Title: Hesitancy

Rating: K

Pairing: KyoyaXRenge

Prompts: musings, growing up, maturing, becoming Renge

Born into a wealthy family, Renge grows up having everything she could ever wish for – but not necessarily everything she needs – and that shapes her in the later years of her life. She is a Hoshakuji. She has her pride and her father's money and all the influence over the household maids. What she does not have is affection.

Oh, her father takes her up and spins her about and her mother presses soft kisses to her cheeks when their guests compliment the well-behaved little girl that is Renge. It's after that they both walk their separate ways, the child remaining in the hold of a maid. Still Renge is not bothered. This is how all children live, she reasons, attention returning to the dolls and castles and tea sets. Renge Hoshakuji spends those first years in her own world, far from troubles and reality.

Then, of course, she discovers video games and dating simulators and what not. Renge is captivated. For the first time she feels that someone actually cares about her. Namely the handsome hero of the game – whoever he happens to be and whatever his name is. She is content.

Along comes Kyoya, tearing her beautiful world at the seams with his uncaring, yet thoroughly polite manner and empty smiles. He is vicious, ruthless and manipulative. And Renge likes the way he looks. That might be the only good thing about Kyoya. The boy is flawed, so very imperfect that Renge doesn't dare put him on a pedestal. Instead she locks him in her heart along with a secret wish. Her attention snaps to Haruhi – whom she thinks a boy, but really, it turn out Haruhi is a girl – and Renge tries her luck once more. It takes just a little more for her to see the longing in Kyoya's eyes for the newest member of the host club.

Dreams get pushed deep into the subconscious as Renge gives her all to studying after Kyoya and rest of the club members graduate. All the games and silly fantasies are gathered in a chest, locked with the strongest bindings she can find and flung deep into the abyss. Her father pets her on the head like she's five again and her mother presses ghosts of kisses to her cheeks as she's always done. They are proud that their daughter is so diligent. Renge simply takes the compliments as any daughter should and scampers away to her room. She can't find it in herself to read manga because her childhood has ended the moment the plane left for Boston with the host club in it. Without so much as a goodbye.

University is a place of sophistication. Renge meets all these new people. They like her and she likes them. Future bonds are forged under the blossoming trees and on wooden benches. By the time Renge hold her degree, she is well versed in conversation and even better at obtaining what she wants from the deals she makes. A soft smile and a firm tone and she's ready to conquer the world.

Her father tells her to prove her worth. Thus Renge finds herself with a broom in her hand sweeping floor. Then she moves to sorting papers, after which comes working with money. Humility and responsibly are acquired in this way. Learning to make the good decisions comes later – and it's such a brilliantly structured plan – when Renge has attained some experience with the damage an unfortunate choice can bring. She's different from before, yet still Renge. The daughter has no words for her father's brightness; she can only thank him for raising a woman.

Reading in the papers that Ootori Kyoya has come back is like a kick to the stomach. Suddenly, Renge feels like a teenager with too many dreams to count and the fragility of an unknowing mind all over again. With burning determination, she promises to herself that she won't let him affect her so.

But that remains to be seen, for in their circle Renge will be forced into Kyoya's company whether she likes it or not. She holds her head up and glances into her mirror. "Renge, be strong," she tells herself.