The Evolution of Mystique

Acceptance of one's life has nothing to do with resignation; it does not mean running away from the struggle. On the contrary, it means accepting it as it comes, with all the handicaps of heredity, of suffering, of psychological complexes and injustices-Paul Tournier

The thing is, Charles has never been very good at lying.

Raven thinks it might have something to do with his mutation; he always knows the truth about others and so he never really saw the point in lying. But no matter the reason, the point stands; Charles has never been very good at lying.

This is the reason she knows he doesn't think of her as a sister.

His oldest friend yes, but not a sister. Because one doesn't look at a sister the way that he sometimes does when he thinks that no one is watching. In those moments, he looks at her the way she wants to be looked at; his gaze fixing, only for a second on the curve of her rear, lingering over her breasts and then moving upward to the curve of her neck and her face.

And it's in those moments that Raven knows she could have him if she really wanted him.

No matter how close their friendship, he likes her body, and Raven knows why, even if Charles hasn't figured it out yet. What Charles hasn't realized is that she created this form for him; modeled off of his preferences until she was exactly what he likes.

It started harmlessly enough; she was a child with no home and she had wanted him to like her so he wouldn't change his mind and cast her out, and so she had become what he wanted to ensure that wouldn't happen. But then she had aged, become a teenager and developed a sex drive of her own, and because it had been Charles that she had been around, it had been Charles that she had wanted, and so it had been Charles's wants that she had modeled her form on. And so that's how she knows, standing in a hotel room in England, that it wouldn't take more than a short skirt, the right smile, and of course, the right face to have him.

Her blonde, human face, not her blue, mutant one.

But she doesn't push, doesn't call him out on his lie by shifting her form and pressing her body against his; doesn't use the tricks she's learned by practicing on boys that could make his hair fall out if he knew. Instead she keeps her face on and lets him read her to sleep, content enough to lie on his chest and listen to his voice.

It won't be until she meets Erik that she realizes why she did that.

Her first impression of Erik is guardedness, a sharp contrast to the relative openness that is Charles.

Upon closer inspection, afforded to her by the fact that she's got plenty of time to study him while she's sitting beside him in the back of the car on the way to the CIA facility Raven sees anger, coiled tightly below the surface, and wariness, which in itself is strangely comforting. Charles always sees the best in people, and so naturally he isn't worried in the least about the turn of events that they have found themselves in, but Raven isn't blessed with the same ability, and so it's reassuring to see someone else that isn't one hundred percent ok with this.

In return she gets a look from him; he scans her once over, and whereas the gesture might be uncomfortable from someone else, it isn't from him because she realizes that it's a look totally devoid of any sexual interest. It's not that he's cruel; rather instead it's a simple, impersonal acknowledgement that although she's attractive she doesn't do anything personally for him. And Raven, unlike many girls her age, decides not to take it personally, because she realizes that just because this look appeals to Charles and many others, it doesn't appeal to everyone, and also because she has the unique knowledge that if she really wanted to, she could certainly be his type.

And so, her pride unharmed, she dismisses him from her mind in favour of Hank, who shares her desire to be normal and who clearly has a personal interest in her. And everything is going pretty well until Erik interrupts, complimenting her way she looks and confusing her, because she may be young but she knows how to read men and so she knows she didn't misread that look in the car. But she also knows that he wasn't lying when he spoke, and it's more the confusion she feels than the fact that he mood is lost that has her saying goodnight to Hank and returning to her room alone.

Then comes the debacle with Shaw and Darwin and everything else is pushed out her mind, until they're back in the mansion and training, and Erik finds her again. And it's then that she comes to a rather shocking revelation; not, as he points out, that she's unable to accept herself as she is, because that's something that she's known for years, but rather that it isn't that Erik isn't interested in her, it's that he doesn't want her as anything other than her natural form.

And she knows she isn't wrong, because when she turns to glare at him for dropping a barbell on her head to make his point, she realizes that he isn't looking at her impersonally anymore. Rather his eyes are now heated as they travel across the curves of her blue body, lingering on her breasts and the flatness of her stomach before he notices her glance and leaves quickly before she can say anything. Once he's gone she puts the barbell and thinks, tries to put this new info in context. It's not that she doesn't realize that Erik is a handsome man; she realized that almost right after she met him but then it was only an academic thought. Erik had not been interested in her, and it hadn't seemed like a valuable use of her time to spend too much time considering it. Now however Raven realizes differently, and so now she isn't sure what exactly to do-what exactly she wants.

