Author's note: I only wrote this because I was reading "Seven" and "Eighteen" by Estora and it amazed me for lack of a better word on how some of the flamers were. Also the relationship between Nessie and Jacob is weird and the relationship between Renesmee and her parents also seems like it would be weird (to me) in her later years.

-line break-

She sits on the roof, late at night and watches them. The stars are just a small reprieve from the daily cycle of confusion and frustration. On especially good nights she could make out all the constellations but her favorite was Andromeda, the chained lady, the sacrificed daughter.

Renesmee thinks that if Andromeda actually existed then they might be friends.

She doesn't have any friends outside of her books. Her family doesn't count, the pack is Jake and her parent's friends, and Jacob himself is in a completely different unidentifiable category.

She's not allowed to leave the house, at least not by herself, so she spends most of her days reading. She hungrily absorbs stories and wishes half-heartedly that she'd gotten one moment of their fictional lives. Lately Bella-not mom or mommy anymore- has been trying to get her to read some of the love stories, Romeo and Juliet and Wuthering heights. (she'd rather read Great Expectations or Oliver twist)

Renesmee-not Nessie- closes her eyes. Up here she is safe from her confusing world.

In her confusing contradictory world she is seven and seventeen, she is young but she is old. She is human and she is vampire. She is in love with Jacob and she is not in love with Jacob.

Eventually though someone will always come and ruin her break, lately it's been Jacob-Jacob with the dark eyes that always seem to be watching her and the look of some emotion that she can't understand-tonight though it's Bella.

"Nessie?" Her mother is next to her in an instant. "We were worried about you."

Renesmee doubts that though that might be her irritation talking. "I've been fine."

"Are you sure you're alright?" Golden eyes stare at her and if Renesmee had the chance she'd erase gold from every color wheel. It is a highly overrated color afterall.

"I'm fine, just tired." She's been spending more of her nights up here as the need to escape grows greater.

Bella smiles, and it is the same heartbreaking beautiful smile that she's seen for the last seventeen no-seven years. "Excited for the big day?"

In three days it will be her birthday. That door to childhood, the one that she's half in and out will close completely. Like most things she's not sure how to feel about that. Aside from Books, and Stars and the solid things such as equations and gravity Renesmee is sure of very little. "In a way."

The little niggling feeling that's been running around her brain for the past few weeks/months grows more insistent and Renesmee takes a breathe, "I have something I want to ask you."

Her mother stares at her curiously but that's not surprising; for most of her life the main reaction she gets is people staring at her, by now she's assumed its instinctive.

"I want to go to college." And this is the moment, the question that she's been dreaming about saying since she was six-two and a half- and learned just how many times her family members have gone to school.

The smile widens. "That's wonderful Nessie. Where do you want to go?"

Something inside of her relaxes immediately and she starts to smile herself. Why had she been so worried? Of course her mother the bookworm, the day dreamer wouldn't say no.

"I'm not sure yet, I was just hoping you'd say yes actually."

"Why wouldn't I say yes?"

"Well, anywhere I go is most likely going to be far away. But I figure there's always breaks and I'm sure I could visit you guys when things aren't too busy."

"Why would we have to visit Renesmee?" It's never a good sign when her mother reverts from Nessie to Renesmee, despite the fact that Renesmee's preferred to be called that since she was fourteen-five-.

Renesmee confused for a moment and then her eyes widen. "You thought you were coming with me?"

Bella's eyes narrow. "You thought you were going without us? Renesmee you're only seven."

"Funny, I thought I was going to be eighteen, my mistake." She says sarcastically because really she is the only person whose entire family would enroll into college with her.

"Renesmee." Her mother says sharply.

She's long past the age-whatever age that may be-where that voice worked on her. "I can't believe you thought you were going with me! Like this family isn't freakishly co-dependant as it is."

Bella frowns. "You aren't going without us Nessie."

"I don't want you to go." she says bluntly, the way only a teenager or rather pseudo-teenager can manage.

"Why?"

Renesmee opens her mouth to speak and no sound comes out. This is her moment, where she can finally tell everyone how she's feeling. That she's not sure who she's supposed to be. Who is she without everything that everyone is telling her to be? Who is she without Jacob or her family? That for once she would like to be normal, that she would kill to be anything but special and that no this isn't a phase. That she's not sure that she loves Jacob and that she wishes her family would stop trying to get them together, did they really think they weren't obvious? That more than anything in the world she would love to be free of the cage, no matter how pretty it is, they've put her in.

There are so many things she wants to say and ironically she has so little time to say them.

Bella sighs. "Why don't we talk about this tomorrow?"

Renesmee closes her mouth and nods very slowly. She watches as her mother, eternally eighteen, walks away and then stops to turn around and stare at her. This is when she realizes that her mother who threw away her humanity, her normality could never understand her choice.

It might be hours later when she finally moves, with the realization that she'll only get the life she craves if she does it on her own. A life that sadly-wonderfully-happily-confusingly- won't involve her parents or Jacob, at least for now. She looks back at Andromeda before walking inside and starting to plan.

She'll be gone before her birthday, whatever age she is now.

-end-