Disclaimer -Hey What is up People Just so you know i don't own The Hangover Or Naruto-
You've reached Shikamaru. Sorry I missed your call.
Please leave a name and number and I'll get back to you.
Hi, you've reached...
...Dr. Sasuke Uchiha with Divine Dentistry.
Please leave a message after...
Hey, this is Naruto.
Leave me a message or don 't.
Do me a favor, don 't text me. It's gay.
Temari's Mom - Anything?
Temari - I tried them all.
It keeps going straight to voicemail.
Temari's Mon - Well, there has to be an explanation.
Kage - Sweetie, it's Vegas.
You lose track of time in casinos.
There's no windows, there's no clocks.
He's probably on a heater.
And you never walk away from the table when you're on a heater.
Temari's Mom You do if you're getting married.
-Cell Phone Ringing-
Temari - Hello?
- Ahem, Ino, it's Naruto.
Temari - Naruto, where the hell are you guys?
I'm freaking out.
Naruto - Yeah, listen.
Uh...
We f*cked up.
Temari - What are you talking about?
Naruto - The bachelor party,
the whole night. It...
Things got out of control, uh...
...and we lost Shikamaru.
Temari - What?
Naruto- We can't find Shikamaru.
Temari - What are you saying, Naruto?
We're getting married in five hours.
Naruto - Yeah.
That's not gonna happen.
-Time Change 90 Hours Before And Scene Change House -
Neji The Taylor -To my left a little.
Back.
Okey-dokey.
Gaara - Whoa, watch it, pervert!
Shikamaru - Kiba, he's just doing your inseam.
Gaara - He's getting very close to my shaft.
Neji- All done. You can change now.
Shikamaru - Right. Thanks, Neji.
Thank you very much.
All right, buddy,
we should get a move on.
Gaara - You know, Shikamaru, I was thinking...
If you wanna go to Vegas without me,
that is totally cool, you know?
Shikamaru - What are you talking about?
Gaara -You know, Naruto and Sasuke, they're your buddies, and it's your bachelor party.
Shikamaru - Come on, Gaara. Those two love you.
Gaara - And also, I don't want you to feel like you have to hold back...
...because your wife's brother's there.
I just...
Shikamaru - It's not like that.
It's not like that.
I already told you, Gaara.
Okay We're just spending the night in Vegas. It's no big deal.
Besides, you're not just my wife's brother, you're my brother now.
Gaara - I want you to know, Shikamaru,
I'm a steel trap.
Whatever happens tonight, I will never, ever, ever, speak a word of it.
Shikamaru - Okay. Yeah, I got it. Thank you.
I don't think that...
Gaara - Seriously. I don't care what happens.
I don't care if we kill someone.
Shikamaru- What?
Garra - You heard me. It's Sin City.
I won't tell a soul.
Shikamaru - Okay. I got it.
Thank you.
Gaara - No, thank you.
I love you so much.
Shikamaru - No. Kage.
Really?
Kage - Come on, we're family now.
Shikamaru - You sure? I mean, you love this car.
Kage - Shikamaru, it's just a car.
Just make sure to put some Armor All on the tires so the sand doesn't seep in.
Shikamaru - Absolutely. That's easy.
Kage - Oh, and, uh, don't let Garra drive...
...because there's something wrong with him.
Shikamaru - Understood.
Kage - Oh, and Naruto either. I don't like him.
Shikamaru - I will be the only one driving this car.
I promise.
Kage - Good.
Remember, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
Shikamaru - Ah!
Kage - Except for herpes.
That shit'll come back with you.
-Scene Change Class Room-
Naruto - All right. Hold on. I still need some of your permission slips...
...and $90 for the field trip to the Griffith Observatory next weekend.
Pay now, or forever regret missing out on the experience of a lifetime, guys.
You're good, you got it.
Russel - Thanks, Mr. Uzumaki.
Naruto - Thank you, Russ.
Thanks. Thanks, Bobbitt, way to go.
Hold on, I got it.
Gaara - Ahem, do you have to park so close?
Shikamaru - Yeah. What's wrong?
Gaara - I shouldn't be here.
Shikamaru - Why is that, Gaara?
Gaara - I'm not supposed to be within 200 feet of a school.
Shikamaru - What?
Garra - Or a Chuck E. Cheese.
Random Kid - Mr. Uzumaki, I was...
Naruto - It's the weekend Butnick.
I don't know you. You do not exist.
Shit.
Shikamaru- Heh, heh, heh.
Naruto- Nice car.
Shikamaru- Yeah.
Naruto - I'm driving.