And so in her confusion she continues to go after Hank, because he's young, because he's like her and because they want the same things. But the thought that there is someone who wants her for her mutant face, for her natural face lingers and she can't help thinking about it, and like any seed it grows until its taken root. And then it all comes to a head when Hank comes to her with his formula, offering her a way to be normal. And when she tries to illuminate her new belief to him her shoots her down, insults her; hurts her, but not the deep, debilitating pain it could have been, because she's realized something about him.

She realizes that although they both want to be normal, her normal is different from his. She wants to be accepted, loved for who she is, while he wants to hide who he is and be like everyone else. And she's also realized that she isn't wrong to want that, because she can have that; because there is someone who wants her for her, and so she lets him go without a fight, throws his serum away and then there is only one place that she can really go.

And so that's how she ends up in Erik's bed, nude and wearing her human disguise, because although she's almost positive what he wants she still needs to test him, to be sure. And so she plays it coy; shifts in the older form of her human body when he tells her to come back in a few years. And then she shifts into her mutant form-her real form-and waits to see if he if he can give her what she needs. And he doesn't disappoint; he looks at her, the real her with desire and then he leans in and kisses blue lips, draws his hands surely up blue skin to tease her breasts, presses his body to hers so she can feel the evidence of his desire clearly.

He pauses then, only for a second, his face very serious, and asks her if she's sure that it's him that she wants. And in response she laughs, loudly and the sound is freeing before she tangles her hands in his hair and pulls him down to her and shows him exactly how much she wants him. He doesn't ask again.

Later, Raven slips out of Erik's bed with a kiss to his forehead and goes down to the kitchen to see Charles, free of any human disguise. There's a moment of satisfaction when he jumps at her form, but then he deliberately looks away, keeps his eyes securely off her and Raven starts to understand. Charles is a gentleman, and his sense of honour would never allow him to feel disgust, but there isn't any interest there, and suddenly Raven gets why she's never pushed. It's because he's like Hank in that he prefers her human face; because he doesn't really want her, he wants who she's pretending to be, and Raven wants-no deserves-someone who can look at her, blue skin at all and want her.

She deserves Erik; Erik who kissed her blue lips, Erik who touched her blue breasts, Erik who tangled his hands in her red hair as he looked into her yellow eyes.

Erik, who is waiting for her upstairs.

And so yes, although part of her wants to rage, sink her fist into his side just to make her feel better, a larger part of her realizes that her anger isn't really about him. It isn't his fault that he doesn't want her real form; it isn't really even his fault that he prefers her human body over her natural one either, especially considering that she designed her human form for him. And it isn't really about the hypocrisy that he can prefer her human form over her mutant one while preaching mutant pride. Rather it's the fact that it took her this long to see it, because looking back now, she realizes that it isn't a new thing. But now she realizes that in her pursuit to be normal, to be human, to be wanted she has ignored some truths about Charles.

As they had grown up over the years, she had swept certain things under the rug in her belief that he would grow out of his unrealistic optimism that everyone would just except them and it would be all sunshine and roses. But in doing so, she realizes now that she had ignored the fact that he is unable to realize that it is unrealistic. He doesn't want to be against the world; he wants to hide and be a part of it, and he is unable to realize that she can't do that and be who she is.

And so instead of screaming at him, instead of flaunting what she has done with Erik under Charles's roof, she marshals her anger and with a much more sedate parting shot then she wants to give, she simply turns away and returns to upstairs to Erik, taking a new truth with her.

She thinks there will always be a part of her that will love Charles, for the friend that he was when they were young and for the good man that he is now, but she doesn't want him anymore.

Mutant and proud.

It works for Mystique.

A/N: In watching First Class (which I loved!) I found myself interested in how Raven went from Charles's best friend to the Mystique that she was in the comics and in the first three X-Men movies. And because I'm apparently a Mystique/Magneto shipper now and have too much time on my hands I wrote this. I might do one in Erik's POV and Charles's as well if anyone is interested. As always, reviews and constructive criticism are welcome.