Standard disclaimers apply.

A/N : A plot bunny at the Spander Files sparked a memory and between the two, this storyline was spawned.

A/N2 : This fic exists in an AUish early season five where Xander is out and he and Spike have a "sports and pool at the Bronze" sort of quasi-friendship.

Xander paused at the front door readying himself. It was a big step.

"What's wrong, Baby? I promise not to embarrass you or have them thinking I'm not good enough."

"What, no, of course not." He blushed, ashamed that his hesitation could have made Darren feel that way. "You're great, they'll love you! I've just never introduced someone to the Scoobies, as the Scoobies, and it seems like a bigger step than meeting them individually and you have met over half of them indi-" His words were cut off by a firm kiss.

"Well, I guess I can only hope that they do love me, huh? I get a little nervous with 'meet the parents' type deals. I hate feeling like a relationship is being decided by folks outside of it."

Xander blushed harder. "It's not like that at all. They're important to me and you're important to me, so it's important to me that you get along, but there's no... you know, veto power or anything like that. All decisions made by us, guaranteed."

He was rewarded by a soft smile from his boyfriend and another gentle kiss. "Thanks, Baby, I needed to hear that."

Another moment of dithering and psyching up was interrupted when one of the muffled voices from inside was suddenly raised loud enough for them to hear "...since they are standing right outside the bleeding door as the pizza cools!"

Torn between laughter and an embarrassed cough, Xander opened the door and stepped in with an obviously unneeded knock. "And I guess that's our cue, thanks Spike, that wasn't at all annoying or pushy."

The bleached blond flipped him off British style with one hand while using the other to grab a slice of the aforementioned pizza, now left unguarded by Willow's move to greet the latecomers. "Bad enough to be spending time with the White Hat Brigade, not gonna be put off of my brekkies any longer than needed."

Xander rolled his eyes while giving a more American bird and then turned to the rest of the room with enthusiasm. "Everybody, this is my boyfriend, Darren. Darren, you've met Willow and Buffy..."

"Yeah you said Buffy was a slayer?"

"The Slayer," she corrected with a grin. "Singular."

"And rarely doub-ular... which isn't a word, and only happened because of the drowning thing, but that's not the issue, Riley here is Buffy's boyfriend and used to be with that Initiative group I told you about, but he's a good one, the lovely and witchy Tara is Willow's girl, Anya here has a complicated past but consults with us on a lot of things..."

"And Xander used to give me very good orgasms."

"Yes, that's exactly the way you should greet my boyfriend, Ahn, but the Xan-man prepared for this contingency with that little thing we humans call 'private conversation'..."

"Humans?"

"She is now, I explained that. Giles is Buffy's Watcher and our all around mentor and patriarch..."

"It's an honor to meet you, Sir."

"Why, yes, thank you, I'm quite pleased Xander has found someone he wants to bring into the family as it were."

"And the Dawnster here is Buffy's little sister and should slow down on the pizza before she gets the hiccups."

"Whatever, I can handle my pizza better than you! Hi Darren, you should have worn that green sweater you had on at the mall that time, it totally set off your eyes."

"Heh, thanks, Dawn... So, uh... who's the Billy Idol fan?"

"Oi!" The disgruntled vamp returned from the kitchen with a mug in his non pizza holding hand. "That tosser-"

"...stole the look from you, yeah, yeah, we know, Bleachie. This is Spike, he's... um... Spike." At the offended roll of the eyes, Xander added, "He's kinda an independent contractor to the gang, I guess you could say, rather than a real Scooby... Which leads me to ask why he's here tonight, I thought this was a general purpose meeting, no serious threats on the horizon?"

"Watcher had some blood he owed me and when I got here there was pizza." He dipped the latter into the former and took a bite, smirking slightly at the chorus of feminine 'ew's that followed.

Darren made a small sound that came close to 'ew' itself. "Uh, blood?"

"Harris didn't mention? I'm a vampire, mate." As an illustration, he dropped his game face, took a swig of blood and morphed back as he licked a stray drop from the corner of his mouth.

"SPIKE!" Most of the room got in on the yell as Xander busied himself guiding a very pale boyfriend to a chair.

"Yes, Spike's a vampire but he's..." A series of words ran through his mind, examining and rejecting 'good' 'harmless' 'nice' and 'neutered'. "...not able to hurt humans. So he drinks bottled blood and gets his violence fix helping us pound demons once in a while."

"Well, that's... um... kinda cool actually. Fighting fire with fire and stuff. Um, can you turn into a bat?"

Various snorts, giggles and dignified explanations ensued as Spike's face became hilarious to Xander for it's sheer lack of emotion.