Shikamaru - Whoa, no chance,
buddy... Don't step...
God. Watch the leather...
Naruto - Shut up and drive before these nerds ask me another question.
Shikamaru - Animal.
Naruto - Who's this?
Shikamaru - It's Gaara. Temari's brother.
Gaara- I met you, like, four times.
Naruto - Oh, yeah. How you doing, man?
-Scene Change In Front of Sasuke's House-
Sakura - Don't forget your Rogaine.
Sasuke - Rogaine, check.
Sakura - And don't forget to use it.
I can totally tell when you forget,
your hair just looks thinner.
Sasuke - Using of the Rogaine, check.
Sakura - Make sure to call me right when you get to the hotel...
...not like that conference in Phoenix.
I had to wait two hours for you to call me.
Sasuke - Yeah, I was the keynote speaker.
I was late to the podium.
Sakura - Still?
Sasuke - Yeah, you're totally right. I'm sorry.
-He goes in for the kiss and she turns away-
Sasuke- What is the matter?
Sakura- I don't know.
I hope you're not gonna go to some strip club when you're up there.
Sasuke - Sakura, we're going to Napa Valley.
I don't even think they have strip clubs in wine country.
Sakura - Well, I'm sure if there is one,
Naruto will sniff it out.
Sasuke - It's not gonna be like that.
Besides, you know how I feel about that.
Sakura - I know, I know. It's just boys and their bachelor parties, it's gross.
Sasuke - You're right, it is gross.
Sakura - Not to mention it's pathetic.
Sasuke- Mm-hm.
Sakura- Those places are filthy.
Sasuke- Yeah.
Sakura - And the worst part is...
...that little girl...
...grinding and dry humping the fucking stage up there...
...that's somebody's daughter up there.
Sasuke - I was just gonna say that.
Sakura -See? I just wish your friends were as mature as you.
Sasuke - They are mature, actually. You just have to get to know them better.
Naruto - Paging Dr. Faggot.
Dr. Faggot!
Sasuke - I should go.
Sakura- That's a good idea, Dr. Faggot.
Sasuke - Have a good weekend.
I'm gonna miss you.
-He goes in for the kiss and she turns away so he kiss's shirt-
Gaara - Whoo!
Road trip!
Vegas! Vegas, baby!
Vegas!
Do or die!
-Get's Finger From Little Girl So He Turns Away Hurt Naruto - Come on, just till Barstow.
Everybody's passing us.
Shikamaru - Absolutely not. I promised Sid.
I will be the only one driving this car.
Besides, you're drinking.
Naruto - Oh, what are you, a cop now?
You know I drive great when I'm drunk.
Sasuke - That's true. Don't forget, Naruto was always our designated drunk driver.
Shikamaru - Yeah. You wanna explain it to them, Gaara?
Garra - Guys, my dad loves this car more than he loves me, so, yeah.
Naruto - Aw, whatever. I left my wife and kid at home so I could go with you guys to Vegas.
You know how difficult that was?
Gaara - That's really sweet Naruto.
Shikamaru - Yeah.
Naruto- Dude, I was being sarcastic.
I f*cking hate my life.
I may never go back.
I might stay in Vegas.
Shikamaru - Here we go.
Naruto - You know what Shikamaru, you should enjoy yourself,
because come Sunday...
...you're gonna start dying just a little bit every day.
Gaara - Yeah. That's why I've managed to stay single this whole time, you know?
Sasuke- Oh, really? That's why you're single?
Gaara- Yeah.
Sasuke - Cool. Good to know.
Shikamaru- Am I all right over there, Gaara ?
Gaara - Yeah, you're good.
Aw, Jesus Christ!
Naruto - Oh, my God!
Gaara - That was awesome!
Shikamaru -That was not awesome.
What's wrong with you?
Sasuke - That was insane. We almost just died.
Gaara - You should have seen your face.
Classic.
Naruto- That's funny. Ha-ha.
Shikamaru - It's not funny.
-Scene Change Gas Station-
Old Man- Boy, you've got a sweet ride there.
Gaara - Don't touch it.
Don't even look at it. Go on, get out.
You heard me.
Don't look at me, either.
-In Store-
Gaara - Yeah, you better walk on.
Naruto - He's actually kind of funny.
Shikamaru - Yeah, he means well.
Gaara - I'll hit an old man in public.
Naruto - Is he all there? Like, mentally?
Shikamaru - I think so. He's just an odd guy.
You know, he's kind of weird.
Naruto - I mean, should we be worried?
Shikamaru - No.
Naruto - All right.
Shikamaru - No.
