I've been reading a lot of the very first few Death Note fanfics ever on Fanfiction. I've come to the conclusion that all of the older fics sorta have this whole different style to them (I'm not quite sure how else to explain it), and I've come to the conclusion that the older fics (from like 2006 and 2007 and such) are completely epic. And somehow a lot different than a lot of the DN fanfics you currently find on Fanfiction. Not saying that in a good or bad way—they're just different. So, I decided to try to try to use that style that I found in the old fics, and write a story about L and Light being handcuffed together. Light has always struck me as a bit of a clean freak, so I decided to make that be the topic of the initial chapter. I am still working on The Contest of Deep Dark Secrets. ^ ^; –w- I'll update that soon. Anyway, enjoy! I'm curious as to what you all think of this attempt.

It had only been a few hours since L had handcuffed Raito to himself, and Raito had an issue that was pressing on his mind. After a while, he decided to voice his problem.

"Ryuzaki." The metal handcuff clinked uncomfortably against the desk. He still had to get used to that...

"Yes, Raito-kun?" L didn't look up from his work.

"You are a brilliant detective..."

"Flattery? If Raito-kun believes that he is going to succeed in having me surrender my cake to him by using flattery, he is sadly mistaken. It is strawberry shortcake. Thus, it is amazing."

"Ahh—that's not it," Raito started. He tugged a bit on his shirt. "I wasn't trying to flatter you…and I don't want your cake. It's just—"

"Does Raito-kun have something against strawberry shortcake? Is it perhaps not godly enough for him? If that is the case, I would like to put it out there that this strawberry shortcake has a taste that makes it worthy of being labeled as divine."

L stared at the younger man intently, looking out for any sign at all—any microexpression—that could further indicate that he was guilty of being Kira. He saw none, but he also knew that Raito Yagami was a very talented actor.

"I'm not Kira," Raito grumbled. "And I don't really like cake. I don't really like sweet things at all, for that matter."

Well, that explains your personality…

"Anyway, what I was getting at was…I pride myself in having good hygiene…and…"

…and you, obviously, don't. Raito wanted to add, but restrained himself.

(coughcleanfreakcough)

L quirked his head to the side, waiting for Raito to get to the point. "I believe that Raito-kun should stop being dramatic and just say whatever it is he wishes to say." He bit his thumb thoughtfully.

"The thing is…how are we going to change clothes? Obviously, the handcuffs would not allow for us to change shirts…" Raito spat out, having decided that he had already spent too long getting to the point as it was.

"The solution is quite simple, really," L said, now bored by where their conversation was going.

"Oh?"

L took a bite out of his cake. "We won't change our shirts until Kira is caught."

Raito stared at the older man with a skeptical expression plastered onto his perfect face. "Surely you are joking, Ryuzaki," he chuckled weakly. "I mean, you can't mean that." Light had always been more or less OCD about sanitation-or perhaps he just had a fear of dirtiness. Whatever it was, being clean was a principle for him, as well as a bit of a pride thing. The thought of his coworkers thinking of him as a smelly suspect who never changed his clothes mortified him.

Ryuzaki was definitely joking, Raito knew. It would take months—perhaps even years—to find and catch Kira, especially since they weren't getting anywhere fast with L so convinced that the killer in question shared his identity with the teen the detective had chained himself to, mere hours ago. Certainly, L would not be okay with going that long without a clean set of clothing. Not to mention a shower. No, not even Ryuzaki would do something that absurd.

…Right?

Raito felt panic slowly rising in his chest as he considered the possibility that L perhaps had some insane, sick phobia of cleanliness. Or that L was perhaps such an extreme workaholic that he really didn't care whether or not he walked around in the same bland attire for months on end.

The more Raito thought about it, the more frightened he became.

Perhaps Ryuzaki never changed his clothes to begin with? Maybe he was such a recluse that he had forgotten that changing one's clothing every day was a regular—not to mention widely accepted—aspect of societal structure. Maybe he'd never changed his clothes before in his life. Maybe he was some sort of extremist.

Raito's mind was intruded by the unwanted image of a 6-year-old version of L; the very garments of which he currently clothed himself were draped over the boy. The clothing would have been much too large, of course, but Raito could just picture Watari handing the young child what would later become his signature white shirt and jeans and saying, "These shall be your new clothes. I know they are about 5 sizes too large, but you'll grow into them. No need to take them off, either. Don't worry about whether or not you are disgustingly dirty, for you are brilliant, and don't needn't worry about such things when you have the world to worry about," whilst smiling.

No, Raito assured himself. I need to focus. Watari is reasonable. L couldn't have been wearing the same clothes for 24 years. I have nothing to worry about.

