Title: An Equitable Trade
Rating (both art/fic): Art – PG | Fic – PG-13
Genre/Pairing: Gen, Angst, mild H/C, Humor. Kirk/Spock/McCoy friendship, background Sarek/Amanda, cameos by M'Benga, Chekov, Uhura
Word Count: 23,156
Warnings: AU. Spoilers for Operation – Annihilate! Warnings for conspiracy, mentions of political cover-up. This is epistolary fic; I don't know why, that's just how it demanded to be written. Take it up with the muse, if it doesn't eat you first. Title comes from Spock's words during the episode in question.
Fic Summary: A disastrous scientific experiment has far-reaching consequences for the command crew of the U.S.S. Enterprise. Since a starship captain is a more valuable commodity than a now-blind Science Officer, First Officer Spock becomes a political scapegoat in addition to a victim of the tragedy. But as his sight begins to return in a supposedly civilian medical facility, Spock discovers that the world of politics is dark and dangerous, and that his captain has unwittingly landed them all smack in the middle of the biggest cover-up of their careers.

A/N: This was written for the trekreversebang community on LiveJournal; one in which art is posted first, then claimed, and then written for. Please visit my LiveJournal (linked under Homepage in my profile) to see the Spock art that was the inspiration for this fic. I've never done anything like this before, I'll admit, and I got 4,000 words into another direction before I chucked that version and switched to this darker, more dramatic AU. I'm happy with it, so I hope someone else enjoys it as well.

A/N2: I must offer apologies to anyone who has me on author alert about this story. This was written as I said for a LJ community, and I'm in the habit of posting to LJ and ff dot net simultaneously. In this case, I forgot that this particular comm doesn't allow cross-posting until after the entire round of bbfic is over; which ended today. My apologies for beginning to post this and then taking it down, but I follow rules and in this case just forgot them. Totally my bad. :(

Chapter One

Private Communiqué, audio only
U.S.S. Enterprise
Stardate 3295.2

Computer, begin recording. Personal communication, audio only. Encrypt and scramble, translate to Standard Braille. Voice authorization Kirk, James T., Captain, U.S.S. Enterprise. Decrypt only upon voice recognition Spock, former First Officer, U.S.S. Enterprise.

Spock, this is programmed to pop up on your message-padd after I leave…how I hate to even think I'm doing this, leaving you here in this facility. I know it's better lodgings than any resort I've ever stayed at on a shore leave, but when it all comes down to it I feel like I'm turning you over to a glorified prison warden. I just have an extremely bad feeling about it all. I'm abandoning you, and I know it, and I know I'll hate myself for the rest of my life for doing it.

Yes, I know that's illogical; I can practically hear you saying it now. But just tolerate my human need to vocalize emotion for a few minutes, will you?

You've been too calm about this whole thing, Commander. Yes, you heard me, and you'll always be my First, Spock, so don't bother trying to correct the title. But I know you can't be taking this as well as you apparently are. I know you, Spock, and you know I know – and now I want you to remember you don't have to hide from me. Don't shut me out, especially not now. I'll never forgive myself for ordering that experiment to continue, and now I'm making the whole thing worse by abandoning you on this outpost. I know we talked it over, multiple times, and both agreed there was no real alternative – but I'll still never forgive myself even if you can bring yourself to do so.

If you need anything, and I do mean anything, Spock, I swear on my Starfleet oath I'll move the galaxy itself to get the Enterpriseback here. Scotty's already drawing up plans to increase our warp speed capabilities, did you know that? Just in case we ever need to hop over for a visit from wherever we might be. I swear, not even Starfleet Command's orders will keep me from coming back for you if you need us.

Promise me you will call if you do? Don't give me that look, Spock; it may be illogical to 'need' human companionship or comforts but between us, I won't tell anyone. So you comm me, mister, if you so much as need a good Vulcan meal or just a conversation.

And I can practically hear your eyebrows at this point, so let me get to the real point of this, Spock. I've encrypted this so that only you can hear; but just to be safe, make sure no one gets hold of this recording. No, I'm not supposed to be telling you this, but no, I'm not going to stop. Spock…Starfleet Command's ordered us to cover up the entire Deneva tragedy. That means redirecting evidence for the pattern of insanity which ended in the Denevan system, hushing up the people on the planet itself (they're just calling it a parasitic infection, which is true, but not on the scale Command is giving the public), and…and basically wiping your name from Starfleet records, for all intents and purposes. You've been put down on record as retired, and the public's being given the story that you decided to take your pension and work as a research scientist on some 'deep space outpost.' We…I, messed up, Spock, and…you're taking the fall for it. Command needs a scapegoat, and for once they don't want me on the hot seat, they want someone who can't – or won't – fight back.

I about got myself court-martialed for what I said to the Council about that, just so you know. Any rumors you hear are most likely true.

I hate it, Spock. I absolutely, completely, entirely hate it. All those people…on Deneva, died for nothing, suffered for nothing; the galaxy will never know why. And here you sit, while Starfleet Command gives you a medal and dismisses all but your memory from Starfleet history. I know you suspected as much for the last few days, but I wanted you to know exactly what was going on. Ex-first officer or not, you deserve that much. Just don't let this recording leak to Command or there'll be hell to pay.