Temari did mention that we shouldn't let him gamble.
Or drink too much.
Naruto - Jesus, he's like a gremlin.
Comes with instructions and shit.
Sasuke - And one water.
Shikamaru - All good with Sakura?
Sasuke- Oh, yeah.
Told her we're two hours outside of wine country, and she bought it.
Naruto - You think it's strange you've been in a relationship for years...
...and you have to lie about Vegas?
Sasuke - Yeah, I do.
But trust me, it's not worth the fight.
Naruto - Oh, so you can't go to Vegas...
...but she can f*ck a bellhop on a Carnival Cruise Line?
Shikamaru - Hey calm down.
Sasuke - Okay, first of all, he was a bartender.
And she was wasted.
And, if you must know,
he didn't even come inside her.
Naruto - And you believe that?
Sasuke - Uh, yeah, I do believe that,
because she's grossed out by semen.
Random Clerk - That'll be 32.50.
Naruto - It's 32.50, you gonna pay for it?
-He said to Sasuke-
-Back in car driving-
-Gaara reading worlds greatest blackjack book-
Gaara - It says here we should work in teams.
Who wants to be my spotter?
Shikamaru - I don't think you should be doing too much gambling tonight, Gaara.
Shikamaru - Gambling?
Who said anything about gambling?
It's not gambling when you know you're gonna win.
Counting cards is a foolproof system.
Sasuke - It's also illegal.
Gaara - It's not illegal, it's frowned upon,
like masturbating on an airplane.
Naruto - I'm pretty sure that's illegal too.
Gaara - Yeah, maybe after 9/11,
where everybody got so sensitive.
Thanks a lot, Bin Laden.
Shikamaru - Either way, you gotta be super smart to count cards, buddy, okay?
Gaara - Oh, really?
Shikamaru - It's not easy.
Gaara - Well maybe we should tell that to Rain Man...
...because he practically bankrupted a casino, and he was a ratard.
Sasuke - What?
Gaara - He was a ratard.
Shikamaru - Retard.
-Driving into Vegas-
Hot Babe - Hey
Naruto - Here we go.
Check In Lady - Hi, welcome to Caesars.
Naruto - Hello.
Check In Lady- Checking in?
Sasuke - Yeah. We have a reservation under Dr. Uchiha.
Check In Lady - Okay, let me look that up for you.
Naruto - Dr. Price?
Sas, you're a dentist, okay?
Don't try and get fancy.
Sasuke - It's not fancy if it's true.
Naruto - He's a dentist. Don't get too excited.
And if, uh, someone has a heart attack,
you should still call 911.
Check In Lady - We'll be sure to do that.
Gaara - Can I ask you a question? Do you know if the hotel's pager-friendly?
Check In Lady - What do you mean?
Gaara- I'm not getting a sig on my beeper.
Check In Lady - I'm not sure.
Gaara - Is there a payphone bank?
Bunch of payphones? Business.
Check In Lady - Um, there's a phone in your room.
Gaara - That'll work.
Check In Lady - So I have you in a two-bedroom suite on the 12th floor, is that okay?
Sasuke - It sounds perfect.
Naruto - Actually, I was wondering if you had any villas.
Sasuke - Naruto we're not even gonna be in the room.
Shikamaru - It's unnecessary.
Sasuke - No big deal. We can share beds.
It's one night.
Gaara - If we're share beds,
I'm bunking with Naruto.
You good with that?
Naruto- No, I'm not.
Guys, we are not sharing beds.
What are we, 12 years old?
Lisa, I apologize.
How much is the villa?
Lisa The Check In Lady - Well, we have one villa available,
and it's 4200 for the night.
Gaara - Is it awesome?
Lisa The Check In Lady - It's pretty awesome.
Naruto - We'll take it. Give her your credit card.
Sasuke - I can't give her my credit card.
Shikamaru- We'll split it.
Naruto - Are you crazy? No, this is on us.
Sasuke - You don't get it.
Sakura checks my statements.
Lisa The Check In Lady -We just need a credit card on file.
We won't charge you until check out,
so you can figure it out then.
Naruto - That's perfect. Thank you, Lisa.
We'll deal with it tomorrow. Come on.
Sasuke - Fine.
Gaara- Can I ask you another question?
Lisa The Check In Lady - Sure.
Gaara - You probably get this a lot.
This isn't the real Caesars Palace,
is it?
Lisa The Check In Lady - What do you mean?
Gaara - Did, uh...
Did Caesar live here?
Lisa The Check In Lady - Um, no.
Garra - I didn't think so.
End Of Chapter 1
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