Author's Note: This here story is my submission for Starri's contest. Entries closed today (June 1), and as with everything, I procrastinated/forgot until the very last minute.

Anyway, it's set in her story, "A Miscellaneous Tale of Night and Day". For those who haven't read it, I highly recommend it. It's random and quirky and absolutely fantastic. But you don't have to read that to understand this, do you? All you gotta know is that (a) it's set AU, in a high school-esque setting similar to lots of other animes, and (b) Blue is the genre-savvy in-story shipper.

Although, if my headcanon has anything to say, she isn't the only one.

Therefore, I present to you… this epic piece of work!

A Clandestine Affair

Or, The Tale in which Blue Needs to Kick the Shipping Habit

It was a Saturday, and it was evening. This fancy diner, in which I crossed my legs and waited for my reservation, seemed to have some kind of policy requiring all patrons, decorations, and culinary delights to be of a certain class and style. Particularly, a style involving deep red drapes, chandeliers, and stained wooden booths, all of it under the shimmery aura of soft jazz music.

Luckily, my own dress suited the theme just as well as the tablecloths.

Very 'noir', I thought as I daintily walked through tables upon tables, knowing exactly where I was headed.

They didn't see me until I bent over next to them. Then I breathed, "Boo!"

Lyra must have jumped a foot in the air. Pearl's hand jerked, tossing his glass of water and shattering the thing on the dark tile floor.

"Don't do that, Blue! That was scary!"

"Yeah, jeez!" Pearl rubbed the back of his head. "I don't even know why I'm here…"

I smirked; I was so clever. "Well, you most certainly will!" I sat down in the third chair at a table meant for four. "Now, where is she…"

I had spoken too soon. Just as Lyra began to fidget with the strap to her dull blue dress and Pearl began to tap his pointer finger on the table, I saw her. She looked marvelous, in a gown of what had to have been scrap fabric. "Ah, White!" I said with gusto. "Sit down. We've got a lot to discuss…"

…

…

When I finished explaining, they all looked at me like I was insane.

"What?" I asked. "Is that a bad plan?" I certainly didn't think so. But, then again, the looks on their faces.

White, eyes withdrawn, raised her brows in trepidation. "Well… I mean… I guess…"

Lyra interrupted. "How is that even going to work?" she said, brown eyes filled with horror. "That'll scare Silver away for good. He'll never even look at me again!" She looked away.

Pearl, meanwhile, seemed deep in thought. Finally, he said, "Okay then."

"What?"

He nodded, feeling even more certain. "Yeah, I mean, it's not about me, is it? It's about making sure that Missy and Dia are happy! And, well…" he trailed off, blushing.

"Aww!" I exclaimed. "That's so sweet, how much you care about them!" I took the chance to send White and Lyra an evil glare apiece. "Maybe you guys should do the same. After all, it's not every day when a girl gets the chance to see her OTP come to life…"

"OTP? What's that?" White asked, baffled.

I quickly covered, "…never mind. Anyway, do you all agree? If you guys help me out, I can guarantee that you'll end up with the person you want."

Pearl nodded without hesitation. Lyra took a second, then nodded, almost as though she regretted the decision.

White, cocking her head, asked, "And what if we mess up?"

I narrowed my eyes. "…we won't." I stood. "Let's go!"

…

…

Phase One of my plan went into action, well, first. Which was good, since it was the least complicated operation and required the least planning.

I could tell that White still didn't have the confidence of a true shipping operative. We could fix that, I believed, but I didn't want to take any chances. After all, Pearl's end of the bargain banked on it.

So it was me who barged dramatically into the dorm that Pearl shared with Dia and Platina. "I can't find any food anywhere! Can someone make me a decent meal?" I put a hand over my eyebrow to prove my point.

Somewhere in the closet, I heard Lyra giggle, followed by a thumping noise; White had probably kicked her.

