A/N: I wasn't going to write anything about LA anymore, but that sneak peek from last night completely destroyed my determination. That and the fact that a couple of friends demanded a fic after they watched that amazing scene. So I hope you like it. I doubt we will soemthing like this on the show, but hey, one can always hope right?
Gravity
A knock on her door startled her as she made her way out of the bathroom. It had been one hell of a long day and all she really wanted to do was get some much needed sleep. She thought that maybe if she ignored it, he would think she was already asleep and would go away. As much as she appreciated his company and everything he had done for her in the past 48 hours, she wanted to be alone for a while to think some things through.
No, that was a lie. She didn't want to go out there and hang out with him because she didn't trust herself. Her mind was a complete mess – not to mention her heart – and the last thing she wanted to do was spend time with the guy she was fighting tooth and nail to suppress her feelings for in an enclosed space. In LA they didn't have that safety net they could always fall back to; that illusion of privacy that could be shattered in a heartbeat if things got too intense. They were alone inside a hotel suite with absolutely nothing to interrupt them and no place to run if things got out of hand.
So no, she'd rather not risk doing something she was sure would eventually ruin their friendship. Even if she thought they could have something really beautiful together (because she had never had with anyone the kind of connection she had with Castle), the risks that something would happen that would end this were too great. And she cherished what she had with Castle too much to chance it.
She dried her hair with a towel as she made her way to the closet to get a t-shirt she could sleep in. She had been so distracted by her thoughts that when he knocked on her door again, she dropped the hardcover book she had been planning to read on her toe.
"Ow, son of a bitch." She involuntarily blurted out, grimacing at the pain and at the fact that her cover had just been blown.
"Kate? You okay in there?" he asked, his voice muffled by the door. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, willing the pain to disappear.
"Yeah, I just… I dropped something on my foot." She called out, hoping he would leave it at that.
"Are you hurt?" She could hear the concern in his voice and her resolve started to crumble. How could she not be enchanted by a man that cared this much about her?
"Yeah. No. Don't worry, I'm fine. It just hurts a bit." She told him as she got dressed, then made her way to the door. "Hi." She offered him a small smile when she opened the door. He was leaning on the doorsill looking entirely too boyish for his own good. "What's up?"
"Just wondering if you wanted to have some dinner. I don't know about you, but I am starving. We haven't eaten anything more substantial than a granola bar since noon." He almost pouted and she rolled her eyes, trying to fight off a smile.
This was exactly the situation she had been trying to avoid. Dinner, just the two of them, alone in a hotel room? It was a recipe for disaster and she knew it.
"Sure, dinner sounds great." She smiled and stepped out of her room, her determination to spend the night alone crumbling to the ground. "Now that you mention it, I am starving too."
"My dear detective, what would you ever do without me, huh?" he teased as he led her to the living room, hand resting on the small of her back. Kate tried to keep the shiver that wanted to run through her body because of his touch at bay.
"I don't know, Castle. One thing is for sure, though; my life would be a hell of a lot quieter." She threw him a teasing grin and he looked at her thoughtfully for a moment.
"You know what, I'll take that as a compliment." He said as she plopped herself down on the couch.
"Suit yourself." She chuckled and he rolled his eyes at her.
"What are you in the mood for?" he asked, checking the menu of the hotel's restaurant.
"I don't care. Whatever you're having is fine with me." She stretched her arms above her head and let out a yawn.
"Tired?" he asked as he called room service. She rested her head back on the couch and closed her eyes.
"Mhmm. Exhausted. It's been one hell of a day." She said and looked up at him.
"That it has." He agreed and held up a finger to her when someone answered his call. "Hi, yes, I wanted to order lasagna please? Yes, for two."
He sat down on the couch and pulled her legs to his lap, slowly rubbing her feet. She stiffened for a second, but when he looked at her asking silently if that was okay, she just nodded with a small smile. She closed her eyes again as he ordered their dinner and let her mind wander, enjoying the magic Castle's fingers were doing to her feet.
"Better?" she heard him ask after a while and realized he had already hung up the phone.
"Yeah, a lot better. You're actually good at this, Castle." She said and he smiled, shaking his head.
"Always the tone of surprise." He chuckled and kept pushing exactly at the right spots on her overtired feet.
"Guess you're just full of surprises." She smiled and he shrugged.
"You okay?" he asked softly after a beat.
"I will be. I just…" she trailed off and let out a heavy sigh. "It's just overwhelming, you know? All of this. I still can't believe he's dead." She mused sadly.
"I'm sorry, Kate."
His voice was quiet and she looked up at him, not surprised to see so much care and tenderness in his eyes. Maybe she didn't deserve it. Him. Now that she could see clearly in his eyes the depth of his concern and affection for her, she felt like she had been taking him for granted all this time.
"Don't be. If anything, I'm glad you're here with me." She admitted and smiled at the look of surprise on his face.
"Anything I can do to help, Kate. Anything. I'll do it. You know that." He told her and she felt her heart skip a beat.
