The Scars of Your Love Leave Me Breathless

"What the hell do you think you're doing?"

Rachel whirled around on her unexpected kidnapper with a deadly glare that was returned just as coldly. Unlike her, he appeared utterly unfazed by his abrupt actions a moment ago, his expression portraying only a calm façade of control and mild curiosity; a deceptive mask that concealed a brewing storm of far more dangerous emotions. Scowling, Rachel hid her growing unease by running a quick hand over her dress, hastily regaining her balance and composure after having just been unceremoniously accosted by a firm grip and ushered rather roughly into an unoccupied room of the expansive hotel they had just returned to.

"We need to talk."

She narrowed her eyes in pointed disapproval at his choice of tactics, her tone one of arrogant refusal and dismissal.

"We've nothing to talk about."

Lifting her chin, she made to stride back out and away from this unwelcome confrontation, but he was two steps ahead of her. Faltering, Rachel could only watch in dismay as Jesse effortlessly manoeuvred the door shut behind him in one fluid movement, sealing them both in without ever taking his eyes from hers. The soft click of the metal catch felt like the strike of a judge's gavel to Rachel, the damning sound echoing off the walls and lingering in the shadows that shrouded the corners of the unlit room. Jesse slouched back against the polished wood and crossed his arms, blocking the only exit to them both with the barrier of his body. The thin smile that lined his mouth was tight and quietly mocking.

"I disagree."

Forcing a look of indifference onto her face, Rachel held his gaze and adopted an equally stubborn stance as she waited for him to elaborate, determined to bring this futile conversation to an end as soon as possible. Just tying up loose ends. She mentally sighed. Perhaps it was inevitable, but it didn't make the task in front of them any more appealing.

Jesse let the silence stretch on for a few more seconds, no doubt for dramatic effect, before idly continuing, "I think you at least owe me a cursory explanation, don't you?"

Rachel fought the urge to roll her eyes at the condescension in his voice. Jesse St. James attempting to take the moral high ground. His audacity never ceased to amaze her. She flashed him a too-sweet-smile, words sharp with biting sarcasm.

"Like the one you gave me last year, you mean?"

A pained look crossed Jesse's expression. "I told you why I came back."

"Yeah, you flunked out of college and grew a conscience." Rachel ignored the dark frown on his face, folding her own arms in a gesture of defiance. It was time he faced the truth of his actions. He couldn't fix months of heartache and broken love with a few hollow gestures, just because he suddenly felt like it. "You vanished into the horizon with your blood trophies, without a glance or a goodbye, not caring what you left behind. You simply wrote me and the whole unpleasant experience out of your life, just doing whatever the hell suited you – just like always."

Jesse narrowed his eyes, looking like he wanted to correct her harsh comments, but she didn't give him the chance. She had always been the only one who could match him when it came to dramatic monologues. "I hear nothing of you for over a year and then you just show up again, completely out of the blue, utter some vague words of contrition and just expect everything to be sweet and peachy between us again? That we could just pick up where we left off?" She stared him down unflinchingly, voice hard with accusation, an angry spark burning in her gaze that she rarely let out. The effect was a compelling combination of fiery intimidation and irresistible attractiveness. She shook her head in punctuation to her speech. "I don't think so. You can't whitewash history, Jesse."

A mirthless smile passed over his lips. "Funny, because that's exactly what you guys seem to do on a weekly basis." It was Rachel's turn to frown, but Jesse merely shrugged. Maybe it was time for some rough truths all around. Cruel derision filled his voice. "McKinley's infamous Glee club: poor, misunderstood and unappreciated misfits with their inspiring journeys and moral heart of gold. Picking and choosing the most convenient memories available to them in order to coincide with whatever the uplifting musical lesson of the day is." He smirked coldly. "Quite an idealistic little glass bubble you've created for yourselves."

Rachel felt a surge of defensive anger and glowered thunderously across the room at New Direction's so-called 'consultant'. She was regretting her initial enthusiasm for his appointment more and more each day. Why had she ever thought having him around again would be a good idea? That it would ever lead to anything but trouble and friction?

"But hey," he continued on, in blatant disregard to her mutinous glare. "I guess that's a dubious privilege that's only extended to immediate family members."