All that to say, Spock: I'm going to fight this, with everything I have. Not just for you, but for Sam, and Aurelan, and for Peter…for all of you, I'm not going to just roll over for Command in this area. If I lose my ship, then so be it – but this doesn't end here, I swear to you. I can take responsibility for my mistakes as well as the next man, even if Command wants someone else to take the fall for it this time.

And I can already hear your admonishment to not do anything rash, Jim; it would be illogical to endanger your young career,and so on and so on.

You bet it is illogical. But then, I'm an illogical human; I think it's understandable, don't you?

So for now, Spock – we humans would say, hang in there. I promise this isn't over yet.

Bones says to tell you hello – but he doesn't know I'm spilling classified information to you – and that he'll be in touch. I think he's trying to track down a neural specialist who's expert in Vulcan physiology, just to have a third opinion. The rest of the crew, I think you'll be hearing from very soon.

It may be illogical, but I already miss you, Spock. I'm not used to scientific stats being given to me in a Russian accent from your station, and however much I like Sulu he's nowhere near the brilliant First Officer you are. The worst of it is that they're going to give me a permanent replacement in a few weeks from another ship, since Sulu doesn't have the qualifications and Scotty can't be both First and Chief Engineer, and still hold the ship together. Our little family's broken up, Spock – I don't think you realize how much we all…how much we need you.

This isn't over, promise me you'll remember that. And, Spock…take care.

Jim

-000-

Private Communiqué, audio only
U.S.S. Enterprise
Stardate 3295.3

Computer, begin recording. Personal communication, audio and visual…correction, computer, audio only. Voice authorization McCoy, Leonard H., Chief Medical Officer, U.S.S. Enterprise.

Well, Spock, it's been forty-eight hours since Jim beamed back aboard alone, and I have to say I miss not havin' you clutterin' up my Sickbay anymore. You'll be pleased to know Nurse Chapel is missing you somethin' terrible –

Really, Doctor!

Stop eavesdroppin', you never hear anything good that way, Nurse. As I was sayin', Spock, it's awful quiet here without you sittin' there making snide comments about my medical skills. I suppose I should be thankful, but it's just plain unnerving now, the silence. Never thought I'd miss a walking database, but there you have it.

I'm sendin' you a program for your voice-to-text (and vice-versa) transcription module; the boys in Engineering worked out the bugs in the terminology glossary. Should be working fine now. Let me know if it keeps misspelling non-Standard words.

I'm trying to locate another doctor for you, Spock, someone who knows more about your blamed Vulcan physiology than I do. Remember we took a look at those scans of your eyes…I mean Ilooked at them, and remember me tellin' you there's no real sign of neural damage? It's still bothering me. I can see that the rods and cones in your eyes fired multiple times but they're not burned out, according to the deep tissue scans. I have no idea why, if these tests are accurate, you're still blind. There's somethin' wrong somewhere else, somewhere in the neural pathways, and I don't know enough about intricate neuro-chemistry to diagnose it with confidence. I'd feel better if we can find another physician to back me up. I'll let you know if I find someone, and in the meantime let me know if there's any change at all in your condition.

Jim's been moping ever since he came back, I'm sure you can guess. Walkin' around like a lost puppy, and we all know he pretty much is without his pointy-eared shadow. Starfleet Command's made a bad enemy this week, I can tell you that much. All hell's gonna break loose here sometime, and I for one don't want to be caught in the cross-fire when it does.

It sits poorly with me, shifting the blame for everything that happened onto your shoulders just because you were Chief Science Officer and because you can't really do anything to defend yourself. We'll fix this somehow, Spock. You just hang in there, y'hear me?

Oh, and eat some complex proteins with that swill you call plomeek soup, I want to see you lookin' less like an anorexic beanpole when we stop by next. Understand?

-000-

Captain's Personal Log, Stardate 3299.5

Just got off the comms with Spock's mother. How do you tell a woman you blinded her son in a botched science experiment? And all for nothing, to make matters worse?

In all fairness, the Lady Amanda took it rather well. Ambassador Sarek ignored me for the duration of the explanation. I wanted to reach through the comm and slap him just to get a reaction. His son is blind, for the love of all things sacred, and he won't even flick an eyelid to acknowledge it!

Not how I would have wished to meet Spock's parents, and not the first impression of choice. I think Amanda and I could have been great friends, if all this hadn't happened, though. Too bad I shot that dream to hell when I gave the order that blinded her only son.

I can't do any more with this today; I need a drink. Bones had better prescribe accordingly.

-000-

Chief Medical Officer's Personal Log, Stardate 3299.6

The situation regarding Spock's unusual disability hasn't changed, according to the most recent scans Facility 49 has sent me. Poor devil's still blind as a bat, just like all the rest of them. No answer yet from the Medical division of the VSA on possible candidates for Spock's secondary physician. Typical of the hobgoblins, just because a human asked for something means they can take their own sweet time about answering it.

Making an official note to take the captain off duty for twenty-four hours, temporary medical leave. Officially, because he still hasn't dealt with the trauma surrounding the Deneva mission. Unofficially, because he's going to have one heck of a hangover; the man's no lightweight but nobody can gut that much of Scotty's hooch and not feel half-dead in the morning. Though if I'd had to break the news to the Vulcan ambassador to earth, I'd be no better off, no question about that.

Life sure could have done better by both of them, that's all I've got to say.