Prepare for hilarity. Even if you never watched Star Trek Next Generation, I still think this would make you laugh. (I hope.)

"I am captain Kirkland of the USS enterprise. Its continuing mission: To explore strange new worlds and seek out new life and new civilizations. To boldly go where no one has gone before. So can anyone tell me why we all refuse to function when the food replicators are off line?" A very disgruntled captain said in annoyance from his chair on the bridge. The other members of the room looked around, not knowing how to answer that question. One in particular raised his hand.

"Sir, how are we supposed to live on a ship that doesn't have any pasta?"

"The same way we always do!" England pinched the bridge of his nose before snapping up with a realization. "Hey, what the hell are you doing on the bridge? Security!"

"On my way," a deep voice said over the intercom. Seconds later, A blonde haired blue eyed Klingon (an extreme rarity among his race) entered the room and marched to the offending Italian that was promptly led away by the back of his shirt. "Why aren't you in sick bay?"

"Ve…because I'm not sick?"

"Yes you are. We haven't found the reason yet, but there has to be something wrong with you. Stay still so doctor Belarus can give you a mental check up."

"But Doitsu, she scares me! She doesn't use the scanners when she wants to see what's inside of you!"

The door shut and England let out a relieved sigh. That was one problem taken care of.

"Captain?" A female voice came from his right and he turned to see Councilor Ukraine fiddling with her uniform. "How come my uniform is so different from everyone else's?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, this one is a little more low cut and it's hard to function properly when I have to constantly-"

Suddenly the ship trembled and an annoying siren went off. Everyone was jostled from their seats and hanging onto the railings from the jolt.

"Lieutenant Commander Japan, what the bloody hell was that?"

An android at the computer read the screen in front of him and said in a calm voice: "We are being attacked."

"Attacked? By who?"

Before Japan could answer, the screen showing the stars disappeared and instead stood the image of a very tall man with a sinister presence. It was dark in whatever room he was in but everyone could clearly see the outline of machinery woven into his body. The one thing everyone shuddered at, however, was his baleful smile.

"Hello Starship Enterprise. We meet again."

"You!" England jumped out of his chair and pointed a finger at the man on screen. "What are you doing here and what is the reason for attacking us?"

"Oh, the same as all the other times Captain Kirkland. I am here to assimilate your culture into my own and make you service us. Resistance in futile. In other words: become one with Borg, da?"

"Over my dead body!"

"Da, okay." The image faded out randomly and England paled. "E-everyone to battle stations!"

The crew went to their stations and awaited their captain's orders. Germany came back in and took his position at the weapons screen. Instead of England speaking, however, a loud obnoxious voice took over and a blonde man with a cowlick and glasses jumped from the upper deck to the lower deck, landing perfectly on his feet with a loud thump. "FIRE!" The room was silent for a moment before Japan turned around to face him.

"Commander America-san, we have not yet located the enemy's position."

"What? How hard is it to find a giant cube floating around in space?" Another rumble shook the ship and everyone steadied themselves. America didn't seem to notice it. "I say we separate the saucer."

"What? No! Bloody git, sit down or I'll beam you into the endless void of space."

"Come on, Lieutenant! Separate the saucer already! We are loosing precious time!"

"Stop yelling and go away!" England shouted. "Why are you second in command?"

"America, what reason would you have for separating the saucer? That would put the civilians at risk in this situation."

"I don't care, it looks hella awesome."

Another rumble and violent shaking. The voice of the Chief of Engineering came over the loudspeaker. "Captain, what are you doing? Raise the shields aru! We are taking heavy damage!"

"Yes, raise the shields Germany!" Germany followed orders without question.

"Shields are up, sir."

"Great, now we can…" The ship lurched to the right, throwing everyone off balance. "Oh bloody hell, what now?"

"Captain, they have us in their tractor beam," Said Japan who climbed back into his chair. The others followed suit.

"I have located the Borg ship. It is three hundred kilometers due right." The particularly young voice came from the seat across from Japan's used for navigation. The boy sat in it proudly, seeing as he was the youngest member of the team…though not quite a Starfleet officer yet. He was technically still in training.

"Oh great!" the captain exclaimed. "Lieutenant, as soon as the ship is in view don't hesitate to fire."

"Yes sir."

"Japan, fluctuate the beam and don't give them time to adapt."

"Yes, Captain."

"Finally, things are getting back on track."

"Does this mean I can be an officer now?" The boy bounced in his seat happily.

"No, Sealand. Your balls haven't dropped yet."

