A/N: Umm. Yeah, about that inexcusable delay...I hate myself for even pulling the RL card, but between marking final papers, arguing with first years over those marks, little brothers deploying, little brothers getting married, and oh, yeah, that thing called doctoral research, updating completely slipped my mind. As did writing and even inspiration (wave to my muse if you see her as I haven't in months). But I'm back now! Fully amped up to tackle this behemoth that gets more and more complicated every time I blink. As per usual, FF gets updated after my wordpress, especially given the rapid-strike deletions going around. And I extend my sympathies to all who have suffered this already. Anyway, hope you enjoy this!

Disclaimer: Yeah, yeah, we all know none of it belongs to any of us.

~"The only courage that matters is the kind that gets you from one minute to the next"~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook

Eric irritably waved his progeny off and turned his glare toward me. I was almost ashamed to admit that seeing his peevishness gave me a sense of relief; an annoyed Eric I could deal with, a tender and caring one not so much.

"Are you alright?" I winced as the words came out of my mouth. Apparently my filter was seriously damaged by the severe emotional and informational overload of the evening.

"I'm fine," was the brusque reply. He stopped glaring only to turn his head, completely dismissing me.

I was surprised by a small pang of disappointment. I had wanted the old Eric back, but I had been hoping for the charming, charismatic Eric of the past few days, not the cold, remote Sheriff. Not that he was the only one rocketing between extremes; my own emotions weren't quite stable and I was quite frankly fed up with the rollercoaster of feeling on which I found myself trapped.

I didn't let that stop me from being me, however, as I sassed back, "Yeah, right. You're about as far from fine as you can get."

Snickers broke out from our audience and I even thought I heard Pam's hissing amusement. Eric, on the other hand, really didn't like being called on his BS. He slowly pivoted on his heel and I nearly cringed at the look that promised death. I knew, however, that I could pretty much get away with anything with Eric. I'd exploited that in the past before I ever knew the reason for it, so I didn't see any reason to stop the status quo of our interactions. Especially since I was truly worried about his condition.

Despite my near surety of my immunity to Eric's lethal temper, I still breathed a sigh of relief as Jessica chose then to speak up in a quiet, timid voice quite unlike her normal exuberance. "Umm...'Scuse me, Your Grace, but what's gonna happen to Bill?"

Oh my Lord, I'd forgotten about Bill already. I felt like such a horrible person right at that moment, only being concerned with my problems and letting Jess comfort me when her Maker was facing some unknown fate. No matter how terrible he was at telling her anything she needed to know, and not to mention what he'd done to me, Gran would have been ashamed of my lack of compassion for the tight spot Jess was in, her very nature forcing her to worry about someone she really didn't care for much. Not to mention the whole turn the other cheek saying I could just hear Gran throwing at me, suggesting I should be the better person and forgive Bill his trespasses against me. I, however, was apparently not as good as Gran. A small but loud part of me wanted the satisfaction of knowing my betrayer, seducer and rapist would be paid back a portion of the suffering he'd dealt me and I couldn't bring myself to worry overmuch about his fate. The hurt was far too fresh.

Almost involuntarily, I turned to look up at Eric and was surprised to see not the triumphant leer over besting his rival but an expression of grim understanding.

Getting chills, I looked back over at the Ancient Pythoness, hoping beyond hope that I'd misinterpreted what Eric's look meant. Maybe I wasn't too far gone from my Christian values; I didn't necessarily want Bill finally dead, just out of my life.

There was a moment of silence that only added to the air of expectation. "William Compton is guilty only of disrupting an audience and attacking the participants. On other counts, he was following the orders of his regent and cannot be held accountable. He will be punished for his transgressions this night, then allowed to return to his normal existence."

I felt all the air pulled from my lungs and gasped uselessly. No, that couldn't be happening. Bill was sent to seduce me and had continuously lied, misled and used me. He couldn't simply be set loose to live across the cemetery from me again. I couldn't handle it. I just knew he wouldn't give up, especially after being publically humiliated at my hand.

Jason yelled out something about not "letting the scumbag near my sister." He was hushed by Niall and Sam, who both looked unhappy but resigned to the ruling. Poor Jess looked torn between being happy at her Maker's continued existence and worried for me.

Niall strode over to me and said, "My dear child, we will begin working on developing your gifts. You will not be left defenceless. You have a decent grasp already of defensive skills; we will begin to build on those." He gave me a gentle hug which calmed me immensely.

My eyes unconsciously sought out Eric's, even from the cradle of my great-grandfather's embrace. Eric's visible concern at my near-panic attack swung my erratic emotional compass back toward touched, but Niall's next words made the damn implacable mask I loathed reappear.

