Back to Present time: The Men's Dressing Room
Nothing was sacred anymore. Logan Lerman, the Logan Lerman, was having a double wedding alongside a flower-sniffing idiot he wasn't sure was even straight.
"Ever heard of the term metrosexual? Women like it." Aphrodite stood front of the pantless Logan, arms crossed. Logan dived behind a chair, throwing a rubber duck at Aphrodite which went right through her and smacked Poseidon on the head. Poseidon could care less about the duck though.
"Seriously? Women like it?" He skipped over to Aphrodite in his underwear and threw his arms around her. She disappeared in a flash of golden and light, leaving Poseidon with a handful of thin air who somehow knocked himself to the ground. Logan was a little too freaked out to laugh.
"YOU STUPID FLOWERS!" Poseidon shouted five minutes later as Logan was nonchalantly trying to pull on his pants, glaring at the evil wilted flowers. "DIE! DIE! DIE! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Poseidon picked up the flowers and tossed them to the ground, falling to his knees sobbing.
"Cry not child." Persephone whispered, making new, unwilted flowers appear in crystalline vases all around Poseidon. Logan buried his face in his hands. These goddamn gods obviously did not get the meaning of Men's changing room.
Persephone turned to Logan and smirked. "Nice Bob the Builder boxers." He dived behind his chair again, looking strangely uncomfortable. Persephone laughed and poofed away, leaving sprinklings of flower petals on the floor. Logan loosened his shoulders in relief. Finally, he could change in peace. Only one problem. THE GODDAMN GODS DID NOT KNOW THE MEANING OF PEACE.
"You better be good to my daughter." Apollo glared right at Logan, literally burning a hole right through his sunglasses.
"Y-yes sir." Logan felt extremely intimidated. The guy looked his age, even if he was his father-in-law to be.
"And no stripping." Apollo added.
"Huh?"
"You know what I'm talking about." Apollo held up a tape labeled "Meet Bill." Logan's eyes widened. Oh gods no.. No! But it was too late... Apollo had the tape pushed into the mini-TV. Logan sunk into a couch and covered his face; it was too painful to watch. Of course Carly chose that moment to walk in.
"Hey dad! What's up?" Carly ran up to high five him. It really was strange; they looked the exact same age and they both looked somewhat alike. It was like they were a sunny, glowey couple and Logan was just a very lonely actor hiding in a corner with his Bob the Builder boxers
"Hi Logan..." Carly smiled, waving at him a little. It was a formal smile, and she sounded somewhat awkward. She turned to the TV. "Oh cool! You guys are watching Meet Bill!" She kissed Logan on the cheek and told him she liked his underwear. Then she ran out of the dressing room as fast as she had come in. Logan buried his face in his hands again. He was the groom; why was he so nervous and emotional while his bride to be was running around with a chainsaw like everything was jolly.
"That is so messed up! They had Jessica Alba in that movie but they had him strip. How is that even fair?"
"WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT JESSICA ALBA?" Logan stood up so fast his boxars fell down, making Apollo burst into laughter.
"That was so pitiful!" Apollo laughed.
"THAT'S PERSONAL!" Logan screamed, covering his privates. Poseidon waited until Apollo left and then he poked Logan on the arm.
"What about Jessica Alba?" he asked, hopping up and down with a white lilac in his hand.
"She... she has this dark aura... and once I walked in on her sitting around laughing to herself. She turned around and her face had a crack going through it. And then she smiled at me and the crack disappeared. And then I think she tried to rape me but I really don't remember much else.."
"She did NOT try to rape you. You're so full of yourself just cause you're an actor. Not every woman wants you, you know!" Poseidon crossed his arms. Just then they heard a bunch of screaming and camera flashes. They turned to the window and there was a horde of girls.
"LOGAN! WE LOOOOVE YOOOOU!"
"LOGAN! I LOVE YOUR UNDIES!"
"BOB THE BUILDER ROCKS!"
"I HAVE THE TAPE OF YOU STRIPPING UNDER MY PILLOW!"
Logan turned to Poseidon and smiled matter-of-factly, raising his eyebrows. Poseidon facepalmed.
…
"How come no one brought me here last year?" Autumn asked, staring at the huge emporium.
"You said you didn't want to go to some crazy place with more Kindell than was necessary." Athena reminded her.
"Okay sheesh." Autumn picked up a tray of chicken tacos from the buffet. "Why the hell is the reception party BEFORE the wedding?"
Athena shrugged. "We have no idea what goes through Kindell's head."
"What the hell. Why does she always call the shots?"
"Beca- ADAM!" Athena ran off to her boyfriend, leaving Zia staring at the plate of abandoned tacos.
"I thought she was busy Bounty Hunting. How did she have enough time to find a freaking boyfriend?" Alli bit into a chocolate bar dramatically.
"Speaking of boyfriends... where are ours?" Electra asked, searching the room.
"Helping Logan get rid of the fangirls.. and getting dressed." Lillian explained, polishing a bow.
"Eeesh, put down the weapons for once, it's a wedding." Kaycee fidgeted with her necklace, which was really her lightning bolt compressed.
"There's gods all around. Even if we're going to pretend nothing's up today, we don't know what could happen." Carly said coolly, glaring at her father distastefully. When he looked over at her, she smiled sweetly.
"THIS IS TOO MUCH PRESSURE! I HATE THIS!" Alli leaned against the wall. "I don't wanna do this... daddy.." Electra sighed. Ever since the plan had been revealed to them, Alli had been going through random guilt attacks. There was only one person who could calm her, and he was over in the men's dressing room having a beauty regime.
"Why is it taking the guys so much longer to get dressed anyways?" Electra finally asked. Carly buried her hand in her face. Her fiance and boyfriend were getting dressed in the same room. And her boyfriend happened to not know that she was getting married today. Her boyfriend actually didn't even know she had a fiance.
Sarah popped out from under the table with a huge platter full of tacos, laughing in Spanish. "Being married is way too much work. You just end up divorced."
"Sarah, I am going to freaking murder you." Carly was about to squash Sarah to the ground so hard that her brain would spit fluid out her nose.. except.. well.. umm, what..?
"DO NOT DO CUCKOO!" A hobo jumped in between Carly and Sarah, waving his arms around in some strange tentacle dance. Think Michael Jackson goes Squid. Sarah giggled and jumped out.
"If you're Squidward than I'm Spongebob." She set her plate of tacos on the table and started marching around repeatedly saying "I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready." It would've been all jolly if the hobo hadn't picked up her plate of tacos and taken off. That just ticked her off. She reached into her purse and pulled out her Desert Eagle. She cocked it once and held it in front of her, slowly aiming her target.
"NOOOO! SARAH-SAMA! DON'T DO MURDER! NO MUDER! MURDER BAD!" Sarah dropped her gun and turned to face the little squeaky thing standing next to her.
"Dobby?"
"You remember Dobby? Dobby is very happy Sarah-sama remembers him!" Dobby's saucer eyes nearly popped out of his socket. "But Dobby cannot let you kill Mr. Hobo. Dobby must protect Mr. Hobo. Mr. Hobo was very nice to Dobby."
