We own nothing :) Not Merlin, not any of the references. Nothing.

32 Things I am NOT allowed to do in Camelot

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Over the past few months I have noticed a tendancy for things to get very silly around here, and so I have posted in the great hall a list of 31 things that are no longer allowed to occur in Camelot, in order to keep up the relative sanity of everyone involved. Gwaine, this includes you.

1. I am not allowed to sing any songs from Spamalot (for instance, there is not a butterfly waiting to escape from under Lancelot's tabard, Nimueh does not wonder whatever happened to her part and no one is to slap anyone else with any fish)

2. Camelot is not "only a model"

3. I am not allowed to charge people for rides on the Great Dragon

4. ... Or Gwaine

5. Arthur's sword is called Excalibur. Arthur's "sword" is not

6. I am not allowed to sneak up on Uther whilst he is asleep and shave off all his hair... Again

7. I am not allowed to lock Merlin and Arthur in a room to see if hot gay sex occurs

8. I am not allowed to imitate Morgana's smirk

9. I am not allowed to sing "We're off to see the Wizard" when going to see Merlin

10. Nor am I allowed to sing "No One Mourns the Wicked" when Nimueh explodes

12. I am not allowed to repeat everything Merlin says with a blank expression

13. I am not to write identical love letters to Arthur and Lancelot signed "Gwen"

14. I am not to write identical love letters to everyone in Camelot signed "Gwaine"

15. I am not allowed to kidnap Merlin so Arthur has to go on a quest to rescue him (or vice versa)

16. Morgana is not secretly green

17. Nor does she have an army of flying monkeys

18. I am not allowed to declare "Hug an Uther" day

19. Gaius is not called Dumbledore or Gandalf

20. Freya is not a watery tart

21. Gwaine does not swish his hair because "he's worth it"

22. Uther is not a giant bat

23. I am not allowed to declare "Naked Fridays"

24. I am not allowed to get Merlin drunk just to see what happens

25. Gwaine is not available for sexual favours (though he is open to bribes)

26. Gaius is not "in it for teh LOLZ"

27. I am not allowed to poison Morgana just to annoy Morgause

28. I am not allowed to ask Merlin to steal things for me with the excuse that it's "his destiny"

29. Merlin is not a Time Lord and the Great Dragon is not his TARDIS

30. I must not play the Imperial March (from Star Wars) whenever Uther walks into the room

31. I am not allowed to put Arthur under a love spell

32. Especially for you, Gwaine.

The End

:)