... previously...

In HIndsight

Then Lamia attacked and Gwen grabbed onto her sword more tightly, automatically getting ready to rush to her friend's defence, despite what she'd just learnt. However, Merlin was faster and, with a string of strange words, a nearby sword rose majestically into the air and flung itself into Lamia's chest. She flew backwards and Merlin turned away, quickly rushing to check on Percival.

Gwen remembered to breathe out.

"Merlin..." Gwen tried to call out but her voice felt stuck in her throat. The casual mention of magic a few moments before had not been half as shocking as actually seeing the act itself. How could Merlin have magic? How could he be evil? First Morgana and now him? All of this seemed like a dream – a nightmare. Surely that had to be what this was. Surely she'd wake up soon.

The Perfect Disguise

Gwen spent the next couple of days closely watching Merlin in a way she never really had before. She initially worried that he might get suspicious, but his gaze was almost always on Arthur and now, in hindsight, she recognised the look and the stance.

He was the king's secret bodyguard. He probably always had been.

But did Arthur know his manservant had magic? Surely he would have told her if he did. Gwen shook her head as she thought it. They may well be due to marry any day but she could see no good reason why Arthur would talk to her about such a thing. After all, it wasn't his secret to tell.

And it wasn't hers either. Could she really keep this knowledge from her husband, just days after the couple had had a long, heartfelt talk about their future marriage and promised it would be free of all secrets and deceptions?

One good thing about those couple of days of observation, however, was that Gwen now felt less scared about confronting this particular sorcerer about his magic. She may be cursing her extremely poor observation skills in the light of this new knowledge but, since that fateful day, she had even started to doubt her own good judge of character. Morgana had been bad enough, but at least that made some sense in light of her change of personality over the years. However, Gwen's sleepless night meant she was fairly certain that Merlin had been using magic since he first arrived here and he remained now, as he'd always been, a sweet, kind-hearted and cheerful young man. Her personal experience made it hard for Gwen to square that circle but, despite everything, she had seen nothing over these last two days to suspect of him of being evil.

But any further speculation was useless, she decided, and so, using her knowledge of everyone's daily routine, Gwen hovered around the corner from Arthur's chambers, waiting for Merlin to leave at the end of the day.

"Gwen!" He smiled broadly, showing nothing but the usual cheerful young man she had always known. "What are you doing here?"

"Waiting for you," she replied. "We need to talk."

"What's wrong?"

She shook her head. "Not here. Somewhere private."

He frowned. "What is it? Is it Arthur?"

She gave a small, humorous laugh. "No, Merlin, this is about you."

"Me?"

She shook her head, amused despite herself. Perhaps she hadn't been that unobservant, after all. Who could seriously suspect Merlin of being a sorcerer when he acted like this.

Aware that it would not be appropriate for the king's betrothed to be seen having secret midnight meetings with another man, Gwen lead Merlin to a disused room she'd prepared earlier and beckoned him in, locking the door behind them.

"Gwen?" he asked, looking back nervously.

"I need to talk to you about Lamia and why you weren't affected."

His eyes widened briefly, panic briefly crossing his features. "I told you. That magic doesn't work on everyone."

She shook her head. "Not what I've heard. I've since discovered that it works on all adult males."

"I know Arthur often calls me a girl," he said with a grin. "But I promise you I'm not."

This wasn't getting them anywhere. He was obviously not going to admit it.

"I saw you, Merlin. I saw you attack her... it... with magic."

The colour drained from his face and his eyes became fearful. If she wasn't so nervous about this particular conversation, Gwen might have felt offended by just how terrified he was acting in her presence.

He shook his head. "No, not me... when?"

"I saw you, Merlin... just as I once saw Morgana."

His mind was working overtime now and she could see it in his subtle change of expression, the way his eyes moved, desperately trying to find an excuse.

"I want to believe I can trust you," she continued. "I think I can but I want... I need to talk to you about this. Are you really going to make me leave this room and have has both pretend that nothing has changed?"

"No-one can know," he whispered.

"All this time?" she asked, relieved he'd admitted it, however indirectly. "Ever since you first arrived?" He nodded. "I know you said you were in disguise when we first met, but I had no idea you meant it literally."

"Yeah," he quipped. "I really am one of those 'save the world' types."

"Merlin, tell me I can trust you. Tell me I don't have to fear you."

"Gwen!" He looked hurt. "Of course you can trust me and I would never hurt you. Never! I'm here to protect you and Arthur and Camelot."

She nodded. "Does he know?"

"What? Arthur?" He shook his head, wildly. "No."

"Who does?"

"Gaius is the only one here in Camelot."

She nodded. "It's just... just such a big secret to keep from him."

He frowned. "For you or for me?"

"For both of us. I can understand why you did so when Uther was alive but now?"

"It's not the right time." The reply was far too quick.

"You can't use that excuse forever."

He shrugged. "I can protect him better when I'm underestimated."

"And so I'll have to keep this giant secret from my husband despite promising I'd always tell him everything."

He looked up, surprised, as if not having considered that. "Sorry... I don't know what to say, Gwen. It's my burden and better for everyone if as few a people as possible know."

"What do you want me to do?" she pushed. "What do you want me to say?"

"Keep my secret, please?"

She paused, considering. "On one condition."

He looked up at her, surprised at the ultimatum. "Yes?"

"Promise me you'll review your decision. Promise me that you'll consider the possibility that this might be the perfect time to tell him."

"I really don't think..."

"Gaius and I will back you up, and I can't see Gwaine being a problem either, can you?"

He shrugged.

"Think about it, please, for me. I can accept the idea of keeping this from Arthur if I know that you're planning on telling him soon."

Merlin nodded firmly. "Soon," he promised, his gaze darting towards the door as if he was about to make a run for it.

"Not so fast, Merlin. I have... a few more hundred questions to ask you."

The expression on Merlin face was so hilarious that Gwen had a great deal of trouble keeping a straight face. She was starting to wonder why she could have ever been so scared about confronting him.

Where was that intimidating and all-powerful sorcerer now?

~o~0~o~