Title: Missing Something

Fandom: Torchwood

Rating:PG-15

Prompt: The hand of fate 32 from 500 prompts

Disclaimer: I do not own, nor am I gaining any money for this work. I'm just trying to enjoy myself.

Summary: The first time Ianto dies, he thinks it's the last time.

Missing Something

The first time Ianto dies, he thinks it's the last time.

Then he wakes up in his own coffin and scares everyone at his funeral.

His nephew wets himself, though he would forever deny it.

Gwen is ecstatic and insufferable, only getting worse as she gets bigger with her baby. Ianto is not allowed to leave her sight. Ever.

Ianto can't help but think if Jack was still around he would be getting much of Gwen's attention.

He was welcome to it.

The second time Ianto dies, it's to save Rhys. That unborn baby of his needs someone rational in its life.

He wakes up two hours later with Gwen crushing his chest with her belly as she tries to cuddle him much like she would a newborn baby. The irony is not lost on him, even as he extricates himself and retreats to have a quiet breakdown by the water.

The third time Ianto dies, he decides that if he wakes up again, he is getting the Doctor's number off Martha.

If anyone can explain this nonsense, it's the man who is infamous for waving sonic devices at wood and somehow making it obey his will.

Martha is nothing if not helpful, even offering to come to Cardiff and help him out.

Ianto politely declines. He can handle this himself.

He's on death number four before the Doctor returns his calls. For a supposed Time Lord –and Ianto is very, very certain that his species named themselves that out of a need to compensate for something –he absolutely sucks at staying on time. Ianto finds himself clutching to his trusty stopwatch more than ever when he deals with the Doctor.

The Doctor is baffled by Ianto.

"No idea! Absolutely no idea how you work –isn't that cool? I don't know anything about you! Oh and, uh, sorry about landing the TARDIS on you. Never done that before. Bad girl!"

Ianto, busy helping Gwen deliver her daughter since seeing the TARDIS crush Ianto's torso had sent her into labour, makes a note in the back of his mind to punch this insufferable man who is whacking his consol with a squeaky hammer.

Oh, and he should probably call Rhys.

Number five is several months after the birth of Anwen.

In fact, numbers five, six, seven, and eight, all happen in the space of a day. Radiation poisoning is not an easy thing to recover from.

But at least as he collapses on his bed, he can rest easy knowing that Owen is at the very least no longer aware of his body's decay. And that had always worried Ianto.

It's a year after his funeral that Gwen suggests they try to contact Jack.

Actually, Ianto is pretty sure she's been thinking about this since she got over the shock of him actually being alive. But maybe she expected Ianto to be the one to bring it up.

Hell, maybe she expected him to fill a backpack, hail a space taxi and start travelling the galaxy looking for him.

But that is not Ianto's style.

Actually that was Ianto's style. But not anymore. Maybe being dead had switched off a part of his brain, but he just had no interest in chasing after Jack, not even when the Doctor offered to help him.

Ianto had his own issues to deal with, without hunting down Jack and taking on his issues too.

And really, what else had they done? Ianto had been Jack's sounding board, his comfort blanket, his strength and his contentment. Laying it out did make them sound like a couple.

Only Jack didn't do couples. And now Ianto doesn't do death. They all have their issues.

Ianto takes Anwen to preschool and is the first to notice that the building is haunted by a ghost.

He is the one to discover that, in fact, Weevils are native to Earth. Now he keeps expecting that Owen's remains that he saw in the plant will mutate. Oh God… Weevils could be the real X-Men.

He relocates Flat Holm to a safer, more secure environment, and tells Gwen the government put the inmates all down.

He doesn't think those poor victims need Gwen's sort of affection and care. He may love her, but… there are times…

So he lets Gwen scream, and rant and rage while Rhys takes Anwen to the park. He listens calmly and waits for her to stop. Then he tells her that she should probably remember this next time she feels bored and wishes for more excitement in her life.

Gwen and Rhys take Anwen and move to Newport after that. Ianto promises to keep in touch.

He made the same promise to Rhiannon after using Ret-con to convince her that his death was part of an undercover special ops thing. So far they had exchanged one conversation and that was her yelling that he had promised to stay in touch.

Ianto is the one to start working on the crater that was the Hub. His home away from home and then his home. Johnson offers to help.

He is quick to tell her what he makes of that idea.

When she beats a sound retreat, Ianto sets to work. The rubble is removed, and eventually Ianto starts to find things that hurt.

Like the photo of Owen and Tosh that Gwen had kept at her desk. Now it was just a shred of Toshiko's eye. A fitting metaphor for Torchwood. After all, how much had Ianto seen and now he was the only one left?

The day they break into the Archives, Ianto is careless and excited and relieved.

Death number nine is a shock drop of a large block of cement on his head.

The following paperwork wasn't worth the excitement.

It seems to take no time at all, although in reality it takes over a year, for the Hub to be built into something that is to Ianto's taste. He didn't really think about restoring it to the old style, so dark, and depressing. He missed the brightness of the corridors of Torchwood One, but then again, he hadn't wanted something clinical.

He thinks he's found a good balance.

Gwen and Martha don't seem as pleased.

"It's nice Ianto. But it's not very Torchwood, is it?"

"Well, neither of you have been to Two, or set foot in One, and the Hub was basically Jack's. What do you know of Torchwood?"