"What the hell is your problem?" she snapped before she could stop herself.

Jesse raised a sardonic eyebrow. "If you guys want to throw away Nationals on a stomach-turning whim, that's your business. But did you actually expect me to witness your little public display with an affable or indifferent attitude?" He rolled his eyes scathingly. "Gotta say, that alone was well worth the last minute flight to New York."

Rachel sighed in weary frustration. She should have known that flippant tone and nonchalant show face they'd encountered back in the theatre foyer was only the tip of the iceberg. He was still containing it pretty well, but there was no escaping the fact that Jesse was deeply pissed off. He was doing everything in his power to curtail the destructive emotions, but it was there in the sharp clip of his voice and the tension in his jaw. Rachel felt a twinge of guilt wrench through her heart, but quickly forced it down. Now was not the time for misplaced weakness.

"That was your decision to come, Jesse. You weren't meant to even be there…" She cut herself off, uncomfortable with the implications lurking behind that argument. That wasn't what she meant. With a deep breath, she tried again. "I told you I didn't want the distraction right now; that I would deal with everything once Nationals was over –"

"Good to see that plan worked out so well, huh?" he muttered sarcastically.

Rachel scowled at him, quickly losing the tenuous grasp on her patience. She didn't appreciate being cornered like this and lectured on her actions by a person who couldn't even justify his own.

"Frankly, what right do you have to interrogate me on any of this, Jesse?" she demanded angrily. "Hypocrite much? I don't owe you anything. Yeah, okay, the timing sucked and I should have cleared things up beforehand – but the whole thing was done in the spur of the moment anyway. It wasn't staged. It just…happened."

Jesse eyed her sceptically, a current of bitter resentment flowing under the carefully controlled words. "You're honestly telling me that was the first time Finn tried it on with you since you arrived in New York? That he didn't make every effort to seduce you under the bright city lights, ply on one romantic cliché after another in an uninspired attempt to win your favour? That you even spared me a cursory thought while you were looking into his big, vapid, moony eyes?"

Rachel opened her mouth, but the retort died in her throat. She longed to rebuke him, but there was nothing in his words that she could truthfully deny, his accusations cutting uncannily close to the bone. So much so that she half wondered if he hadn't already accessed information from another source. She wouldn't put it past him.

Jesse lifted his shoulders, tone deceptively light. "Don't get me wrong; I enjoy seeing Finn humiliate himself as much as the next person. It just irked me that you allowed him to drag you down too."

Rachel was sick of this, tired of playing his game. He'd wasted no time in making his opinion on their performance very clear and she'd had to listen to this arrogant taunting ever since the devastating realisation that they hadn't placed in the finals. Narrowing her eyes, she decided to cut right to the quick of the issue. She fixed him with a stern glare. "Get over yourself, Jesse. You have no right to be this jealous and petty."

A disquieting smile curved his lips. "Oh, I think I have a little right, don't you? I mean, one day you're kissing me –"

"You kissed me!"

Jesse carried on as if she'd never spoken, the flicker of dry amusement in his eyes the only acknowledgment of her interruption. "And the next you're making out with McKinley's own dancing Frankenstein in front of a national audience, and in very poor professional taste I must add."

Rachel's look of exasperation and indignation was priceless. Okay, so maybe he was enjoying this a little more than he should. So sue him.

"Rachel, contrary to urban myth and popular belief, you will never succeed with him by your side. I know you're all convinced it's your trump card, but the sorry truth is that you and Finn duetting together is the ultimate kiss of death to any hopes of competition victory. Haven't you figured that out yet? Twice you've done it and twice you've fallen. Don't you ever stop to ask yourself why?"

He watched the hesitation falter across her expression at his critical assessment, the artist struggling with the school girl. Finally, she met his gaze with stubborn resolve. "Certainly not for any of the reasons you're thinking of."

Jesse allowed himself a small smile, his eyes full of quiet knowing, mutual truths they couldn't outrun. "He's not your equal, Rachel. He can't hold a candle to your voice or your dreams." His delving gaze met her guarded one. "You know how much power a perfect duet can wield, you know what a truly epic partnership can feel like, and you know that nothing else compares to it. You know how rare it is to find and how hard it is to break."