"So, shagging this bloke's got you too busy for the Bronze lately, eh?" The vampire's calm blue eyes were following Darren around the room as he got to know those Scoobies he hadn't really met yet and charmed Dawn silly. Xander had been trying to walk the line between hovering and abandoning, but he had to admit his boyfriend's social skills were more than up to the challenge.

"I'm not too busy just 'shagging' him, Fangless, we have a really good relationship and do a lot of stuff together. You'll just have to find someone else to sucker into pool bets for a while."

"No shortage of candidates..."

"Xander!" Slayer hearing brought Buffy from across the room to defend his honor. "You're betting on pool with the bleached menace? I'm sure he cheats!"

"Buff, he's been playing pool or billiards or whatever they used to call it for over a hundred years, do you really think he needs to cheat to beat me?" He grinned at Spike's complimented smirk. "And trust me, I'm not dumb enough to make real bets, we just play for the drinks while he sizes up serious marks. Saves him the bother of stealing my wallet when it's 'his turn'. But it is sweet that he's been missing me."

Xander laughed at the rolled eyes, and the grumbled, "How would you cheat at pool anyway, 'cept maybe mojo..." then went to check on how Darren and Riley were getting along.

Darren and Riley got along great, Giles was impressed by a college student with some manners, Anya thought he was an acceptable source of new orgasms for Xander and even Tara had emerged from behind her hair to exchange a few words with him. Overall, Xander was feeling pretty good about the night as he watched his boyfriend say his goodbyes.

"All things to all people, eh?" He jumped, but before he could make his traditional 'bell' threat, the vampire had gone on in a low tone. "So who is he to himself? The new boytoy is bad news, Harris. Run far, run fast, don't give him a forwarding address."

And before he could even think of a reply, Spike was gone in his customary swirl of black leather.

"Wowser, he actually had the nerve to say that to you? I mean, seriously, rude much?"

Xander snickered as he polished off his french fries. "This is Spike we're talking about, Buffy, of course he's rude." He leaned back on the grass of the quad and considered Willow's fries with a marked lack of subtlety. "I'm more curious what would make him think something like that."

"Eyes off the spuds, buster, you had your chance to order a large." Willow looked intently at her burger to avoid any accidental contact with the puppy eyes as she considered the topic. "Anyway, you're assuming that he really does think that instead of just saying it for whatever nefarious purpose. I mean, last time he was handing out personal insights, it was to try to break us all up so that Adam could kill Buffy, remember? Maybe he just wants to stop you from being happy, since that kind of low grade evil is the only sort he can get up to. Or he doesn't like seeing new people in the Scooby Gang. Or he thinks he'll be able to mooch off you less..."

"M-maybe he's jealous?" Tara suggested quietly, causing simultaneous spit takes from Xander and Riley.

"Jealous?" Xander spluttered as Buffy endangered her boyfriend's ribs with well meant but Slayer-strength slaps to the back. "Even if Spike isn't straight, or possibly Dru-sexual, I don't think he's pining for the donut boy. Come on, guys, even Darren is dating down and we all know it." Before the girls could jump in with well meant but insincere rebuttals, he continued. "And besides, Spike was fine when I had those dates with Charles, and I think he was even more disappointed than I was when Sandson left town. Those two were all bonding over The True Roots Of Punk or something."

Riley made a face, though whether it was over punk or the thought of Spike bonding was unclear. "Of course even if he did mean it, why should you care? He's a soulless monster, remember? Not exactly where you want to look for valid relationship insights."

Xander snickered, Willow nodded. Buffy... frowned.

"Well, I don't know about that. I mean, Spike was the one who pushed me and Angel into ending things senior year when we had spent months fooling ourselves..."

"Spike broke up you and Angel?" Riley obviously had no idea how to deal with that tidbit.

"Right," Willow munched a fry contemplatively. "When you guys were running around fighting the Mayor's thugs that time that me and Xander were trapped in the warehouse..." She and Xander suddenly found very interesting things to look at far, far away from each other.

"Yeah, we were holed up in a store and Spike just got really annoyed at all the unresolved sexual tension." She blushed slightly at Riley but he nodded for her to continue. "And we fed him the same line we'd been feeding everyone else and ourselves about being friends and he totally mocked us. Told us flat out that love wasn't something you could settle with your brains, and we could fight or 'shag' or hate all we wanted but we'd be in love until it killed us both and never be friends. Then he got all drunkenly self righteous and said that he might be Love's Bitch, but at least he was man enough to admit it."

