Romano came storming home at six in the evening and saw his brother on the couch with his bastard of a boyfriend, Ludwig. They were watching a movie. "You!" he roared, pointing in dire accusation at Feliciano.

"Eek! Ludwig, fratello is scary!" Feliciano squeaked, and he dove behind Ludwig. Romano charged forward to attack him but was held at bay by Ludwig, who was kind of like a tank and had no trouble restraining an enraged Italian.

At least, he didn't until Romano punched his kneecap in with a well-placed kick. Groaning in pain, he released Romano, who dragged his brother up from where he was cowering on the couch and glared at him. "Why. Weren't. You. At. WORK!" He screeched.

Feliciano began to cry and babble. "I got off school and Ludwig drove me home and then I had to make him pasta as thanks and then we cuddled on the couch while we ate it and then we began to watch a good movie and-"

"You're going to get fired! I had to say you broke your leg! Feliciano, you can't keep doing this!"

"Wait, you had work today?" Ludwig asked from the floor. "Feliciano, you told me you had the week off."

"Veee," wailed Feliciano, wringing his hands, "I didn't mean to lie! I didn't! I didn't!"

Romano dropped his brother and sank down on the couch beside him, head in hands. "Feliciano, money is tight. You know grandpa didn't leave us a lot when he vanished. We need to work so we can pay off this house!"

Feliciano moved over to cling to him and began to weep apologies. Romano gently pushed him off and stood up. "I'm going for a walk along the beach," he mumbled.

"Do you want me to go with you?" Feli asked brightly, but he wilted back down on the couch when Romano shook his head. "Ve, Mano, I really am sorry…" he said regretfully.

Romano shrugged. "Just be more involved from now on in your job." As he left the house, he heard Ludwig beginning to lecture his brother and he rolled his eyes. Feli would start crying, Ludwig would feel bad, and they would cuddle. That was the way it always worked.

The house their grandfather had bought them before he had vanished a year and a half ago was right on the seashore, and Romano loved taking walks. Now was no exception. He walked along the sand for a few miles, thinking hard about finances and how he could balance them. A second job, perhaps, and if he cut down on food and electricity use…he was still in thought when he got to a dock that jutted out of the sand. Without really thinking about it, he wandered up the steps and walked out to the edge, where he dangled his feet over the edge and stared into the green water, now calculating now long a shower he could take to use the least amount of money but still get clean.

He stopped thinking about that when he saw a flash of gold underneath the water, and a few ripples formed. There was a few seconds of nothing happening, and then he caught the shadowy outline of a tail. A freaking enormous tail.

Romano stared. The water at the end of the dock rippled again, and he began to wonder exactly how large the fish that was circling him was. A flash of scales and he narrowed his eyes – this fish was fucking huge. Why was it circling the dock…?

And then Romano watched in shock as a human face surfaced from the water. It was quickly followed by two hands that reached out to grip the dock's edge and haul the rest of the body higher up, until the man's arms were resting on the edge of the dock and his face was peering over them, looking inquisitive.

Romano couldn't help it – with a screech of shock, he snatched up the gun he always carried in his pocket and brandished it at the person.

There was a loud splash as said person vanished and he rushed forward, catching a shimmer of scales before the water receded back into a foamy green. Then, after a moment, the face reappeared, but this time it stayed below water. Romano gaped at it, open-mouthed, but when he made no further threatening movement the man hesitantly came back up in the air. This time, he wound his arms around one of the dock's wooden legs and clung to it, staring silently back at Romano.

His eyes were one of the first things Romano noticed. They were almost violently blue, but the iris seemed to be constantly changing and it was impossible to pin down one shade. The man's hair was a dirty blonde, dark from saturation and swept across his forehead in a tangled mess. He was slightly darker than Romano; his skin color seemed closest to honey, a faint golden hue that glowed warmly.

Also noticeable was the faint, shimmering trail of scales that started down the creature's side and seemed to become more numerous as they got further down. The bottom half of the man was hidden in the ocean, but Romano was already getting an idea of what he might see were the man to reveal more of himself.

