And I am back! With another songfic XD This time, surprisingly not FrUk, but I have someone else on my muse right now. Gilbert and Luddy awesomesauce!

If you see romance, you must have squinted. Totally AU for the same Uni!Verse as The Only Exception

Please Review

Hold Me
Like The River Jordan
And I Will Then Say To Thee
You Are My Friend

The Beilshmidts were a busy couple. Ludwig wasn't entirely sure what they did, but he knew that it was enough for them to be never be home. At the ripe age of seventeen, it was his older brother, Gilbert who was raising him with all the proper morals and rules that he didn't exactly follow himself. Regardless, Ludwig followed them to the letter, not only because Gilbert was the only voice of true authority in the younger brother's life, but because Gilbert was a true friend and the best brother that one could ever ask for.

There was a gentleness about him, that Ludwig couldn't explain in his ten year old vocabulary. Yet, it was a gentleness spared only for Ludwig and it made him feel special, even though he was neglected by their parents.

It wasn't exactly a normal childhood to be raised by your brother when you had proper parents to do the job. Yet, it couldn't be said that Mr and Mrs Beilshmidt were good parents. It was quite the opposite and though Ludwig knew Gilbert wouldn't say it directly to his face, it was clear that the older brother greatly resented them.

Carry Me
Like You Are My Brother
Love Me Like A Mother
Will You Be There?

Gilbert had always stood tall and it wouldn't be until much later on in time that Ludwig would be the taller of the two. Yet, Gilbert always seemed taller. Always older than he truly was. Even as a ten year old child, Ludwig knew that it wasn't right, but he selfishly, he clung to the affection his brother showed him.

Gilbert was a better father and a better mother than their own parents. Always making sure to be there on time to pick Ludwig up from school. Greeting him with a playful rustle of the hair which Ludwig would never grow too old for – even when he did eventually outgrow the older brother.

Ludwig had never really imagined life without his brother. He was a child, how could he have? This was the one person he had always been able to rely on to be there for him. The one person who would kneel down and clean his scrapes and bruises when he fell down from his bike and then demand he 'get back on and try again', but with an air of gentleness behind the rough tone.

No, Ludwig never imagined life without his brother. He thought it an impossibility, really. Gilbert was the invincible one. The unbeatable one. His best friend, brother, father, mother.

But with the sound of the screeching tires in his ears and the sight of his brother's bloody body in front of his eyes, it was the first time ten year old Ludwig thought of the possibility of life without Gilbert.

Weary
Tell Me Will You Hold Me
When Wrong, Will You Scold Me
When Lost Will You Find Me?

"C'mere, Luddy..." The first words spoken were Gilbert's and Ludwig could do nothing, but stare.

The bandages did nothing to help Gilbert's pale complexion, but his ruby eyes were as bright as ever. Sparkling with some sort of mischief as they always had, but there was something deeper to them that Ludwig could not identify.

Gilbert had been in and out of consciousness for days (or it could have been weeks) and there was only a brief visit from Mr and Mrs Beilshmidt to ensure that their son was okay. They didn't stay long, muttering something about work and allowing Ludwig to stay in his brother's presence before they were off again.

Ten year old Ludwig was left alone with the possibility that his brother would never be normal again. Not that he was normal to begin with, but that Gilbert would never be the Gilbert that Ludwig really knew. Or that he'd die.

Ludwig was terrified of that prospect, but it was a much less worry now as Gilbert stared at him and saw him and smiled at him and reached his arms up beckoning him to come to the bed. It must have hurt, but that was only a brief thought in Ludwig's mind as he ran forwards, climbed into the bed and hugged Gilbert as tightly as he could muster.

"...don't cry, Luddy. 'm fine, see? All intact." There was something half-hearted about Gilbert's tone, but Ludwig didn't care.

Gilbert was alive and that was what mattered.

But They Told Me
A Man Should Be Faithful
And Walk When Not Able
And Fight Till The End
But I'm Only Human

Complications, however, were inevitable. It was soon learned that there had been an issue and that for the rest of his life, Gilbert would need some assistance to walk. The limp in his step was obvious, but it didn't deter Gilbert – as though he'd known from the beginning that there would be something like this to deal with.

He was human and he was alive and to Ludwig, that was what was most important. Gilbert would always be there.

So he assumed, but more complications arose after the accident.

There had been a particularly loud argument between Mr and Mrs Beilshmidt and Gilbert. Gilbert had just graduated high school, was leaning against his cane and shouting at the top of his lungs.