Sarah was still staring at the house elf in disbelief when Sam ran out in nothing but his undies, chasing Connor and Travis Stolls with his trident. Fred and George Weasly were behind the pillar, laughing at the top of their lungs.
"Don't tell me, Fred and George are all twincest too? Or is one set of gay twins enough for this story?" Megan asked, clutching her head.
"Of course not!" Kindell popped out from god knows where. "One set of gay twins isn't nearly enough. We have three sets."
"Three...?" Megan asked, looking around.
"Yep three." Kindell pointed to the chocolate fountain. "Bellatrix and Narcissa Black!"
"Oh jeeze..." Keila facepalmed.
…
Ann was holding hands with Ichigo Kurosaki! THE Ichigo Kurosaki. He wasn't cardboard either, he was all real, flesh and blood. Ann looked up at him. She never though it was possible, but he was even hotter in real life.
"What is it?" Ichigo asked, catching her eye.
"Nothing." Ann smiled cheerfully and hugged his arm. Suddenly the hobo ran past them and they saw a 14-year-old girl aiming a gun straight at them. And then there was a.. house elf? And a bunch of twins holding hands... and Keila fainted.
"Huh?" Ichigo looked around, confused.
Ann grinned, covering her devil horns. "It's good to be back."
"Huh?" Ichigo repeated.
"Don't worry. You'll get used to the wackiness."
"These are your friends?" Ichigo asked pointing at the group that was crowding around Keila, trying to help her back to consciousness.
"Says the one with a quincy, Spanish sumo, and big-boobed girl with a magical hairclip for friends."
"Hey. Be nice to Inoue. I don't appreciate murder attempts." Ichigo picked her up in his arms and carried her over to the snack bar. "Dr. Pepper for Ms. Oracle?"
Ann's smile faded. "I'm not the Oracle anymore."
"Huh?" Ichigo slowly dropped her.
"We'll talk about this later."
"Talk about WHAT?"
…
"That shirt doesn't match my goggles." Connor shook his head.
"What about this one?" Sam held up an army green button-down.
"The collar looks too constipated-looking." Connor shook his head again.
"YOU HAVE ISSUES!" Sam slammed one of the flower pots to the floor.
"Why don't YOU get dressed?" Nico asked. Sam looked down at himself, realizing he was wearing nothing but his underwear.
"Because it looks sexy!" "Really sexy." Connor and Travis Stolls stood outside the window that had recently been occupied by Logan's fangirls.
"OH HELL NO!" Sam summoned his trident and ran after them, tripping on the side table but picking himself back up and continuing his running.
"That kid.." Nico sighed, "He's so headstrong. No wonder him and Carly.."
"What about him and Carly?" Logan demanded.
"Huh? oh-" Nico started. Connor kicked Nico on the shin and turned to Logan "They're best friends. You should see them running around camp with their little weapons and causing havoc. Sam still can't beat her though. To be perfectly honest, I think he's a little scared of her. And she's a little annoyed by him. I guess you could say he's her minion."
Logan, strangely, looked perfectly convinced. "Awww! Carls has a little minion!"
"I would appreciate it immensely if you hooligans could please quiet down. You are producing a counterproductive outcome to the aromatic incense I have lighted in this room." Caan looked angrily at the boys.
"CREEPER! This man is a creeper!" Poseidon exclaimed, crossing his arms.
On the other side of the window:
"CAAAAAAARLY! THOSE CREEPY TWINS KEEP STARING AT ME!" Sam ran over to Carly, dropping his trident.
Carly smiled. "Do you need a hug to make it better?"
"Yes!"
"Well too bad."
"Awww!" Logan exclaimed, looking at the faraway two. "That is so adorable I might just want to take that kid home with us. He can be our adoptive son!" Nico and Connor uncomfortably shifted around. Just then this random kid ran into the dressing room, holding a bouquet of flowers.
"Who the hetzilakos are you?" Poseidon asked.
"Darren Criss.. Wow a lot of men in underwear..."
"What the hell is it with all the gay men here?" Sam demanded, stepping back into the dressing room.
"No no.. I'm a former gay man. I was gay until I realized... there are some seriously amazing women in this world."
"No joke..." Connor shook his head.
"You mean that negatively Connor." Caan interjected.
"No, it's positive too. The negative side is slightly larger.. but it's attractive."
"That makes no sense!" Poseidon exclaimed.
"That's because you're about to marry Selena Gomez, the freaking hottest woman alive." Nico exclaimed. "You've never been with Alli."
Connor tossed out his cigarette. "Hey. You have Electra. Leave Alli-chan alone. She's a little wacky.. but-"
"You don't know half of it!" Nico exclaimed.
"Um..." Darren Criss stood awkwardly in his corner.
"Who are the flowers for?" Poseidon asked, eying the pretty non-wilted flowers.
"Sarah.. for her tragic divorce. I felt horrible about..."
"Oh so this is how you get your revenge on me? By hitting on my daughter?" Dionysus appeared. "I know I wasn't the best lover ever but you don't realize how hard it is for gods to have homosexual relationships. Zeus is very idealistic. You didn't have to bring my baby girl into this!"
"I.. I.. just felt bad for her!" Darren stuttered, dropping the flowers. Poseidon screamed a slow-motion Noooooooooooo but managed to catch the flowers in time. He rejoiced, skipping around the room with the pretty flowers.
"Oh no no no. I don't want to hear it. And who said you could just suddenly become straight. YOU MUST REMAIN GAY!" Dionysus commanded.
"No. I'm bisexual smart one." Darren Criss reached into his pocket and pulled out his iphone. He typed in ShaneDawsonTV and pulled out a video labeled "Congratulations, you're bisexual!"
"Oh that makes sense." Dionysus reasoned and disappeared in a puff of purple smoke.
"Okay. Give Sarah the flowers. I'm going to go drink some wine. Oh and.. get dressed. Or else you'll all just get raped." Darren Criss winked at them and walked off, uber cool Darren Criss-like.
"That was quite awkward." Caan muttered. "Hmm... so are the huntresses of Artemis all.. like.. lesbians? Because I'm starting to doubt the strength of sexuality. I don't want Lillian switching over to the other side."
"Hmmm.. The first time I saw Carly she was making out with Kindell, half dressed." Sam recalled.
"NO WAY! Where was I and why didn't I get to see this?" Logan exclaimed.
"Hey guys.. How do woman manage to like men? I mean, how do they not end up liking other girls. How can they even manage?" Connor pondered.
"You think too much!" Nico exclaimed, looking uneasily over at Electra and Lillian, who were sharing a plate of tacos.
"This is depressing..." Poseidon sunk to the ground, staring wistfully at a pretty flower petal.
Five minutes later, Caan broke the silence. "You do realize none of us are wearing anything but underwear while the wedding is going on without us.
…
Keila slowly rose back to consciousness. "I'm not enjoying my predicament."
"Neither are we sweetie." Megan smiled sympathetically.
