Alaia Skyhawk: And here's the final chapter of A Question of Destiny. I hope you guys all like it :) And apologies for the delay. I've just been doing the final edits of my book, seeing as my mum finished proofreading it for me. I ended up with a bit of a mess on because I redid the text on the cover to get rid of some annoying flaws, and apparently didn't centre the text on the spine properly... which meant I had to wait 24 hours after submitting the fixed cover so it could be checked again and I could order my final proof copy :S

But with that piece of information, I can inform you all that my book could become available to buy as soon as the middle/end of next week. I'll let you all know in the first Author Note I do after the book appears on Amazon, although the book will only be available as a paperback at first. I'll need to go through Kindle Direct Publishing for it to be available as an ebook, and that will take a few weeks once I start on that :)

Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin.

Music: Merlin Lost (Merlin OST)

"Whom History Won't Remember" Episode: N/A

~(-)~

Chapter 78: The Fear of Power ~Part 3~

Absent hands went through the motions of the usual chores, their owner barely paying any but the necessary attention to his tasks. Months of working in this job made it easy for him to go about with his mind on other things. So long as the task didn't involve anything sharp at least.

Merlin carefully set aside Arthur's now spotlessly clean sword, the thin coat of oil on it gleaming as it was put back into its sheath. How many times had he almost nicked his hands on the edges? He'd lost count after the fifth, which was the time when he'd forced himself to concentrate on it more. And now, glancing around the equally spotless room, he realised that at this particular moment in time he had only one other thing to do.

He headed towards the door of the prince's chambers, picking up the shield he'd left propped against the wall beside it. There was a large dent in it near the rim, too deep for him to get out with the limited skill he had on the matter. So to the armourer it would go, so that a professional could return it to its usual pristine condition.

It was also, coincidentally, an ideal excuse to get out of the castle and go wandering for a while. Without getting himself told off for slacking.

Merlin carried the shield out of the castle and into the upper town, taking the most direct route possible to the man who made most of armour and shields for Camelot's warriors. The smith looked a bit irritated at first when he'd heard the servant just walk into his workshop, but that quickly vanished as soon as he'd recognised who was standing there and Merlin had said the prince's shield needed repairing.

That of course had been immediately followed by the man bellowing for his apprentice to take over whatever it was he'd been working on, before the smith personally took charge of the item and assured Merlin the repair would be done within half-an-hour.

So, half-an-hour to spend on whatever he wanted... Unable to think of anything else to do with the time, Merlin headed for the market. He always carried a few coins with him for emergencies, and he certainly had enough to pick up something for his, his mother's, and Gaius' supper tonight.

The market was bustling when he got there, the fact that there was still a feeling of almost celebration among the people there providing a welcome distraction. Everyone was still atop the crest of elation and joy at Arthur's recovery from death's door, everyone he passed giving him a nod and a smile should their eyes happen to meet his. He might have considered it odd, since normally people would just glance at him as Arthur's manservant, but then the same applied now. Since he was Arthur's servant, expressing how happy they were at his recovery, even just to his servant, was still as close as most would ever get to being able to express that joy to the prince himself.

By the time he'd managed to purchase fresh bread, cured meat, and a small bag of apples, Merlin found himself starting to tire of all the cheer. Not a single one of these people knew what had really gone on. Not one of them knew the suffering that he, his mother, and Gaius had gone through. It was as well it was time for him to go pick up the shield, because he was ready to retreat back inside the castle where the servants and residents treated him the same as always.

That thought of reprieve was on his mind as he collected the shield, carrying it in one hand and his purchases in the other as he made his way along the main street of the upper town. And it was because of his choice of using the main street that he was soon confronted by a solemn sight.

People stepped out of the way, bowing heads for a moment in respect for the group making their way towards the edge of town. Seeing that group, Merlin's eyes widened as they settled on the wrapped figure carried by several of those people... It was a funeral procession, taking their tragic burden to the funeral pyre that would have been prepared for it.

