Okay, so these are a bunch of phone messages I made up for the characters of GONE! Kind of pointless, I know, since there are no phones...great idea, lilmissfashionista...but whatever, it was fun and I was bored today. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from GONE, I only own these phone messages.
Good Guys
Sam Temple~Okay, so first I'm the hero, then everyone is stressing me out, then everyone hates me? GOD I HATE THE FAYZ! Oh, wait, there is no God in the FAYZ! Stupid Astrid...oh, right, my phone message! Leave a message after the beep...*grumble*...BEEP!
Astrid Ellison~I everything, because I and Astrid the Genius, smartest person in the FAYZ. *starts sobbing uncontrollably* Petey, Petey! NO! Oh, God, I pray to you-BEEP!
Edilio Escobar~ I'm Sam's good-looking Hondoran (NOT MEXICAN!) sidekick. Leave a message after the beep. BEEP!
Lana Arwen Lazar~ I AM THE GAIAPHAGE! Now I'm Lana. NO, I'M THE GAIAPHAGE AGAIN! Nope, I'm Lana again! Anyway, leave a message after the beep! BEEP!
Quinn Gaither~Sup? I'm probably out fishing or something right now...so leave a message after the beep. BEEP!
Dekka Talent~Just get to your point after the beep and leave me alone. BEEP!
Brianna the Breeze~-whooosh-[TRANSLATION: Hi, I'm probably fighting evil or something right now, so leave a message after the beep. Wait, you can't even hear what I'm saying because I'm going so fast. HAHAHAHA! NO ONE IS FASTER THAN THE BREEZE! BEEP!]
Computer Jack~Since I have no life because all of the computers are gone, and I hate being Albert's strong man, it's wierd I'm not at my phone...I might be with Brianna or Sam...BEEP!
Duck Zhang~I'm dead, so obviously I don't have a phone. Wait...then...how...? BEEP!
Orsay Pettijohn~No, never just say a dream. A dream is a window into another reality. There is a time when the world no longer needs heroes. And then the true hero knows to walk away. I'm just going to spit out cliches until-BEEP!
Bouncing Bette~I was just doing a magic trick...leave a message after the beep. BEEP!
Mary Terrafino (Mother Mary)~I'm taking care of the prees, plus I have no free time, so leave a message after the beep and I'll try to get back to you. BEEP!
John Terrafino (Brother John)~I'm helping Mary with the prees, you know what to do! BEEP!
Little Pete Ellison~...Window Seat...BEEP!
Dahra Baidoo~I'm at the hospital, dealing with injured people. I'll get back to you later. BEEP!
Elwood Booker~God, I can't believe Dahra and I broke up...BEEP!
Emma~Wish us a happy fifteenth birthd-BEEP!
Anna~Oh my God, where did Emma go? Emma? EMMA? Oh, God. Sam, don't let go of my hands. Don't let go. Please, Sam, don't let g-BEEP!
Taylor (A/N: I'm just putting her on the Good Guys side.)~HAH! Now I'm over here. No, I'm over here! Now I'm right here! BEEP!
Hunter Lefkowitz~I didn't mean to kill Harry! I'm so sorry! BEEP!
People Who Don't Pick Sides Or Are On Both Sides
Charles "Orc" Merriman~It's God's judgement on me...I'm sorry, Bette...BEEP!
Howard Bassem~Yeah, I' with Orc, and he's cool, so I'm cool, so don't mess with me. Leave a message after the beep. BEEP!
Tony "Cookie" Glider~Oh, God, thank you so much, Lana, it doesn't hurt anymore. I'll do anything you or Dahra want, anything! BEEP!
Albert Hillsborough~Hey, I think you know who it is since I employ basically all of Perdido Beach. Leave me a message, but it better not be you begging for water.
E.Z.~Dum dum dum...dada dum doo didi dum dum...da d-OH MY GOD! THE WORMS! THEY'RE GETTING INSIDE ME! THE WORMS! AHHHH-BEEP!
Francis~I'm being reborn. BEEP!
Patrick~WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! *thump thump* BEEP!
Tom O'Dell~Oh, I'm so hungry...oh, look! A cat! BEEP!
Sandy~Oh. My. God. TOM KILLED MY CAT! I'M GOING TO MURDER HIM WITH A BOWLING BALL! BEEP!
Tanner~Praise Jesus. BEEP!
Brittney~Pray for me, Tanner. Pray for me. Praise Jesu-OH NO! THE DEMON! HE'S COMING BA-BEEP!
Bad Guys
Pack Leader~Pack Leader no have phone. BEEP!
Zil Sperry~Sperry Beach...I like it...FREAKS SUCK! HUMAN CREW ROCKS! BEEP!
Antoine, Hank, Lance, and Turk~HUMAN CREW RULES! DEATH TO FREAKS! MUTIES SUCK! MOOFS SUCK! CHUDS SUCK! BEEP!
Lisa~I'm high! *giggles* BEEP!
Caine Soren~Hey, the King of Perdido Beach isn't here right now, I'm probably pinning someone to the wall or plotting to overthrow Sam. Leave a message after the beep. BEEP!
Diana Ladris~ *in breathy seductive voice* It's Diana. I'm not in right now, but come do my bidding. BEEP!
Drake Merwin~I serve the Gaiaphage...whip innocent children...and I enjo-NOO! BRITTNEY PIG! BEEP!
Chunk~Caine, why would you smash me through a wall? Now I'm dead. Joy of all joys. BEEP!
Bug~You can't see me...now you can! Now you can't! BEEP!
Nerezza~It sucks. I'm an avatar for the gaiaphage. Whopee, my life is complete. Oh, wait, I'm not real, so I don't have a life.
Gaiaphage/Darkness~Serve me...BEEP!
I just read this over and realized how crappy it was. Oh, well. It was crackfic, anyway. Review!
~lilmissf