Notes on How to Properly Seize the Mandate of Heaven

Setting the Stage

Cao Pi's called an urgent meeting of Wei's generals. Cao Cao's boy sits at the head of a heavy wooden table, with a fidgeting Sima Yi to his right.
Sima gulps down water that had been in front of him and Prince Cao Pi clears his throat to speak:

"This meeting has been called to answer the question of whom has been making an attempt on my life. For the past weeks Sima Yi has been ill. It's obvious that I, as the Crown Prince of Wei, am their target. Sima Yi will describe the poison; see if any of you can recognize it. "
Sima Yi coughs into his gloved hand, clearing his throat: "The most notable signs and symptoms for me have been the nausea and vomiting, exhaustion and fatigue, I've found the temperature unusually hot as of late; my, ahem, chest is sore, there have been some oddities about my appetite; ah, yes, and I frequently have to urinate at night. Oh, and of course..."

Somewhere in Sima Yi's list of little minutia that no one else cares to know about his health, Cao Pi cuts him off.
"Yi's also snappy, frequently horny, and vomits nonstop, did he mention all of that?"
I actually feel sorry for the now gaping and glaring Yi, having his private life broadcast by an obvious secret lover, but Zhang He's interest has certainly been caught, gauging from how he now eagerly waves his hand about waiting for Cao Pi to call on him to speak. The young Wei Lord nods in He's general direction before He bursts out:
"Oh, oh, I know: our lovely Sima Yi is pregnant and he will bear truly beautiful children "
General Zhang He has that ability, to make others uneasy. Normally it can be used against Wei's foes, to cause havoc and disarray. Right now, it would seem his statement fouled Sima Yi's mood that much more.
"Thank you Zhang He, but this isn't a creative writing assignment, so now offer a serious solution." Sima hisses. Cao Pi tries to get us on a more productive path, somewhat, as he chimes in:
"Come, people, we need to come up with something to end this. Having him get out of bed at 4 in the morning to vomit is unpleasant to say the least."
Zhang He retorts that he was giving a serious suggestion, only to have Yi glare ice at him. I state the obvious:
"Maybe he got amoebas and other parasites while stationed in Shu."
Cao Pi responds with a relived and tired "Thanks, Xiahou Dun", Sima snaps that amoebas don't explain half his symptoms. Pi shrugs and gives the addendum: "Parasites like Toxoplasmosis are known to cause promiscuity in women."
Yi sputters, shuts his mouth, goes red and glowers at me.

Pure and utter crack, that butchers any DW6/7 plot. It pays no heed to reason.

This is the unfortunate result of writer's block, insomnia and "god, Sima Shi sure looks like Cao Pi's kid."