He felt a chill go through him as they passed him, a chill at the moment he realised the body they carried was that of a woman. In his mind's eyes that woman became Nimueh, taunting him for his ignorance and cursing him for denying her such an end. He'd left no body for burning or burial, not for her. He'd obliterated her...

Merlin averted his eyes, turning into a back street and heading towards the castle that way, his stride hurried and his breath catching in his throat. Outwardly he looked composed, and seemed in no more than a moderate hurry as if on an errand that required he be brisk. But inside he was verging on a panic attack, almost choking on the desire to find a dark corner, curl up, and hide it.

He left Arthur's shield in the armoury, before heading to and dumping the food at Gaius' chambers. The old man looked rather startled at his ward's hurried manner, but was prevented from asking anything when Merlin simply dashed out saying he still had chores to do.

It was, of course, an utter lie. Safe in the knowledge that he had time before Arthur would expect him anywhere, Merlin headed straight up the castle roof, tucking himself into an obscure corner. It was out of the way of the main walkways around the central courtyard's edge, but still had a clear view of the open sky above. Contrary to finding a dark hole to hide in, the warlock had picked the most open place available to him where he could still be alone.

The sky was grey when he looked up at it, the clouds darkened with the threat of rain, and seeming to darken further by the minute. And even as he felt his inner turmoil grow, Merlin heard them grumble with thunder barely a heartbeat later. Was he causing that? He wasn't sure, but he could remember more than a few times when thunder had groaned overhead in the clouds when his mind had been troubled.

Merlin sat down, pulling his knees up to his chest and resting his forehead on them, wrapping his arms tight about them as he curled up into a ball. He was scared, truly scared... of himself. Why did he have to be like this? Why did he have to be so damned powerful? Was it because he was Emrys? Or was he Emrys because he was powerful? He couldn't answer that, and didn't have anyone who could answer it for him. All he knew was the terror his new-found ability evoked in him.

And so he sat there, practically frozen by fear, while above him the clouds continued to shudder.

~(-)~

The sudden grumbling of thunder overhead was what made him stir from making his remedies... that and the look in his eyes that Merlin had attempted but failed to hide.

Gaius looked out the window and up at the sky, frowning as a part of him recalled how what had been an otherwise clear day when he'd died, had been a torrential downpour when he was brought back to life. Those could barely have been more than a short while apart, and the change had occured after Merlin had arrived at the isle. If the implications were to be believed, that his ward's emotions could draw up storms, then it became clear that somewhere in the castle Merlin was sitting and brooding.

The old man headed for the door, pausing and glancing once towards the room where Hunith was before deciding he didn't want to worry her. She didn't know what had really gone on at the Isle of the Blessed, and to burden her with that knowledge, and the worry for her son it would cause, would not be fair. No, he'd speak to Merlin himself first. If he couldn't talk the young warlock into accepting what had gone on, only then would he seek her help in that task.

Gaius descended the stairs and exited them at the doorway just below where the sign to his chambers was, stopping to look out of the windows in the hallway beyond there. If Merlin wanted to think there were only two places that were likely; the crypts or the roof. But the former wasn't likely, since it would put the young warlock closer to the dragon. If the Great Dragon were the one who had sent Merlin to the Isle, to Nimueh, then it was quite likely that Merlin was presently furious with him.

Which meant he was on the roof, and if he was on the roof there was only one place you could be and be certain not to be seen by others walking around up there.

The physician headed for the nearest access to the roof, taking his complaining old body up the steep steps to reach the walkways along the edges of the tiled slopes. The castle's roof was far from a uniform shape, its multitude of levels and rooms beneath resulting in a few odd corners here and there. But the one for which he was headed, was where the end of the roof of the Great Hall stopped a few feet short of the eastern tower. It formed a dead-end gap, tucked between sloping tiles and tower wall, and that was where he found his ward seated and curled up into a ball.