Ludwig couldn't help, but overhear that it was about him – that he was to replace Gilbert's place in the family business. Gilbert's loud exclamation that he never wanted it anyways, that it was just their way of taking over their lives without having truly been in them to begin with.

Ludwig felt the accusations harsh and he wilted, hiding in the shadows of the doorway as he watched on. Gilbert's attention soon flickered to him and the now eleven year old boy couldn't help, but see the anger fade and he couldn't help, but hear the roughness quiet and soften.

"I'm leaving. I can't take this shit anymore. We aren't your toys. We aren't just 'heirs and successors' to this stupid company you call 'family'." Gilbert said it firmly, watching Ludwig the entire time.

Ludwig knew then that Gilbert meant it with all of his being, but it didn't keep him from feeling abandoned.

Everyone's Taking Control Of Me
Seems That The World's
Got A Role For Me
I'm So Confused
Will You Show To Me
You'll Be There For Me
And Care Enough To Bear Me

Five years. It felt like eternity, really. Ludwig still saw Gilbert often, considering when Mr and Mrs Beilshmidt were on business trips, the older brother always came by to make sure that Ludwig was faring well. He still made sure Ludwig ate properly, got to school on time, got home safely.

Not much had really changed other than Gilbert no longer lived with him. Yet, it was when Mr and Mrs Beilshmidt were gone that Ludwig spent the most time at Gilbert's small apartment because ironically, that felt more like home than anything else.

It was when Ludwig was here, that nothing was expected of him. Gilbert had studies to attend to as well as his full-time job to pay his bills, despite his slight disability. Yet, even though he was busy, he didn't leave notes of 'to-do' lists or specific etiquette that Ludwig had to follow. There was no specific role for him to fall into like there was back at the house of the Beilshmidts.

Back at that house, Ludwig was not a human being, but a lifeline to the future of their company. A company that he was taught about and told to study thoroughly. He had to cram every little bit of that information in his head without even being told he was doing a good job.

"Gilbert..."

"Hm?" Exhausted eyes lifted up from their studies to peer at the younger brother, who pursed his lips and shifted his weight from foot to foot.

Gilbert stared at him for only a moment before he put his pencil down and stood. He stumbled slightly, reaching for the back of the chair to keep him steady lest he collapse down and need to be picked back up.

His leg hadn't gotten worse, but it hadn't gotten better since the accident. He still needed something to keep his balance and he always would.

"C'mere, Luddy." Gilbert's voice was soft and Ludwig stared at him, eyes only a little watery before he obliged.

He didn't run to him like he did when he was ten, but he did move quickly – not wanting to keep his brother waiting. Gilbert could only stand for so long and Ludwig knew, that had Gilbert been able, he would have went to him instead.

Gently patting down his brother's hair, Gilbert smiled a little.

"You don't have to be anything you don't want to, understand?" It was a little piece of wisdom from the mind of someone often seen as the opposite of wise.

A week later, Ludwig left the house of Mr and Mrs Beilshmidt to live with his brother. He finished high school the next year, picked up a job (against Gilbert's wishes) before he hurried himself into university.

It was a good life, despite being a struggle.

(Hold Me)
(Lay Your Head Lowly)
(Softly Then Boldly)
(Carry Me There)

Ludwig never stopped getting letters from his parents. All of them stating that Gilbert was a horrible influence and that if Ludwig came back, he'd become a wealthy man.

Ludwig never responded to them, but he never told Gilbert about them either (although the older brother was always suspicious). They had more important things to worry about anyway. School, work, bills, life.

Gilbert worked harder than people gave him credit for. Eventually, becoming a History professor at the university he learned from. Learning from his brother's experiences, it wasn't much of a surprise that Ludwig would follow suit, but in the field of Engineering.

The two brothers were happy with their stationed lives together. They remained living together, taking care of one another (had Ludwig not lived with Gilbert, the apartment would have been a pig-sty), going drinking together.

Some nights, Gilbert would have nightmares about the accident. Those nights, Ludwig assumed that his brother dreamt of an alternative ending, but he never got the truth out of him. Regardless, Ludwig had the same nightmares some nights as well as he didn't deny feeling some amount of guilt – despite having really no fault at all.

Had Gilbert not had to pick him up from school that day, they wouldn't have been on the cross-walk and Ludwig wouldn't have wandered ahead and Gilbert wouldn't have had to push him out of the way before being struck by the driver.