"What…" he breathed in astonishment, gun still clenched in one hand in case the man made any threatening moves. The being pressed closer to the dock when he spoke and watched him uncertainly, looking nervous.

Then… "I can English," the man said carefully, and let go of the dock's leg to swim directly under Romano's astonished face. "I can hold," he added, gesturing up at the dock's edge. "Don't hurt?"

Romano, almost uncomprehending, stepped back a little; seconds later, hands gripped the dock's edge and the man had pulled himself back up and was bracing himself with his arms, resting his chin on them to stare at Romano. Carefully, Romano edged a little bit to the side and glanced down.

He dropped the gun in shock. A long, golden tail hung from the man – merman's – waist, completely encrusted with scales. He caught other colors on the tail as well but couldn't tell what they were, as most of the tail was still hidden in the water. "You're a mermaid," he managed finally.

"Amn't!" The man – mermaid – mythical being stared indignantly at Romano. "Am male," the thing added contemptuously, and let go of the dock with one hand to run his other hand down his chest. Romano felt his face heat up and, as he sputtered in shock, the thing continued, "No breasts! Male," looking rather pleased with himself. "Am Axlaphreud," he added brightly.

"…Axelfraud," Romano tried, but he tripped over the bizarre syllables and wound up blushing and muttering curses at his failure.

The merman grinned at him. "Axlaphreud," he repeated, but Romano physically couldn't wrap the word around his tongue – he couldn't say say an 'xl' and it threw the whole damn word off.

"Axelfred," he attempted. The merman looked displeased; Romano hastily tried again. "A…Alfred," he finally managed, and the merman brightened.

"Works!" he agreed, and tilted his head at Romano. "You?"

"I'm Romano," Romano announced, and then paused and wondered exactly what the hell was going on, because he was talking to a damn mermaid. "I…how are you real?"

Alfred stared at him. "How are you real?" He questioned back. It was strange listening to him; his voice was without any inflection and he obviously only had a tenacious grip on the English language.

"Because I'm a damn human, so I'm allowed to be real! You're a myth!" Romano insisted. Alfred looked insulted.

"Am in front of you," he reasoned petulantly. "Not myth." There was a pause where Romano stared at him suspiciously. Then Alfred muttered something that sounded strangely like 'your face is myth' under his breath, but Romano couldn't be sure, and anyway that was an awfully low insult for a merperson to sink to.

"How old are you?" He finally asked, because he had so many questions he couldn't get them all out in an orderly fashion.

Alfred shrugged. "Young. Younger than most. Maybe sixty six ferhandis?"

"That made absolutely no sense," Romano snapped. "What the hell is a fur-hand-whatever?"

"Would be about six hundred years for you," Alfred said, like it was no big deal, and then he inched upwards a little more and stared in fascination at Romano's feet. "Can see?" He asked, pointing at them.

Romano stared suspiciously again, but Alfred seemed genuinely curious and Romano wanted to know more about him, so he inched hesitantly closer while he asked more questions. "Are there more of you?"

"Yes. Clans," Alfred said absently, eyes fixed on Romano's feet that shuffled closer. "Mostly avoid humans now. Too tricky, mean, hateful. Get hurt around humans."

Romano got within reach and Alfred's hand whipped out to touch his ankle. Romano, instinctively, jumped backwards, but then contained himself and moved forward again. "Have you ever met a human before?"

"No. Leader wouldn't let me. Said were rude. Ran away," Alfred added happily, and reached for Romano's ankle again, although slower this time. "Saw you walking beach, followed you to here."

"How can you speak English?" Alfred's hand was cool and left a trail of glistening slime wherever he touched. It wasn't slime, though, more like a gel.

"Learned from Leader. Leader was taught by sailor once, long time ago. Sailor betrayed him, tried to cut his tail off. Hates people now." Alfred pulled Romano's foot up to inspect the underside. He hopped closer to the edge of the dock to oblige him.

"Where's the rest of your clan?"

Alfred shrugged and rotated Romano's big toe around, looking delighted with it. "Cold places. Arctic. Too cold, don't like. Like it in warm water better. What this is?" he tapped Romano's toenail and stared at him expectantly.

"Uh. What, sorry?"