Platina had been immersed in what looked like a textbook, but she proved me wrong by marking the page and dragging it to the counter with her. Crime and Punishment, I read along the spine. Meanwhile, Dia had been lightly napping on the couch. He slowly woke from his stupor and sat up. "…Blue-san, would you like me to cook something for you?"

I made my eyes wide, as if in delight. "Would you, Dia? That would be perfect!" I obligatorily hugged him (from the side, though, as to not make Platina awkward), then plopped myself down on the couch, channel-flipping on the television.

Dia began work immediately, heating the stove and tossing some eggs in a pan. I didn't exactly watch the whole time, but if Platina's wide eyes and soft smile had anything to say, she was absolutely fascinated by his skillfully working hands and contented face.

"Dia… may I try some…?" she asked hesitantly when he'd finished the egg casserole thingy for me. He carefully scooped it out of the pan onto three plates, then set it before us.

I ate quickly, not wanting to overstay my welcome, then 'headed out'. Unfortunately for my lovely 'CommonerShipping', they couldn't avoid my skills when it came to sneaking around (No one could, except maybe Silver).

And so, stuffed into the closet with Pearl, Lyra, and White, I listened gleefully to the quiet conversation that went on in the little dorm room.

"Dia…? May I ask a question?"

"Oh… of course, Missy."

"Why is it that you love cooking so much?"

"Well, it's something that is both useful and beautiful at the same time. And it requires someone who is very patient, like me." I could practically hear the smile in his voice. "Does that explain it?"

"Oh… yes." She was silent for a minute.

"Um, Missy, I had a question also." He sounded embarrassed or something.

"What is that?"

"I was wondering what you thought of Pearl, actually."

I felt Pearl tense up in anticipation. "Oh… Pearl is a friend."

"And what about me?"

She sighed. "I don't know anymore. Something else, maybe…"

…

…

"She says 'maybe' too much," Pearl commented as the four of us raced down the flight of stairs. "But that was good! Okay, what next?"

"Shh," I told him quickly. "We're almost there, but I can't help with this one. White, you know what to do. After all, you live here." The brunette girl, having seen my work, nodded more confidently than before.

She was ready.

As Pearl, Lyra and I crawled carefully into the attic to watch the scene from afar, White adjusted her hat firmly and then marched into the dorm.

As I'd hoped, Silver was studying alone on the couch.

"Silver?" White asked faux-nerviously. Maybe real-nerviously. "Can I talk with a minute?"

Now, Lyra's hand was gripping the bar tightly, turning her knuckles white. She understood that this part of the plan involved… well… she wouldn't have done this on her own, I knew. But that was the point!

"…" Silver said nothing, but shifted his lazy form over so she could take a seat. He even was polite enough to lay his textbook over the arm of the couch to mark his place.

White wrung her hands and hesitantly began. "Well… I was wondering what you thought of Lyra."

Silver's eyes widened, and suddenly I realized what Lyra saw in that kid. Behind all the stoicism and the apathy, there was a little kid who knew nothing of the world and wanted love just like everyone else. "What about her?"

Great. Not answering the question. White hesitated, then valiantly pushed onward. "She's, uh, kind of shy in this sort of thing, but... I think she might like you."

A single eyebrow raised. "Really?" He seemed so shocked, it was unbearable.

White smiled too. "Yes, really." Then she popped the question. "Well?"

"Well..." Silver seemed to consider this for a long time. "Well, I guess I like her too. I haven't thought about it that much..."

"Great!" White practically yelled, before realizing that she sounded exactly like her own crush. "Just... just don't tell her I said anything, okay? I mean, I wasn't supposed to tell you and all..." All the while, she was panicking and backing toward the door.

"Oh... okay..." Silver got out, before the door closed behind White's daisy dukes.

…

…

"Good work back there," I commented. Then I met White's eye. "I hate sending you in to another mission so soon, but I think you can handle it." She nodded, and I had to admire her bravery.

After all, not every girl could handle being a shipping operative.