Those nights, neither of them slept. For if Gilbert had the nightmares, Ludwig would go to comfort him, despite the older man's grumbles and complaints. If Ludwig had the nightmares, Gilbert would go to him and tell him ridiculous tales of stupid adventures.

Either that, or they'd go on a late night adventure to the bar and they'd need a taxi to get home.

(Lead Me)
(Love Me And Feed Me)
(Kiss Me And Free Me)
(I Will Feel Blessed)

The letters from Mr and Mrs Beilshmidt to Ludwig never stopped coming even as another year ticked by.

Gilbert often told stories of the English and French professor disappearing down the hall into the janitor's closet. Ludwig didn't believe them, but they were amusing to listen to anyway.

"I swear, Luddy! They did! I could hear the sounds from the classroom!"

"Of course, Gilbert."

"I'm tellin' the truth!" Gilbert always insisted that it was the truth – Ludwig would have been inclined to believe him had he not seen Mr Bonnefoy and Mr Kirkland arguing in the hall the day the alleged incident Gilbert spoke of occurred.

Yet, Gilbert seemed to be coming home with a lot more stories lately. All of them just amusing as the last, some of the believable, others not. Ludwig still listened dutifully, nodding his head slightly as he passed his brother another beer if they didn't have as much work to be done as they usually did.

The bills were still there and they still struggled, but life was still good. They had each other, they were happy.

Even if Gilbert had been a little out of breath lately. Ludwig had attributed it to the fact that his brother wasn't terribly active and had softened a little bit in the last few years. Gilbert always replied with a flip of the finger and a polite 'fuck you'.

(Carry)
(Carry Me Boldly)
(Lift Me Up Slowly)
(Carry Me There)

Gilbert had once insisted that Mr and Mrs Beilshmidt would be the death of him. Ludwig had always laughed it off, disbelieving. Yes, their parents were rather horrible parents, but not that horrible. They just didn't like Gilbert – that was fine. A lot of people didn't.

Yet, when he got the call that Gilbert was in the hospital, there was a brief prick in his mind that thought of them. At least until he heard that Gilbert had been drunkenly wandering across the street without paying attention before he'd been struck.

Ludwig just decided that Gilbert was an idiot and cars apparently had it out for them.

"'m fine, Luddy! Look, just a broken arm!" Gilbert had insisted, grinning broadly from the hospital bed as he peered up at his brother who hovered over him with both a look of annoyance and concern.

Ludwig poked the cast and Gilbert's face went red as he bit back a yelp. Ludwig didn't look convinced that Gilbert was okay.

"If you were fine, then we would not still be here." He stated blandly and Gilbert rolled his eyes.

"Just precaution. I'm fine."

Ironically, Gilbert's drunken incident with the second car that could have killed him, probably saved his life.

The first accident had caused irreparable damage to Gilbert's internal organs. Specifically his heart. At the time, the injury had healed and was not life-threatening. Yet, in the recent years, it seemed to have been the catalyst of something much more severe. Something severe enough for Gilbert to need a transplant. Something incredibly expensive that they couldn't afford.

Gilbert easily accepted this. Ludwig refused to. There was no way that he was going to lose his brother to this when Gilbert had survived so much.

He received another letter the next day from Mr and Mrs Beilshmidt.

Ludwig finally sent a reply, even if it was against his better judgement. Yet, this was for Gilbert. That thought in itself was incredibly comforting.

(Save Me)
(Heal Me And Bathe Me)
(Softly You Say To Me)
(I Will Be There)

To say that Gilbert was furious about Ludwig suddenly admitting he was receiving letters would be an understatement. To say that Gilbert was enraged about Ludwig accepting the offer given in those letters would be an understatement. Never in all of their years as brothers had Gilbert given Ludwig the silent treatment – this was the first time.

They didn't talk for two hours because of Gilbert's sheer will alone. And Gilbert had a lot of will to survive through the ordeals he had survived through. It didn't overpower the fact that he was human, however. Human with a declining health condition that would eventually kill him unless he got the transplant he needed.

"...when are you leaving?" The first words spoken were from Gilbert, whose shoulders were slumped and his eyes hidden beneath the silver of his hair.

Ludwig stared at him for a moment, the brief feeling of joy at being spoken to flitting away at the words.

"Two weeks. I am writing my two weeks' notice to the university now." He could waste no time.