"Of course, once the blood bond exists, Compton will approach you at his own risk."

Dead silence reigned for a brief moment before an obviously unhappy Eric barked, "I need to speak to Sookie, in private." His stance dared anyone to gainsay his right to discuss our lives without an audience. When no objection was forthcoming he darted a look at me and simply turned on his heel and headed for the doors.

Niall gave me a final reassuring squeeze before releasing me and gently pushing me toward Eric's retreating form. I trailed behind him, really truly not wanting to have this discussion but knowing it was necessary on so many fronts. How Eric knew where to go, I had no idea, but we ended up in a cosy little den-like room full of plush leather furniture. I almost ran into Eric's suddenly motionless back, barely managing to stop in time.

He didn't turn around or speak for a moment. I could see the tension in his shoulders so let him gather his thoughts, even while I was freaking out in my own. I wasn't eager to start, but so much about this situation was still a big unknown to me and I hated not being in complete control of what was happening.

Eric slowly turned around and, despite knowing it was in my best interest not to, I met his gaze. He looked aggravated, weary and uncertain, but through it all was that swirl of feeling I'd only recently named.

I didn't know what he saw in my own face; I hardly knew what I was feeling. He sighed and reached out a hand to lightly brush my dishevelled hair back from my face.

"Sookie, I know this has already been an upsetting and unbearable evening for you, but I must speak with you about the Ancient Pythoness' proposal. I would hate, more than I already do the fact it has apparently come to this, for you to make this choice uninformed. Or even worse, out of some misguided sense of obligation." Eric shook his head, obviously just as lost as I was about what to do.

A growl rumbled from his chest. "This whole fucking situation is untenable." I was pretty sure I wasn't meant to hear that, given the way he'd muttered, but I felt better knowing I wasn't the only one thrown by where we found ourselves. If Eric was flustered and frustrated, I didn't feel quite as left in the dark as before.

Apparently he felt it best just to cut to the chase. "The blood bond would, in theory, provide a proxy for the Fae bond by tying the two of us together through blood magic, allowing a sense of each other to be exchanged without needing any sort of emotional attachment. From my understanding, it is but a pale imitation of the blending of souls fairy magic constructs, but obviously, the Prince and the Ancient Pythoness think being able to sense you through the blood would appease my end of the Fae bond, or at least trick it into submission so it stops drawing my energy to be maintained."

Ok, so far so good. I could follow the thought processes behind the substitution of one bond for another, but I had some serious trepidation about where Eric was heading with his mini-tutorial. There had to be some drawback, otherwise surely Eric, the consummate self-preservationist, would have simply tricked me into the blood bond by now. Guilt flashed through me as soon as that thought processed; that was unworthy of me and completely unfair to Eric as I was beginning to know him.

He grew even graver as he continued, "That being said, a blood bond is still a serious undertaking, one rarely done. If completed, I would be able to sense your location, feel your emotional state, all the usual perks of sharing blood, but it would be reciprocal and irrevocably bind us together. I'm unsure of how intense feeling each other would be and whether there is a way to dampen the receipt of the other's emotions. There would also be no escaping being considered mine by another vampire. Weres as well would sense my blood in you. I would leave you free to pursue your own life, but in the Supe world, you would undeniably be regarded as mine, something I know you detest, but in return you would always be protected from those wishing to gain from your ability."

He didn't say anything else for a moment and I figured he was done. The whole thing didn't really sound too bad, despite his obvious attempt to play up the negatives, which I actually appreciated in a weird way since full disclosure was rare in dealing with vamps. I would still be able to live my life and gain Eric's protection along with saving his life. I gathered up all the scraps of courage I could find and coolly stated, "So, fine, let's do this then. I'm not Bill's anymore so there's no one to object. Let's get this over with before he gets released." As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I knew mentioning Bill was a serious tactical error.

Eric straightened up and backed away, looking almost sad. "No."

I stared at him, confused and slightly hurt by his rejection. "What d'ya mean, no? There's the little fact of you'll die without it."

He sagged, the sudden burst of energy apparently draining him. I was scared by how quickly he was deteriorating. How long had he been going by force of will while I had my head up Bill's butt? He had never shown any sign of weakness until today, when it was the very end of the road. My awe of his inner strength increased tenfold. Just how much of his true nature had I missed due to my obsession with Bill and his lies?

Eric shook his head as he sank into a nearby chair, far less gracefully than normal. He seemed to be collapsing on himself and I grew more frightened. "I mean no. I will not bind you to me for you to punish Bill or merely to save my own life." He paused to gather strength and my panic rose. "Sookie, you don't understand. While I swear to you I would never force my emotions on you, a blood bond is permanent: you would be considered mine until your death and would never be able to take another as your lover, not without the severest of consequences. I also cannot predict how the two bonds would react and what impact the collision could have on you."