We got to the elevator in record time, and I leaned against the wall then. "Alright, everything's ready," I breathlessly revealed to my cohorts. "It'll break down halfway between the first and second floors. The alarms are off, too, so you won't be able to call for help. Pearl, your job is to make sure that they do get out." I smirked and handed him and White a walkie-talkie apiece. "There! Everything's set."

Just then, commotion on the stairs. "Quick! Hide the goods!" Lyra stowed her camera inside her hat, I looked from side to side and then tossed my shipping notebook down the stairs. As far as the two with walkie-talkies, well, let's just say that White has bulky hair.

And Pearl, for lack of a better place, stuck the device down his pants.

And then I realized who it was traipsing down the stairs (at this hour of night…!) and proceeded to glare at him. "What are you doing here, pervert?" I hissed. "This is girls only! And, uh, Pearl. But you get the point!"

He raised an eyebrow. "What."

"Um… well…" I tried not to look suspicious, but I ended up failing miserably. Either that, or Green can see through disguises and such instantaneously. "Oh, just go away!"

He shook his head. "Nope. Come on, you're coming with me." He linked elbows with me and at a reasonable pace, led me toward my room.

"Don't forget the plan!" I hollered back to my disciples. I could only hope that I heard a weak, "We've got this!" before Green shut the door behind me.

…

…

I glared at him. "What was that for?" I yelled. "I was so close! So close, and now I'll never get to see SpecialShipping again!"

If it had been anyone else, they would have just gone blank. Of course, I'd taken the time to explain my shippings to Green, and so he alone knew the implications of never again seeing SpecialShipping.

After all, Red and Yellow were just so special to me…

"… you know, it's not like they're a blue moon. If your plan works, then you'll probably get to see them kissing tomorrow or something." He shook his head in bewilderment.

That was the wrong thing to say, and Green probably knew it, but I didn't care whether or not he was remorseful. I ran to the couch. I fled.

I put my head in my hands and sank into the sofa, nearly in tears. I reminded myself gently that Pearl would be luring Black into the elevator, where White would be waiting, and she could take over from there. Surely Black wouldn't be able to say no to that girl in that shirt in that enclosed room.

And as for Lyra's task, well, after she got Red and Yellow onto the ledge that connected their two rooms, well, it would be cake to get them kissing, and pie to get pictures to prove it.

I didn't care. I wanted to be there for my plans to come to fruition! My OTP would be on the balcony, and I'd be missing it! It was like missing a solar eclipse or something!

I was on the verge of tears when I felt the couch sink next to me and an arm on my shoulder.

"Blue, you have a problem." I didn't look at Green. I was too mad at him. I thought I liked him, and now he'd ruined everything! "You have to stop running around like this, getting people together. It's not healthy."

"But… but… they're so happy! And they belong together!" Dammit, there were the tears. They poured down my face like it was raining from my eyes.

He met my eyes. "I know. It's okay."

I sniffled. "What are you, my mother?"

"Yes."

I stiffened, then looked up, eyes wide. "Wait! Waitwaitwait… did you just make a joke?"

"Maybe. Don't hold your breath, it won't happen again."

"…Okay."

For the longest time, I just curled up next to Green, feeling myself calm down. It wasn't difficult, with such a lump of a guy next to me. But he just had that effect, you know? Made me think that he was right, that everything would be okay. Regardless of whether Red ended up with Yellow, and so on…

And then I had another realization.

Then I grinned maliciously. "How do you know that this whole thing wasn't just an elaborate OldRivalShipping ploy?" I asked, leaning in and pecking him on the nose.

He didn't say much after that particular clandestine affair.

…

…

Author's Note: I hope that wasn't too bad! I would have shoved more of Blue's favorite shippings into this, but I didn't want it to seem too contrived. Blue may have mad skills, but she's not magic.

I will say that even I didn't know where this was going until halfway through.

Review! Even if it's to tell me that this made no sense whatsoever.