"It's Chase.. It's all his fault!"
"I thought you were over him."
"I AM over him. He just did a lot of damage..."
"Aww. Keils!" Alli hugged Keila tightly.
…
"She's hugging Keila. Why is she hugging Keila like that? Do you ever see straight guys hugging each other like that?" Connor was staring out the window, having dressed earlier than the rest of them.
"You're just paranoid." Caan said, wiping his glasses on his shirt.
"You're right." Connor muttered and walked away from the window and started fixing his tie. Right then the window flew open and Kindell jumped in.
"Whoa! Men's changing room." Logan stated.
"Nothing I haven't seen before." Kindell grabbed Connor by the arm. "You're coming with me."
"Wait! I'm not wearing pants!"
"Then put them on genius!"
…
Alli was still sitting around with Megan and Keila, helping with Keila's therapy process. She tried to help Keila with all her heart but her attention was occupied otherwise. Her father, he was in the same room. She couldn't stand it; knowing that she would help kill him.
"Alli-chan.." Connor put an arm around Alli's shoulder. "Are you okay?" Alli turned around.
"Yeah. Now I am." she smiled.
"Kay. Let's get something to eat." Connor turned to Megan and Keila. "Excuse us?"
"Uh huh." Keila and Megan said together. They watched Connor and Alli disappear into the buffet room. Finally, Kindell turned to Keila.
"So, does this mean I can't see Chris anymore?" Kindell asked, uncomfortably tugging on the hem of her dress. Female clothing, it didn't feel right. She'd build up a little too much muscle around her shoulders.
"Yes Kindell. It means exactly that. Who cares about mine and Chase's relationship falling apart. The only thing that matters is his older brother, who happened to be a one-night date for you solely because he was the best-looking guy in the room." Keila's usually tender voice delivered such sharp words, Megan almost gasped.
"I'm not like that anymore..." Kindell looked down at the floor, her voice almost inaudible.
"Uh huh. And pigs fly."
"Swine flu already happened." Megan interjected, smiling.
"Oh jeeze.." Keila muttered and Kindell laughed awkwardly.
"Okay Keila-wa, I call truce. I know I'm great at making people hate my guts and all, but for the time being let's be friends until I make you hate my guts all over again."
"Deal." Keila agreed.
"So... who thinks gay twins are freakishly freaky but freakishly sexy at the same time? Like imagine.. bondage would be like self-bondage. Like looking in a mirror, minus the pain." Megan randomly blurted out.
"OH JEEZE MEGAN!" Keila shouted, pulling out her poisonous spoon. "You pervert."
"There's no other perverted character in all of camp. And besides, don't you get bored of the pervert always being a guy?" Megan held up a book titled Perversion for Beginners.
"Kindell you gave her that book didn't you?" Keila asked, turning to find an empty chair. "Oh jeeze..."
…
"Ann.. I need you to explain this to me. Right now." Ichigo sat on his knees in front of Ann's chair. "How can you just up and give up being oracle."
"It's simple. 'I've given up my position to this one girl. I forget her name. And..."
"And?"
"And. There's a few ands." Ann looked inside her Dr. Pepper can, collecting her thoughts.
"Yeah?"
"One. The oracle can never marry, divulge in a relationship, or, well, anything of the sort. Two, they don't need another weak mortal for the war, they need a powerful fighter and I need to train for that. And three, I need to go save Zoe."
"How.. how will we do that?" Ichigo asked.
Ann looked up from her Dr. Pepper and smiled. "We're going to become shinigami."
…
"Hey.. how are you?" Caan stood behind the pillar, looking out slightly at Lillian.
"I'm good. Come here!" Lillian called him over. Caan slowly walked over, pulling out a tissue to wipe the seat before sitting on it.
"Y-you're not... Um, Lillian.." Caan blushed. "I have to go to the bathroom!"
"Um.. okay." Lillian waved as he ran off, tripping on his purple cape.
"What's with him?" Carly asked from under the table. She let go of the curtain and there was a loud scream followed by "STOP CHEWING ON MY LEG!" Then Carly rose the curtain and turned to Lillian as though nothing.
"Are you okay Carly?" Electra asked, seeing red lipstick mark on Carly's cheek.
"No I'm not okay. Kindell has some sort of perma-lipstick that doesn't come off. And Mr. Hobo keeps biting my leg. Not to mention, I'm about to get married. And Sam still doesn't know about it- SARAH STOP! THAT'S MY ARM NOT MR. HOBO'S! OWW THE FREAKING FORK HURTS!"
"What are you guys doing under the table anyways?" Lillian asked.
"Contemplating a way to not get married without having to submit myself to lesbianism and get a big told-you-so from Kindell." Carly explained.
"Hiding from my ex-husband. And all of my ex-boyfriends." Sarah stated.
"Taco!" Mr. Hobo said, grinning straight at Lillian and Electra.
…
Nico was the last to get dressed, making sure he looked perfect for Electra. He appeared behind her and placed his hands on her eyes.
"Nico!" She exclaimed and turned around. He wrapped her up in his arms, smiling like a cuckoohead.
"Get a room. Seriously, I can hook you up to a seriously qualitative goody bag." Megan spoke without looking up from her book.
"Epic perversion." Everyone turned, even the under-the-table party, lifting up their curtain, to the new arrival.
"DARREN CRISS!" Sarah screamed and ran over to him, jumping on top of him and knocking him to the ground.
"RAPE RAPE RAPE!" Megan shouted at from the sidelines, making Carly burst into laughter.
"You people get yourselves into the most awkward situations ever. Without me, you'd all be lost." Kindell stood in the doorway nomming on a popsicle.
"No fair! You made me wear a bridesmaid dress in Sarah's Wedding. How come you get to go change into normal clothes?" Carly pointed to Kindell's shorts and loose t-shirt.
"Cause I've died, lived in the depths of Hades, and I'm powerful enough to blast this entire wedding into smithereens, leaving no one with a way to survive." She answered nonchalantly.
"Good reasoning." Connor said between smokes.
"Connor! Can you not go one day without smoking?" Alli questioned irritably.
"It won't harm me. My immune system is somewhat demigodly."
"Haha. Very funny." Carly smirked. "What's with you children of Athena and your constant need for having something in your mouth." Kindell and Connor both turned to face Carly in tune.
"Brain food." They said together, making the Mr. Hobo scream and jump out of under the table.
"Ya crazy psycho kids! Yer no match for me Brooklyn Rage. NO DUR TO YOUR MAGIC BRAINS!" Mr. Hobo pointed accusingly at Kindell and Connor
"Mr. Hobo, Dobby does not want you to hurt the kids. Will you listen to Dobby, Mr. Hobo?"
"Yeah! And the Brooklyn Rage is mine. CHECK OUT MY RED EYES AND CREEPY CHIN! I'm scawy!" A blonde kid holding a deck of cards kicked Mr. Hobo.
"JOEY!" Alli screamed and ran after the blonde kid who was busy running away from the angered hobo.
"Not cool Alli! You said you were going to spend the entire evening with me!" Connor called, but Alli was too far away and too busy chasing Joey to hear him.
