Authors Notes: After playing ME and ME2 I simply had to go and try to white a story regarding Shepard (in this case Angie, not "generic" one) and Thane although others shall be mentioned swell. I am not giving up on other fic that I am working on but this one is in my main focus right now. Although this Prologue starts with a poem it is not poetry, so don't be fooled. The actual story begins with next chapter as this one only serves as setting ground lines for Shepard itself. I rated this as M, although I wont go into sexual specific (probably), it is just for being safe. Thank you for taking your time and reading it and please, I beg for your patience reading grammar, English is not my first language and definitely not my strong point. Reviews are much desired.

Updated: Hurray! My many thanks are extended to voltagelisa for correcting my many, many mistakes and making this chapter less choppy.

Names, locations, main plot and so on belong to all mighty BioWare, basically all that you recognize from the game; other things are of course mine, at places where credit is due it is stated so. Oh and just to be on the safe side: there should be some spoiler alert here - Spoiler Alert!

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Eros-Tanatos

I drunk, but not drunk thee all, Love.

Like enticing vine of sweetest wines,

absorbed thee, that I was no more sober

and I knew not, that thee are Death.

I gazed the direful blacks of thy abyss:

and because of my in bitterness

coverted glance, I knew not, Death,

that thee is most mystifying Love.

(Gradnik)

PROLOGUE

Angie "Shade" Shepard, commonly known as 'ASS' by her enemies, she was 'THE ASS'. Right the ass was walking straight to the lift and into her loft in order to remove the gore of the battle. She had succeeded once more, recruited yet another member for her crew, Samara, asari Justicar.

"By the code I will serve you, Shepard. Your choices are my choices. Your morals are my morals. Your wishes are my code."

She clearly remembered solemn oath that Samara has sworn to her, the Third Oath of Subsumation, the hardest one that any Justicar swears. Angie still had chills because of that, she felt honored and although she did not show it, she felt that she probably isn't worthy of it. And to top that, Samara didn't seemed to be curious about the mission they were on, she didn't ask hundred questions, she just looked at her and decided, she believed in her without not knowing her.

Why could Samara do that while Kaidan, who knew her, didn't even give her enough time to properly explain? Why?

The thought of the whole incident on Horizon made her anger resurface yet again and a brand new headache started to spread. She leaned against the terrarium, originally it was built to be a fish tank, but she despised fishes. The little leopard gecko hissed against the wall, made her turn around, forgetting about her thoughts for a tiny bit as she put some worms inside the walls of his home.

"There little guy, I bet you are hungry," she smiled. That reminded her that she had not eaten yet. With a sigh she removed her armor and walked into bathroom. Water always helped her to relax, to just be, enjoying it as casacaded down her skin. She loved water, probably because of childhood... She grew somewhere in the slums on the Earth, wretched place never earned a spot on the map, it was forgotten by the law, by everybody. Nobody cared for the lost souls there and even they, themselves didn't cared.

She never knew her parents, she didn't remembered anything. She was just there in those slums. All she knew was the most important things, she needs to eat, drink and sleep. There no time for baths, water was luxury... no time for games... unless it was the game of survival. That she was always good at – survival. She learned young that she had to be. There were only three ways to choose from to survive: One, you could be strong and menacing enough that you could beat all in your path and rule the streets. The second option was - you could become one of the invisibles, quick and stealthy. The third option... the last option... was death. She was just a tiny little girl, her bones strongly showing through her skin, more of a skeleton than anything else really. She was not a strong big bull, so she resorted to the second option, stealth. Even back then, death was not an option for her.

First she used her quickness and tiny physic to appear invisible so she could steal with ease. She knew how to steal, she stole a piece of bread here, and a glass of water there... It was living, of a sort. At the age of 8 she had the misfortune to stumble upon a drunkard, he wanted to take advantage of her and even at that age she would not allowed it... she had a knife, that nice little boy gave it to her...

What was his name... ah... Nicholas... bright blue eyes obscured by muddy brown hair... he died...

He was killed. Nicholas... she stabbed that dirty old bastard, stabbed him many times... Her first kill... messy... frightening... but it gave her strength, she learned a lesson...

Just two years later she was recruited by the local gang, one of more powerful ones, The Dragons. They had seen her defend herself against another old pervert and saw potential, so they promised her food, water and a bed to sleep in... her first true shelter. She accepted, they delivered. It was all about violence then, fighting for territories, stealing, running for dear life when owerpovered. But it was not all bad, they laughed, they sang, they danced, they ate... They become her family, they were hers and she was theirs.

Nanetya, Alginos, Serena, Ferdy, Piccolo, Andree, Gisele... brothers and sisters...BOOM... lost forever...

But it all ended with one well placed explosion... she lost them all. She was lucky, she was on the job, but it hurt, she loved them, they were her family... only family she ever knew.

It felt good to be in clean clothes. She combed her hair, tying it up and walked back out of her room, straight to the Mess Hall. Mess Sergeant Gardner smiled at her and she returned the smile. Promptly he gave her her plate, he already knew what she would have. Food became better now that they restocked with ingredients from the Citadel. Angie made sure of that, she wanted her crew to eat as good as possible. She walked to her table, sat down and dug in, savoring every bite.

She allowed her mind to drift back to the musings she had while cleaning herself up.

