I

Therefore I am Fired

"Sola! Come here before I give up on your useless case and drill a hole in your head!" Szayel screamed as I vaulted my way through the mess that he had just created. I had to assume that his last experiment didn't go well by all the shattered beakers. It was just a guess. The death threats were the daily coffee around here. It woke you up and made you start jumping.

"What can I help you with?" I surveyed the taller man's back as he gripped some sort of jar that was labeled: "toxic do not drink/touch/smell/spill".

"I need you-no-I need you to-no-I will need you to…" his hand constricted on the jar. I shoved a piece of glass around with my toe. He would get to it eventually. The glass jammed in a crevasse and casually slipped into the residence of my big toe. I bit my tongue. Too late, an infamous 'ouch' already left the station.

"WOULD YOU JUST SHUT UP!" I eluded the flying toxin, a new hole started to grow in the already demolished wall, "You don't know when to be quiet. Yammering all the time, it ruins my thoughts. I almost figured out how reassemble my experiment before you started making stupid noises."

An impish smile dragged its self across his face, "Ah, of course, you have already figured it out, haven't you now? Please, enlighten me. How should I get my experiment back?"

I glanced around. I couldn't see an arm or a leg of whatever he had been working on. Liquid, papers, wires, glass, and part of the ceiling looked like they had been massacred where they previously stood.

"Uh…" drawled out of my mouth, "Maybe…" I floundered around, "A mop? A broom? …bucket?"

Szayel smirked and his voice got a familiar edge to it, "And this is the reason that you have been stuck with me; as a cruel joke shot into the audience for the amusement of others. You are truly worthless."

"Can I say it?" I pointed my finger into the air, "I've never said it to myself before." The scientist was too caught off guard to counter my interjection.

I slithered my voice with as much sap as possible, "Sola, I deem you ineffective and a hassle. Without further ado, I reject you from my fracción." I threw out my hand and tilted my head up in the best boastful manner I could.

"Then you'll go on to gloat about how almost every single Espada has done the same as you, Szayel." I sassed at him. It didn't even replay for a millimeter of all the sweeping glass, cleaning tubes, and washing out gunk from who-knows-what that he ordered me do.

The Espada's hand shot out and slithered around my throat. To my surprise, Szayel dragged me off my feet. I thought he was weaker than that. His breath smelled minty unfresh as I pretended that I didn't notice that there wasn't any air coming through my air pipe.

"You are broken, Arrancar," His other hand went to my slash and yanked out my sword to prove his point, "soon Lord Aizen will get past this delusion he has about you being a fracción. You will die and I will be there to dissect the pieces."

Bang went the lab's door and smash went my body as it collided with the inevitable wall. I probably would have split my head open if I wasn't used to being thrown out entryways. I sat there on the pure white floor and spat blood from my cracked lip. Oops, the floor wasn't white anymore.

"Hey," I looked up at the passing Arrancar as my left eye started closing from the impact. I knew I was quite the sight now.

The door flew open and out came the yell, "And take your stupid sword!"

The Espada jumped back to avoid the said object from impaling him. Sword came scuttling through the air, aimed straight for my head. It didn't make it, instead it settled for right next to my ear.

"Guess what? I'm your new fracción now," Ulquiorra paused and looked down at me incredulously.

I wiped my lip again.

Ah well, so much for a good first impressions.

There is more to come, trust me. This story is basically practice for me to get my style and writing skills back after such a long time away. A review always gives the invisible awesome badge in my book. :)

-Quinhwyvar

Bleach, Ulquiorra and co. do not belong to me but to the awesome Tite Kubo. Sola is my own creation, therefore copyrighted to me (she disproves of this).