All that thought had only taken about 5 seconds, and L had yet to respond. Raito waited for a few more seconds for L to say something, but the detective appeared to be in deep thought, staring at his computer screen.

"Uh, Ryuzaki…" Raito spoke up, feeling a bit awkward now. "You are joking, right?"

L didn't even look up from his work when he replied in monotone, "No, Raito-kun. I'm completely serious. I do not joke around."

Panic rose inside Raito even further, but his mind was still wasn't fully believing what L was telling him. He would rather die than have to wear the same shirt for such an extended period of time. He might even start to smell like L! Raito internally gagged at the mere notion.

"But…Ryuzaki, that's absurd." Raito tried to force the older man to think logically about this.

L tilted his head to the side again and looked the teen in the eye. "Surely a man of Raito-kun's intelligence is capable of capturing Kira, even while he is wearing a crusty shirt."

Crusty? ! Did L just use the word crusty to describe the condition of my shirt? !

Raito was beginning to feel ever so slightly nauseous.

Doing his best to appear calm, Raito attempted to reason with him. "I have standards, Ryuzaki. I'm sorry, but I refuse to accept that answer."

"Then admit you are Kira," L deadpanned.

Raito released a long, drawn-out groan. "But I'm not Kira. I'm just a guy who knows the meaning of the word 'hygiene.'"

"But Raito-kun, I do know the meaning of the word 'hygiene,'" L protested, sounding slightly distracted, as he was splitting his focus between the conversation and the data on the computer screen.

Raito was a bit fed up with L's uncaringness towards this obviously massive moral issue. "Yeah, sure." Raito glowered at him.

"Raito-kun's attitude has raised my suspicions of him by about 2 percent. Though, in order to prove Raito-kun wrong, I will have him know that I do understand the meaning of the word 'hygiene.' It is a condition or practice conducive to the preservation of health, as cleanliness."

Raito rolled his eyes. "You said you didn't joke." For some reason, he felt much calmer than he had just minutes before. He didn't think it was a good thing. Perhaps it was a symptom of one of the early stages of a stress-induced nervous breakdown. He almost hoped so, at this point. Maybe if he lost his marbles, L would have enough sense to send him to a hospital. And people were always provided with clean clothes at hospitals.

Raito wondered if he was being just a bit too obsessive about this whole dilemma.

"That was not a joke, Raito-kun. I assure you, that truly is the definition of hygiene. Dictionary dot com said so." L chewed a thumbnail.

Now, Raito was becoming desperate. He grabbed the detective by the shoulders and shook him. L, eyes wide, appeared alarmed at their sudden closeness and flinched under the younger man's touch. "Please, Ryuzaki. You don't honestly plan on not changing clothes for the remainder of the case. That's just…repulsive."

L considered this for a moment. "Indeed it is," he muttered, biting his thumb. "I'm infinitely relieved that we both have come to a mutual agreement on at least one personal matter."

"Huh? What?" Raito blinked.

"Because Raito-kun tried so desperately to get his own way, his Kira percentage has been raised by 4 percent," L said matter-of-factly. "Raito is now up to 28 percent."

"…"

"Raito-kun is staring at me."

"Yes. Yes he is." It took all Raito's willpower to not grind his teeth in intense irritation.

"May I inquire as to what the reason?"

"I merely wish to clarify. You will remove the handcuffs in order for us to change our clothes and put on new ones. Am I correct in making this statement?"

"…no." L's mouth formed a little O shape.

Raito's eye twitched. "Then what is your ingenious plan?"

"Quite simply, we will remove our garments by cutting them off of our bodies using a large pair of scissors."

"…Your jokes are slightly unnerving, Ryuzaki."

L cocked his head to the side. "As I already informed Raito-kun earlier, I do not joke around."

"..."

L appeared to be thoughtful for a moment. "However..." he started, "I do lie. Tell me, Raito-kun...am I lying?"

This was going to be a long case...

I feel like this was totally pointless, and plotless, and boring. –w- I'm not very happy with it. It was longer than I thought it would be, and it wasn't very funny. Even after I went back and changed a bunch of things, it didn't improve. o.e But, it was fun to write, and I'm most likely going to continue this with other problems/situations that could possibly present themselves to two people who are handcuffed to each other. Does anyone have any specific situations that they would like to see? Please tell me what you think. –w- Please? Click the shiny review button. O 3o

1147-175591-6550. This is now my lucky number. This code helped me counterhack a random hacker from Germany who was trying to crash my entire computer system earlier today remotely. Woot. Random, unnecessary pieces of info ftw. :D

Anyway, thanks for reading. ^ ^

~Ratt Kazamata

6/16/2011