I Think I Love You

"DEAN WINCHESTER!" A shrill voice rang through the locker room. I knew that voice very well, but I had never heard it directed at me in such a harsh tone.

I turned on my heel as I slammed my locker shut and called, "Yeah coach?"

"We need to talk, boy," was the return that carried through the now-deserted locker room.

Son of a bitch, I need to get home, I thought as my coach's footsteps echoed against the damp floor. I had already taken longer than I had planned showering and getting my things in order to head home after the game. The game I had started as quarterback for the first time. And kicked ass in. I leaned backwards against my locker, hitting my head against it as I sighed deeply. Here we go.

Shortly after, I caught sight of my coach rounding the corner closest to me. And damn he looked pissed.

"Winchester," he began, holding out a piece of paper toward me, "What the FUCK is this?"

"Looks like a report card to me, coach." My report card...

"Don't start with the sarcasm, kid. You don't wanna mess with me right now."

I sighed in a passive-aggressive manner. "Get to the point now? I'm sure you aren't here just to make sure I know what a report card looks like."

"I was just celebrating your fantastic performance, actually I was considering listing you permanently as our starting quarterback, when the principal handed me this. Winchester, you're the new kid around here- not only to this team, but to the school in general. I did you a favor today, letting you take Tyler's place as the starter. And trust me, my quarterback is PISSED about it. You've been here for two weeks, boy. Just because you're a senior with some serious talent, doesn't mean you get the world at your fingertips. You have to work just as hard as, maybe harder than, everyone else who wants this quarterback position."

"Yeah, like you said, it's only been two weeks. I'm... adjusting." This was the last thing I needed to go through again. This school, this town, and this house were supposed to be giving me a fresh start. A better start.

"Well, looks like you need a little help with that 'adjusting'. So, the way I see it, you have two choices here," he said, then paused, his eyes hard.

"Yeah, yeah, pass or leave. Been there, done that. Got it."

"No. Either you get together with the tutor I set you up with, or you get the hell out of my locker room. And stay out."

Dick, I thought. I didn't want a tutor. Some kid looking down on me and trying to play my "teacher"? No thanks. Well... unless that kid was a hot chick who would turn this into some Casa Erotica-style tutoring, I wasn't interested.

"Fine, bye then," I said, considering how highly unlikely it was that any girl I'd be 'tutored' by would be nearly hot enough to make the situation worth my while. I turned my back on my coach and started on my way out of the locker room. I wasn't kidding, I didn't need to be a football player. Chances were I wouldn't stay in town long enough to make anything of it anyway.

"Winchester! Don't be like that. This team needs you, and this wasn't my idea. Give the kid a chance," my coach called at my quickly disappearing figure.

I rolled my eyes, turning back to face my coach once more. I really wasn't into this idea, but I did want to be on this team, even if it was for just a little while. I decided that the quarterback position meant more to me.

"Fine," I huffed, "This kids gets like, one day, and if he's a freak, I'm through."

"Okay, deal. Here, meet this kid after school tomorrow. Skip practice any day you need help, and we can make this work," he said, handing me a pink slip of paper.

Pink. Awesome.

I stalked out of the room, my duffel bag slung over my shoulder, and didn't even look at the paper until I was in my car.

Cas Novak.
Room 204 at 2:30.

The simple message was scrawled across the annoyingly pink slip of paper in annoyingly neat handwriting. Wait, Cas? I thought, not knowing many of the kids in the school yet, Sounds like a girl to me. Come on, Casa Erotica! I smirked at the thought of how this could turn out.

The next day at 2:30, I walked through the door of room 204 empty-handed. I had considered bringing a textbook or something, but for what I was planning, textbooks would hardly be a necessity. I scanned the room, but no girls were present. She must have been running late.

I was about to take my seat when a small, shy voice called my name from across the room. My eyes shot up quickly, falling on a boy sitting alone at a table against the far wall of the room.

"Yeah?" I answered, unsure how this person would've known my name. Maybe I was already that popular.

I took a few steps toward the kid, trying to make out his features through the dim lighting of his corner seat.

"Hello Dean," he said in a deep voice, standing as I neared him.

"Uh hi," I answered. I would've assumed that 'hi' was already understood through the pick-up of our conversation, but apparently he needed to make sure I got his greeting.

"I'm Castiel Novak, your new tutor," he said with a small smile.

Castiel... Cas? The fuck kind of name if that for a boy? I thought, my Casa Erotica dreams going down the drain.

My silence must've been a bit more prolonged than I thought, because he stammered to fill the silence. "Do you... uh... Would you like to have a seat?" he asked uncomfortably, motioning toward the empty chair opposite him.