"Oh well. At least she's distracted from her daddy complex." Connor shrugged and started walking over to the east back room.
"No! I was playing Persona on the PS3! You go to the west back room with the crappy Xbox." Kindell stopped him before he could enter the room.
"And I should listen to you because?" Connor raised an eyebrow.
"I'll cut off the cigarette budget."
"Xbox it is."
…
"65 days until my very first movie hits theatres." Massie exclaimed, handing Kindell a front-seat ticked to the the movie premiere at the theatre at camp.
"So.. it's the first day of camp?" Kindell asked, looking at the date on the ticked.
"Yep!" Massie answered.
"Are you going to come?" Kindell asked, pausing her game.
"I can't.. I just. You know about.. my mom. I want to avenge my mother and all, but my way of avenging her is being able to do the thing she was never able to do. I really need to focus on my career. I know you can handle things without me." Massie fidgeted with her curls.
"You underestimate yourself, constantly. Part of being an actress is having confidence in yourself, believing you can do it. Massie, you're one of our strongest fighters. And no one but you can take down Mnemosyne, you know that."
"I'm pretty sure Keila can take care of it. I just.. I never asked for this. I want to have an average mortal life. Get married.. have kids." Her eyes drifted away.
"What's his name?" Kindell asked.
Massie rolled her eyes. "You already know it."
"Yeah. I do."
…
Autumn wandered around the abandoned hallways, looking from corner to corner. She wasn't one of those clingy-type girlfriends, but Dawg was nowhere to be found and it was really starting to worry her.
"DAWG!" She called. Suddenly, a shape jumped in through the window.
"AAAAAAHHHHH!" She screamed.
"It's just me. Hush up."
"Sensei?"
"Yeah. Listen. A guild member of ours is an actress. She has already done a movie with Logan Lerman called Stark the First Espada. It's going to hit theaters on the first day of camp."
"And you're telling me this because?"
"The next movie she works on, Mizukage and Karin, will be with Jessica Alba. And she's going to start shooting next Saturday."
"Ah, hell."
"Ya think?"
Five minutes later, they were still sitting around brainstorming, trying to figure out a way to seal off Massie's aura so that Voldemort wouldn't sense her demigodliness.
"I give up. I just wanna find Dawg. He's not anywhere!" Autumn threw her hands in the air in frustration.
"Huh?" Kindell tossed her lollipop to the floor and pulled out a new one. "I knew I was missing someone."
"WELL WHERE CAN HE BE?" Autumn demanded
"Did you check the cow stables?" Kindell offered.
"You don't think..."
…
"Could I really get my powers back?" Ichigo speculated, looking at the clear stone Ann was holding
"Yes you can Ichi. Just trust me kay?"
"I trust you." he answered.
"I DON'T HAVE A FOOT FETISH!" Ann screamed in response.
"Wh-What?"
"Oh, that's just the password." Ann explained.
…
"Oh my gods.. it was cold. And smelly. And I was so scared! This little girl kept trying to milk me. And I kept.. I kept having nightmares about burgers and frying pans.. and.." He broke down crying. "I don't wanna get eaten."
"Aww. Dawg." Autumn let him cry on her shoulder for once, ignoring the smell of manure coming off of him. It was just one of the downsides of having a wizard that randomly turned into a cow at times for a boyfriend.
…
"A..A.. Angie I love you. You know it's true." Gabe Saporta followed her with his microphone. Vikki T. jumped up behind him and screamed "YEAH! WE'RE COBRA STARSHIP!"
"LEAVE. ME. ALONE." Angie broke into a run. This was the very reason she rarely came to guild events. Kindell had taken to keeping the band Cobra Starship captive in the guild guest room and the lead singer Gabe had some strange infatuation with her. People had seriously lost respect for the huntresses of Artemis.
"Here's a deal for you." Ryland, another one of the band members, offered. "Join Cobra and Gabe will leave you alone. We want more female representation in the band. The whole all guys, one chick thing is getting old. Too pop punk."
"And Pop Punk is sooooo '05." Nate finished.
"You know what I think, you people are mental."
"Oh Angie, I know you, I swear it's true..."
"Just think about it." Ryland said.
"Yeah sure. I'll think about it." With that, she jumped of the nearest railing, making way for the cookie table, her eyes set on the snickerdoodles.
…
Keila slowly turned around to face Carly. "Carls.. you have a bruise on your leg..."
"Oh Shippuden!" cried Mr. Hobo.
"Walk away, Keila. Walk away. We're friends." Carly started backing up, crashing right into the wall. "Keils no... you wouldn't!"
"Okay Keils-y. It's nappy time." Athena gently dragged Keila away.
"Do you do this often?" Megan asked Athena, who was busy pressure-pointing Keila.
"Guild leader remember? Have to keep these kids from killing each other." Athena explained.
"And.. what's with her and bruises?" Lillian asked.
"That's just... this ability she has. All the guild members were brought to the guild instead of being taken to camp because we're all somewhat special." She shadow-traveled away with Keila, probably to give her a pep talk. Her boyfriend Adam just stood around looking lost.
"You get used to it." Sam explained sympathetically.
"Really?" Adam speculated.
"Yeah man. You have no idea how weird this place can get. But you do get used to it"
"Sammie, can you get me a taco?" Carly smiled at him, clutching the bruise on her leg. Sam shuffled off to the buffet table. Carly turned to Adam the moment Sam was gone.
"You're not mortal." She said.
"Huh?"
"You heard me. Don't act like an idiot."
"Sorry, no. I'm pretty sure I'm mortal."
"It was a statement, not a question. I'm guessing you're coming to camp this summer."
"But I'm human!"
"Tacos here!" Sam announced. Carly shot Adam a we'll-talk-later look. She took the tacos from Sam's hands and crawled back to the country of Under-the-table.
"Hey why are we down here?" Adam heard Sam asking. Adam didn't wait to hear Carly's response; he walked away.
…
"Let's duel Joey!" Alli exclaimed, grabbing Joey by the collar. When the hobo came up to try to smash Joey's head, Alli pushed him under a car.
"Nyeh Nyeh Nyeh Nyeh." Joey answered, turning away from Alli, clutching Yugi.
"Aw. Please!" Alli asked.
"I'm being groovy with my Yugi. This chick with giant boobies, treating us like we were n00bies." Joey started disco-dancing, still holding Yugi.
"They're... giant? Since when?" Alli looked down, utterly confused.
"Check out my creepy chin. I'm scawy!"
"What the firetruck?" Alli muttered *cough* angelically. Joey was starting to sound like one of those auto-drone things.
"In... his... tushie." A voice muttered. Alli slowly turned around to see a group of very sparkly boys in identical blue uniform.
Mr. Hobo's voice sealed Alli's shock. "Dun Dun Dun."
…
It was Percy! Finally, after all this time, Stacy could see him again. She turned to him and smiled. He didn't smile back. She thought he didn't see her and was about to wave, but before she could, a girl with curly blond hair wrapped her arms around him.
