Queen of Prom and of My Heart, a glee fanfic

Author's Note: I've just seen the Prom Queen episode. And after watching it, I was like 'Gosh, I need to write Kurt-Karofsky.' I really felt bad about Dave. And I don't know if it is just my imagination or wishful thinking but I think he's in love with Kurt. But I don't really like him for Kurt. I think Puckurt, Hevans and Furt are awesome. But then, I also don't like Klaine. Dunno why. Anyway, though I dislike the pairing (probably because Dave is not much of a ''pretty'' boy), the episode made me see that Karofsky might still have feelings for Kurt and it would be a shame not to write about it. So here it is! I know, I rambled for too long but...

Disclaimer: I own nothing of glee. If I did, then Kurt and Mercedes would have almost all of the solos. And Kurt would have all the yummy boys he would like.

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Prom's coming up in a few days. I know Santana and I have to go as partners because we wouldn't want the whole school to suspect anything and risk them knowing that we both swing the other way. And because we were also running for Prom King and Queen and so we have to go together. Plus, she is my 'girlfriend.' Or at least, that's what we tell everyone. I'm not really complaining about this. No. After all, I agreed to this. But I wish I could take him instead.

Yes. I have this grand fantasy where we were walking down the halls hand-in-hand, getting our Prom picture together, dancing the night away. Just yesterday, I picked up Santana's corsage when something caught my attention. It was a simple one. A blue-green flower (which reminded me of his eyes) with a beige ribbon. I don't know why but I bought it too. Maybe I was hoping there's still time to ask him out. I kept it in its box, smiling as I fell asleep.

Ever since we started this anti-bullying crap (for sheer publicity of course), I got to spend more time with him. And not like before where I would push him into the lockers, try to trip him, taunt him and give him a slushie-facial every single morning. No. Not like that anymore. This time, it's more cordial. And I'm liking it.

Like today. I'm walking him to his third class, French. We're exchanging a few words here and there. But I wanted to be able to really converse with him, you know? Not get monosyllables for answers. I want us to be able to sit down together at lunch, talk about anything: his childhood, his favorite shows, anything. Anything just to hear that wonderful voice. But I know I can't. Since it isn't widespread that I am gay. Even I still have problems facing that. So I glance around furtively, looking for signs of people whispering behind their hands, looking at us, gossiping about us. I wish I don't have to. I wish I could hold his hand while walking down this… Wait a second. What am I thinking? I really have to get over this crush. Sigh.

But I really like him! Damn. I know I should never have but still… And no matter how hard I deny it, I know I lo…like him. And these damn walks? I want them never to end. Just being beside him, following him, smelling his unique scent that drives me crazy. I like these walks every now and then because when I walk him from class to class, I feel like I'm his boyfriend. That we're together. That he likes me too. But then, the hallways end and the classrooms appear in front of us. And these walks, they always end.

"Here we are. Third period. French class. I'm going to calculus. Wait inside the classroom after the bell rings till I get back to walk you to lunch." My voice sounded automatic. I almost cringed. I wanted to talk to him with my natural voice, not this gruff one I use with him. He doesn't seem to notice what's going on inside my head.

Then he started talking. My eyes were drawn to his lips naturally. They way they form the words, giving him authority. I would give anything just to feel those soft lips pressed against mine again. My eyes traveled upwards to his eyes, the brightest I've ever seen. And even after all the hours I've spent looking at those eyes, I still can't tell whether they're blue or green. But I don't care, really. He's just so damn pretty. Even with his hair like that. I'm starting to miss his old hairstyle back but this one's growing on me, too. Argh! His facial expression! Too cute. I can't help but smile a little. Dang! Since when did everything seemed slow-mo? Oh no. I think I have it bad.

My mind was on auto-pilot. I knew what he was going to say. That I need to come out sooner or later. That it was fun and happy to be out there in the open. But I've seen that it wasn't. I brought him great deals of pain and humiliation. I've done it to him personally. Who's to say I wouldn't suffer the same fate? I know it's cowardly of me, but can you blame me? It's not me who's wrong. It's this goddamned society!

He told me he knows I'm miserable. That he sees my pain. That he pities me. Even I pity myself. For not being as strong as he is. Then he told me that I don't have to torture myself. Torture? Spending time with him sure is. It breaks my heart into pieces everytime I see him happy with that Blaine kid from Dalton. It's torture that I can't have him. The only thing I wanted the most. But I'd rather torture myself by his side rather than try to live normally without him. No one ever saw how much his transfer to Dalton affected me. No one did. So I'll keep him here. With me. Safe.

My eyes began to sting as tears formed. From his words or from his comfort, I don't know. But the tears threatened to fall. I breathed heavily, trying to stop them. Then my mouth opened. "I'm so…I'm so freaking sorry, Kurt." For what I did to you. For how I feel for you. For how I want you to be mine. And then you nod your head, looking at me straight in the eyes and I felt myself fall deeper in love with you. I sniff once and smile because I know you'll be there for me. Probably not in the way I want you to be but I don't care. You'll be there.

"Cool. Thanks." Damn. I almost cried in front of these people! I shifted my eyes to the side. No one seemed to notice us. I looked at your eyes and saw disappointment. Sorry, Kurt. I can't. I still can't.

"Remember, wait for me, alright?" I asked. I waited for your nod before turning around and walking away. You probably didn't get it but I asked you to wait for me. Until I am ready. Until I am brave enough to face what I feel for you. Until I can take you for my own. Until I can tell you I li... I love you. But you nodded. That means you would, right? You'd be waiting for me. And that is all the reassurance I need.