"Mmm," I said, sinking into the seat as my mood sank with me.

"Okay, I understand," he said, "You don't want to be here. I get that. I do. Actually, I'd go so far as to say that was what I expected, but I'm here to do this for you. Not for me. For you. So could you just be appreciative per chance?"

Ouch, pissed off nerd boy. But, surprisingly, even I could see that he was right. I would venture to guess that he wasn't doing this just for his enjoyment (although I wasn't sure if maybe that was what nerds like him did for fun), and this whole situation was not his fault... So, I might as well have made the best of it. For both of us.

"Sorry..." I said, "it's not you, Cas. I'm just not happy about all of this."

Woah. Chick-flick moment. How had that just happened?

"It's alright," he said, "I get it. So let's just get this started?" he asked, thick pink lips parting to reveal a bright smile.

"Yeah... Let's do that," I answered, wondering why I had been staring at his lips anyway.

Cas talked for a while, explaining topic after topic in detail. When he was done, however, I realized that I wasn't even entirely sure what he'd been saying. I'd spent much of the two hours we'd just spent trying to learn (which had flown by much too quickly) noticing how blue his eyes were, how pink his lips were, and how well his navy blue shirt and tan sweater vest suited his dark brown hair. What the hell was happening to me?

"So, see you the day after tomorrow, Dean?" Cas asked as he rose from his chair.

"Uh... are you busy tomorrow, actually?" I said, not even considering the words before I spoke. What was I doing?

"Tomorrow?" his blue eyes widened in childlike surprise. Oh, and the way the light hit them... "No, I'm not busy, but don't you have football?"

Football... oh yeah. I hadn't even considered that, but somehow, I didn't care.

"Well," I laughed, "I think... I think I need more help. And plus, I'm almost positive Tyler's still full-on hating the fact that I took his position in the game yesterday. Wouldn't wanna piss him off even more...

"Well sure then," he said in his smooth, deep voice, "Same time, same place?"

"Definitely. Thanks Cas. Bye!"

"Bye Dean, and, for what it's worth, I think you played far better than Tyler ever has. Plus, the guy's kind of a dick."

I laughed all the way to my car. Not only had the little nerd actually seen the football game, but he had even ventured to say the word 'dick' about Tyler. However, once I was behind the wheel of my 1967 Chevy Impala, that laughter disappeared.

"What the fuck, Dean?" I asked myself aloud as I started on my way home. Had I really been so set on a different kind of tutoring that I'd forced it on Cas? "I like girls. I'm perfectly heterosexual. Girls. And boobs. And sex. With girls. Only. Girls," I told myself over and over again, all the way home.

As I walked through my front door, I threw my unopened duffel bag on the floor. I had been planning on going to at least the end of practice... But I guessed the bag would be equally appropriate for the next day's practice.

Wait, I'd set another date with Cas for tomorrow. So to speak. What had possessed me to do that anyway? I didn't like school work, and I certainly didn't like continuing my school longer than was necessary. I didn't like tutoring. I never had. I DID, however, quite enjoy football. And GIRLS. So what the hell?

I continued my silent dialogue as I grabbed the TV remote and sank into the couch, but I was soon interrupted. I hadn't even noticed my little brother, Sam, reading a book on the couch next to me. We were living in this little house in this little town alone together much of the time, while our dad was away on business. He wanted us to finally get a normal life, no matter where his separate, and less normal, life led him.

"Wow, what happened to you, Dean?" Sam teased, "You're absolutely glowing. So, who is she?"

I chuckled humorlessly. "Dude, what are you talking about?"

"You look like you just found your soul mate or something," he said annoyingly.

I didn't even answer. I just took the pillow I'd been leaning against and whipped it at him from across the couch.

Soul mate? Bullshit. There was no such thing. There were only attractions and sex, and maybe even love, for some people. Not me though. But all of the above only happened with girls. ONLY GIRLS. Never boys, no matter how blue their eyes were, or how flawlessly pink their lips were, or even how much I thought about making their already messy hair messier. NO.

The next day I struggled through my classes, a stupidly bittersweet excitement filling me. At lunch, I wasn't even sure who to sit with. I almost wanted to find Cas, but I didn't see him anywhere. I scanned the cafeteria almost constantly from my seat among my fellow football players. I didn't even tell them I wouldn't be at practice; they didn't need to know. Coach had told me I could skip anytime for tutoring, and I had every right to do just that. I didn't owe any of these boys jack shit.

I was absentmindedly chewing a bite of my bacon cheeseburger when a deep voice carried towards me through the cafeteria. "Dean?"