Stacy looked straight into Percy's eyes and he apologetically looked away. Stacy turned around and ran as far away as she could, bumping right into Sarah-sama.
"STACY-CHAN! YOU'RE ALIVE!"
Stacy smiled at Sarah. "Yeah."
"You're not all peppy!" Sarah frowned and squinted at Sarah. What she saw made her gasp. Tearstains. "Stacy-chan? Are you okay?"
"Yeah. I'm fine." Stacy answered. She smiled once again, weakly.
"It's okay to cry Stacy-chan."
…
Selena was sitting all alone in the girls dressing room reading Harry Potter when the randomest thing ever happened. This little boy, around 10 years old, ran inside holding a bouquet of flowers.
"Oh hi!" Selena smiled at him.
"I LOVE YOU!" He screamed, almost in tears. "How can you be getting married? And to that creeper?"
"I.. uh, I'm sorry. I just really like him." Selena patted the kid on the shoulder.
"Even Carly says he's an idiot. He's her roommate, she knows. You can't marry him! Don't you know I've seen every single episode of Wizards of Waverly place. I've watched every movie you were ever in. I even watched Barnie for you. I read every magazine article about you. Do you know how many times I got stared at at the store for reading J-14 and stuff?" He was sitting on the ground sobbing by now. Suddenly he stopped and sat up. "If I can't have you, no one can!" He pulled out a knife and charged towards Selena.
"Good gods Kevin, I'm going to lock you in the wheel chamber again. This much obsession with an actress is plain unhealthy." Carly picked up a doughnut and threw it right at Kevin's face.
"If I remember correctly, I'm the one who locked you in the wheel chamber. You don't screw with Knifey."
"You tried to pour ketchup on Chainy!"
"It was just ketchup! You tossed Knifey in the toilet."
Selena smiled and went back to reading, ignoring their bickering. Sam then walked in, clutching his bb gun.
"Who did you want me to shoot Carly?" he asked, cocking the gun.
"You're like 5 minutes late Sam." Carly grabbed Kevin by the ear and dragged him towards Sam.
"Who is the kid anyways?" Sam asked, staring squinty eyes-like at the kid. "He looks familiar."
"He's my brother." Carly said, picking up the kid and walking out.
"Oh brother." Selena softly whispered.
Sam burst into laughter, "You're funny!" Selena smiled at him politely.
…
Keila ran over to the glowing Ann and Ichigo. She gasped, seeing Ann's leg disappear in front of her eyes. Scared, she grabbed Ann's shoulder and in less than ten seconds. Neither were any longer at the wedding. Instead, in front of them was a ragged-looking store.
"Oh jeeze…" Keila muttered and fainted.
"That was not supposed to happen." Ann stared at the fainted Keila. "Oh well, let's go." She started towards Urahara's shop.
"Wait! She's on the ground unconscious. Shouldn't we take her inside?" Ichigo started picking Keila up.
"Nah." Ann turned around. "She's too paranoid. She'll end up killing someone, and if that happens, our plans are ruined."
"K-killing someone?" Ichigo looked at the innocent-looking unconscious girl.
"She's from {CHB}. Don't let their appearances fool you. Each and every one of them are stronger than captain level. Probably a match for even Yamamoto."
"That's insane!" Ichigo picked Keila up. "I don't care. I'm not leaving an unconscious girl alone outside." Ann sighed and helped Ichigo carry her in. Before they even reached the doorway, it opened by itself. In front of them stood the dark shadow of a man.
…
Lillian picked up a bow off the floor and aimed straight for a ham-and-cheese croissant. Her arrow landed right on the middle of the croissant, making a horde of people flee from the kitchen. She ran over to claim her food, tripping on a dark purple cloak in her way. She pushed Caan away, hoping he wouldn't break anything, and kept running to the croissant.
Five minutes later, Lillian was nonchalantly eating her croissant and listening to Caan blabbing about something she didn't care about. Suddenly random vampire bats started circling around Caan. They picked him up from each side of his purple cape and lifted him up into the air.
"HEEEEELP!" He screamed, almost engulfed in a cloud of purple and black. Lillian hastily shot arrows at the bats, commanding the stupid cape to rip already. But she couldn't do anything, and soon enough Caan had disappeared along with the bats.
"Just like him to get kidnapped by vampire bats." Lillian complained, deciding to blame everything on Caan just because. From the first kiss she'd decided it was so much easier to blame everything on him. He was a man, and worse- a man who had made her break her huntress honor. Though, she wasn't technically a huntress. Still.
"Okay! FINE! I'll join Cobra Starship. Now let me go!" Angie broke free of Patrick Stump's iron, bunny-suit grip and ran over to Lillian.
"Did your boyfriend just float away into the sky?" she questioned.
Lillian shook her head. "Got kidnapped by vampire bats."
"How the-"
"I have no idea." Lillian stared up at the black hole in the ceiling.
"So let's go rescue him. What are you standing around for?" Angie clutched an arrow tightly in her hand. Lillian could tell Angie just wanted to get away from the crazy punk rock bands.
"Nah. He's a big boy. He'll be fine." Lillian kept nomming on her croissant.
"What type of a girlfriend are you?" Angie said in disbelief.
"Sheesh. Mom has some pushy huntresses."
"What. Did. You. Say?"
"Oops…"
…
Selena had finally found another quiet corner to read Harry Potter in peace when, wait for it- Harry Potter himself came up to her. Wearing a Wizards of Waverly Place shirt. Selena face-palmed, tempted to scream out loud.
"YOU'RE SO PRETTY IN REAL LIFE! AAAAAHHHHH!" Harry sat down next to her and grinned all big-like. "Too bad I'm married to Ginny. We have kids too. Well one isn't Ginny's. But it she isn't exactly my daughter either."
"What are you talking about?" Selena asked, quietly cursing at him for spoiling the ending. She still didn't know whether Hermione chose him or Ron. Actually, Harry was still with Cho Chang as far as Selena knew.
"My alternate personality, Musica Potter, has a daughter in camp half blood. Don't worry about it though."
"Wait… camp half blood. Or {CHB}?" Selena peered at the group of crazies. The Harry Potter had a daughter in here?
"Oh just camp half blood. Though I guess starting this year she's in {CHB}. I'm real proud of the girl. Though her boyfriend needs to get his hands off of her." Harry Potter was glaring menacingly at.. Nico Di Angelo.
"Oh gods." Selena face-palmed once more.
…
"Nico, can I have ice cream?" Electra pointed at the huge chocolate-covered cone.
"Sure hold-huh?" Nico looked down at the cockroach slowly crawling up his leg.
Ask Electra her mother's name
"Electa, what's your mom's name?" Nico asked.
"Musica Potter."
Now ask her where her mom lives.
"Where does your mom live?"
"England."
Good. Send her to the closet behind the west back room.
"Hey Electra, Wammy's cockroach says to go to the closet behind the west room."
…
"Salagadoola menchika-boola Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo!" And with that, Harry Potter was a busty woman around 40 years old.
"MOMMY!"