Then it seemed as if I snapped out of a trance. I heard people's voices in the air, the jostling of the crowd as I walked away from where you stand. Are you watching me walk away? I hope you are.

"Dad, I'm home," I greeted as I entered our house. I climbed up to my room and locked it. Sigh. I can't seem to get you out of my head. Not that I succeeded before, really. But still. I flopped on my bed on my back with my eyes closed. Your face swam in front of my eyes and I opened them quickly, wanting to see if you are here with me. Of course you're not. My shoulders slumped as disappointment filled me.

With a grunt, I heaved myself off the bed and walked towards my drawer. I got out a photo album and a sketch pad from underneath all the rubbish I put, just to conceal these two treasures of mine. I sat and put the photo album atop my study table. I smiled fondly as I opened it.

Pictures of you greeted my eyes and I can't help but grin as I saw your face again. Most of these, if not all, were stolen shots of you. You holding your pencil as you were answeing a test. You passing by. You by your locker. You laughing with Mercedes in the cafeteria. You by the piano, looking sentimental. You singing in the auditorium. Your lips. Your nose. Your eyes. The back of your head. Your back as you were walking down the corridors as if you owned the place. And my personal favorite: you laughing and your eyes twinkling. You really are beautiful. I sighed.

Then I got the sketch book. I sketched a few of your features. Most from memory. Your hands folded neatly. Your left leg crossed over the right. Your hands on your hips. You singing. Us sitting by a tree. That one was a product of my imagination. I closed it softly and carefully put them back.

Kurt Hummel, why do you have to make me fall in love with you?

Prom is tomorrow. And here I am, still wishing I could go with you. As your date. Sigh.

"So, who's the lady you'll be taking to Prom as date?" Dad asked as we were eating in front of the television. My favorite team vs. His team.

"Santana Lopez. The one who helped me start the Bully Whips, Dad," I answered before finishing my pizza slice.

Silence. "I'm really proud of you, son." I answered him with a smile and gulped down a glassful of water. "So, is she the one?"

This time, I kept my eyes glued on the television, my jaw set. Then, my favorite team lost its first game.

Santana and I arrived early. She said she wanted to do some last-minute campaigning. She really looked awesome in that red dress. But my eyes and heart were looking for someone else.

Then the Prom started. It was…nice, to say at the least. The food's fine. And New Directions made the song Friday cool. At least for tonight. We danced for quite sometime until I said I needed to sit down. Santana went to join her glee club friends. I sat down at an empty table not because my feet hurt but because I saw Kurt and Blaine dancing around and my eyes saw red. I need to cool down.

The rest of the night flew in a blur. I never had the chance to talk with Kurt, to tell him he looked absolutely stunning and to ask him for a dance. This made me sour. Until the coronation. Santana punched me in the gut, asking me to smile. So I flashed one of my brightest smiles and winked at some girls. I wasn't really expecting to win, but miraculously I did. I never felt happier. As the crown was put upon my head and the scepter on my hands, I glanced at Kurt and thought, "See, even I can be a King."

Then came the surprise. Kurt's name being called as the Prom Queen. A smile crept to my face as I heard the name but was quickly wiped off when I saw the color drain from his face. In an instant he ran outside, followed by his boyfriend. Whisperings broke out and Quinn Fabray stormed down the stage, the people parting as she made her way to the toilet. Santana was still standing there, her mouth opened slightly until Brittany led her out. I was looking at the crowd, searching for guilty faces. I swear I would make them pay for what they did to Kurt.

Then panic hit me. Does anyone know that I am gay? That I like Kurt? Was this a practical joke that meant someone knew my secret? My heart pounded rapidly in my chest until Kurt Hummel reentered the venue. All murmurs ceased as he walked to the center stage, head up in the air. I smiled in spite of myself.

"Eat your heart out, Kate Middleton," he said. Applause broke out intermingled with laughter. He really is one of a kind. Then Figgins announced that we were to dance. My hands sweated furiously, nervous. What if I slip and tell him that I like him? Would I kiss him again? Beads of sweat rolled from my forehead.

I stood up, looking at him. He, too, looked nervous. I walked to him slowly, amid the applause given to us. I must say it was the best moment ever, seeing him there, looking at me with those soft eyes, waiting for me as I extended my hand to him. I held his hand in mine as we descended the stage to the spot in the dance floor illuminated by a huge light. But of course, all these were in my head. I did not hold out my hand to him and we just walked awkwardly down. I groaned inwardly at my lack of courage. He told me this is the right moment for me to come out. Horror-struck, I stopped dead in my tracks. He was smiling at me awkwardly (I felt my heart skip a beat).

I should have really used that moment to come out as gay to the whole school. I mean, during that moment, I can. I know it. I know I can. Especially with him beside me. But I didn't. Because all those times I've drawn up schemes of coming out, I would confess to Kurt my feelings for him. And during that teensy moment in between, I saw his eyes flick towards where his boyfriend stood, sharing a secret smile between them and I saw the world crumble before my very eyes.

"I can't." I can't do this. Not without you, Kurt. I took a step back and ran away. Because I knew you could be my Queen for life. But unfortunately, you will never want me as your King.

And when I got home, I took the corsage I bought you out. I hadn't noticed the flower had withered already.

Author's Note: Was it a crappy ending? I think it was. Anyway, most of this stuff were made up in my mind as I watched the episode again. Please Review and Recommend this to others. Loves,

-elphaba's wicked heir

P.S. I am really hating Sam's hair now. He should cut it. It irritates me. And btw, did you see the way he looked at Kurt when Blaine danced with him after Karofsky ran off? I think I'll be writing about Sam's Prom experience, too. What do you think? :)