My eyes sprung up in recognition, and before I even knew I was speaking, I heard myself speak one word. "Cas?"

He was sitting alone at a small table a few feet away, waving for me to come closer. He was wearing another navy shirt with an unbuttoned khaki jacket over it, and his eyes popped in the sunlight shining on him through a nearby window.

"Dude, the nerd wants you," Tyler said in a harshly suggestive tone of voice.

"Dude, he has a name," I retorted, a surprising spark of anger igniting inside me.

"Oh, what do you, have a thing?" Tyler teased, drawing out his words syllable by syllable.

"Don't be such a dick," I said in a quiet, fierce growl, getting quite close to Tyler.

"Oh alright, Winchester. Protect your nerdy lover-boy."

At that point, I was pissed. I grabbed Tyler by the collar of his polo shirt, pulling him up out of seat slightly with a violent shake. "Why don't you just shut the fuck up and leave him the fuck alone?" I said venomously, throwing him back into his seat and walking away from the table. Toward Cas. Without my burger.

His blue eyes were wide when I got to the table, his pink lips slightly parted in shock. I sank into the seat directly across the small table from him with my eyes closed. I rested my head in my hands silently for a while, then I finally looked up, only to meet his icy blue stare.

"Dean... I am so sorry," he said, his blue eyes pained.

"Don't be," I responded, wanting nothing more than to make the pain tainting his perfect eyes disappear. "Like you said, that guy's a dick anyway."

He looked down, seemingly unsure of how to respond. After a few moments, he looked back up and began to speak, "But regardless, you didn't have to do that. I shouldn't have called you over here; we could've spoken later. I shouldn't have been so ambivalent to your friends' probable reaction."

"Cas," I said sternly, trying to leave him no more room for guilt, "For one, those guys, they're hardly my friends. And for two, I do not give a damn what the fuck they say or think. Let them."

He gave me a reassuring smile. "Well then... Thank you."

"No problem, Cas. Now, what did you want to talk about?" I asked, my heart leaping unexpectedly. What was happening to me...?

"Oh," he said, his eyes falling again, " I can't stay here after school to help you today. I'm... supposed to be home by 3."

"Oh," I said, disappointment filling me, "That's ok, Cas. Another time?"

"Yeah, definitely..." His voice trailed off, but when I was about to speak again, it picked back up. "Unless..."

"Unless what?" I asked, my hearting beating a little faster, like some helpless girl in some stupid chick-flick. Except one thing about me was completely masculine at that moment. I uh... had a boner.

The fuck? I thought, What so I'm gay now? Awesome. I cleared my throat deeply at the realization and waited in anticipation for Cas to respond. Gay anticipation.

"Nevermind," he answered, "Forget I said anything."

I was already freaking out enough, and his refusal to tell me what he wanted to say only magnified my girly little fears.

"Cas, just tell me damnit!" My voice sounded much harsher than I'd expected, causing even me to grimace.

"I..." he began, diverting his eyes once again, "Well I was going to ask... if maybe you'd want to..."

"Spit it out!" I said much more kindly, and finally, he broke.

"If you'd like to come study at my house instead," he said, looking rather shameful.

And it was good that he did look away, because I can only imagine the face I must've made at that moment. A wave of pleasure rolled through me as my hand fell from the tabletop down to my pants, hoping to gain a little control over that... situation.

Regardless of the pleasure his offer had induced, what he had said did pose a little problem: I was straight. And yet, there I was, dying to tell him I'd love to go to his house, with what was likely the most intense boner of my life. And trust me, I'd had some damn good times previous to that.

Oh God, I thought, trying to answer him quickly and not allow this any more of a chance to get any more awkward. He couldn't possibly have been sharing my problem... Could he?

"Uh," I began, my voice shaking queerly, "I don't wanna intrude, Cas. If you gotta get home, maybe it'd be best if I leave you to whatever it is you need to do and wait for tomorrow?" I had to get out of this little situation. Before my dick exploded. I had to get away from this, from him... And I had to get near some girls. Quick.

Castiel's eyes remained in a downward stare at the table as he spoke. "Oh, you wouldn't be intruding at all. I don't need to do anything important, I just... have to be home. But, it's up to you. I totally understand if you don't feel comfortable with it. I mean, I know we're not that close and I ju-"

He was rambling. Damnit. Why was he doing this? Why wouldn't the bell just ring already? And WHY the HELL was he affecting me like this?

I didn't say anything, only watched him, trying to see if he showed any sort of sign that maybe, possibly, he was feeling this, too. Finally, his blue eyes came up and met mine. The second our eyes caught each other, I lost all my inhibitions. That was the second that I gave in.