"ELECTRA!"
…
"We're.. The Ouran High School Host club!" Seven guys with roses floating around them exclaimed. Except one of them sorta looked like a girl, one of them looked like a six year old, and two of them were twins, who happened to be holding hands. Of course, MORE twincest.
"It's okay to feel overwhelmed beyond words in presence of such beauty. It is okay, for god only creates few beings as perfect as yours truly." Tamaki, the blonde guy explained, waving his arms all around
"Yeah.. That's great. Do you guys know any way to get him to duel me?" Alli asked, glaring at the nyeh-nyeh-nyeh-ing Joey.
"Yes. Nerf guns." Kyouya said. He motioned over to Mori-senpie, who automatically pulled out a bright pink gun with bunnies on it. He handed it to Huney-senpie and pulled out his own blue gun. Before Alli could blink, all the hosts had their nerf guns out and were shooting away at Joey.
"There's a nerf war and no one invited Sam?" Sam ran up with his black and yellow nerf gun. Alli stomped her foot on the ground.
"I meant a duel of cards! Not guns. I've had it with guns. Everyone thinks guns are so much better than lanterns. LIES!" She slammed Tamaki into the wall and huffed off.
"Oh well.. We can still have a nerf war right?" Sam asked.
"YEAH!" The host club cheered. Carly then ran in, tugging chainy under her arm. She whispered something to him and he turned into a nerf gun.
"Kay now. Let's start!"
…
"Let's play hide-and-seek now!" Dawg exclaimed and faced the wall, counting. Autumn ran over to the exit sign and crouched behind it.
"Ready or not, here I- AAAAAHHHHH!" Autumn ran out of her exit sign to see Dawg on top of a girl with really big hair.
"HERMIONE GRANGER GET OFF OF MY BOYFRIEND THIS INSTANCE!"
"Yes ma'am." Hermione disapperated away in tears. Autumn didn't bother waving. However, before they could resume to their game, another fictional character chose to make an appearance.
"HATSUHARU!" Autumn ran over to him- and hugged him.
"Uh oh." Haru said, turning into a cow. If that wasn't bad enough, Javi transformed right then too.
"Ah hell.. One cow wasn't enough?" Autumn sunk to the ground while both of the cows stood together, staring at her.
…
"DIE BY MY WIELDAGE OF POISON SPOON!" Keila shouted, sitting up.
"Well she's awake. Thank god!" Ann exclaimed. She then turned to the mirror.
"Don't bring Kira into this!"
"I'll bring him into whatever I want, he's sexy."
"Doesn't mean you go all Death Note on the entire world whenever you want."
"Why note?" she smiled at herself. "Get it? Why note."
"You fail at telling jokes."
"I don't like the word fail."
"I don't like the word Ann."
"I don't like the word Rhi."
"I don't like the word Ichigo."
"Gasp! I don't like you, other me."
"I don't like you either."
"So it's unanimous."
"Whoa. Look at how extensive your vocabulary is."
"Are you calling me stupid."
"No. I'm calling you smart."
"Oh okay, thanks. Wait- Are you being sarcastic?"
"Of course not. I want to drink sake."
"Me too!"
"Of course you do. I'm you. So if I want to drink it, you automatically want to drink it by default."
"But the real me is me. So if you want to drink sake, it's because I want to drink it."
"But how do you know you're not the fake you and I'm the real you making you think you're the real you-er, us, me."
"You're hurting my head."
"Yes. MINE TOO!" Keila interjected. "I listen to you talk in your sleep every night. And it STILL hurts my head."
"Yeah.. Didn't you ask to switch rooms?" Ann asked apologetically
"Yeah. And they denied it." Keila sighed. "Oh well. At least it's not Binx. Rhi is bearable."
"Oh yeah.. Binx is mad at me."
"I swear Ann. I will give you a bruise. And press it."
"NOOOOO!"
….
Alli barged into Connor's room and picked up his gun off of the side table. Connor sat up and spit out his cigarette.
"Hey! Not cool. You have your lantern."
"Yeah I do. And I'm going to destroy your gun with it.
"Alli-chan! Nooooo!"
…
"I'm getting quite tired of floating. Taking into consideration your speed and the amount of time that has passed, I'm guessing we've traveled a full amount of ten miles. I doubt that is enough of a distance, so I'm presuming we're going to be going for while. But your efforts will be fruitless because I will die in that time and since you're obviously taking me hostage, your plans will be ruined." Caan ranted to the vampire bats. Suddenly, he was free-falling.
"I APOLOGIZE! I APOLOGIZE!" He screamed and landed in mid-air. Wait no, he was about a foot above the ground. He instantly rolled himself over and stood up. "I know this place…" He ran over to on of the buildings and touched the wall.
"MOM!" He screamed and broke into a run towards the huge building far in front of him.
…
"Kiseke-san.. We want to become shinigami." Ann looked over at Ichigo.
"Again." Ichigo added for himself.
"I see." Urahara removed his hat and opened the hole in the floor. "And you?" He turned to Keila.
"No, but I guess I'll come to the soul society. I have someone I want to meet." Keila looked straight into Urahara's eyes, challenging him.
"I see. Yuroichi will take you now so that you don't have to wait for these kids to finish training." Urahara nodded at the black cat sitting at the side of the table
"Thank you very much. Please excuse me." Keila stood up, smoothing her bridesmaid skirt, and walked away.
…
Connor had Alli in a headlock. "No. Hurting. Mindy."
"Then say sorry for disrespecting Fabian!" Alli elbowed him and pulled herself out of his grip. Connor kicked her on the shin one last time, hugging his gun close to himself.
"You could have traumatized her!" he exclaimed. "She's delicate."
"Well how do you think Fabian feels. He's been being tortured the entire time!" Alli kicked Connor back.
"YOU'RE BOTH ANNOYING!" Mindy screamed.
"I agree with the gun." Fabian interjected. Connor and Alli turned to each other, both thinking the same thing. Our weapons talk.
…
"Patty-cake Patty-cake." Sarah and Mr. Hobo sat under the table, surrounded by a gazillian plates of tacos. Darren Criss lay in a corner, dead. It wasn't Sarah's fault; well it was, but it was because he randomly decided to go gay again. He couldn't go gay! He had to be hers or nobody's. It was that simple.
Anthony, Kyle, Logan(not Lerman), and Grover were sobbing outside the table, convinced they had lost to a hobo. Which was so not true. The hobo was cool but a little too hairy and smelly for Sarah's taste.
"Let's play truth or dare!" Mr. Hobo suggested.
"Not as fun with just two people." Sarah looked over at her ex-boyfriend/husband club. "You guys wanna come play truth or dare with us?"
"YES!" They exclaimed together.
…
Selena had found another closet, finally. At least now she could read Harry Potter in peace. Nah. Logan Lerman barged in three minutes later.
"I just saw two girls with bows and arrows running around screaming at each other about their mother's virginity or something... And then there was something about vampire bats and they asked me whether I saw a creepy guy with a purple cape anywhere around." Logan sat down next to her. "I'm scared."