Gilbert didn't understand just how important his life was to his little brother and Ludwig knew that had he told him why he was doing this, he still wouldn't understand. Gilbert sold his own life too short. He didn't realise his own worth.

Just like Gilbert would do everything he could for Ludwig, Ludwig would do everything he could for Gilbert – especially if it meant keeping him alive.

"...okay. G- guess we should plan something awesome then. For when you go away..."

"Why? You will be coming with me." There was no way in hell that Ludwig would leave his sick brother alone here, unable to work due to the fact his own body was working against him.

"What?" Gilbert stared, disbelieving.

"You heard me. I am writing your resignation papers as well. Due to illness, of course." If Ludwig thought for a moment Gilbert would be happy with this, he was mistaken.

Yet, the older brother did not shout with fury. He did not protest. Not as he normally would. No, Gilbert instead went to the fridge, pulled out a beer and downed it.

Ludwig didn't stop him.

(Lift Me)
(Lift Me Up Slowly)
(Carry Me Boldly)
(Show Me You Care)

The moving process was not long. By the time both brothers had resigned from their loved job at the university, they already had everything out of their apartment and were on their way to somewhere new. It was three hours of awkwardness in the car. Gilbert's cane resting in the back and his head resting against the window.

Ludwig would have asked what was on his mind, but decided against it. He was afraid to know, because Gilbert wasted no punches when it came to blurting out the truth. Ludwig didn't want to know what the truth was if it regarded his thoughts on the current matter.

It took less than a week for them to get situated in their new house. Not a home, because how could it be a home? No, their tiny little apartment three hours back was a home. This felt like a prison. Especially to Ludwig, who would return to that house late that night after signing a multitude of contracts that kept him so tied down that it must have been prison.

The evidence that Gilbert had tried to wait up for him was directly in front of him as he stepped inside. Some empty beer bottles laid strewn about and Gilbert was fast asleep on the couch.

Sighing a little, the younger brother went to retrieve a blanket to cover his brother. He would have carried him to bed, but he didn't want to wake him up. Gilbert would need all the rest he could get – especially for the future. They didn't know how long it would take for Gilbert's condition to deteriorate, but Ludwig made a mental promise to empty all of the beer from the house just in case that would hasten the process.

(Hold Me)
(Lay Your Head Lowly)
(Softly Then Boldly)
(Carry Me There)

Gilbert's stories became less and less. He didn't venture out much anymore and as time ticked on and his already pale complexion had paled further. It wasn't entirely his fault, Ludwig knew, but to him, it felt like his brother was giving up. Which wasn't like him.

It didn't dawn on him until Gilbert was forcing himself to stay awake to greet Ludwig home from work, that perhaps Gilbert felt lonely and strange in this new neighbourhood. Ignored, perhaps.

Ludwig had been working incredibly hard. He did indeed get a lot of money working for the company their parents owned, but he still didn't have nearly enough. He had been spending as much time at work as he could, and in turn, had forgotten that his brother was still alive and alone at the house which was not too unlike a prison.

"Gilbert...you should sleep." Ludwig murmured softly, reaching out to ruffle his brother's hair like Gilbert used to do to him.

But now, Gilbert who used to be so tall and so strong, was so small and so weak. Not that Ludwig would say that, considering the older brother would deny it with all of his being (he was sensitive about his height now that Ludwig was a good foot taller), but it didn't keep him from feeling it.

Gilbert wasn't used to being taken care of in this aspect. To the point where he rarely saw Ludwig for several days on end, no matter how late he stayed up.

Even though Gilbert was quite probably dying, he didn't change this. Even when he grew weaker, more tired, and could hardly stay up past five in the afternoon.

"No." Gilbert muttered faintly in response, pulling away from Ludwig's touch.

"I don't want to sleep. I want to talk to you. For one minute...if you can even spare me that." And there was that resentment in his tone that Ludwig recognised from years ago.

It had once only been reserved for Mr and Mrs Beilshmidt.

Instead of doing his work right away, he stayed up as long as Gilbert could muster and they just talked. Gilbert even re-used some of his old stories for the sake of making things a little more interesting.

(Need Me)
(Love Me And Feed Me)
(Kiss Me And Free Me)
(I Will Feel Blessed)

It surprising took almost a year before Gilbert had to finally be taken to the hospital to spend the rest of his time there. Ludwig wanted to say that it wouldn't be for very long, but with Gilbert so convinced and so ready to face his death, he couldn't bring himself to. Not even when he had been panicking to gather up the last bit of the money needed to successfully get the transplant they so desperately needed.