Willow and Tara giggled and Xander couldn't help but grin. "He totally is, too. He tells me stories sometimes about the good old days with him and Dru and I swear he doesn't even realize how whipped he was. If she'd told him she wanted him to have a soul like Angel, he'd have shown up on Ms. Calendar's doorstep with one of those magic orbs and the hearts of her enemies."

Riley blinked and visibly put that image aside. "But he was right, Buffy? About you and Angel?"

"At the time, yeah." She contemplated her Diet Coke, but it didn't appear to have any secrets of the universe to share with her. "I think we could make a go at friendship eventually, but that year? We were playing chicken with our hearts, and it was gonna end badly if something hadn't changed. And Spike spent a couple of hours with us when we were distracted by him and those other vamps and worrying about Xander and Willow and cut right to the heart of it."

"E-even when he was trying to separate you guys that one time... He wasn't exactly wrong." Tara twisted her sandwich wrapper between her hands and peeked at Xander from under her hair. "He used the cracks in your relationships to make things worse, but... h-he had to see them to do that, before any of you a-acknowledged them..."

"Hmmm..." Xander casually took some of Buffy's fries while she was still in Angel-land. "Okay, so I guess we can put 'weirdly insightful' on the list of Spike's super-villain powers, right above 'incredibly annoying' and below 'ridiculously durable'. But that brings me back to square one on what to do with the advice."

"Maybe just... remember it?" Riley suggested. "I don't think anyone, even Seven- er Spike, would expect you to dump the guy on his say so. But what he said about Darren being all things to all people - sounds like he thinks that his reactions to all of us were conscious manipulations. So just be a little more aware of Darren and try to tell for yourself if he's just nice and outgoing or if he's pushing people, including you, into things."

"A-and protect yourself." As soon as she had spoken, Tara blushed, but forced herself on. "I mean, you two are at a... a point in your relationship where people sometimes make commitments they aren't really ready for. Don't... you know, b-burn bridges with your family and move to the other side of the country with no job and count on him to support you and the baby... or- or, you know, anything like that..."

After a brief pause to wonder if this was insight into the shy witch's family history or evidence of too many Lifetime Original Films, he nodded. "Right then. I am actively aware and independence maintaining man. Though Darren's hints that I would save money chipping in on his rent and be more comfortable than in the Basement of Doom have been tempting... Are you going to finish those fries, Ri?"

Spike quietly considered his chances if things went bad. There were three of them, which meant that they could flank him pretty easily, but they were slow and noisy, so if they went for an ambush, he'd likely avoid it. Still, they seemed like the type to drink a little more and decide money lost at pool could be taken back with fists and it was somehow righteous...

"Come on, baby, your shot." ...and the fact that the girl they came in with had been practically climbing inside his duster wasn't helping. He might be better off if they just flat out refused to pay up, he mused while quickly and efficiently wrapping up the game.

"Right then, mates, we done here? Just that it's a little late to go 'double or nothing' again..." He slipped past the clinging tart and reached for the pile of money on the table, but not too fast. As much as it burned his pride, it was better to back down with the money in their hands. Getting beaten up by the Happy Meals wasn't any better on his pride, after all.

"Oh, you'd like that wouldn't you?" Great, three hours of truly expert hustling, winning the games by just enough that they were sure they could take him next time and he was going back to the crypt broke and with a reputation as a pushover. "Well, little English faggots may like to string things out and then walk off, but-"

"But you're going to introduce him to the Great American tradition of welshing on bets instead?" Spike tried not to smirk too much when he felt Harris ease casually into a defensive posture beside him.

Xander gave his patented disarming goofy grin to the group of frat boys as he slipped between Spike and little Slutty McShortSkirt. "Though I suppose that would be more of a Welsh tradition... Do you suppose that the term 'welshing' is offensive to the people of Wales, like 'gyp' or 'indian giver'?"

"Dunno, pet," he could hear the grin in the vamp's voice as the guys in front of them went from aggressive to defensive to vaguely confused. "Had an aunt married a Welshman, but they're both passed so I can't ask them. Not to worry though, sure these blokes weren't planning on backing out of the bet, seeing as they were the ones insisted on the last game..." A hint of menace crept into his tone, and Xander knew while it was partly bluff, they had a decent shot at the guys together. Spike couldn't hurt them, but he could dodge, distract, push a punch away while putting a dizzying spin on the attacker or just take a hit knowing he'd heal, all keeping the human safe enough to go on pure offense.

"Fine, take your money, buy your boyfriend a drink. We're out of here." Gathering the tatters of their dignity (and their bimbo) the three stalked out while Spike collected a rather impressive pile of cash off the pool table.

"Could do that, seems, beer or Coke, Xander?" And if the use of his name and a drink was as much gratitude as vampire ego was capable of giving a human, well... he was okay with that, really.