Rachel forced herself to glance away from him, but it did nothing to quell the memories summoned up by his words. She closed her eyes in desperation, but that only intensified the images that washed through her mind. A music store audience captivated by the magic of two strangers as their songs met for the first time with all the ease and beauty of a long established relationship. The scorching notes of his voice as it filled the auditorium around her, reaching out to embrace her own with the intimate touch of reuniting lost lovers. An effortless match and endless well of potential that was evident to all who witnessed it, an overwhelming magnetism that she fought with every inch of her conscious mind. When he'd joined her upon that stage, she'd been struck by how utterly natural everything about it felt, as if they'd never been apart. Despite the suspicion and simmering tensions between them in those first few moments of contact, there had been no restraint or caution in their voices, the rawness of the performance revealing far more than either party ever intended.

It was an unspoken connection that was more powerful than any she'd ever felt before. As reluctant as she was to admit it, when they performed together like that, they were unrivalled. Something else took over in that moment; igniting the whole stage with a unique presence that she couldn't define. The memory still gave her shivers.

Doing her best to banish the troubling thoughts from her mind, she threw a disdainful look his way, an edge of mockery souring her tone. "If you were so sure that no-one else could stand a chance against our musical chemistry on stage, why didn't you stick with New Directions for Regionals? Afraid to put your money where your mouth is?"

Jesse's expression hardened and for the first time he broke contact first, glancing down to the floor. "That wasn't my call to make," he said at last.

"Well, that's the difference between you and Finn," she stated pointedly. "He understands the value of loyalty and is capable of making his own decisions, without pandering to the expectations of others."

Even as she spoke, Rachel was inwardly wincing. Maybe Jesse had a point about the epidemic of selective memory at McKinley. Still, she wasn't about to lose face in front of him. And besides, for all his flaws, Finn always came good in the end. There was no maliciousness in him, no ruthless streak or heartless lies. He was a decent guy with a good heart, and that was why she loved him.

"It's pathetic," Jesse scoffed sharply. He shoved off from the door and ran a hand through his hair in a betrayal of seething frustration. "He only wants you when he knows he can't have you. When your attention strays from him for the smallest moment, his ego can't handle it and he bends over backwards to get it back. I really thought you'd have wised up to that old song by now." He met her eyes and refused to flinch at the sting of hurt and anger he found there. His voice took on an almost imploring tone, rough with a compound of reckless emotions that had been stewing for far too long. "How many times are you going to let him get away with it? You have way too much dignity, Rachel; you've worked too hard. You shine too brightly to be confined to the mundane shadows of someone who will only ever hold you back, unintentional or not, and you know it even if you won't accept it."

Rachel quickly recovered from the shock of Jesse's outburst, incredulity fast giving way to fury. "What the hell gives you the right to act as any kind of authority on my relationship with Finn?" she shot back. "You wouldn't know real feelings or true love if it smacked you on the head. All you know how to do is deceive and lie to suit your own ends!"

"How long are you going to hold my mistakes against me?" he demanded impatiently. "Is Finn the only exception in this ridiculous double standard?"

"It's completely different –"

"News flash, Rachel," Jesse interrupted harshly. "The real world is tough. Life is shit sometimes and relationships are fucking hard work. People don't end every upsetting event on a song and dance off into the sunset with their high school sweethearts. Naive optimism doesn't conquer all. Sometimes you have to fight dirty and make difficult choices, and yeah – sometimes people royally screw up along the way. Deal with it. But the point is to try and learn from the costly mistakes you make. A critical personal development that you seem to be perfectly content to gloss over, to bypass in favour of some misguided effort to live out an obsolete and damaging childhood fairytale. For as long as I've known you, you've been trying to prove a self worth to the world by looking for validation in all the wrong places. You're a phenomenally gifted person, Rach. I've never met anyone else like you, you were born to shine and set the stage on fire, and yet you let this lingering insecurity compel you into weak positions that are unworthy of your talent and strength." His voice softened in tone but deepened in intensity, his eyes locked into hers with such sincerity that it stole her breath away. "You're so much better than this, Rachel."