"Luddy, you know you look bad when you look worse than a dying man." Gilbert had once muttered, tired eyes peering up at his brother with concern.

The once slightly chubby man had become just a shadow of his former self. Thin and frail and bony. Ludwig sometimes hated to look at him, but at the same time, couldn't bring himself to look away. This was his brother – the one person who had been there for him through thick and thin, even when Ludwig didn't deserve such loyalty.

"I am fine, Gilbert." Ludwig knew Gilbert wasn't convinced, but was relieved when the older brother dropped the subject entirely to sleep.

He grew into a panic, however, when the next day, Gilbert remained asleep. He was alive, but asleep.

He drifted in and out of consciousness for the next several days and it only pushed Ludwig to work harder.

[Spoken]
In Our Darkest Hour

In My Deepest Despair

Will You Still Care?
Will You Be There?
In My Trials

And My Tribulations

Ludwig never got over the first accident. The screeching sound of tires, the smell of blood and burnt rubber. The sight of Gilbert's body flung so easily to the asphalt.

Ludwig never forgot the anger in Gilbert's voice as he all, but screamed such feelings at his parents. Flinging each word without apology and with resentment. The only tenderness was saved for when their eyes met, before Gilbert turned to leave.

Ludwig never forgot that Gilbert always returned to look after him. Even though he really didn't have to. Gilbert would come back and drag his little brother away to their one true home.

Ludwig remembered that even when he was feeling at his worst, Gilbert would put those feelings aside to grin and smile. Even though his leg hurt and even though he didn't have proper balance. He'd put everything aside to help Ludwig with some particularly difficult homework, or just be there as someone to talk to – even if Gilbert did all the talking.

The troubles that Ludwig had to deal with, were also Gilbert's. That had been one particular thing that didn't need to be directly spoken – it was just fact. Gilbert was there to help Ludwig up, even though really, the older brother couldn't even pick himself up when he was down (even though he really, really tried.).

Through Our Doubts
And Frustrations

In My Violence
In My Turbulence
Through My Fear
And My Confessions

Gilbert knew that he had not outwardly said it until now, but he knew that if he hadn't had Ludwig with him there throughout all of this, he might not have been able to put up with it. He didn't like the idea of leaving Ludwig behind. He hated it. It frustrated him and it scared him and if he could scream and shout, then he would. Yet, he just didn't have the energy to do it anymore.

Not like he used to. He wasn't even all that old. Not even forty yet. It wasn't awesome. It wasn't the plan. Gilbert used to have a plan, he would soon confess to Ludwig. He wanted to go to Germany and he wanted to see new places and he wanted to live.

At the very least, he wanted to do some things before he died. This wasn't how he had pictured death to be, he confessed. No, this was torture. Not because it hurt, but because he knew that he would be leaving Ludwig to suffer with people who only wanted to use him.

"You're my brother, Luddy. You deserve more than that...I just wish that I-"

"Gilbert, you really don't have to -"

"Don't interupt." Gilbert wheezed out, ruby eyes flickering in annoyance as he tugged at the collar of his brother's shirt.

"I was talking. It's not awesome to interrupt."

Ludwig shut up and Gilbert continued.

"I just wish that I had of been a better brother to you. Don't argue. I could've been. We both know it."

In My Anguish And My Pain
Through My Joy And My Sorrow

Ludwig really wanted to tell Gilbert that he didn't have to say that. That it was a lie and that 'no, you couldn't have been a better brother to me, because you've been the best brother I could have asked for', but he knew that Gilbert would huff and grumble at him for being too cheesy before turning his head to hide the tears.

Even though Gilbert had accepted the fact that he was probably going to die, it didn't change the fact that Ludwig knew that Gilbert was still hesitant about facing it so readily. If only because of Ludwig being left alone.

It made the younger brother a little happy to know that.

In The Promise Of Another Tomorrow

It made him even happier to know that he could finally thank his brother in the only way available to him.

"Gilbert, you're going into surgery in twenty minutes. You really shouldn't have felt the need to pour your heart out before I could tell you that."

Gilbert could only gape and then glare as he mustered up the energy to flip his brother the middle finger in the most loving way possible.

"If I had the energy right now, I'd strangle you for not telling me that before I fucking embarrassed myself with all that sappy shit."

I'll Never Let You Part
For You're Always In My Heart.