"Coke's good, thanks." He knelt to pick up the duffel bag he'd set to the side when preparing to rumble and Spike gave it as assessing look as he flagged down a waitress and flirted for drinks.

When they'd had a seat, the vamp nodded to the bag. "Going somewhere, Whelp? Holiday with the boytoy?"

"No. No holiday, and no more boy, though it looks like I was the toy." Xander glared into his soda. "And no more basement, which is all your fault, I might add." When he merely got an inquisitive eyebrow raise, he sighed and gave in. "Fine it's not exactly your fault, because Darren was the one who 'accidentally' outed me to my parents when he couldn't push me to do it myself, then was all hero with the apartment that he'd coincidentally really wanted me to move into already... but it's your fault that I was actually paying attention to the manipulation and said no and am thus single and homeless instead of financially and emotionally dependent on a user but with a roof over my head!"

Spike took a long pull on his drink. "Sure you didn't want the beer?"

"No, kinda need a clear head at the moment..."

"Amount those tossers of parents charged you for the dank hole, you should be able to afford a real place. Still working construction, yeah?"

"Yeah, and my boss had mentioned before that he could get me into an apartment in one of the buildings we're working on without putting down last or security right away, so it's mostly a matter of staying out of the rain until Monday. But the girls are in LA for the weekend and Riley is, well..."

"A homophobic wanker?"

Xander worked hard to keep his Coke going down the right pipe. "He's not that bad, he was even helping out with relationship advice last week, but when it comes to the whole 'can I sleep in your room' thing, yeah could be a bit much for him."

Spike grinned. "After you get a proper flat, I'll burn down his place, and you can offer to let him crash then do the whole 'Oh, no need to be squished on the couch, the bed is plenty big for two' thing!"

"Only you would casually include arson in a plan to make someone emotionally uncomfortable... Only you."

"Flattery will get you everywhere, Harris. Come along, I'll pick the lock on the witches' dorm room, you know they'd let you stay if you could get in touch to ask."

"And this is me seizing on a weak justification for immoral behavior because I don't want to sleep in an alley..."

"Baby steps, we'll have you mugging little old ladies any day now." They joked their way to campus and by the time they were approaching the dorm, Xander got up the nerve to ask the question he'd been worrying since before he'd entered the Bronze.

"Spike, how did you... I mean, what made you say that Darren was bad news? He was, obviously, with the outing and the housing manipulation and the almost guilting me into breaking my sex timetable with his little 'I trust you, Baby, I just want to know it's not one sided' bullshit and whoa, watch the fangs and growlies, we're about to be in public!" He coughed and waited until the other man had shaken off his game face to continue. "But he was playing it really smooth that night and even Giles thought he was great, so I guess I'm just wondering what you saw that no one else did?"

After a short pause at the dorm entrance to put out his cigarette, Spike gave an almost embarrassed sounding chuckle. "Suppose you could say it takes one to know one, mate." At the blank look, he laughed more honestly while starting up the stairs. "Vampires are predators, yeah? But it's not always done with a smash and grab, fangs and claws. Dru liked pretty things, and I never minded taking arrogant snobs for a ride. We could walk into an exclusive invite only party and have everyone there honored to meet us even as they were embarrassed that they couldn't quite remember quite how we were connected. Make friends with some rich bloke and be living in his mansion in a day and accepting thanks from all his friends for watching his affairs while he was 'ill' within a week. Not hard to recognize the moves on some cub what's been doing it a twentieth as long, is it?"

"I guess not..." Xander kept watch while the cheap room lock was defeated and snatched up Miss Kitty before she could escape. Then he snorted softly. "Seems Darren was more right than he knew about you being the 'fight fire with fire' guy of the group. I'm a little sorry I didn't believe you sooner, wasn't sure why you would say something like that." He grinned at the vampire in the doorway. "Tara thought you might have been jealous."

"Well, of course I am, mate. Jealous of all of them, aren't I?" He stared up, waiting for the punch line or the smirk to show it was a joke, but Spike just continued in a completely factual tone. "Still, better to be jealous of someone who's good for you, yeah? Have a good night, Harris, I'll see you on patrol."

Xander stared at the closed door for quite a while before he could fall asleep.

The plot bunny from Skuzzy: Xander hooks up with a guy who everybody likes... except Spike.

The memory it sparked : A scene in Alison Bechdel's Dykes To Watch Out For, where unrepentant player/slut Lois remarks that she didn't think Mo would be interested in someone like her new girlfriend. When Mo angrily askes what she thinks Sydney is like, Lois replies simply "Me."