She wanted him to save her. She wanted him to make her numb, to stop her feeling this loneliness. It was eating at her insides, knawing and biting ceaselessly. She wanted it gone almost as much as she wanted him.

Her family were overtly cautious with her, treating her like a china doll: I can't squeeze you too hard, Nessie, I'm scared you'll break. She wished they'd break her. Then she'd at least be free.

Her thoughts liked to trap her, hold her hostage and not let her go. Please leave me, please oh please. Please seemed to be her favourite word.

She wouldn't say she loved Alec - she didn't know what love was - but it was strong attraction. Very strong. It was lust and selfishness that drew her to him. She didn't want to love him. Loving someone was willingly giving up your freedom. Look at mom and dad.

I want to leave. I need to leave. And she did. Eternity stretched too far when she thought of spending it with Jake. She hated him. Loathed. But she kept up false pretenses. Just to fool her idiot family.

Save me, she whispered to him. His breath was cold against her neck. She bit her lip. You're just like your mother, Ness.

I hope not.

She was free, out of her family's cold grasp. She could not speak; but she didn't want to. Why speak when your father can hear your thoughts, your aunt knows your next move, your uncle knows how you're feeling? She didn't need to.

She could not move. Why move when you have a 'saintly' mother willing to carry you? Saint-fucking-Bella. She wasn't a bloody saint. She was selfish. Maybe that's where Ness got it from.

She was numb, but that was good; she didn't want to feel anything, anyway.