Eric paused again and grit his teeth. He hissed, obviously upset, as he continued, "You have to understand that I'm emotionally incapable of being without you. I didn't ask for such a thing, nor do I wish it upon you. Yes, a blood bond may be a stop-gap and can be done without reciprocal feelings, but the Fae bond, my attachment to you, will still be there, unclaimed. It will remain loose and fraying because it cannot be forced. Already it has prompted me to act irrationally and detrimentally and I do not know how it will react to having a shallow connection to you, whether it would have any influence on you through the blood."

He sighed, heavily and said, anguished and irritated all at once, "You do not know what it feels like, to be in your presence and yearn for you, to feel every aspect of my being strain to meet yours and find nothing reaching back. I am left with only half of my self. It may be craven of me, but I simply cannot tolerate feeling this way. It is both an agony and annoyance to be so dependent on another, to feel all these fucking emotions I eradicated so long ago, but there is nothing for it. It's done."

I didn't know what to say to that. That was everything I'd ever wanted and never wanted a man to say to me. That he, Mr. Sex-on-legs, longed for me gave me a powerful thrill, yet the fact I inadvertently caused him soul-deep pain hurt me as well. What further scared me though was that a part of me was aching for that kind of complete connection. I felt something inside me just barely begin to give way in the microsecond I considered being fully united with someone similarly joined to me, but I forced myself to focus on the bigger issue. "But Eric, wouldn't the blood bond help? I mean, you'd be able to fully feel me, right? So isn't that why the AP suggested it, to kind of tape over the Fae bond?"

We'd just gone over that, but I felt like he wasn't giving me the whole story on his reluctance. I mean, sure it was awfully considerate of him to be so concerned with the effects on me, even if I found myself surprisingly less agitated than I expected at the news it was either Eric or no one for the rest of my life, but I just knew there was something else going on behind those gorgeous blue eyes.

He looked down at his hands, refusing to meet my eyes which only ratcheted up my worry. Eric never backed down or looked away from me. "I do not want to always feel your distrust and antipathy of me. The little I feel now cuts deep enough. I know the idea of my love for you repulses you, and I cannot imagine your reaction to actually feeling it through the blood bond."

Oh, Eric. My heart fell through my chest at the pain in his voice. I didn't know what to do. I knelt down in front of his chair, making sure I had his attention as I stumbled my way through trying to explain my side of his objections.

"Eric, you're wrong. I mean, I don't hate you. And I don't...that is, this is all too much, too fast. After Bill...I didn't even know you had any feelings for me besides lust. I thought we were just getting to be friends and, I don't know, I guess just starting to really talk for the first time. I don't really know you, so how can you expect me to love you?" For some reason, I was focused on that aspect of what he'd said, rather than everything else that was likely far more important. I really needed to get a grip; something had to be resolved ASAP and getting stuck on relatively minor points, at least in comparison to saving Eric's existence, was not going to help. Then again, wasn't not reading the fine print the entire cause of the Bill situation? Why was my life so freaking screwed up?

Eric's response was almost cranky as he spat, "This is precisely why I did not wish you to know of my circumstances. Sookie, I don't expect nor want you to do or feel anything. I know your desire for independence, and coupled with your opinion of me, you really don't want to be irrevocably tied to me. And I for damn sure don't want you to agree because you feel you should. Really, don't worry about feeling guilty or pressured; I've accepted the outcome of this clusterfuck at this point." He sighed and shook off his irritation in favour of sardonic amusement that faded into sincerity. "At the risk of sounding like one of Pam's damn columns, I find myself feeling privileged to have had a long, full existence that culminated in my meeting you. Do you know how rare it is, among the partial-Fae, to find one's bond-mate? Let alone be able to form a Fae bond even as vampire? Sookie, you have honoured me by allowing me to feel things I have never even contemplated."

He bent down and brushed a feathery kiss on my forehead. "I may have never wished to hold such emotions, and did my share of cursing them, but I am exceedingly grateful for your appearance in my existence. You've certainly provided me an excellent and enjoyable challenge. And one wrapped in such a tantalizing package, at that." He pulled back, wearing a hint of a smirk that faded into a peaceful expression all too hauntingly reminiscent of Godric's last moments.

