Warped

It took me about a year to find him. But I did.

Flying around just searching for any clues—any signs—that he had been there was the hardest. He wasn't an easy person to track down, even if I wasn't supposed to be looking at all. It was just one giant game of hide-and-seek, spread across the world to regions that I had never explored. Once I was in that unfamiliar territory, it was like playing the game with my eyes closed. It seemed impossible for me to win.

I found him, though. After looking for what seemed like forever, I found him. He had made his way to Snowpoint City in the Sinnoh region, moving into a cavern in the center of a lake on the outskirts of the town. It was an interesting choice: the cave was so damp, so cold, that I wondered how he could even stand it. The whole area was freezing cold—he could die living in such a freezing atmosphere.

But there he was, very much alive, in the back of the cavern, touching the wall, a giant white dragon sleeping in a corner. He hadn't noticed me come in, and it wasn't until I splashed through some half-frozen puddles, now running towards him, that he turned. And it wasn't until I threw myself at him, wrapping my arms around his body, that he reacted. We stood there, merged, for only a moment, my arms cradling him and his arms stuck by his side.

And then he moved those arms, and they found their way around me—suddenly we were symmetric, a perfect pair. All of the time that I had spent looking for him had paid off; I had found him, and here he was, safe. There were so many questions I could ask him, so many questions I needed to ask, but I didn't want to ruin this moment.

The moment didn't last very long. It only took him a second to push me away, and he moved across the cavern towards the dragon without a word. I stood where I was, reaching out and touching the wall that he had been examining before. It was strange. I felt nothing here in this cavern—but I could tell he felt whatever I didn't. There was more here than I knew, and he felt it all.

"How'd you find me?" he finally asked, his voice sounding exactly as I remembered—so quick and deep and powerful. I wondered if I sounded the same. A year was a long time, but it was so miniscule and unimportant in human time. Either a lot or nothing could change in that time, and he seemed so similar. He was still afraid—of me, perhaps. For such a confident boy—such an eloquent speaker—he didn't know how to act around people.

"N." I started towards him, walking slowly, hesitantly. "You left hints, intentionally or otherwise. A few people in other towns said they saw a young green-haired man wandering the streets at night when no one was around. You moved very geometrically." I smiled at him, but he wasn't looking at me. "I just used the diagonal to catch up. Math never was my strong suit, but a square can be divided into two right triangles, and the hypotenuse is the shortest distance to the opposite corner. I figured you'd head here next."

He finally turned to me, and it was so nice seeing the smile on his face. It was a nice smile, one that got my heart beating faster.

"Interesting. It makes sense you would catch on… what, being the other hero and all. Except…" He paused, that little upward movement of his lips reflecting, his eyes narrowing. His expression turned dark so quickly that I could barely remember that he had been smiling moments before. "I didn't want to be found. And I especially didn't want to be found by you."

I was taken aback, even though—deep down—I knew that I should have never gone after him. But what did he expect me to do? He wanted me to just sit there after he left? To keep moving on with my life as though he never existed in it? But he did exist. And watching him fly away like that… maybe he wanted to be left alone from me, but I couldn't see a life without him somewhere in it.

I sighed, turning away and walking towards one of the puddles. Drops of water were falling from the ceiling into it, and I reached a hand out, feeling the cold sting as it hit against my palm. Only seconds passed before a larger hand moved on top of mine and stopped the water from dripping onto it. I glanced over at N, always trying to figure him out.

"N…"

He moved his hand down, flipping it and pressing his palm against mine. "Touko, you should go. And don't go looking for me this time."

"How can I not?" I demanded, pulling my hand away from his. "You think I'm just going to let you hide? You're acting like a coward, and that is not the N I know. The N I know would go out there in the world and show everyone that he's important, too. He would show everyone what they need to see. He wouldn't just hide in an abandoned cave until he's ready to move on." I rubbed my eyes, sighing too loudly. "N, you're my friend, right?"

