Warnings: Everyone x Allen, well, not exactly everyone but you'll see. plus hints of other pairings. And there's also OOCness because of this but there's a reason.

Trope 6, Launcher of a Thousand Ships: That one charecter that can be paried with everyone for no apparent reason except for the everlasting joy of fandoms 'cause pairing that certain charecter to one or two other charecters isn't nough.

~x~x~x~x~x~

Allen gawked at the peculiar looking product in his hand that he discovered in his bedroom. He didn't know whether or not this was a trick from Komui or just an early birthday and or Christmas present. The product in his hand had bold, silver lettering, acknowledging the name in an elegant format while within the vessel was a clear, purple liquid. What baffled Allen were the words that described this product, it was cologne.

It was called uke cologne to be exact.

Allen had no idea what uke was, but he did like cologne. Without a second thought, Allen sprayed the cologne on his wrist and sniffed it. He smelled like a mix of lavender and peppermint with a blend of something really, really sweet and delicious, probably the uke scent kicking in or something.

Hey, Allen.

What is it? Allen asked the Noah in his head while spraying some more cologne on himself. It may be an odd smell for cologne but it smelled so go~od.

Can I take over your body for a bit?

No.

Why not?

Cause it's my body.

C'mon, please?

What are you going to do with my body anyways?

Well. . . I'd like to get to know you a bit better

What do you mean by that? Allen raised an eyebrow and placed the cologne back on the nightstand. You practically know everything about me since you've been in my head for who knows how long.

No, not everything.

I seriously don't understand where you're going with this, uncle.

Hey, don't call me your uncle! We're not related, okay? Sure, Mana adopted you, but that's it! I'm not your uncle, you're not my nephew, incest is gross, now let me take over your body!

Allen paused. What's incest?

There was suddenly a knock at the door before Neah could answer. Allen opened the door and there appeared Link with a stack of papers. But just as Link caught Allen's big, hazy gray eyes, he dropped the huge stack of papers on the floor. In result, the papers scattered all over the place and created a little sea.

"Oh, W—Walker." Link's face flustered and forgot about all the papers on the floor.

"Good morning, Link, you dropped some paper." Allen smiled and bent down to pick up all the papers and handed them back to Link . . . who dropped the stack once more.

"Are you alright, Link?" Allen blinked and eyed the man weirdly who was just standing there with his face transitioning into a deeper shade of pink.

"I'm fine, Walker." Link gulped down heavily. "Um . . .there's no work for you to do today, so you can whatever you want."

"But how about Leverrier?"

"Who?"

"Your boss."

"Never heard of him." Link seemed to be in a daze that Allen didn't notice at all since he was now focused on his stomach which started to grumble. The exorcist waved 'bye' to the dazed Link and bounded off to the cafeteria.

"Hi, Jerry!" Allen waved to the chief who automatically squealed once the exorcist approached.

"Oh, hello, sweetie! What shall I get for you today?"

"Just the usual." Allen replied, knowing that he didn't have any paperwork to do really cheered him up.

"Coming right up, pumpkin!" Jerry turned around but then stopped and looked over his shoulder. "Oh, may I also interest you in my new homemade chocolate cake?"

"Of course!" Allen nodded eagerly and soon he was given his breakfast as well as a cake in the shape of a heart.

"Enjoy, that cake is filled with all my love for you!" Jerry exclaimed while doing a couple of spins.

"Thank you." Allen smiled broadly and soon spotted Lenalee sitting at one of the tables.

"Hi, Lenalee!" Allen sat next to his friend with all the food in his arms, but he decided to eat the cake first.

"Hi, Allen, ooh, cake!" Lenalee gasped excitedly as she looked at the delicious looking cake that Allen was about to gobble up.

"Do you want some?" Allen asked kindly.

"Chocolate cake is my favorite food!" Lenalee exclaimed and grabbed herself a piece of cake. Then she noticed Allen about to take a bit of the cake but she stole away his fork.

"Oh, Allen, how about I feed you." Lenalee suggested with a smile.

"Eh?" Allen blinked.

"Open wide!" Lenalee giggled and slide the fork filled with sugary frosting into the boy's mouth. Allen smiled widely in delight, the cake tasted so good!

"Here comes another one!" Lenalee squealed and plopped another piece of cake in Allen's mouth.

"I think I can eat myself—"

"And another one!" Lenalee plopped several more pieces into Allen's mouth. Allen heavily gulped down on cake and looked at Lenalee who was smiling at him rather dreamily.

"Are you alright, Lenalee?"

"Of course, Allen." Lenalee took a strand of Allen's hair and intertwined it between her fingers. "You have very nice hair, you should grow it out."

"Oh, um." Allen blushed lightly. "The Science Department did create a hair potion—"

"Use it." Lenalee encouraged as she whispered this soothingly in Allen's ear.

"O—okay." Allen gulped and leaned back a bit to get some space but then he felt a hand clasp onto his shoulder.

"Hey, Allen." Lavi bent over and peered at Allen with a seductive smile. "You have some frosting on your cheek; let me get it off for you."

Allen froze when he felt Lavi's tongue slowly brush off the cake frosting that was smeared on his cheek.

Lenalee gasped and pulled a dazed Allen towards her in a safe embrace. "That's gross, Lavi!"

"I was only being helpful." Lavi wrapped an arm around Allen's shoulder and pulled him back to his direction.

"He could've gotten it off himself." Lenalee exclaimed as she pulled Allen back into her arms.

"No he couldn't."

"Yes he could."

"I need to go to the bathroom!" Allen proclaimed loudly and dashed out of the cafeteria as fast as his legs could carry him.

"Where do you think you're going, Moyashi?"

