Unspoken Bat-Rules

A/N: Wrote this last night when somehow my thoughts drifted to: hey, super heroes wear a lot of tight fitting spandex…they must be in perfect shape for them to pull it off…you know, some places require that more than others. And I'm pretty sure Artemis wouldn't complain…yeah. And then I remembered Artemis' "Mmm…that boy." Moment and was like: I GOTTA WRITE THIS.

Disclaimer: I don't own Young Justice or Batman's steaming buns. Haha.

Chapter 1: Number 29

After the quick briefing about their new mission which Miss Martian and Aqualad would not be participating in, Kid Flash, Robin and Artemis were left to mingle amongst themselves. As they watched Batman's retreating form. Artemis' gaze last a bit longer than the others'. When she was positive that the Dark Knight had left she turned to the youngest member of Young Justice.

"Alright Robin, spill it!"

"…spill what?" the Boy Wonder asked confused.

"Your guys' training regimes! I want to know how to get an ass," she paused a bit to gesture in the direction Batman had walked off, "like that!"

Robin repeated, "Like…like that…?" slightly flustered and unsure how to respond

"Dude…were you checking out Batman's ass…?" Kid Flash asked.

Artemis sighed, "Honestly, not the point, Kid Tard…c'mon Robin, you've been working with him how long?"

"Four years…" he replied uncertainly. He was still completely and totally unsure as to how he should be reacting to the conversation.

"And your trying to tell me that you never noticed how toned that mans backside is?"

"Uhh…"

"You know, I'm pretty sure Rob doesn't go around from rooftop to rooftop checking out his dads junk." Kid Flash said for his startled best friend. "And, dude, how did you even sneak a peek? He wears a freakin' cape for crying out loud! The only thing we can even see is his front side and—oh God—I don't even want to know what you were looking at then!" He exclaimed horrified.

"Firstly: No. I was not checking out what you think I was checking out. And secondly: whenever he turns around his cape's a little too slow to follow; but hey, I'm not complaining." She pulled a smirk on her face that was starting the creep the other to heroes out.

"So, what? You were totally and completely just paying attention to his face and the words coming from his mouth during the briefing?" Kid Flash asked her.

Artemis thought about it for a bit and the replied, "Just a bit. Have you seen that mans abs? Mmm."

Mmm? Robin thought, that's the same "Mmm" she used that one time with Superboy!

"Okay, guys you can stop now. Seriously not feeling the aster. Ew, just ew."

"C'mon, Boy Wonder. I'm waiting for answers."

Robin wasn't exactly sure what she wanted…"I don't—"

"And don't tell me you don't know," the archer interjected and after a quick head to toe of the young protégé of Batman, she said, "you obviously know something 'cause you aren't looking so bad yourself…"

Flustered now turned into a full on blush. And some stuttering. Lots of stuttering.

Wally, who had enough of Artemis sexually harassing the Boy Wonder with her eyes took a protective stance in front of said Boy Wonder. "AUGH. Stop checking out my best friend, you pedobear!"

The accused looked at Kid Flash unimpressed then asked him "Aren't you just a little bit curious? You're the runner here; you of all people should own those steaming buns."

Wha…"NO! Ew, don't tell me you were looking at my—No, just—scarred for life!"

"So what is it kid?" She turned back to Robin determined to get an answer. "Some unspoken rule of the Batcave? Number 58 is probably something like: If you're gonna to add spandex to the costume…You gotta have the ass for it."

After finally getting his bearing and processing what was going on Robin got an idea. But he had to play along first. "Pssh, as if it'd be a stupid rule like that!"

"Really? Well I'm pretty sure no normal man has an ass like that." Artemis accused a little shocked that the boy was forming coherent sentences.

"Really. Besides, Unspoken Rule Number 58 is actually: DO NOT (UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES) TOUCH THE BATMOBILE WITHOUT BATMAN'S PERMISSION. THAT MEANS YOU ROBIN. In all caps, too." He explained.

Here, Kid Flash added: "Yeah, and Number 43 is: Wallace West (aka Kid Flash) is not allowed into the Batcave on a sugar high, caffeine rush, or after consuming an energy drink (or combination of all three)!"

"Do I even want to know?"

"He did all three."

"Yup. And it took weeks to clean up the Batcave after that. By myself, too. Uncle Barry would not stop laughing at me!"

"Not surprising. I'd be laughing too."

Seeing his chance Robin decided to pick up the conversation where it had left off. "Haha, yeah, anyway. Since you want to know so badly; what you were looking for was Unspoken Bat-Rule Number 27: 'The spandex doesn't shape you; you shape the spandex.' It's not so much a training regime as it is a motivational statement."

There was a moment of shocked silence.

"I have seriously got to paint that on my wall." Was Artemis' revelation.

A little in awe, KF asked "Dude, Batman said that?"

"He Unsaid It." Robin corrected him

"Right, whatever. We should totally put that up in the training hall!"

Agreeing with the speedster (well isn't that a shocker.) she stared to formulate a plan of action. "Speed down to the nearest warehouse store and get some paint and I'll go grab some brushes."

"On it!" and with that he was gone in a yellow blur.

Artemis turned to the Zeta-Beam teleporter with a: "See ya, Bird Boy." And was gone in a flash (pun most definitely intended).

Robin laughed as his friends set out to accomplish their plan. "Oh man, this is going to be great!"

.:LATER:.

Batman walked into the training hall to meet with the eager Young Justice for their scheduled training session. His protégé Robin, who was following his at the heels, seemed a bit too happy for his liking. Don't get him wrong, he loved seeing his ward in a good mood (or as the Boy Wonder would put it: and asterous mood). But being the man that he was; the great detective that he was, he couldn't help but be a tad bit suspicious. But seeing as this was his "son" he decided to shrug it off as he walked into the hall…only to find that he probably shouldn't have. Robin, as soon as they walked in decided to put on a poker face as he looked up and saw something horrid scrawled onto the mountain walls:

#27 The Spandex doesn't shape you; You shape the Spandex!

-Batman

He turned to Robin. Eyes narrowing in suspicion again. His protégé's face gave away nothing…he trained him well…then:

"What? I've been with you this entire time! You can't seriously believe I had something to do with this."

Batman's eyes narrowed further and finally he spoke firmly, "Robin…"

Crap…Robin thought, Bats is going to kill me!

"Sorry, sorry, I just—"

"Blatantly disregarded Unspoken Bat-Rule Number 1: Do not share the Unspoken Bat-Secrets. And for your information that," he pointed to the painted motto, "is number 29. Not 27."

Let's just say that Unspoken Bat-Rule Number 1 didn't exist until that very day.

THE END

A/N: So this is a one-shot and complete unless you guys want other wise. I'm totally open to writing some more one-shots for this! So here's the plan: If you guys really liked this and have more ideas please leave them in a review or PM me. Just basically like: The Unspoken Bat-Rule, Who says it, and a scenario if possible.

And just to clarify; this is how the numbering for the Bat-Rules work: there's no certain way it's done! Robin started it a while back and honestly you just say the first number that comes to mind and throw a Bat-Rule after it! So…choose a number, any number and throw me some rules if you feel up to it! Obviously 58, 43, 1 and 29 are taken; so don't use them! But there are plenty of fish in the sea so start fishing!

Thanks for reading! Review please!

*BlackMarionette