Hey guys! So I was really surprised by the number of favorites I got on my first fanfic so I decided to write a second one, and yes it is another humorous Royai! Inspiration came from this picture: /post/show?md5=

Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist or any of its characters, also I do not own that picture nor did I make it. I only own the plot in this story.

"Get yourself a wife!"

I slammed the phone down for the hundredth time at this comment. Dang Hughes! Always butting into my personal life. I'll get married when I'm ready…but first I guess I have to find a woman. Oh well how hard can that be! I am Roy Mustang, the famous womanizer of Amestris, no woman stands a chance against my looks and charm!

"Colonel! Finish your paperwork!"

I stand corrected, no woman stands a chance against my looks and charm except for Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye, who, by some power unbeknownst to me, seems immune to my incredible good looks and smooth talk.

I quickly start working on my paperwork, not wanting to fall victim to one of the many guns Hawkeye has hidden on her.

Later in the afternoon the phone rings again. Already knowing who it is I answer

"What Hughes? !"

"Wow! Aren't we in a bad mood!" comes Hughes' reply from the other end.

"I have work to do you know! Which is really hard to get done when your so called 'best friend' calls you ALL THE TIME!"

"Aww quit your complaining! So anyways I got you a hot date for tonight."

"What? Why are you suddenly getting me dates! If I wanted a date I can very easily get my own! I don't need your help with woman!"

"Well you do with this one….."

"What? Why?" By this point I was incredibly confused, a woman other than Hawkeye who can resist me? Ya right!

"You'll see, but you are gonna love her anyways! Curvy and blonde and absolutely gorgeous!"

"Fine! I'll meet her….when and where?"

"9 o'clock at the Central train station?" said Hughes, incredibly pleased with his success.

"Okay….I'll be there, but you better be there too!"

"Sure thing Roy, okay see you then."

I hung up the phone, but not quite so harshly this time. Just then the phone rings again! I prepare to fry the thing when I realize it's not my own this time. Good.

"Hello?" came Hawkeye's answer from the desk over"

"Oh hey" she said. It frustrates me to only be able to hear one side of her conversation

"Tonight? Ya I guess that's fine….."

"Okay see you soon then" At this she hung up.

"Who was that?" I asked, curiosity consuming me.

"Just Rebecca sir, she wanted to meet up tonight and I accepted." Good…not a man.

I replied by nodding my head and sat back down at my desk to continue working.

By 7 o'clock I was miraculously finished with my paperwork and was heading out the door.

"Bye Lieutenant!" I called, "have fun with Rebecca!" I added as an afterthought, suddenly remembering that I also had a date as well.

"Good night sir." Was her reply and I walked out into the cool night air.

I got home and lounged around for a bit, had a glass of wine, played piano until I decided I should get ready. I went upstairs took my shower and got dressed. Nothing fancy, dark green slacks, a blue shirt, a dark green jacket, a white scarf, and black shoes. Casual, yet classy.

I hop in my car and drive over to the train station where I meet Hughes in the parking lot.

"Ok Hughes so where is the hot date you were talking about?"

"Over here come on I'll show you"

We walk over in front of a train and stop. Hughes spreads his arms, gesturing towards a woman standing with her back to us.

"This….is your date." He says. I smirk as I take a good look at the woman. She is tall and thin, but with nice curves. She is wearing a long white coat with white knee high socks and a bright red purse. Most amazing of all is her hair which is a beautiful blonde color. It is probably the most beautiful hair I have ever seen…apart from Hawkeye's. Hawkeye has the most gorgeous hair on the planet she just always keeps it up in that blasted clip….oh how I would love to burn that thing to a crisp and watch her hair fall freely to her shoulders.

BUT anyways…I take one look at the back of this woman and walk straight up to her.

"Good evening miss; would you do me the honor of being my beautiful date for the evening?" I said in the best sweet and seductive voice I could muster. The girl turns around and as she does pulls a gun from God knows where! I admit at this point I am a little freaked out….taking a step back I take a good look at her face…..

"HAWKEYE?"

"Sir?" she replies, equally as shocked.

"What the hell are you doing as my date?"

"Excuse me sir, but I came here with no intention of being your date for obvious reasons. I am simply here to meet Rebecca for dinner."

"Well then wha-FOR OBVIOUS REASONS? What the hell is that supposed to mean? Then why did Hughes say…HUGHES!" I turn around to find the culprit only to see him cowering behind a pillar.

"Hughes get your butt over here right now and explain this to me!" at this Hughes slowly comes out of hiding and walks over to where I am standing with a pissed off Hawkeye.

"What seems to be the problem Roy?"

"WHAT SEEMS TO BE THE PROBLEM? I came here for a date! Not just any date! A curvy beautiful blonde who can mysteriously resist my char-….OH!"

"Get it now Roy?" I nodded my head at this…so Hughes had intended Hawkeye to be my date all along…which means Rebecca was in on it too. At this realization I pulled my ignition cloth glove out of my pocket. Hawkeye, who seems to have had the same realization clicks off the safety of her gun. Hughes, seeing the looks on our faces starts to back away and soon breaks into a run with a shower of bullets and fire following after him. Once his screams fade away I turn to Hawkeye.

"Sorry bout this Lieutenant, I had no idea what they were scheming."

"It's alright sir, I fell for it too, looks like I got all dressed up for nothing." She said with a sad smile on her face. Faces as pretty as that should not be allowed to look sad….

"Well what do you say Hawkeye, would you do me the honor of being my date for this evening?" I repeat, but in a much more normal voice. She looks at me and gives me a real smile. That's better I thought.

"I'd love to sir" With this I reached down and grabbed her hand and swiftly kissed her on the cheek as I led her to the restaurant so we could enjoy our evening under the stars.

So there you go! I hope you liked it! Please review! Leave the flames to the Flame alchemist, but I always welcome constructive criticism! Thanks!