She opened her mouth to say something, but a knock on the door interrupted her thoughts. She pulled her feet off his lap and stood up.
"I'll get it." She said quietly and leaned down, placing a light kiss on his cheek. "Thank you." She whispered in his ear and turned around, making her way to the door.
When she looked back, his hand was touching his cheek where she had kissed him and she couldn't help but smile.
"You know what I felt when I first met you?"
They were lazily lounging on the couch drinking some wine. Kate was now full and deliciously sleepy as she rested her head on her hand, propped up on the back of the couch. She was surprised by his sudden question, but humored him, thinking it would be something wildly inappropriate as it usually was with Castle.
At her raised eyebrow, he continued.
"That you were a mystery I was never going to solve. Even now, after spending all this time with you, I'm… I'm still amazed at the depth of you strength… your heart… and your hotness." He finished with a small smile and she smiled back. That was the Castle she knew and loved. And she knew she loved him. Whether that love was romantic or not was still in debate, but she definitely loved him.
"You're not so bad yourself, Castle." She replies with a smile and looks up at him, their gazes locked on one another.
At that moment, she felt something shift between them and she couldn't quite pinpoint what exactly it was. The laidback atmosphere that had been surrounding them all evening was suddenly tense and her smile slowly disappeared the longer she looked into his eyes. The affection reflected clearly in his eyes was all she could see and she felt the remains of the walls she had carefully constructed around herself shatter. It was all she could do not to lean in and show him just how exactly she reciprocated his feelings.
Taking a deep breath, she broke their gaze.
"I should go. It's late. Goodnight." She said quickly, trying not to look at him. Standing up, she made her way to her room, but his voice stopped her for a moment.
"Kate" His tone was so soft and the way her first name sounded in his voice was almost her undoing.
She looked back at him.
"Goodnight, Castle." Her voice was weak and unsure and she hurriedly closed the door behind her, leaning against the wooden surface, her face in her hands.
She couldn't take this. All this avalanche of feelings suddenly rushing through her heart. It was too much. This was Castle. If she acted upon everything she was feeling right now, she knew it would ruin everything. She knew that it could potentially destroy their friendship and, if she was honest with herself, she couldn't live without him in her life anymore.
There was so much at stake, but there were also so many wonderful things that could come out of this. She ran a hand through her hair, trying to make sense of all the jumbled feelings taking up residence in her heart and looked down at the door knob. All she had to do was turn it and she would find out what could possibly happen between them. All she needed was courage to take that final leap. He was just out there, within her reach, and she knew with absolute certainty that he would catch her.
All she needed to do was to open the door. And so she did.
He was halfway between the couch and her door and the look of surprise on his face did not go unnoticed by her. He stopped dead in his tracks and they just looked at each other in silence for a moment. She snapped out of it first and crossed the remaining space between them, stopping right in front of him.
Biting her lip, she looked up at him and let out a nervous laugh.
"I don't know what I'm doing here, Castle. You've gotta help me out." She confessed and he offered her a small smile. Reaching out, he touched her cheek gently and she closed her eyes at the contact.
"You have to tell me what you want, Kate. Whatever it is, it's yours." He framed her face with his hands and rested his forehead on hers. "But I'll tell you this much. I'm tired of pretending. I can't…" he sighed heavily and she smiled encouragingly, her arms slowly encircling his waist. "I can't fight this anymore." He told her and she could hear anguish in his voice. "If you want me to back off, you have to tell me."
"I don't want you to." She whispered, standing on her toes to touch his lips with hers lightly. "I don't want to run. Not anymore." She swallowed hard and closed her eyes when she felt his lips touching hers again, moving softly over hers.
"What do you want, then?" he asked quietly, a breath away from her lips.
She took a deep breath, running her answer over in her mind, trying to decide if she had the courage to tell him. His lips brushed hers again and she sighed. She was tired of running from this. From him.
"You." She finally answered and felt him smile against her lips as he pulled her in for a searing kiss that left her breathless. "I want to do this right, though." She said after a moment, sad that she had to burst their little bubble so soon and he pulled away in order to look at her. "I have to get my life sorted out before we can go forward with us." She whispered and rested her forehead on his shoulder.
"Josh?" he asked quietly and she heard the hesitancy in his voice. She nodded against his shoulder and pulled back to look at him. He had to understand that she was serious about this.
"It's the least I can do. I don't cheat, you know that." She explained and he nodded. "And I want us to start on the right foot. I want this to work."
"Okay." He said and she searched his eyes for a moment.
"Yeah?" she needed the reassurance that they were on the same page and sighed in relief when he nodded and pressed a kiss to her forehead.
"I'll wait for you, Kate. You know I'm not going anywhere." He smiled at her weakly and she smiled back, reaching out to touch his cheek.
"I know." She stood up on her tiptoes again and kissed him softly for a few seconds. When they pulled apart, she hugged him tightly. "Thank you." She whispered in his ear, feeling his embrace tightening around her waist, pulling her closer to his warm body.
"Always, Kate. Always."
Love it? Hate it? Is it Monday yet?