Allen halted when he saw Kanda leaning against a wall with his arms crossed. For some odd reason his hair was down, probably lost his hair tie or something. Then what's the reason for why he's shirtless as well?

"Oh, Kanda." Allen breathed. "Link, Lenalee and Lavi have been acting strange . . . well, Jerry as well but he's always that way."

"Who cares about them?" Kanda walked towards Allen who started to back away but Kanda came up and ruthlessly pinned Allen against the wall. Kanda grabbed Allen's chin and tilted it upward towards him.

"I think you need to stop whining, Moyashi." Kanda muttered under his breath.

"It's Allen." Allen retorted quietly. "Also, what the hell are you doing? And why the hell are you shirtless?"

"It's been getting hot here lately." Kanda answered and Allen's eye twitched uncomfortably, especially since Kanda was so close to his face!

"Y—you didn't answer my first question!" Allen stuttered.

"You talk too much, Moyashi." Kanda whispered the nickname and leaned in to kiss Allen but the white haired exorcist was quick and slapped Kanda across the face.

"I'm being violated!" Allen cried and ran into another room, locking the door and making sure that no one was following him. Allen sighed in relief but when he turned around; a pan whacked him on the head and knocked him out.

~x~x~x~x~x~

When Allen woke up, he found himself strapped to a bed by ropes. He looked over and saw everyone that he knows playing strip poker. What scared him the most that even the Noahs were playing as well as the Earl!

"Okay, just to recap." Tyki lit a cigarette and plopped it in his mouth. "Whoever wins gets to have Allen 'cause we can't all have him for himself, right?"

Everyone nodded in unison.

Allen's eyes widened in horror. I'm going to get raped!

Apparently so.

You stay out of this!

No, I'm rather enjoying this very much.

Sicko!

I prefer Magnificent Bastard thank you very much.

Just leave me alone. . .

Hey, I can get you out of this.

I'll handle this myself! Allen tried to budge on the ropes but it was no use. Even his Innocence was no match for them; there was probably some kind of anti-Innocence power within him. Allen peered over at everyone and noticed how everyone was doing poorly; therefore everyone was almost naked except for Tyki who only lost his jacket.

Shit, Tyki's wining!

Oi, Allen, listen to your conscious!

You are not my bloody conscious!

"Hey, Tyki," Road who was now in her undergarments scooted over to Tyki. "Can I still have a turn on Allen even if you win?"

"Haha, no." Tyki glared. "The rules are that only one person will be able to have Allen 'cause it's ridiculous on how everyone wants him."

"Eh? But I'm the only person who has ever kissed him." Road remarked.

"Yes, but I'm the Noah of Pleasure which means I'll be giving him more fun while you'll just be throwing little fancy tea parties for him."

"Hey, don't underestimate my tea parties, Tyki!" Road exclaimed with a death glare.

"Oh, look." Tyki placed down his cards. "Royal Straight Flush. Hey, Road, by the amount of clothing you have left, it looks like you lost."

Road fumed, slapped the cigarette out of Tyki's mouth and stormed over to plop on the Earl's lap.

"Tyki's being mean!" Road whined.

"Tyki, you're grounded." The Earl bluntly replied.

"Eh?" Tyki's mouth dropped.

"Ha!" Bak threw down his cards. "Now I got a Royal Straight Flush! Komui—" Bak dramatically pointed to Komui. "Throw away that bonnet!"

"Never!" Komui cried and hugged his bonnet but Bak snatched it and tossed it into a dark corner. "I'm not playing anymore! Lenalee, we're going home!" Komui grabbed Lenalee and the two disappeared.

Allen mentally slapped himself. Why Komui? Just why? Oh and not just him, why the Earl!

Well, the Earl and I did have something. . .

I don't need to know!

Do you want my help or not? 'Cause it looks like your pals are starting to get the hang of it.

"I got a Royal Straight Flush as well!" Fou exclaimed. "Suck it, Bak! Gimme your pants!" Fou pratcially ripped Bak's pants off of him.

Oh, God, everyone is becoming so OOC. . . Allen mentally slapped himself again.

It's 'cause of that cologne you put on this morning.

That uke cologne?

No, the seme cologne, of course the uke cologne, dummy! It hypnotizes everyone whenever they spot a sweet smelling uke like yourself and can't keep their hands off of you. Look, if you let me take over your body, I'll get you out of this mess and tell you how to get hid of the cologne

Fine. . .

Suddenly Allen's skin color turned to gray and his eyes turned to gold. Neah broke apart the ropes retraining him—apparently they were uke proof. Neah slide away from the crowd and quietly opened a gate to the Ark. But considering that the Ark was so bright and colorful, it brought everyone's attention.

"He's escaping!" Lavi announced, he grabbed all his clothes that he lost—his remaining one was his scarf—and chased after Neah along with everyone else.

"No, Allen! Don't go!" Johnny exclaimed with a waterfall of tears flying out of his eyes.

Everyone scurried into the Ark—even Timcanpy was a part of the mob— and chased after Neah. Luckily Neah was able to get back into Allen's room and lock the door tightly shut.

"Okay, here's the cologne." Neah found it on the nightstand took a hold of it. "Do you want me to throw it away?"

Neah transitioned back to Allen and he smirked evilly at the cologne, bringing out his dark side. "No, I have a better idea."

After Allen took a long, hot shower and got rid of the cologne's scent. He secretly placed the cologne in Kanda's room and sneaked away before the hot tempered exorcist could notice. When Kanda found the cologne, he put it on in curiosity-also not knowing what an uke is- and well, lets just say he wasn't too happy about Lavi being all over him.

A/N: It's 3 in the morning and I'm falling asleep so there's probaly lots of grammatical errors but I wanted to get this done. . .