"Ianto! I worked here!"

"You worked for Jack. Not for Torchwood. You only threw the name around when it got you somewhere."

Gwen's eyes fill with tears. "Ianto… why are you acting this way?"

"What way? I'm getting the job done."

"It's like ever since you came back the first time, a part of you didn't come back with it. It's like –it's like your soul isn't there anymore."

Ianto snorts and walks away.

Later, as he lies in his bed, he wonders if maybe Gwen has a point.

Once he hires on people and sets them to their tasks, Ianto decides he should try to reclaim some normalcy in his life (lives?).

So, he decides to go to a pub and see what happens.

He meets a blonde girl who he goes home with. She has brown eyes and an English accent, and soft skin. He kisses her and feels a spark of awakening.

Like an addict he grasps for more from her, holding her against him and enjoying the way she sighs in his ear and holds him with strength in her small hands.

As he makes his way down her neck, she speaks.

"Do you know what I do?"

"Uh huh."

She sighs deeply, hands on his bare shoulder blades clutching him with such strength it feels like she's holding him up. And when she gasps her words out, she really is the only thing holding him up.

"I bring life!"

Golden light fills Ianto's eyes and he feels his own skin dissipate under her touch.

When Ianto wakes up, he is caught off guard by the wrenching sob that forces its way out of his body. He pushes himself to his knees and doubles up, curling an arm around his stomach as he begins to cry. He has no idea what he is crying for. There's no specific thing.

There's Toshiko and Owen.

There's the destruction of the Hub and all the precious history inside it.

There's the aching pain that follows him when he comes back to life.

There's the fact that he can't die and not even the Doctor can explain it.

There's how much he hates being stuck on this planet of selfish, unthinking people.

And then there's Jack.

Jack who he gave his chance of a normal life for.

Jack who was so tortured that Ianto felt like nothing he ached over was as big.

Jack who would rather shag rough than share words.

Jack who couldn't say he loved him back, when he finally ran out of time.

"Fuck you Jack! Fuck you Jack Harkness!"

He's punching the floor and screaming and he has no idea how long he does this for. He does it until he collapses.

Waking up, Ianto is alone in an empty apartment. He's starting to figure out the girl he went home with was probably not the average shop girl from London.

The Doctor comes back in a panic. And in a new face. With a bowtie.

Ianto is still reeling from his emotional release, so he decides focusing on the stupid bowtie is the best thing to do.

"There was a huge amount of vortex energy here recently! And you –now you're practically dripping with it!"

The Doctor gets in far too close and Ianto is genuinely worried he is about to have his nose licked.

"Back off." he snaps. The Doctor jumps back like a skittish squirrel, twitchy smile on his lips as he eyes Ianto with the excitement of a mad scientist, fingers wiggling.

"Oooh! Feisty! We like feisty. Don't we?"

"We?" asks Ianto.

Even as he asks the question, he knows when he turns around Jack is going to be behind him.

"Yes I, uh, picked up an old friend."

"Wasn't aware you two were friends anymore. Given that you called him wrong and all." Ianto is aware of how biting he is, but he does not care. He's too exhausted.

"Ah, you heard about that?"

"Yep."

"Oh dear… well, we've reached an understanding." The Doctor gives a rubber-band smile, stretching his lips and then releasing them into a pout of curiosity. Still twitching.

"I'm sure you have."

Just to be petty, Ianto reaches out and pulls at the stupid bowtie, undoing it –much to the Doctor's outrage.

"Ianto…"

Jack's voice is reverent, awed. Like Ianto's name is now a prayer.

"Jack."

Ianto, on the other hand, is clipped and calm. He turns to face Jack and inclines his head. "Welcome to Torchwood."

Jack looks around in some surprise. "This is… wow."

"Did you want something?"

Jack looks hurt. Ianto can't care.

"I'm here for you."

"Are you? How nice."

"Ianto… the Doctor says you can't die."

"No. I can die. I just don't stay dead."

Jack gives a cracked smile at the distinction. "Right. But you're… like me now?"

"So it would seem."

Jack is lost for words. Ianto strides past him, heading for his office.

"Ianto wait, please."

Ianto stops and looks around at Jack, who looks half desperate, half hopeful.

"I can understand how difficult this has been for you but-"

"I don't think you do. Unless you were brought back broken."

The Doctor and Jack both look at him in confusion, the Doctor fixing his bowtie and fussing far too much with it. Ianto walks back to them.

"Your friend paid me a visit. Bad Wolf, right?"

"You saw Rose?" asks Jack. The Doctor skips closer to them, eyes wide and urgent.

"I fucked her." says Ianto, rather enjoying the looks of outrage and jealousy on their faces. "She brought me back, but she did it wrong. This time she left a part of me behind. I'm not the same. You get to come back the same Jack. I don't. She left behind the part of me that makes life worthwhile."

"What part?"

"…Joy."

"Are you sure a good cup of tea wouldn't fix that?" asks the Doctor. Ianto turns his gaze to him, stares him down and then walks away.

"Ianto wait! Let me help you." cries Jack, chasing after him. "We can get through this together."

"Why?" asks Ianto, still walking. "It's not like you love me in any way that matters."

… my plotbunnies are depressing.

Reviews are greatly appreciated!

Night's Darkness