Gaius approached him, his tone both concerned and kindly.

"Merlin, what on earth are you doing up here?"

At his mentor's voice, Merlin jolted and lifts his head to look at him. He then averts his eyes, shrugging stiffly.

"N-nothing. Just thinking."

His mentor came to a stop beside him, not fooled in the slightest.

"You forget, Merlin, I know you too well. You never come up here to think unless you're really upset, it's not your usual spot. Coming up here wasn't so much to think, it was to hide. The question is, what are you hiding from? Because I have the feeling that it's something you can walk away from."

Merlin seemed to scrunch down on himself, in contradiction to his next statement.

"I'm not hiding."

Gaius reached down, hauling his startled ward to his feet before pulling him into a hug. The warlock tensed at first, but started to relax in that reassuring hold.

"I can tell that you're frightened of this new part of your magic, but don't be. It doesn't make you a bad person, Merlin. Remember, it's the person who uses it that makes the decision for their magic to be good or bad. It is not the magic that chooses that, but you."

Merlin bit his lip to stop it trembling, before buried his face in the front of his mentor's robe.

"But why did I have to have this? I don't want it."

Gaius sighed, one hand patting Merlin on the back as he held him.

"Who's to say? We are what we are, and we have the gifts that fate gives us. All we can do is make the best of things. You may fear this power, Merlin, but ask yourself why did you kill Nimueh? I know part of you wanted to punish her, but I'm certain a part of you also knew you had to stop her. She would have kept attacking Camelot if you hadn't. You know that, and so I'm certain part of you was also acting to protect Arthur."

Merlin, face still buried, thought about it. He couldn't deny that he'd struck her down in a fit of rage. But before that moment, the first time he'd lashed out at her, he had been thinking about making sure she could never interfere with the prince.

"I... I suppose I was, a bit at least."

Gaius pushed Merlin to arm's length, so he could look him in the eye, his manner that of one speaking of what should be common sense.

"Well then, I guess you turning her death to more use than just a vain end was a good thing. She created the situation that caused me to give up my life. All you did was give back to me that which her actions had forced me sacrifice. Sacrifice for the one I care about, for you."

Merlin looked on the verge of tears now, but he held them back as he nodded in gratitude. If there was one person whose advice he could rely on when he was confused, it was the physician's.

"Thanks, Gaius." He took a shuddering breath, coming to a decision. "I won't feel guilty about her any more, not when it happened because she toyed with us, but... I'm never going to use that power again."

Gaius raised an eyebrow.

"Never?"

Merlin averted his eyes, eyes that had swiftly become pained and haunted.

"I can't... I can't take the life from someone and give it to someone else. It's wrong, and I... I can't."

The old man beside him sighed, understanding but still unsure this was the best course. Problems and fears not faced head on, were ones that could come back to trouble you one day.

"That's your choice to make, but remember, never is a very long time." He smiled, placing his hand on Merlin's shoulder. "But now is the present, and I think we should get you inside. You haven't had much time to catch up with your mother, which was the reason she came in the first place. And after that, I'm sure your destiny will be calling for his supper."

"Thanks, Gaius."

Merlin cracked a smile at that last amused remark, letting Gaius lead him back into the castle. Yes, destiny... Arthur. If he'd needed any proof that he accepted his destiny and had truly chosen to follow it to the end, it was the events of the past few days. He'd been willing to die for Arthur, to hand his life over so that the prince could live. If someone were to ask him the question, if he would continue along it, his answer would be simple.

If posed a question of his destiny now he would have but one reply. That there was no further need of questions, he'd picked his path... All he needed now was the resolve to see it through.

~(-)~

Alaia Skyhawk: And there we have it, the end of A Question of Destiny, and with Merlin's last thought I can give you the title of the Season 2 fic; A Question of Resolve :D

I'll be posting the fist chapter of it in the Merlin section tomorrow afternoon (UK time), so it will be up around about noon East Coast Time for America :)