Well hello, new fandom I've never previously written for.

Let me begin by saying I feel utterly ridiculous for writing for this show. As a twenty-year-old college student, I shouldn't even be able to name the characters, or know what B.T.R. stands for. But I can, and I do, so let's just leave things at that, okay? However: I have only watched about two episodes, so I am sincerely sorry if the characters are obnoxiously OOC. I pretty much go off of how other authors on here write them, along with the hour of showtime I've actually seen them in. So yeah.

Anyway, this is a two-part story that I wrote. The second part will be posted eventually. It's already written; I'm just lazy.

NOTE: I have never been in the Marines. I will never be in the Marines. I am so completely sorry if any of the procedures, uniforms, etc. are wrong, so don't think it's out of disrespect. It's just because I am a moron.

This is pretty much because my best friend, who I may/may not be madly in love with, is in the Marines, and is currently deployed in Iran. I miss him so much, it hurts.

Anyway.

Disclaimer: I don't own (or even freaking watch) Big Time Rush, or any of the characters. This is based off of the characters, not the actual actors/performers.

Warnings: Um. I don't know. Maybe an itty bitty swear or whatever. I don't warn against homosexuality; that's just stupid.

Flamers: GTFO, kthx. I laugh at your ignorance.

Reviews: are quite appreciated, but I won't even notice if you just pass by without submitting one.

Um. So. Here we go.

"Where the hell are we going, James?" Logan asked for the third time, staring out the Jeep's windows in boredom. But the other boy didn't answer. They had been driving to some mysterious place for the past hour, and Logan was getting fidgety. And James, stubborn as ever, refused to let him in on their destination.

Logan and James had become quite close over the past few years. They were still best friends with Kendall and Carlos, but the latter two had signed up for the marines after high school. The original plan had been that all four would sign up together, so they could contribute to their country, but Logan had backed out almost immediately, and tried to convince the others to do the same. The level of danger was just too high. But the other three went to sign up. Unfortunately, the recruiters turned James away after he asked if there were retailers with Cuda products in the Middle East, and if there was any way they'd be able to get more fashionable uniforms.

And so, Kendall and Carlos signed themselves up. Both had only signed two-year contracts, and Kendall had returned home, safe and sound, just eight months ago.

But Carlos didn't. Somehow, his contract had been extended for another two years, and, instead of just staying in training like Kendall, he was deployed to Iran. He had been there for seven months now, and showed no signs of being sent home any time soon.

Logan was not handling it well. His friends feared he had slipped into a depression; some days he wouldn't even get out of bed. Kendall and James strictly forbid him from watching the news anymore. Any time a soldier died overseas, Logan would absolutely shatter until they released a photo, and it turned out not to be Carlos. It had gotten to the point where one of the two had to be with Logan at all times, because the almost twenty-two-year-old cried over pretty much anything now.

So here they were, James driving them off to some place on his Logan Shift.

"James, seriously, where are we going?"

"We're almost there, dude, calm down." Sure enough, within ten minutes, James pulled into a rocky parking lot to a cheap looking diner. Logan gaped at the place.

"We drove an hour for a diner?"

"Yep. Get out of the car," James said flatly, unbuckling his seat belt and gracefully stumbling out of the car himself. Logan joined him reluctantly a few moments later, and they headed slowly into the shabby eatery. A stumpy waitress waddled up to them, grinning brightly at the two relatively appealing boys.

"How many, gentlemen?" she croaked out, beginning to pull menus. James glanced around, and then beamed his famous smile right down at her. Logan could practically see her falling in love.

"Actually, can you just give us a booth? We're only going to have drinks," he said charmingly. He probably didn't even need to explain himself; the waitress was already nodding after the first three words he said. She instantly began leading them to an isolated booth towards the side of the tiny diner, squealing slightly when James said "Thanks, Amie". Logan was too moody to point out that the only reason he knew her name was from her plastic nametag pinned crookedly to her shirt pocket.

Once Amie disappeared, they slid smoothly into the booths, sitting momentarily in silence. Logan glared at James. "Why the hell are we here?"

James flicked around the dented fork set for him, shrugging casually. "You needed to get out of the house. And we need to talk."

Logan's eyes narrowed in suspicion. "About what?" James didn't answer right away. "About what, James?" The taller boy suddenly stood, and moved himself to the open side of Logan's booth, blocking him from escape.

"Carlos."

Sure enough, as soon as the name left James's mouth, Logan's face darkened and he tried desperately to shove past him, moving quickly from shoves to punches. But James held his ground and soon enough, the petite brunette tired himself out and stopped fighting. James almost felt bad when tears started streaming down Logan's face, but this was exactly why they had to be here. Once he felt it was safe, James sat back down on his own side of the table, waiting patiently for Logan to slowly turn back towards him.

"Look, Logie," James began quietly, "I know this is hard for you. Kendall and I... well, I mean, we're upset about the whole thing, too, but..."

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Logan. Logie, look at me. Look." James waited for him to look up, but when he made no move to do so, James reached over with a gentle finger and tilted the boy's chin up softly. He smiled a little at the image before him. Logan wasn't just hurt by this; he was positively destroyed. "I know you love him."