"That's nothing. I saw nerf guns, this little girl playing patty-cake with a hobo, two boys that randomly turned into cows, and um… another girl screaming about foot fetishes." Selena buried her face in her book
"How are you dealing with this?" Logan shuddered. He was about to get married into a life full of this.
"I can't. I can't do it." Selena voiced the thoughts in his head. Selena and Logan turned to each other.
"There's only one way." Logan said. "Let's run away."
…
Caan finally arrived at the 13th division headquarters, bumping right into Ukitake. The old man titled his head, staring intensely at Caan.
"You can't be… Caan?" Ukitake smiled gently.
"I'd like to meet my mother." Caan looked straight ahead, completely still.
"Yes of course. Rukia's right inside."
…
Keila walked into the 2nd division headquarters, barging straight into the Onmitsukidō training room.
"I want to fight. Right now." she untied her orange haori and leaned to the ground on one knee, clothed in a yellow version of Soifon's outfit. "I've waited a long time for this moment, Soifon."
"I didn't expect you back so soon, Kerie." Soifon stood up, calling out her bankai. "I'd been wondering about how much your technique has evolved."
"Uh uh." Keila shook her head. Before Soifon could react, Keila had smashed her knee into the table, leaving a dark purple bruise.
"No wasting time I see. I'm impressed." Soifon commented on the bruise on her leg. Keila nailed Soifon to the wall, holding up her index finger which was turning gold.
"Just shut up and fight."
…
Athena jumped under the table, interrupting Sarah+party's game of truth or dare.
"Selena and Logan are missing."
"Huh?" Sarah asked.
"SELENA GOMEZ AND LOGAN LERMAN ARE BOTH GONE!" Athena shouted. There was utter silence. Slowly, someone lifted the tablecloth and looked at her. The entire emporium suddenly broke into hysterics. The groom and bride had run away- both the bride and groom of other people. Poseidon seemed to be the most hysterical; on the ground sobbing as hard as he could.
"I knew it was too good! Now I shall never marry someone as amazing as Selena Gomez." he pulled out a vial of poison. "I might as well end it now."
"Hold it." everyone turned to the direction of the new arrival.
"I know our romance will probably be a bad one but try to play a love game with me because I have an uber cool poker face that I was born this way with. Here's my telephone number. Poseidon, will you be my Alejandro?"
"AAAAAHHHHH!" Poseidon fainted right in Lady Gaga's arms.
…
Carly just sat there in her seat, in a complete trance. Logan was gone. Logan was gone. LOGAN WAS GONE. And… she could keep her Sam. She slowly turned around to face Chase, her wolf.
"Is this really happening Chase?"
Yes Carly. Believe in what you want and it comes true. Haven't I told you this before?
"Yes I will always listen to your advice. Forever and ever." She hugged Chase, smiling. Then she sat up.
"Hey wait… the pope is dead." Sarah pointed to Darren Criss.
"THIS IS CHAOS!" Athena cried. "Where the hell is Kindell when we need her?"
"Here." Kindell jumped in through the window with a lollipop in hand. "I was this close to beating the final boss. This close. Can't you people become a little self-dependant?" Alli and Connor ran in right then, screaming.
"SENSEI OUR WEAPONS TALK!" They said together.
"Yeah and? Chainy talks too." Kindell pointed at Carly's necklace.
"Wait.. Where's Ann? She's supposed to be my maid of honor!" Carly looked all around.
"I thought the wedding was off?" Athena stood at the side, utterly confused. She kicked Adam, who happened to be crawling under the table trying to savage a box of donuts.
"Who said the wedding was off?" Kindell sprinkled Darren Criss with pixie dust and he sat right back up, befuddled.
"What happened?" he asked.
"You're about to be the pope of Lady Gaga's wedding. Do you really wanna be dead through it?" Kindell asked him as though he were a little boy.
"Huh? What?"
"C'mon. Up to the pews."
…
"10 more seconds." Urahara said. "Only 10 more seconds."
10
9
8
7
6
5
4
3
2
1...
Ann and Ichigo walked out, both of their faces covered by hollow masks.
"Well Well. Vizards huh?" Urahara smiled and motioned to tessai, who waved his arms around and suddenly there was a blue swirly portal thing in front of them.
"Off you are to Hueco Mundo!" Urahara motioned them off. "Let me warn you though, Zoe and Kaleb are hollows know. Don't expect them to be the same." Ann turned around right before walking into the portal.
"Kiseke-san," she said. "They're not hollows. They're vasto lordes."
…
"Give it up Kerie. You know you're dead the minute I go bankai." Soifon urged.
"You really underestimate me." Keila moved right just in time and cut a gash right through Soifon's shoulder, earning a cut on her own shoulder. They're combat style was the exact same which was strange even though they shared the same blood. Keila reached down, pressing Soifon's bruise. It was done. Now she had to press it once more and Soifon was dead. But before she could press it once more, she felt pressure on the back of her leg. She jerked away from Soifon and looked down, seeing Soifon's flower-tattoo slowly forming across her thigh. They were on even ground. One probe from Soifon or one pressing from Keila would end the fight. Things were getting serious.
"Bankai." That was it. Now it would take Soifon barely seconds to defeat her. But Keila had something up her sleeve too.
"Full demon cat." Keila rose into the air and transformed very sailor moon-style into a black catwoman with bright yellow eyes. She could see Soifon flinch; Keila had taken the form of a black cat, a form sacred to Yuroichi. And we all know about Soifon's soft spot for Yuroichi. *cough* *cough*
(*hint* shinigami cups: 68-69 and 164)
It was all down to this last move; everything came down to this:
"Wait." Soifon said. "I have a proposition for you."
"What?" Keila asked, pausing mid-air.
"If you lose, I get to make you my lieutenant. You can leave to fight the demigod war when I say it's fine for you to go, but until I do, you stay here."
"And if I win?" Keila asked.
"Well then you get the honor of defeating me, and you can leave as you please. You wont even have to make the change to shinigami." Soifon flexed her bruise arm.
"And I win." she said.
"Huh?" Keila sunk to the ground, losing her demon cat form, confused. How had she not seen anything? What had just happened?
…
Ichigo and Ann finally made it to the large igloo-shaped building surrounded by nothing but flat, sand-filled ground. Ichigo ran up ahead of Ann, kicking open the door, not bothering to ring the doorbell. Out stepped a girl with long, wavy green hair who instantly threw her arms around Ichigo, making Ann flinch a little.
"Itsygo! Dondochakka! Pesche! Look it's Itsygo!"
Five minutes later, they were all seated in some strange, brightly-colored room.
"So what brings you to Hueco Mundo?" Nel asked, silently sipping on her tea.
"We're looking for a friend of mine." Ann answered. "Before leaving, she told me that she was going off to become an espada.. Which is impossible now that Aizen's dead and no one can use the hogyoku to turn her into one. She's with a guy named Kaleb. They should both be vasto lordes by now."
"Ah." Nel looked over at her fraccion. "Okay look. There are only exactly 3 vasto lordes left now that I know of. And since you say it was a pair of two, I'm quite sure I know who you're talking about."
