Hehe my second story (sort of) with Nyx, KT, Solara, Rogue, and Galea.

A Guide to living with Humans

To help future Autobots for Earths weird and strange beings, I, Nyx, Autobot femme Assassin extraordinaire, write this to physically (and mentally) prepare fellow Autobot's for the human species and their odd quirks and certain things to know before hand when arriving to NEST base.

#1. Never let the Lambo or Chevy twins teach you english

(Enough said)

#2. Beware of dares, double dog dares, triple dog dares.

(Humans and bots will make you do nasty things, and Chickens are forbidden)

(not that I would know ;D )

(Skids and Mudflap have avoided me for a while after last weeks)

#3. Please for the love of Primus, make sure when you pick an alt mode that it does not look like an organic's car

(Jazz, Mirage)

(Apparently having a key shoved into the ignition hurts like the pit)

#4. Humans, especially sparkling humans, are not to be used for protection of any kind.

(This occurred after a particularly nasty prank with Ironhide and the lambo twins)

(They changed his cannons to shoot confetti, and grabbed Annabelle while running away from the P.O'ed weapons specialists )

(Sarah was none too pleased)

(Who knew the 5' 6" woman would scar the two 40' autobots?)

#5. Make sure you watch where you settle down for recharge

(Odds are you will get pranked, badly)

(Humans appear to have an endless supply of bumper stickers, spray paint, magnets, etc.)

(P.s. Sunny is the most fun to do this too, especially if you mess with his paint)

#6. Always ask what movie you will watch with humans before saying yes

(Red Alert and horror movies just don't go together)

(He glitched out, then kept all the lights on the base on, and wouldn't let anyone recharge after seeing Nightmare on Elm Street)

(Sadly there are no autobot energy drinks)

(P.s. wanna really freak him out, sing the song or play it on the P.A.)

(One two, Freddy's comming for you, three four, better lock your door)

#7. Three words, Beware Car washes

#8. No autobots are allowed to cook, unless an experienced human is on hand, and armed with a fire extinguisher

(This one was mine and Sides fault)

(Don't ask how we did it)

(We thought it would be fun to try and make cookies)

(They were out of the box cookies, how hard could it be?)

(Two hours later, we were covered in flour, the oven was on fire, and the cookies were moving)

(We are officially banned from kitchen)

#9. Silly String is banned from the base

(Sam, myself, and Chevy twin decided to get back at Galloway one day and bombard him with silly string)

(Unfortunately it wasn't Galloway who came through the door)

(Rogue had walked through instead)

(We landed in the med, missing certain parts of our bodies)

#10. When a human says they gotta go, they gotta go

(Annabelle and Ironhide)

(He attempted to tell her to be patient, but one can imagine, patience only lasts so long with a three year old)

#11. Meetings are important, please be sure to get plenty of recharge before coming

(Myself, KT, and Sunny had fallen into recharge after a long scouting trip)

(Unfortunately once again there are no autobot energy drinks for us)

(And Prowl being Prowl, thought it best to teach us a lesson, had everyone leave the base and shut off their signals)

(Needless to say the three of us freaked out and for 5 days tried to look for everybody across America)

#12. Don't prank the medic bots

(1. They don't have the time to be able to prank)

(2. If they can fix you up, then they can sure as hell take you apart)

(Slowly, painfully, and piece by piece)

(Galea still has Sunny's hands, one of Sides legs, and both Skids and Mudflaps optics)

(Don't ask me how she did it, I might loose my vocal processor in the middle of the night)

#13. Please watch your mouth around the younglings

(Will and Ironhide had quite the conniption after Annabelle called Galloway 'Mr. Fragface')

(When asked who taught her shrugged and said 'Optimus')

(Turns out it was the twins, who ended up getting the snot smacked out of them by Ironhide and Optimus)

(Blackmail is so much fun)

#14. If you can at all avoid hitting organic males between their legs

(According to Rachet and Galea, its holds something that are very important)

(Leo calls it "My pride and joy")

(Tai threw her shoes at him)

(Her aim has improved greatly might I add)

#15. Quoting Glee is okay, but please, for the love of Primus avoid Sue Sylvester ones and changing them so it works for you

"I can't stand the sight of bots getting emotional, unless it's from physical exhaustion." Ironhide and Rogue

"So you like show tunes. It doesn't mean you're gay. It just means you're awful." Jazz (apparently he doesn't like show tunes)

"I'm gonna make it a habit to not stop and talk to Galloway because it has been a colossal waste of my time." Lennox

"I'm reasonably confident you will be adding revenge to the long list of things you're no good at, right next to ruling decepticons, fighting a battle, and finding a paint job that doesn't make you look like a lesbian. Love ya like a sister." I yelled that to Megatron after a slight tussle with the cons (Sides begged Optimus to yell that to Megatron after a battle but he refused)

(Fun sucker)

"I'm all about empowerment. I empower my men to live in a state of constant fear by creating an environment of irrational, random terror." General Morshower (He watches Glee?)

#16. As alien we are suppose to remain anonymous, that means no facebook, no myspace, no twitter, and please no formspring

(It bad to the point were no one could focus on one thing)

(Sunny, myself and Sides decided to keep poking Lennox and Epps on face book while in a meeting)

(Their phones kept going off in a meeting, with the president of the USA might I add)

#17. Remember the code word for when Rogue is in a bad mood is "RUN"

#18. No scaring or scarring the new recruits

(Rogue took an extreme and twisted delight in this task)

(Their code for her is "Tall, mean and green is on the scene")

#19. Never question my skills

(Prowl of all mechs decided to test me out, after I had a major clutz moment)

(He told me if I could get through the base without anyone catching me I would be free from rules for the month)

(He didn't think I would take him seriously though)

(Ohh I had tones of fun that Day :D)

#20. All Autobots on base are banned from having any type of pet or animal in their possession

(Wheeljack tried to justify having a llama)

(It was okay until it hacked a lugie at Galloway)

(Right in his face)

(Disgustingly satisfying)

Hehe do I continue? Please lemme know!