Tears had begun pouring down my face during his oration. I knew his pain was overwhelming, but I didn't care. That already fragile something inside me snapped at his submission to our unfair and unforeseeable situation and desperation poured forth, nearly drowning me in its intensity. "No! Stop it! Eric, just stop. I don't want you to leave. You can't just give up!" I flung myself into his arms, clutching at him, trying to pull him into me and keep him with me. "I'm selfish and cruel and I don't care that you want to end the pain. I want you to fight!"

It was such a sudden switch, this outpouring of need for him to be in my life. It was too much on top of everything else that had happened and I couldn't begin to untangle the Gordian knot of my feelings and what it all meant. True to form, I pushed all those feelings aside in favour of being angry at the fucked up mess we were in and Eric was a convenient target. I relished the cleansing feeling of white heat sweeping aside the flood of more complex emotions as I started getting mad, no livid, with his defeatist attitude. "Eric Northman, what the hell do you think you're doing, letting emotions rule you? You're vampire! You don't feel things for humans and you certainly don't let those emotions take away your survival instinct!"

He smirked, that annoying and gloriously attractive upturn of lips only provoking my ire further. "You sound like Pam. She's been berating me about my duties and even had the gall to quote some of the pithier phrases about vampire superiority I gave her after she first rose. It isn't the same anymore, however. In letting myself embrace all of the feelings I have for you, my nature isn't purely vampire; I've recovered some of both my damn humanity and my Fae emotionality." He scowled, obviously at war with the vampire that said he had to repress all emotions while his fairy essence swept him along a current of dangerous feelings. He added with a pointed glance at me, "You of all people should know how even a hint of fairy blood allows for greater depths of emotion to suddenly take you over."

Well, I guessed I was rather prone to emotional outbursts. Before Gran died, I was almost always cheerful, with sudden bursts of happiness taking me over for no good reason. After her death and with Bill's blood influence, however, more violent dislike and anger were never far from the surface. If that was a product of being a Fae/human mix, I didn't even want to think about how hard it must be for poor Eric. He must be fighting a constant internal battle. Which brought up a good point.

I had to know. I hated that I had to know, but there was no stopping the words coming out of my mouth. "Eric, why did you let yourself ...feel? For me, I mean. I'm nothing special, just a dumb redneck waitress with a disability, too stupid and too happy to have male attention to see that her boyfriend was only stringing her along." I could tell he didn't like that and it was sweet that he thought differently, but I wasn't done. "And not to mention, I never gave you any reason to think I'd reciprocate. I mean, I was always yelling at you or demanding your help. So, why?"

I didn't want to be cruel, but the truth was, until recently I had allowed Bill to lead me by the nose and I had gathered up every negative emotion and used it as a shield, or more appropriately a battering ram, around Eric, refusing to acknowledge my innate draw toward the Sheriff. So why on God's green earth would he have even begun to entertain any kind feelings for me, let alone care...no, if he could feel it, I could at least do him the courtesy of saying it...fall in love with me?

I had lowered my head while talking, not wanting to look into those hypnotic blue orbs especially if he was hurt by my words, so it was a bit of a shock to feel a large, cool palm cup my cheek. I wanted to cry for the infinitely tender touch, so at odds with everything I'd ever expected from the fierce warrior in front of me.

"Sookie, look at me." His palm merely pressed against my face, not forcing me to meet his eyes, which of course made me look up anyway. We locked eyes and I was again drawn to and warmed by that something in his gaze I could now identify as a terrifyingly deep and complex love for me. "You silly girl. You are worth so much more than you know. You continue to see yourself as those ignorant and small minded humans you have been surrounded by have taught you. If nothing else, I wish for you to realize just how extraordinary your fire, loyalty, intellect, and bravery are, especially considering the trials you have already faced. Never doubt your own worth, beyond that of your gift. How many innocent and gently raised young ladies would ever have challenged a 1000 year old vampire, in his own den as it were? From the very first, your vivacity and gentle grace intrigued me and you continued to draw me in with every demonstration of your fierce independence yet steadfast loyalty to those you hold dear. Your contradictory nature holds me in thrall. How could I not love you? Even if you were never to be mine, how could I ever wish to deny the admiration you inspire in me?"

Tears, more damn tears, rolled down my cheeks. Oh God, how much it hurt to hear Eric of all people say these things. It only compounded my guilt. How could I have misjudged him so badly, for so long?

I didn't love him, I knew that, but I realized just then that I had never really even seen him. All my prejudice and suspicions had been fed by an anxious Bill, eager to foster false perceptions of the vampire world so I would be forced to turn to him for protection.

Eric gently swiped his thumbs under my eyes, catching my tears. That act of tenderness was the last straw for my already battered system. My emotions crashed into my soul with the force of a tidal wave, short circuiting my entire body. Everything went numb and then limp and I barely registered arms catching me as the world went black.