"This!" Alfred tapped on his toenail harder and gave him a meaningful look. "This! What is?"

"Oh, a toenail? Uh, it's a…covering…for my toe."

"Like a scale?"

"Kind of. It's made of…erm…keratin, I guess, which is kind of a protein?" Damn it, he would've paid more attention in biology if he had known a mermaid was going to be quizzing him on what nails were. Alfred, however, looked satisfied and nodded.

"And this?"

Romano couldn't tell what he was pointing to, so he bent down to look. Several things happened simultaneously. Hands seized his hair and yanked, his feet were swept out from under him, and he went tumbling headfirst into the water. There were still hands tangled in his hair, dragging him down, and he fought against them, kicking and twisting, trying to keep his mouth closed to avoid drowning. He landed a solid kick whoever attacked him and they let go momentarily, long enough for him to kick away and break the surface, coughing and spluttering. Seconds later Alfred came surging out of the water beside him with an inhuman screech, his face twisted, and he landed on Romano and pushed him back underneath the water.

At which point Romano remembered why he never trusted anyone, and why he shouldn't have trusted Alfred most of all. Legends of mermaids came swarming back into his mind – beautiful women who attracted men and then dragged them down and drown them. Alfred wasn't a woman, but he certainly was beautiful, in an otherworldly sort of way, and he also seemed hellbent on dragging him down.

Romano squirmed free a second time, although he was beginning to weaken, and he smashed his fist blindly through the water, hitting something that felt like a face. At any rate Alfred darted away for a moment and Romano desperately struggled back to the surface, gasping for breath and flailing wildly for the dock. Somehow, in a burst of desperation, his hands caught the edge and he pulled himself up and over, rolling onto his side to pant and wheeze before he caught sight of his gun. Perfect.

Seizing it, he stumbled to his knees then his feet, and dragged himself back to the dock's edge. The water was perfectly still and glassy, not even a ripple marring the surface. It was almost too perfect. Which was why Romano wasn't too surprised when Alfred erupted from nowhere with a snarl, his hands shooting out to grab Romano's ankles.

Romano kept his cool, narrowed his eyes, and fired a shot. Alfred retracted his arms with a squeal, his bare shoulder blossoming blood that rapidly slid down his smooth torso. Before he could fully retreat Romano fired again; this one caught Alfred in his side, and a pained yelp burst out of the merman's throat as his hand went down to cover the injury protectively. Romano would have fired a third time, but Alfred locked eyes with him, and the look of utter betrayal and pain in them stopped his finger on the trigger. Which was damn stupid, because the thing had just tried to kill him, but he stood frozen as Alfred whirled and jetted away, his smooth movements impeded by his wounds.

He stayed that way for a while, gun pointed at the water, eyes wide and unblinking, until he heard Feliciano calling him and he jerked his head up. His brother was a speck in the distance, shouting and waving his arms, but coming closer rapidly. Romano hastily pocketed the gun, took one last, lingering look at the water, and then ran down the length of the dock and strolled towards his brother, shouting at him to 'shut the hell up.'

He didn't go back to the beach for a month.

/Author's Notes:

Okay. So I don't really like chaptered fanfiction for several reasons. I write on my own time, I'm lazy as hell, and I get bored with them. Also, adding new chapters to stories confuses me. *technologically challenged*

But I just watched Pirates of the Caribbean 4, and one of my favorite parts was the mermaids. They were perfectly done, down to the fact that they're not all sweetness and light. And such is my brain hardwired that, when it was over, I was like "FANFICTION?" and then I was like "Oh God Romano and Alfred this would work perfectly" and so here we are, a chaptered fanfiction involving Mermaid!Alfred and Romano.

Teehee. Originally I was going to do a Romerica where Alfred is the son of an FBI agent and Romano is the grandson of a Mafia leader and they meet and fall in love but are starcrossed. But seriously, mermaids? I think yes. So if anyone else wants to give that other plotline a go…I would read it. Happily. :P (Actually, I think there's a book about that. My sister just informed me of it.)

Anyway, to try and prevent this from getting any longer…I will probably update sporadically, depending on my interest and time (I'm graduating!) but I WILL do my best to stick with it.

Review!