Then she realized that this life of crime doesn't lead anywhere but to an early grave. That was not for her, no, she would do something of herself. In a mere day her resolve was formed. She stole clean clothes, made herself as presentable as she could and walked straight to the Alliance Recruitment Post. As far she knew it was the very day of her 18th birthday. At first they laughed at her, but she didn't give in, she let the fire in her eyes shine. She even managed to subdue one of the soldiers there...

Well, he really didn't expect that from a shabby looking young girl.

Then they accepted her and it was heaven.

She loved the order, the discipline, the rules, the training – she loved it all. Once again felt like she had a family. It was heaven. It was not an easy start, she had to learn, she had to become stronger but she did it, against all odds her drill instructor told more than once. She worked her ass off and it worked out just nicely. To be honest, she even found enjoyment in reading whatever she would find.

But then Akuze happened. Her unit was trapped in extreme survival situation... all her unit fell to thresher maw in the end. She had seen them dissolve from the acid that damned beast spat... painful, gruesome, slow death... She was petrified, she ran, that was all she did was run... run for her life... and she escaped it, she survived... Her skin burning from the poison, her eyes red from tears, her screams caught in her lungs... but she ran, running like hell itself was after her. No stopping, no looking back... why would she, she knew all of them were dead already, she saw them, she couldn't do anything more for them... and she escaped. Eight days she was stranded there, without water, just laying down on the rock, not daring to set another foot back on the sand. She waited and she was rewarded... they came for her, took her away... She had to go into therapy and within three months she gathered herself and was once again back on duty. That experence hardened her...

What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.

Then she excelled in the missions, she was the very example of the Alliance soldier. They used her as a poster girl, not something she liked, but they did it anyhow. Shepard, every solder knew who she was...

Shepard - The Survivor.

As she was promoted to the rank of Commander she began her service on Normandy under Captain Anderson, he became sort of father figure to her, they befriended. She enjoyed her work, it gave her meaning, it gave her life meaning. And then she became the very first human Spectre, a honor and a burden... she hunt Saren, a Spectre gone rogue, indoctrinated by a Reaper. Reapers, a mystical being of the legends and yet it was proven they exist. A Reaper called Sovereign attached itself to the Citadel, wanting to open a relay, the sad part was the Citadel itself was a massive relay... but She and her team stopped it. Her ship led the whole human fleet first saving the Council, and then attacked the Reaper. While they fough in the air she fought Saren on the Citadel; well, not really Saren, but a possessed dead body of Saren. Saren had killed himself when she convinced him that there is still hope.

She sighed, placing the plate into the sink and walked back into her quarters. She sat behind her desk and went through her mail, some messages were nice, other... not so. She still ignored the one that Kaidan sent.

She flashed back to the rest of her history, what happened after killing Saren.

Then The Savior of the Citadel had many formal appearances, invited to dinners, they showcased her like a model, but nobody wanted to hear about the Reaper threat anymore. For them that threat did not exist anymore...

"You are more trouble than you are worth!" Fucking Udina!

Her relentless pointing out to them that the Reapers were coming became unbearable for them, they sent her and her crew to Terminus System to eradicate the last of Geth resistance. They all blame it on the Geth now... and there it happened that she was killed. Dead. Completely, utterly passed away.

R.I.P.

She got up and threw herself onto the bed, hoping that sleep would come soon, another recruitment waiting tomorrow... an assassin. She had no idea where to start looking.

Maybe Liara would know...

Yes, she would visit Liara... Liara already helped her with tracking down Samara...

She smiled sadly as she remember...

Nobody asked her if she wants to be resurrected. Nobody! It just happened. It was painful. It felt... not as herself. She woke by an unknown woman's voice, on a station that was under attack. All she could think about was survival... to escape. Only later she learned that it was Cerberus organization who revived her.

Fucking terrorists!

She has seen files, she has seen videos of the procedure... it was... unnatural... Shouldn't even be... wrong...

"Humanity needs you." smoking man said, Illusive Man as they call the prick. She hated him, she wanted to kill him. Yet she could not, he wasn't there in person, he knew she would attempt it... he was smart, too smart. He gave her a proposition she could not refuse... Better, a new Normandy, new crew, funds, information, everything. All she had to do is accept to lead a suicide mission to try and defeat Collectors.

Easy, simple, clean... slightly problematic... hahaha... what a joke!

Human colonies were vanishing. The Collectors were behind it, and behind Collectors were Reapers. She had no choice, she had to accept...

She bit into the pillow with frustration. The Alliance refused to help her, also the Council refused to help her. The only thing the council did was reinstated her as a Spectre... but those were just words... they didn't trust her...

Did they ever?

And then Kaidan... he turned his back on her on Horizon. He accused her of betraying Alliance, betraying what they believed in... her betraying him. He didn't even want to hear that she was dead... no, all he cared for was that she worked with Cerberus.

Stupid asshole!

No, she would not think of that... not anymore... it doesn't matters... Who cares that she died, there is nothing special in that. Who cares that she was brought back in life... nothing special in that either. Only thing that matters is that she successfully finishes the mission ahead. Not necessary coming out alive, that isn't important either, just saving the Galaxy is, saving all biological beings in it.

Why again do I want to save them?

Because it is in her blood, it is something she just has to do...

She fell asleep...