"Hey! That was mean!" A few snickered at England's remark. Sealand crossed his arms and pouted. "I might as well be an officer, I'm just like everyone else here."

"But with smaller balls."

"Stop that!"

"Captain, the Borg ship is hailing us again," Said Germany in his normal stoic fashion.

"On screen," England ordered and raised a bushy eyebrow. "What could they want now?"

The image of the large half bionic man from before filled the view screen but something was a little different. The man wasn't smiling evilly like he normally did, in fact he was practically seething a scary purple aura. "Kol kol kol kol…"

"What is it, bloody wanker?"

"Captain Kirkland, I am not amused by your strategy of combat. It is barbaric and utterly childish, da. You are single handedly convincing me that earth is not worth assimilation."

"What? But we haven't done anything…" The captain trailed off when he looked around the room to find none other than his second in command by the window facing the enemy ship. "AMERICA, WHAT THE HELL?"

The man laughed obnoxiously. "This will show them not to mess with the Federation! Take that, you cyberpunk bitches!"

"Commander, stop mooning the Borg immediately!"

"Make me." The resulting scuffle between Germany and America made England hang his head in shame.

"You do not seem to have anything that could benefit Borg society, da. Assimilating you would be like telling a monkey to correct the fuel rods in the power grid of our own ships. I can only imagine the horrors of making you service us. You are free to go, Captain Kirkland. We will not meet again." The screen blinked off and the Borg ship stopped its tractor beam.

"Captain, I don't know what you did up there but the Borg ship is moving away aru!"

"Haha! I saved the day! I'm the hero!" America laughed loudly while he sat on top of Germany's back who was on the verge of unconsciousness. How that imbecile toppled a skilled Klingon warrior we may never know.

"Can you imagine the report you will have to fill out, England? I wonder what the superiors will say about our outstanding victory. We single handedly made the entire Borg fleet surrender its plot to take over the earth," Ukraine giggled happily in her chair next to England like she didn't understand what was going on. She probably didn't, too. Those huge breasts were restricting air flow to her brain or something. "Captain, are you alright? I am sensing a great deal of remorse from you."

"For the love of…" England stood and hit the Federation badge on his uniform with a forlorn look of dismay. "Transporter room three, please be ready to beam me down to the planet below as soon as I arrive."

"But mon ami, that is a Romulan planet."

"I don't care, I would rather take my chances down there with the Romulans than up here." England stomped away and disappeared behind an automatic door. "Have fun with your new captain."

"SWEET!" America did a dive into the captain's chair. "My first order: Get those replicators working. I want my burger and fries!"

Only a minute later the voice of Captain Kirkland came on the intercom. "Thank you fellow Starfleet officers for risking your lives with me on our many journeys. I hope to never see any of your miserable faces again. Goodbye." The noise of the transporter was heard through the communicator as well as a surprised yelp a few seconds after. "Very funny, France. Now beam down my clothes!"

"Hon hon hon hon…"

Yeah, very different from my other stuff. I have been sick for the past few days and in my feverish delusional state I had the idea to replace the characters of Star Trek Next Generation with the Hetalia morons. Why? Because I could. By the end I was scared shitless at how well they fit these roles.

The roles: (My reasoning is giggle-tastic)

- Seriously, Germany fits Worf to a T. In the first series the Klingons caused the Federation so much trouble, just like the World Wars. He's also a born soldier like Worf.

- I don't know who Italy is supposed to be, he was just…there.

- Obviously Belarus was Doctor Crusher. Yeah…that's a scary thought.

- England was Captain Picard, though his name was a joke from the first series: Captain Kirk. Kirk…Kirkland…see wut I did thar?

- Japan is Data. Obvious reasons why he would be the ship's android.

- Ukraine was councilor Deanna Troi because she is the boob lady. No other woman on the show has a uniform as low cut as hers. (har har)

- Russia represented the Borg. They literally have EXACTLY THE SAME GOALS. Borg wants to assimilate other worlds to service them, Russia wants all nations to become one with him. Same thing.

- China was Geordi La Forge because there was no other place to put him (it kinda works, he is a very industrial nation that has lots of technology…)

- France became O'Brian in the transporter room. They have incredibly different personalities but it is obvious why I put him there. The last joke practically wrote itself!

- Sealand was Wesly Crusher. That should be self explanatory, too. (They both wanna fit in with the others D:)

- And last but not least: America was Commander Riker. He is slightly more stupid than Riker was when he first became second in command. (HA BURRRRN)

Phew, that was a long author's note. I hope you giggled like I did while writing this. Gawd, I am such a geek…;D

LIVE LONG AND PROSPER