"Really?" Ichigo's face lightened.
"But-"
"But?"
"But," Nel continued. "I'm going to warn you once. They will have no memory of their human lifetime. Prepare yourself and train yourself before you decide to toy with them. They are not regular arrancars. They're vasto lordes. That's all."
"We have time." Ichigo said.
"Just not much of it." Ann finished for him, looking down guiltily. She couldn't abandon the demigod war now that she had finally obtained some power.
"Well, I guess you should start training." Nel said, and they did. They started training right then. I'll spare you the details..
…
Keila woke up in squad 4 surrounded by a bunch of squealing people.
"Oh jeeze… I lost didn't I?" Keila stood up.
"Yes you did Kerie." Soifon patted her on the shoulder. "On the Brightside, that idiot Omaeda isn't the lieutenant of the Stealth Force anymore."
"This is not happening." Keila stared at the fading tattoo on her leg.
"Yes it is. Now change into your shinigami uniform." Soifon handed Keila a pair of black robes. Just then the door flew open to reveal Caan and Rukia standing side-by-side.
"I know you! You're that creepy son of Erebus from camp." Keila exclaimed.
"What are you doing here?" he demanded.
"I'm the new lieutenant of the Stealth Force." Keila said sheepishly.
"But with shinigami powers added to your normal powers.. You should be much stronger than Soifon. Way too strong to even be a captain." Caan pointed out, making Soifon grind her teeth.
"Yeah, I have no bankai. Or even shikai." Keila picked up her newly acquired zanpakuto. "I'm going to pretend your name is BeBe."
"You demigod children are all way too overpowered. I don't get why you all keep trying to pop up into Kubo's fantasy world. Go back to Riordan-land." A black cat padded into the room, making Soifon jump back in surprise.
"Yoruichi-sama!" Soifon exclaimed in shock. Rukia laughed behind her hands. She pointed to Caan.
"You guys have all met my son right?" she asked.
"SON?" Keila jumped up in her sick-person kimono, "What do you mean son? You're only.. How old are you?"
"Oh, only a hundred and fifty something." Rukia smiled, trying(unsuccessfully) to ruffle Keila's hair.
"Oh jeeze… Wait, I'm supposed faint now." Keila looked all around.
"Yeah. A little too powerful for that." Yoruchi sighed.
"NOT FAIR!" Keila crawled into a corner Tamaki-style and that was the end of that.
…
Caan dropped back in through the roof just as Darren Criss started making his way to the pews. "What did I miss?"
"Caan!" Lillian shouted, running over to him. She allowed him a quick hug and then returned to her normal, more dignified state.
"Well good. You're all here.. Except for Ann, Keila, and Ichigo. And where are Autumn and Dawg?" Athena spoke too soon. Just then Autumn walked in, followed by two cows.
"Heh… I got an idea for the wedding. How about the bride goes up to the pews on a cow?" Autumn offered.
"I call HatsuHaru!" Carly called.
"Wait.. We're getting married?" Sam asked- for the fifth time.
"Hush hush." Carly told him.
"What about Ann, Ichigo, and Keila?" Athena was staring at the ceiling.
"Forget them." Kindell said, walking out of the men's dressing room. With her was some guy none of them had seen yet. And I might add, he was quite handsome.
"Who's that?" Sarah asked, pointing very impolitely.
"TACO!" the boy screamed, hopping up and down.
"Mr. Hobo?" Sarah asked in disbelief.
"YUSH!" The new, younger, hotter Mr. Hobo answered.
"Dance. With. Me." Sarah commanded.
"After the vows you cuckoo-head." Mr. Hobo said, knocking Sarah on the head.
"Yush!"
…
Kindell was playing "Here comes the Bride" on the piano as Carly and Lady Gaga rode in on their designated cows.(Carly on Haru, Lady Gaga on Dawg) They were half-way through the aisle when an emo kid with spikey black hair jumped in and kidnapped Nico. The Nico Di Angelo. And all hell broke loose.
"NICOO!" Electra screamed, zapping the dangling emo kid with her lightning bold.
"That wont do anything, I'm Sasuke Uchiha, wielder of mangekyo sharingan." He bitchslapped Electra matter-of-factly, clutching Nico by one hand. "And your boyfriend is one of the few remaining spawns of the Uchiha clan. I ain't letting him go."
"Damn you're so Out of Character Sasuke-kun! Sakura-chan, Ino-chan, and Karin-chan would be disappointed." Willy-boy exclaimed.
"What the hell. You're Ann's ex-boyfriend. What you doing in my wedding slogan. GTFO!" Kindell sent a cockroach at Willy-boy. She then grabbed Sasuke and held him under her arm.
"Let the vows get done, then you can destroy as much chiz as you want. And don't worry about Nico, we'll keep him alive for you. How does that sound?" Kindell looked at Sasuke.
"Yeah Yeah." Sasuke looked at the cows. "Proceed." Kindell returned to her piano-playing and the cows proceeded on to the pews.
"Uh.. I'm no good at this pope thing. You guys make up your own vows." Darren Criss said. Both brides and both grooms agreed.
"Okay, we'll get married and not get un-married unless we piss each other off way way way too much." Sam said.
"Yeah. So do you wanna be my husband or not?" Carly asked.
"I do."
"Same."
And now Poseidon and Gaga:
"Let's get married and have an awesome life where I can stay home and stuff and you go make money with your wacky music videos." Poseidon said.
"Yes. And you have to stay straight. So, do you 'I do' or not?"
"I do."
"Kay." Lady Gaga turned to Darren Criss. "It's all done."
"Alright."
And Sasuke on the other side swiveled out of Kindell's grip. He joined his hands together and flashed over his eye.
"AMATERASU!" And black flames engulfed the entire emporium. Of course, like last time, they all made it out alive with no casualties. The band "Story of The Year" appeared and started playing music under the starry sky and everyone joined their designated dance partners.
…
And in the soul society:
"Lalalalala… Good morning self. Are you all pumped up for another day of glorious training?"
"I'm pumped up for a glorious day of staring at your boobs."
"Binx, you're not mad at me anymore!"
"Of course not, I can't stay mad at myself. Especially not when I'm so damn cute."
"Aww, you're so sweet."
"Have I ever told you you're the sexiest thing since Rangiku Matsumoto?"
"Binx, that's enough."
"Yeah."
…
Mr. Hobo was dancing still dancing with Sarah when suddenly an asteroid fell from the sky. It landed right on his head, knocking him unconscious.
"Mr. Hobo, are you okay?" Sarah shook him awake.
"I REMEMBER!" Mr. Hobo suddenly sat up. He reached into his suit and pulled out a gun. "Everybody freeze. By live feed, the truth of the existence of demigods, wizards, and all mystical beings has been revealed to all of humankind."
…
"STOP TALKING TO YOURSELF BEFORE I REALLY DO MURDER YOU!"
"Er, sorry Keila"
…
TACOS ARE STILL FOR THE WIN!