Anddd this is where I freestyle a bit. Some of the things on the list killed my plot bunnies and that (plus testing, a tornado [Yes, I live in the South, ya hear? So please help out and donate to the Red Cross; a few of my friends and relatives have been affected], no internet/computer, crazy parties, and the occasional nap) is why this and all my other stories haven't been updated for awhile. I hope to fix that, though, because I have 7 REAL DAYS OF SCHOOL LEFT!

THESE ARE MOSTLY ED CENTRIC; I feel like messin' with the shorty today…

Edo-kun: WHO ARE YOU CALLIN…

Me: Ah, Edo, that's why we love you….

Rule 16: I will not mentally scar Alphonse Elric.

"Oi, Fullmetal, you really live up to your name!"

Alphonse paused mid-step as he saw his brother and friend talking by the water cooler (I always imagined a water cooler there…).

"Audrey, what in the hell are you talking about?"

She smiled nonchalantly, seeing the younger Elric trying to hide. "Oh, you remember last night don't you?"

Ed spit out his water, blushed furiously, "Audrey!"

"Seriously, Ed! That was really something!"

If Al could blush, he would. He was hoping she wasn't talking about what he thought she was talking about. I mean, he didn't want or need to know about his brother's sex life!

"Audrey! Shut up!"

"But it was so nice and fast and-God, Ed, it was so big! I mean, on a shrimp like you, I didn't really expect-"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A SHRIMP SO SMALL HIS DICK IS BIGGER THAN HIM!"

Audrey blushed and laughed, "God, you're such an idiot…"

Meanwhile, Al was shaking rather loudly in his spot, the mantra OhmyGodOhmyGodOhmyGod in his head.

"I'm not an idiot! And stop talking about that kind of stuff, Al might hear you and actually believe it!" Ed said, finishing his water and heading back to his desk, only to spot his brother on the ground in the fetal position. "ALPHONSE!"

Audrina ran around the corner, "Oh my God, Al! I was just kidding, maybe!"

"AUDRINA! SHUT UP!"

Rule 17: I will not use illogical logic on Edward.

Roy was doing his usually check ups on everyone (Riza by his side as usual) when he came across a unusual sight.

"Edward!"

The blonde was curled in a ball in a corner, rocking back in forth. "She lies…"

"Edward, what happened?" Riza bent next to him.

"S-She…S-She…"

"Who, Fullmetal?"

He glanced up, "The red haired one…"

"Ruby…"

Speaking of her only brought her by, "You called?"

"What did you do to him?" Roy questioned.

She smiled slyly, "I only told him a highly logical thing: See, if Wrath thinks Sloth's his mom, who doesn't deny it, and Sloth's Ed's real mom, then that kinda makes him related to Wrath, who's a homunculus, and Izumi, who's techincally Wrath's mom."

Roy held his head in thought. "That…actually makes since…"

"I know!" Ruby smiled, "And you people say I'm dumb…"

The trio walked off, continuing the possibilities as Ed continued to cower in the corner.

Rule 18: I will not give Ed children's toys on his 19th birthday (or any birthday).

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!"

Edward pouted in the lounge chair at his and Al's apartment. He did not want to celebrate his growing in age, nor did he want all these people there. But apparently, it was Al's idea, and he couldn't say no to his baby brother.

"Edo, I got you a present!" Audrey handed him a small box, and un willingly, he opened it.

"Wow," He sweatdropped, "My pocketwatch."

"Nope!" She smiled, "It's a cleaned pocketwatch! I did it myself!"

He gave her a look and was about to say rude words before Al handed him another box. "Al, you didn't have to-"

"Just open it!"

He sighed and did as told, his eyes holding back tears once he saw it. "Aw, Al…"

It was a picture of them when they were kids, with their mother laughing in the background. "I-I found it a while ago and wanted to give it to you…"

"My turn." Roy ended the sentimental moment and handed Ed a big box. "Happy birthday, Fullmetal."

He glared and opened the present, fuming rage following. "THIS ISN'T FUNNY!"

It was one of those wooden rocking horse you get for a 3 three old, only a bit bigger.

"What? You're not turning 8?"

Cue blind fury of Edward.

Rule 19: I may not dye my uniform pretty colors.

"RUBY! FRONT AND CENTER!"

The red haired girl appeared in front of her superior, Riza Hawkeye, hands upon her hips and a smirk on her face. "What is it, Hawkeye?"

"Why is your uniform…"

"Rainbow colors?" She smiled proudly, "Why, these are only the prettiest colors! And that navy blue is so bad with my skin; I just needed to work in comfort."

There was a loud gunshot. "Comfort and work don't go together."

Sure enough, Ruby's outfit was normal the very next day.

Rule 20: I will not call Kimblee 'Kimberly'.

Rule 21: No, it is not a challenge.

Down at the miltary's jail, a dumb kid named Nolan had somehow snuck past security and made his way towards the notorious arsonist, Zolf J. Kimblee.

He had only one question.

"Why do the call you Kimblee? It's short for Kimberly, right?"

The man shot up from his seat, his eyes looking at the idiot boy through the small opening. "How's about when I get out of here, I show you exactly why I was put in here, kid?"

"You didn't answer my question." The boy was very persistant.

Kimblee (or Kimberly) sigh, "You're an idiot, aren't you? Got some kind of mental issues?"

Nolan shrugged, "You're not the first guy to ask that, Kimberly."

"My name is Kimblee, you buffoon, now why don't you—"

"No, it's Kimberly…"

What happened next contains tons of gruesomeness and idioticity, but let's just say the boy made it away with one arm still in good use and the rest of his body healed over the course of 2 years.

He still went back to mess with Kimberly, though.

I…I just have nothing else to say. I can't even explain how crappy I think this is for me. I could've done better.