everyone away from his Sky.

Eventually, the two just sat down and seethed together in companionable frustration, Mukuro considering the best way to kill the Storm and Lightning Guardians without upsetting the Sky, and Arrigo plotting how to get his Boss away for a vacation.

"Where's my phone?" He eventually asked/demanded from the next nurse to brave the Room Of Angry Flames.

Mukuro watched as the green-eyed bodyguard he had become fond of dialled a number. There were three rings before the line picked up.

"Make it quick, Trash."

The illusionist's eyebrows shot up in surprise, unaware that Porter knew the Varia Boss well enough that he knew the man's number off the top of his head.

"It's Arrigo. How soon can you get back here?"

There was a pause before the man's gruff voice came through, surprisingly unaggressive. "Four hours, tops. Why?"

"Things are getting bad between the Boss and his two Flagged Guardians. I'm gonna take him off the grid with his Mist Guardian until either Kyouya or Reborn kick the shit out of them. If it goes on much longer, his Resolve will never recover from the damage they're doing."

The other man growled. "If they don't, I will. Whattaya want me back for?"

Arrigo chuffed humourlessly. "Someone needs to run Vongola while the Boss is away. And it won't be Gokudera-Fucking-Hayato."

There was a grunt of agreement. "Go then. I'll take care of it. Call in every eight to twelve hours." The Varia Boss hung up.

Arrigo snorted and snapped the fold-out phone closed, tilting his head towards the bluenette. "Can you pack a few changes of clothes for the three of us, ID packets and get a nondescript car? I want to be out of here within the hour."

Mukuro nodded thoughtfully, eyeing the bodyguard appraisingly. "And where will we be going?"

The wizard flashed a tight grin as he carefully pulled himself upright. "I'll tell you when we're on the road. You distract the idiots and I'll get the boss out to the north-west road for pickup."

"Fair enough."

(space)

It hadn't taken much more than entering the Boss's office and shuffling the tired man out before he could ask questions, then quickly leading him through an escape tunnel to the designated pick-up point.

When the car with Mukuro behind the wheel skidded to a stop, he raised his eyebrows but either he trusted his comrades enough that he wouldn't ask questions yet, or his Hyper Intuition said it was safe, and Tsuna got in the car.

Mukuro glanced at the man who had slid into the front seat beside him. "Where to?"

Arrigo quirked his lips. "Matera for a car change, then to a property I own in Tuscany for a few days, then a road trip to France where we'll take the ferry to England where I own a few more properties." He leant the chair back and closed his eyes. "And don't be surprised if they call me by a different name. I changed it to avoid overly obsessive stalkers."

"Charming." Mukuro chuffed. "And how did you get on Xanxus' good side, anyway?"

Arrigo felt Tsuna lean forward to hear better. "What's this about Arrigo and Xanxus?"

The illusionist smirked and glanced at his sky in the mirror. "He called Xanxus back to temp as Boss until we come back. If we come back. He got barely a token growl."

Arrigo pried open an eye and tilted his head to see his boss. Distract. Distract. Distract.

"You know that Gokudera and Bovino are Flagged as potential threats to the Family, right?"

"What?!" Tsuna yipped in surprise, and even Mukuro shot the bodyguard/assistant a surprised look.

Arrigo closed his eye. "The problem with genii is that they tend to be overly arrogant. Gokudera has an over-abundance of hubris that makes him dangerous to the Family. If he thinks he is right, he won't second guess himself because of his arrogance. That mission he botched not long after I took position? The one that nearly started a war with the North Italy Families and got his subordinates killed? That happened because he completely ignored the intel and the tactician's plans for getting in and out without loss of life, and went in guns blazing. We lost twenty-six non-expendable veterans because of his rookie leadership mistake, and all he got was a slap on the wrist and a cover-up. He didn't learn from it either. The Varia always had a team shadowing him when he leads a mission and have stopped a stupid amount of fuck-ups at the last second. Most of the Family is of the opinion that Reborn fucked up bringing him in as your Storm Guardian, and the conspiracy theorists think Reborn was too busy trying to resurrect the First Generation that he didn't investigate as well as he should have."

Tsuna winced.

"Bovino, on the other hand, was brought in much too young and given far too much responsibility. Kyouya has him completely surrounded by handlers to mitigate any damage he might do from the get-go, but, despite his Flame Purity, he was also a bad choice as a Guardian."

"The third bad choice was Sasagawa, but he has since been trained enough to be an asset. His brain damage was just too extensive for him to have been a good candidate as a Guardian, and Reborn wouldn't have even looked at him had he not been a dead-ringer for Knuckle. That Iemitsu didn't contest Reborn's choices just goes to show how little he really cares for your safety." Arrigo sighed at the almost palpable distress coming from his Boss, but continued on. "Even before I joined, Kyouya and Xanxus were working together to weed out the fucking stupidity in the Vongola Elder Generation and have been manipulating and retiring better people into positions of power since before you actually took over as Decimo. I'm to understand they are currently trying to find someone to replace Basil with in CEDEF since I turned them down."

"Why are they trying to replace Basil? He's doing well so far…?" Tsuna sounded confused.

Mukuro snorted. "For a blind and deaf goat. He's too much like your sperm-donor. Hard-headed and hardly useful. We get most of our intel from Foundation, these days. The Varia chases down traitors and Housekeeping deals with spies and assassins. CEDEF has almost always had late, faulty and often incomplete reports. We should just do away with the entire division and replace it with Hibari's dogs, loathe as I am to admit."

Tsuna sat quietly, watching the scenery pass by as he mulled over what he had been told. His Intuition told him hat neither Ari nor Mukuro had lied to him or tried to dumb down the facts. It seems that at nearly thirty, he still had a long way to go as Boss, and that he been wilfully blind to his friends faults for far too long, costing lives.

"So," He broke the silence. "What's up with you and Xanxus?"

Arrigo grunted and gave him a sideways stink-eye. "If you must know, he wants me to be his Cloud Guardian and serve him in the same manner as I do you."

Mukuro choked and swerved on the country road. "Seriously?!"

Tsuna's Intuition said there was something interesting going on. "What? He wants you to be his assistant and bodyguard? Why would he need a bodyguard?"

By this point, the illusionist had had to pull over and was laughing so hard he was crying.

Arrigo just gave him a scathing look and sat up and turned to face his boss.

"Tsuna. Everyone thinks I also help you with stress relief, which is why you don't need a female secretary."

The confused puppy look the man gave him was painful.

"Huh?"

Mukuro howled.

"They think we're fucking."

"HHHIIIIIIEEEEE?!"

Heheheheheh. That ending just jumped out and finished itself.