Quiet reigned between them for several painful beats in the wake of the explosive argument.

Rachel found herself in the unprecedented situation of being knocked speechless. Never had she heard someone speak about her in such a forthright and impassioned way. The unnerving intimacy of his observations temporarily shocked her into silence. How could a self-confessed egotistical manipulator, a traitor to the club and her heart, someone who had been absent from her life for so long – how could Jesse, of all people, somehow know her better than her closest friends and the boy she loved did? How could he see so much more in her – and why did it make her want to break down in tears where she stood?

Her heart convulsed in her chest, battling with the onslaught of emotions she wasn't equipped to deal with. Not right now.

She hadn't noticed Jesse cross the floor, closing the space between them, awareness only returning to her as she felt his thumb gently skim her cheek. Her eyes found his, unable to break away from his gaze or his touch, despite every objecting voice of reason in her mind.

"This city is ours," he murmured softly, the quiet declaration seeming to write itself into the truth of their very existence. "This is where we belong. And in your heart, you know that."

Rachel forced herself to breathe, to harden herself against the intoxicating lure of his presence. She'd made her choice. It was Finn, it would always be him, and everyone knew that. Tonight had only proved it once again. Finn had given up Nationals for her; the same competition Jesse had betrayed and abandoned her for. All the words in the world couldn't undo his actions, and he had to accept that. Her future was her own, and Jesse St. James was not a part of it.

"You're wrong, Jesse." She held his eyes with determination, a resolve that was belied by the pounding beat of her heart against his chest, yet her voice didn't waver. "And you won't win the war."

A secret smirk whispered across his lips as his hand moved to tangle in her hair, fingers tracing the curve of her ear through the thick locks. Rachel shivered as she felt him murmur the familiar line against her skin, the full impact of its meaning only just starting to dawn on her.

"Don't underestimate the things that I will do."

Rachel barely had time to draw breath before she was swept up in the demand of his mouth, the instinct of her body causing her to mould herself tight against him before she'd even realised the reaction. Her hands pushed at his shoulders in conscious effort to part them, before they moved to grasp the back of his neck, yanking him closer in willing surrender.

Jesse smiled at the way she was clinging to him as the kiss plunged deeper, lost in a hunger for touch, at the mercy of a mutual desire that was never sated or satisfied enough for either of them. There was no tentativeness or uncertainty like there had been back in McKinley's auditorium, no doubt or hesitation or conflicted hearts. There was temper and passion and stubborn pride, but those were the flames of their fires.

When they were finally compelled to draw apart, both were trembling. Rachel searched his eyes for a long moment, desperate to somehow rationalise away her actions, not sure which of them she was angrier at. She hated him for doing that – for breaking all her defensive barriers, her safe and ordered world and carefully constructed sense of self. For forcing her to compare Finn against him. A contest she always refused to see through to the outcome.

The plain truth was that Jesse was too dangerous. That was why she ran from him. She knew now just how intensely he could persuade and manipulate her feelings, how easily he could break her, intentional or not, and it was the one thing she couldn't protect her heart against. It was a lesson that had cost her a lot to learn and had frightened her greatly with its severity. She refused to give him that power over her again – she had only just made it through the last time.

And yet their bodies spoke a different truth. Their kisses never lied, despite all the elaborate storytelling of their lips. The one place they couldn't hide from each other.

She never looked away from his gaze, the words soft but firm. "I love Finn."

Jesse smirked, genuine amusement filling his voice. "Keep telling yourself that." He brushed his lips against her ear, a lingering promise that echoed through her whole body. "Because I'm not giving up this time."

~o~

AN I couldn't get over the fact that Jesse flew all the way to New York to see Rachel and she said a total of six words to him. What a tragic waste of Jesse/JGroff. Sigh. Needless to say the finale left me rather underwhelmed, and I was devastated by the lack of Jesse/St. Berry. Once more, I retreat into the safe harbour of fanfiction for comfort. Feel free to join me :) I also can't imagine Jesse being one to take a challenge like that lying down, a confrontation and statement of intent was definitely owed between them.

Thanks for reading. Reviews are plot bunny treats, and always greatly appreciated :)