"If you're sure, Cas..." I said, in awe of how hopeless my voice sounded. This wasn't like me... I didn't pull this sort of shit. Ever. Not even with the hottest girls in the world. But Castiel... he was something different. "Then yeah, that'd be great."

He smiled quirkily at me, driving me even further over the edge. At that point, I wasn't even sure how my pants were in one piece anymore. I felt like I might just spontaneously combust on the spot.

Cas told me to meet him in the school's front lobby at the end of the day as the bell rang, then we headed off to our separate classes. I was quite shocked that I could even walk.

The rest of the day passed in a blur of arguments with myself. By the time the final bell of the day rang, I had calmed down slightly. Very, very, very slightly. I decided that I would go over to Cas's house and not let him in on my feelings. After all, the probability that he could ever feel the same way was very bad. Plus, I wasn't even sure what the fuck was going on with me, and I really needed to figure that out for myself before I dragged anyone else into this mess with me. I couldn't allow anything to happen. But, self-control was going to take quite a lot of work on my part...

I met Cas in the lobby right after school. He was already waiting for me near the door when I ran in. How had he gotten there so fast? I immediately repressed the feelings that resurfaced at the sight of him.

"Hello, Dean," he said once I was near him. Damn that voice...

"Hey Cas," I returned, exerting a great amount of effort to keep my voice steady, "Ready to go?"

"Yeah, come on," he said, walking out the door. And continuing to walk... And walk...

"Where's your car, Cas?" I asked, unsure of whether or not I should drive my own. What was up with me? I NEVER didn't drive my own car...

"I don't... have one," he answered, "But I don't live far. It's a short walk."

"Oh, why don't we take my car then? I mean, it'd probably be easier," I suggested, secretly just wanting to impress him with the Impala.

He agreed happily, so we turned back and walked to my car.

"Wow," he said once were comfortably seated in the Impala.

"Wow what?" I asked as I laughed, knowing full well what he meant.

"This is... Beautiful."

And he even liked my car... Damn. Maybe Sam had been right, maybe soul mates did exist.

"Thanks," I said, starting the engine. It sprang to life in a glorious roar, and I saw Cas's eyes go wide in wonder at the sound of it. "Now how do we get to your house?"

Cas sat in the passenger seat giving me direction after direction, until I finally made a realization. This was not walking distance.

"Cas, do you really walk all this way every day?" I asked, feeling immediately sorry for him.

"Uh, maybe... Or maybe not so much," he said, diverting his gaze downward as I snuck a secretive sidelong glace at him.

"What do you mean? You said you don't have a car... So?" Yeah, I was confused.

"Perhaps... perhaps this isn't exactly the way to my house."

"What do you mean? Did you get us lost on the way to your house?"

He looked back up at me then, an intensity growing in his sparkling blue eyes. A sparkling sort of intensity that sent me straight to another planet...

"Maybe... I may be leading you astray."

"What do... you... mm-mean?" I stammered, the words freezing up on my lips as I pulled the Impala onto the side of the back road we had had been winding down. I put it in park and brought my gaze directly to his perfect eyes. Oh, God, this wasn't happening... It couldn't be... Cas flinched under my stare as though he might look away, but then I saw a new resolve in his eyes as he began to speak again.

"Dean, I'm terribly, terribly sorry if this is... Awkward. But, I didn't actually have to leave school early today. My parents haven't been home, and won't be back, not for weeks. I live alone in my house for the time being, and I can do whatever I please. And I lied to you. Now I've been leading you around and around, praying you wouldn't realize we were just driving around in incessant little circles for such a long time. I understand if you want me to get out of your car now; just say the word and I'll be gone. I'll never bother you again," he said, never breaking our eye contact. Then, as I sat staring at him, he turned his back on me, as if to get out of the Impala.

"Castiel?" I said, finally able to speak.

"Hmm?" He turned back toward me with a puzzled expression on his face.

"Why? Why'd you do it?" My heart raced while I sat waiting for his answer.

"Nevermind, Dean. Just leave, don't worry, I'll walk. I'm honestly close to my house, I have been all along. Don't worry," he responded, turning away again, this time much more quickly than he had the first time.

And that was the moment of truth. Everything changed. I was sitting behind the wheel of my parked car, shaking like a little girl right before her first kiss, and I knew I couldn't let this boy get out of my car. I couldn't let him slip away.

So, I called his name. Loud. Shockingly loud. A tremor shook his whole, perfect body slightly as he turned back toward me, probably waiting for and expecting me to get mad at him.

