Hellraiser: The Humor Drabbles

Fun-shots made for...well...fun! The sweet, OOC, fluffy, adorable, humorous kind we all know would never happen in Labyrnith. Or...would they?

DISCLAIMER: YES-I have magically switched genders and transformed into the new identity of Clive Barker I indeed own Hellraiser. Psh. Yeah, right. If that were true- The Cenobites would've never died in HR2 (or at least put up a better fight against Channard), none of the shitty sequels after HR3 would happen, Pinhead and Kirsty would've hooked up already, and at least say whatever happened to poor Tiffany whom just disappears after HR2 and ceases to exist in any of the other movies.

#1: It's Pinhead's 'birthday'. His three adorable henchmen have decided to throw him a birthday party. It doesn't end well.

"There better be a proper explanation as to why you three have had me in basic terms as bound and gagged." Pinhead growled, losing his patience slowly as he was made blindfolded and lead through to some unknown place. There were several suspicious sounds heard, including several harsh hushes from the others to keep quiet, and a noise as though they had just transported to some unknown place.

The three leading him to the mysterious place, were none other than his three henchmen, Butterball, Chatterer, and Female. Sweet as they could be sometimes, Pinhead was growing increasingly annoyed as they refused to tell him where they were heading when finally, they had him stop in place.

"Okay...and now...open!" Female grinned, as Butterball took of his blindfold, and Pinhead blinked his coal black eyes at the new environment- or rather familiar one, that lay in front of him.

His hometown.

"Wha..what in the name of Leviathan are we doing here?" he questioned slowly and softly, as Chatterer made something of a mischievious grin.

'Well...we figured that for your birthday we'd do something extremely special.' the young Cenobite explained mentally to his Master, the abiltity he recently learned to master so he could communicate to the others.

"By returning me to a place of where only human memories lie?" Pinhead asked, still a bit confused as it was Butterball's turn to grin.

"A little something more special than that...you might wanna take a few hundred yards steps away." the heavy Cenobite giddily said, still confusing his Master as the four Cenobite (well three more or less with Pinhead just being forced to move) suddenly backed away quickly, almost as though in rather a precaution.

"Will you fools just tell me what is going-"

BOOM!

All of a sudden, all of the whole hometown suddenly exploded, almost as though someone had dropped bombs, and was immediately engulfed in deadly flames.

"Happy Birthday!" Female and Butterball chimed in at the same time, with Chatterer saying as well as the same time only mentally.

"OH MY LEVIATHAN WHAT HAVE YOU THREE DONE?" Pinhead shrieked, jaw dropped in horror at the sight of this.

"What do you mean? I thought you said you despised your hometown?" Female said, cocking her head to one side and her pale blue eyes filled with confusion.

"WHAT- I...I...I said I HATE KIRSTY COTTON'S HOMETOWN BECAUSE IT'S MADE UP OF 90% OF IDIOTS!" Pinhead screamed, all at the same time waving his arms about in shock.

"You don't hate Kirsty Cotton though, right?" Butterball peeped nervously and curious in hopes of changing the subject.

For the record, when you blow up your Master's hometown, don't expect to change the subject so easily.

Pinhead snapped his head over and gritted his teeth. "No stupid." he growled before continuing on the subject of his exploded hometown.

"Oh my- Nikoletta! What honestly made you think this was a good idea? For a birthday present?" he questioned in disbelief.

The beautiful Cenobite sulked her shoulders, taking a step back towards Chatterer as she then pointed to Butterball. "His idea!" she yelled.

Butterball gasped, as he pointed to Chatterer. "He got the bombs though!"

"I didn't do anything! The both of you did everything! I was just watching!" Chatterer retorted.

Female gasped, staring at Chatterer in mock for accusing her.

'Erm...I mean not you sweetheart. Just..fatboy did it!"

Butterball gasped as well, offended and folded his arms.

"Shut up you whiny brat!" he yelled.

"All three of you shut up! I want answers as to why you figured this was a good idea!" Pinhead roared, the loudest of the three and stopping an argument from happening.

"Well maybe it's because of the fact we've all been transformed into hideous, unearthly appearing monster-like demons obseessed in pain and pleasure which is no different than violent S&M sociopathes with a long history of dangerous violence due to being exposed and influenced by you." Female hissed, placing her hands on her hips and glaring.

Pinhead paused, quiet for a moment as he realized that everything she just said was 100% true.

"Oh." was all he could say.

"I do not understand how you keep forgetting that." she continued, almost groaning in frustration.

"Oh I thought it was because we bought him the Ark of Conevant for his surprise gift." Butterball blurted out, making the other two Cenobites face-palm themselves.

Pinhead stared, mortified about the horrible gift from his supposedly 'loyal' henchmen- because with these insane ideas, he figured they were just trying to kil him- or if they were so stupid that they didn't think that would happen.

There was another pause, as Chatterer looked up at the sky and suddenly seemed rather queasy and nervous.

"Er...well in that case...you're really not gonna like your birthday decorations." he told to Pinhead.

Wanna know what's in the sky? See 'Llamas with Hats 4' which this is based off of. The idea of the gift being the ark was mine and is not in the flick, but the 'decorations' are. Trust me. It's so messed up and hilarious.