Chapter Two Hundred and One

All I want is to keep you safe from the cold
To give you all that your heart needs the most

Trading Yesterday – May I

Exhaustion was an emotion to which Cass Sheppard had become accustomed to during her years throughout the medical professional. At first it had been in med school staying up all hours of the night trying to cram as much information as she possibly could into her head, after that had been her residency and then Afghanistan. Atlantis was better than Afghanistan had been, there was more support here on the floating city than there ever had been in those dusty wastelands and briefly she wondered what kind of person she would be right now if she had ever joined the Stargate Program. Those thoughts fluttered away as she sagged against the door of their shared apartment and closed her eyes for the briefest of moments. She was positive that she had never felt as mentally or as physically fatigued as she did right now.

Too much had happened and she was struggling to process the roller coaster of emotions that she had been absorbing over the past hours. The adrenaline was running out of her system leaving her feeling weary and trained, she didn't have the capacity to think or feel at the current moment. The only thing she wanted to do right now was to crawl into bed alongside her husband's warm, loving form. She reached out for him along the threads of their connection, her fingertips playing delicately along the golden strings that bound them.

There was a moment where everything froze. Cass felt her hackles raise and her spine tingle in that strange way it always had since Michael had stolen her away. There was something different in the apartment, something 'other'. Her heart rate accelerated as took a step towards the slightly ajar door of their bedroom. She could hear John murmuring in that affectionate husky voice of his, it was a tone she was deeply familiar with, a tone that he used only for her...

The thought of another clone roaming around the world made her sick with dread inside, if that's what was in the room with her husband right now she was going to tear the bloody thing limb from limb with her bare hands.

With one large shove she pushed the door open, a fury whipping up deep inside her veins giving her just the jolt she needed to fight whatever was luring John away from her.

She found herself face to face with the most startling blue eyes she had ever seen in her life. It was like looking into a mirror a smaller, more delicate one, that was now wailing at the top of it's lungs at the sudden intrusion.

"Jesus..." she found herself uttering as the realization hit her like a freight train.

She didn't understand the comprehension that was dawning on her. Her defences were down and her heart was already accepting the tiny infant that was nestled in the crook of John's arm as if it was their very own. In fact she was pretty sure that this gorgeous blue eyed child was theirs. Every single fibre of her being was screaming at her to shower the little girl with their love and protect her from anything that may cause harm. Her head tilted up towards her husband, her eyes meeting his hazel ones as she mouthed one single word.

"How..."

John's hazel eyes met his wife's. In them she could already see a story enfolding, one that was full of pain and sorrow but now there was hope. Hope for them, hope for the tiny child nestled in his arms. She knew this was something to do with Michael, she could feel the knowledge vibrating through her bones and it made Cass think back to that other child, the one that Michael had created and that she had miscarried.

"Did he make her?" she found herself asking, her stomach recoiling at the notion.

She was already falling in love with this child and her insides were torn apart at the possibility that this could be another trick. Another way for Michael to tear them both apart all over again. John's gaze was already slipping back to the baby in his arms, his handsome features softening as he gazed down at her with devotion.

"He couldn't make something this perfect." John spoke quietly, his tone resolute. "She's part of us, I know you can feel it."

Cass crossed her arms over her chest at his words, her sapphire blue eyes lingering on their daughter's tiny form as the child mewed softly. She wanted to keep her distance, she wanted more information so that she could understand how they had ended up with this beautiful little girl. Her heart though, her heart was already taking over, overriding every single defensive wall she had put up to block out the well of emotions that was threatening to overwhelm her.

"Will you hold her for a sec?" John requested,tilting his head so that he could read Cassandra's expression.

Cass knew what he was doing, he knew that the act of holding this wonderful baby girl would do the same thing as it had to him and Cass wasn't sure that she was ready for this. They had talked about children before but they had long since given up on the possibility of having one of their own. Cass assumed when they decided the time was right the two of them would settle down and adopt, then this had happened and the hypothetical situation that they had discussed had now suddenly become a reality. She didn't know if she could be a mom, what if she screwed up somehow?

This child had already been through so much, she could feel it in the recesses of her heart as that tiny spark of light whizzed around it seeking entry. She knew what it wanted and she ached to accept the baby into their family but she was so frightened of ruining this child, the poor baby had already endured far too much.

"Cass..." John's voice soothed over her soul, the recurrence in his tone allowing Cass to take that step forward to accept the baby.

He knew what she was thinking, John had felt it himself but he knew they could give this child what she needed, they could be the parents that this baby deserved. He leaned in to Cassandra, her heavenly scent flooding his nostrils as he gently transferred the baby into his wife's hesitant arms.

John felt that rush of adoration flood his senses as he stepped back and reviewed the sight before him. Seeing that child cradled in Cassandra's arms made the beast inside him satisfied in a way that John had never felt before. He was hit with an immense sense of serenity, all of the concern that he had had regarding Cassandra's reaction disappeared and he was stuck with awe as his wife's slender finger traced the shape of their daughter's delicate features.

This was it, this was his family. The knowledge of that rang loudly throughout his body as a fierce pride flowed through him. John shifted until he was alongside his wife, his thumb lightly caressing along the knots of her spine as they both peered down at their little miracle.

"She's got your hair." Cass murmured as that beautiful smile curved across her pretty features.

"She's got your eyes." John returned, the edge of his mouth twitching as their baby girl let out another mew.

"Does she have a name?" Cass asked in that sweet low tone of hers as she began to rock the baby slowly from side to side.

John pursed his lips together together, ignoring the indignant rage that flurried up in his system at the thought of their child being called 'Subject B'. The knowledge of that would hurt Cass and John couldn't face that right now. She was so vulnerable and so was their child and he would do anything to shield them from that pain.

"No." he whispered, his heart weighing heavy in his chest. "Maybe we should give her one."

There was silence for a moment, while the two of them contemplated the possibilities. John had always figured that the two of them would never have to deal with this dilemma. When the two of them had discussed adoption he had supposed the child would already have a name.

"Your mother was called Emmie." John submitted into the air between them, his calloused fingers stroking along the baby's tiny, soft hands. "Jules told me a lot about her and I like the idea of calling our daughter after your mother. It gives her roots, a link back to her family on Earth."

Cass felt her heart ache at his words. She knew that something horrible had happened to land this baby in their arms but she wanted to erase that past for their child. She got the sense from John that this baby had survived something incomparable and in their culture the name 'Emmie' meant striving, eager and universal. To Cass it seemed right, when she looked down at her child she saw Emmie, their daughter. The name conjured images of a dark haired little girl, a devil may cry smile on her pale features and bright blue eyes.

"Hm..." Cass uttered, tilting her head down towards the baby as she tried the name out on her tongue. "Do you like Emmie?"

The baby mewed loudly in agreement, it's bright little soul zooming around her parents in excitement before it nestled into them.

This was her mommy and her daddy and this safety she felt in their arms...

This was home.

Hey guys it has been a while but I am still writing this story when I get time. Now the summer season is over you should be seeing a lot more updates.

Chris: lol I couldn't kill off that couple, I love them too much. I was devastated when they killed Carson off in the series. BTW I should have more time to hang out online now!

Joey: lol I always vanish when the summer season heads in because my work goes into hyper drive and I barely have time to do anything. Thankfully summer season has just started to drop off so yay more time. I think Rodney would have stepped in to take care of the 'wee turtles'

brn: I am glad you enjoyed that chapter, it was really hard to write because normally Lornes so happy! I am glad you came back to this story.

Goodbye: Thanks for the tip! Also I am really glad your enjoying the story.