But I didn't. I threw my right hand back behind his head and pulled him closer to me. He took a quick, sharp breath, clearly as much in shock as I was, but his hands went around my neck as well. Then our lips met, softly at first, but the kiss grew and grew in intensity until I could feel his tongue hotly tracing my lips, dancing softly against them. Then my tongue was intertwining with his, our lips still moving passionately together in perfect synchronization.

The kiss went on and on, until I decided to whisper into it, "Lead me to your house now? For real this time?"

His voice shook in pleasure as he answered me, pulling his mouth only millimeters away from my own to speak, "Ye-yes."

Neither of us spoke on the way to his house, probably for lack of the ability to, aside from Castiel's simple directions. My thoughts lingered on the kiss. It had, in all honesty, been the single most incredible experience of my life. Even after all the things I'd done, all the girls that I had been with, nothing could even touch the magnitude of that kiss. Or of that... Boy.

Before I knew it, we were through his front door, and the second he shut it behind him, I turned to press him against it in another kiss, which turned out even better than the first.

We stumbled together into his cool bedroom, never breaking the kiss, and he whipped the door shut behind us. I pushed my hands up under his khaki jacket, pushing it backwards and off of him as he did the same with my leather jacket. Soon, our shirts were off and our top halves were rubbing against each other, pure skin on skin.

With his lips still pressed against my own, Cas's right hand went to working on the buttons of my pants while his left hand slipped down into my pants. I deftly had his pants off for the most part when he fell backwards on the bed on top of me, still trying to unbutton my pants with only one hand. I would have helped him, but I simply could not move aside from throwing my head backwards in a groan of pleasure as he kissed my neck. God, I wasn't even entirely sure exactly what that left hand was doing, but it was damn good. I pushed my hands back against the bed, arching my back in pleasure as the world seemed to fill with white light.

By the time he managed to full pull the remainder of my clothing off, all with one hand may I add, I no longer had any doubts. This was happening. And I wanted nothing more than to become a part of it, every fiber of my being longing to be a part of him.

When his hands stopped their mesmerizing movements, I felt that it was my turn to return the favor. I flipped over easily so that I could lay on top of him instead of our previous arrangement and brought my lips down from his. They moved smoothly down to his neck, then down his chest and stomach, as I slowly traced shapes against his skin with my tongue. I kept moving down, and down, and down... I managed to sneak a peek up to his face just long enough to watch his blue eyes roll backwards in pleasure as he moaned loudly.

"Ah-h-h... Dean." The words, the sound of his voice... They drove me insane... Madly, irrevocably, crazy.

When I finally moved my lips back up to his, I also maneuvered my hands onto his hips, pressuring him slightly to turn over as his teeth grazed my lower lip. I watched his eyes fly open in childlike worried surprise, but after a moment, he decided to trust me and flipped the way my hands had been pulling his hips. My right hand went up to intertwine with his beautiful hair while my left remained under him. I whispered, "Ready now, Cas... I'm going in," between kisses on the back of his neck, and then I watched his expression change.

He had been biting his lip and watching me anxiously from the corners of his eyes, but as I sunk fully into him, I saw his pretty eyes flutter shut as his lips parted in a scream of pure animal pleasure, which I soon had no control over returning.

The next morning, I awoke with the first rays of sun. Cas and I were still laying against each other skin on skin, and my arms were wrapped around him, pulling us ever-closer together. At virtually the same moment I awoke, he began to stir and blink sleepily. His blue, blue eyes met and held mine immediately.

We stayed like that, silently enjoying each other's company for quite some time, assessing the situation, before we pulled together again like magnets. Our lips met once more in a soft, sweet kiss, then he spoke.

"Dean, I... uh. I'm sorry."

"No Cas, don't be. I'm glad," I responded, meaning every word of it.

His lips twitched into a smile. "Then, as am I. Do you think your parents noticed you... uhm, never came home?"

"My parents aren't exactly around... My mom, she passed away years ago, and my dad... Well, he's away on business much of the time, like now. I mainly just live with my little brother, Sam. I'm sure he noticed that I never got home, but he won't mind."

"Oh, I'm sorry," he whispered, and when I nodded in response, he continued, "So do you want to... Get ready for school now?"

I laughed at how well-behaved this naughty little nerd could be. "Or we could, you know, skip school today."

He gave me a reckless smile in response, and it told me everything I needed to know. School wasn't in our agenda, not today.

Cas initiated another kiss as I pulled him closer to me, my arms still around him. Our lips were moving gloriously against each other's once more, and I whispered, "I think I love you, Castiel."

His barely audible response came through movements of his lips against mine. "And I know I love you too, Dean."