He seemed surprised, not by all that I had just criticized him of doing, but by my last question. But wasn't he my friend? All the times we had met, I had felt myself growing more and more attached to him every time. And he had told me once that he had liked me, too—before he left. Now couldn't be any different.

"You would just abandon me? How is that being a good friend?"

"I don't have friends," N argued, and I raised my eyebrows in shock. "I tried, Touko. I did try. But I've never had friends—Pokémon are my friends. But I don't know any person who wants to be my friend. You may be the only one who has ever wanted to—but I don't know how to be a good friend. I don't know how to be a friend at all…"

There was so much packed into that. He… didn't know how to be a friend? Well, that wasn't something that I just learned. Cheren and Bel were my friends because we had a good time together. We were friends because we grew up together and hung out and knew all of the secrets between us. We wanted to spend time together, and I always got a little sad whenever I had to leave. I knew I missed them both right now. And whenever one of us needed help, the rest of us were there to help. It was such a beautiful connection.

But how could that feeling not exist for someone? N… surely he knew what it felt like to have friends if he considered Pokémon his friends. Yet if he didn't feel that for a single human—if he didn't know how to react to that—then I didn't know how to help. But friendship wasn't usually one-sided, and I considered him my friend. Or more than that.

"Well, N, I suppose you have more friends than you know. There are lots of people out there willing to help you and support you, I'm sure. And I'm sure… if you didn't hide… there would be even more people out there who would want to just… hang out with you or something. And people have to be missing you," I said slowly, looking up at N's sad face.

He just shook his head. "Pokémon were the only ones I really interacted with when I was young, so… I'm not very good at talking with people. It's easier for me to communicate with Pokémon, but I don't even understand them very well. Reshiram has been helping me." He glanced over at it, and the white dragon lifted its head at the sound of its name. "But people are still mysteries. You're still a mystery. You communicate so well with everyone and everything."

It reminded me so much of something he had told me before he left. He had been so somber, so serious, but I would have stopped him if I knew he had been about to go. He didn't leave me much time to argue back. But I was glad to hear everything he had said. He explained so much of himself to me.

There's no way a person like me, someone who understands only Pokémon—No, actually… I didn't understand them, either. No way I could measure up to you, when you had met so many Pokémon and were surrounded by friends…

It was funny. I always thought he measured up quite evenly with me.

"Ghetsis was right about me," N continued quickly, and I furrowed my eyebrows. That man was never right about anything. "He told me, 'You are nothing more than a warped, defective boy who knows nothing but Pokémon.' And he was right. I am warped. I am defective. People are so unfamiliar to me."

"No!" I nearly shouted, and N took a step away from me. I hadn't meant to yell, but it was so frustrating to hear N take a swing at himself like that. Ghetsis was never right about anything, and he was certainly never right about N. Considering he was N's father, Ghetsis knew nothing about his only son.

"Touko…"

I shook my head, curling my hands into fists. "Ghetsis was wrong! He neglected you as a child, and he made everyone neglect you. He may have made you unsure of how to interact with other people, but you have never been warped or defective. You are just a boy who was horribly abused—mentally and emotionally—and never got the childhood he deserved. And I'm so sorry about that. Ghetsis hurt you. But you are not defective."

N raised his eyebrows, and for a moment, it was silent between us. My nails were digging into my palms, and I uncurled my fists, rubbing my hands together. N knew more pain than I could ever know, and it was so disgusting what Ghetsis had done to him. I wasn't one to feel hatred easily—but Ghetsis made it that easy for me.

"I don't…" N began, holding his own hands up in front of his face, examining them carefully. "I don't feel human. I may look like a human being, but I don't feel like one. I fit in more easily with the Pokémon, and that's what I left to do. I left to join them, to make friends with them. People just aren't meant to be my friends."

I reached a hand out as he examined the back of his, sliding my palm up against his. As I glanced at his expression, I could see his vision remaining on our hands. My hand, although smaller and much more feminine, was so similar to his. But there was something more than that—something that I felt that I knew N did, too.

"You do look like a human," I agreed, stating the obvious. "But let me ask you something: do you feel what I do? That electricity that began to flow between us as soon as our hands touched? Did you feel it that first time, too? And when I hugged you as soon as I came in here? It was a sort of shock—and then a steady flow."

"I… yeah, I guess so." N paused, and I could see his Adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed. "But that's just the movement of electrons in our bodies repelling each other. That's what keeps us from falling into each other. It's not so much a flow as it is a cycle through our own bodies to keep us apart."

I laughed, lowering my hand. "Now do you feel that? Your heart beating so hard against your chest that you think I might be able to see it moving or hear it thumping?"

N's cheeks started to flush, becoming such a beautiful rosy color. "Well, I know you won't be able to…"

"But you feel it."

"Yes." He paused, reaching a hand up to fix his ball cap. A bit of light finally glowed in his gray eyes. "In fact, I feel it whenever I see you."

I smiled, and N just looked even more unsure. "That's human. Whatever you're feeling right now—that is something only humans can feel. If you're feeling that, then you're more human than you even know. Just because you connect more with Pokémon doesn't mean that you're not human. You belong with us, too."

"This… feeling… it kind of makes me feel illogical sometimes. How could something like that, something that makes me feel so powerless, make me human?" N wondered, and I bit my lip. "What is it?"

I glanced down at my hands one more time before looking up at N's curious face again. "Just a little thing called love. Surely you know what that is?"

He was surprised—at what, I wasn't sure. Was the possibility of him being in love with a girl like me just completely preposterous, or did he hate that such a feeble emotion could make him feel so out of control? Why did such a human emotion have such horrible consequences? There was so much that one little feeling could bring upon humans, and it seemed so ridiculous that we succumbed to it so easily.

"And you start to feel it for more and more people as you make friends… maybe in different ways for each person," I added. "You feel it for your Pokémon, your family, your friends—the person you want to be with all the time. It can make you feel really crazy… and it can make you feel warped. But it's the most wonderful thing to be."

He looked over at Reshiram, and the Pokémon rose to its feet, making its way over to N. I watched as N reached out a hand, touching the beast so gently. He knew the feeling well… love. He felt it for every single Pokémon he had ever met. And maybe that was why he was so scared of seeing me again. It frightened him to feel it for a human when he didn't think he deserved to be one—when he thought he was defective.

But it was okay.

"Come back, N. Don't hide here because you're afraid of people. Confront us—you're just like the rest of us, after all. And you'll make a lot of friends. Cheren and Bel would probably like to be your friends." I grinned, holding out my open hand to him. "You told me to dream my dream and pursue the ideas to make that dream a reality—well, I'm here."

N's eyes flashed towards mine, so much moving through them. "I'm…?"

"Yep!" I wiggled my fingers, and N's eyes moved to look at them. "Don't be afraid. Friends will always be here to help."

He stared at me for a moment longer, perhaps watching to make sure I didn't leave—that I didn't break that unsaid promise. When I didn't move, just standing there with my hand outstretched towards him, he finally smiled.

And with just a tiny nod, his eyes glowed as he placed his hand in mine.

Author's Note: All right. I did it. I'm really not a huge N/Touko fan, but… I just couldn't help it. I had to do it. I still have to write that Touko/Touya piece I promised, but I'll get to that eventually. I was just so taken by this idea that N was kind of a feral child, living in a situation similar to Victor of Aveyron (but still very different—N still had access to human interaction and books and such—he seems very eloquent and intelligent; he just doesn't know how to interact with humans very well, seemingly raised with Pokémon instead of humans).

In the end, this whole concept reminded me a lot of Tarzan. The part where Touko puts her hand up to N's is very similar to when Tarzan puts his hand up to Jane's in the Disney movie—and I think that's a really beautiful, symbolic scene. Hands are very important in this fanfic, in fact, and I refer to them a lot.

I feel Cheren would have a hard time being friends with N, though. Touko might have lied about that one.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this!

Disclaimer: I do not own Pokémon.