"You don't know," Logan sobbed. James sighed.

"Look, at first I thought you were just upset because you're a realistic guy and saw more consequences than we did. But... Logan, the way you're taking this... you act more like a girl whose soul mate is currently fighting in Iran," James stated frankly, mentally applauding himself when Logan flushed bright red. "Don't you dare try to deny anything," he added, and Logan looked away. "You love him."

"You said that already."

"You love him, but not the same way Kendall and I love him." Logan closed his eyes as tears continued to stream down his cheeks. He nodded solemnly. "He'll be okay."

Logan froze for a moment, and then pretty much imploded.

"He'll be okay? He'll be okay? Are you kidding me?" He slid out of his booth furiously, standing up and towering over a slightly startled James. "Don't you dare," he pointed a trembling finger, "tell me that. I'm the smart one, remember? He could die any day. He could be dead right now, and I'd never know! He could be out there, heart about to stop beating forever, and he could be sitting there wondering-" He broke off, sobbing harshly and voice catching. "He could be sitting there wondering why his best friend stopped writing him six months ago. He could be wondering why care packages stopped being sent to him. He could be wondering if his best friend still even loves him anymore. And…"

"L-Logan," James tried weakly. Logan shuddered, crying heavily, but finally managed to choke out the rest.

"And he w-would never know that I'm so in love with him that it hurts," he said softly, voice cracking on the last few words. James looked up at him sadly, not able to say anything for a long while. He had figured that Logan felt more for Carlos than friendship, but he didn't realize that it was hurting the boy before him so badly that he had cut off all connections with their Marine friend.

"I didn't know you stopped talking to him," James said quietly. He glanced up at his friend, who looked so alone. He quickly stood and clutched at the other boy's elbows. "Look, I'd love to give you a hug, but I don't think I'm the one to do it," he said seriously. Logan peered up at him, raising an eyebrow.

"You… what? B-but I really... I need one," he said quietly, looking at his feet miserably. "P-please, James… I can't exactly ask a-anyone around here t-to-"

"I'll do it," a soft voice offered from behind him. Logan tensed immediately, his eyes widening and his face paling. His trembling increased tenfold, and he began shaking his head rapidly, like he refused to believe what he was hearing. When he wouldn't turn around to confront the new voice, said voice stepped around to see his face. Logan clenched his eyes shut and wrapped his arms around himself protectively. No, this wasn't happening. It was just one of his millions of dreams just like this, and he'd wake up in a few minutes shaking and confused and would start crying when he realized it wasn't real.

But two strong arms wrapped around his waist, much too low to be James's, and much too real to be another dream. "Hey, Logie." Logan slowly, cautiously opened his eyes, squinting at first, and then slowly turning to a full stare. There, right in front of his face, decked out in the dark blue uniform and fancy white hat, stood the one that meant everything to him.

Carlos was home.

Logan didn't move for a full five minutes. Carlos had started out confident, but as the seconds ticked by, his smile dimmed, his arms loosened, and his eyes began darting around nervously.

"I'll let you guys talk," James spoke up after a little, breaking the awkward silence momentarily. Instead of completely leaving the diner, he simply shuffled his way to the other side, where Kendall, Carlos's ride from the airport, was sitting at a small table.

Logan was still staring at Carlos, and the shorter boy was becoming very antsy. He shifted his feet a little, finally backing away fully and dropping his arms. "Say something," he pleaded. Logan finally, finally looked away, staring at the empty booth for a second before whirling around and storming of the diner. Carlos immediately bolted after him, finally catching him outside and grabbing at the brunette, firmly gripping the boy's shoulders. "Logan, talk to me! Do you know what this took me? Do you realize how hard it is for me to be here right now?"

Logan looked up at him. "You never signed up for a two-year contract, did you?" Carlos flinched and broke eye contact. "I looked it up. Unless there's a draft, they can't force you to extend your contract. You signed up for a four-year contract from the start, didn't you?"

"It wasn't... I wasn't... yeah." Carlos sighed, releasing Logan's shoulders and crossing his arms over his chest. "We were eighteen, and I was going through some things. It was my idea in the first place to sign up for the Marines, remember?"

"You were going through things? And this was your solution?" Carlos nodded meekly. "What the hell is wrong with you? You couldn't have just, oh, I don't know, seen someone about your problems? Or better yet, come and tell your best friends about them and try to work them out?"

"It was complicated!"

"Humor me!" Logan shouted, staring down the other boy until he caved.

"I was in love with you, okay?" Carlos muttered, looking directly into Logan's eyes. "I was eighteen, in love with my best friend, and just coming to terms that I was actually capable of having feelings for other guys."

Logan stayed silent for a moment. "You still should have come to us."

"I did! I told James the week before the Marines idea! And do you know what he told me?"

Logan's eyebrows scrunched. "To... join the Marines?"

"No, he told me to tell you!"

"That would've been the logical-"

"Don't start with that. I heard you earlier, you're in love with me, too, and you've never said anything! In fact, you stopped saying anything to me six months ago! Why-" Carlos's voice cracked and a single tear swelled at the corner of his eye. "Why did you stop writing me?" Logan looked away in shame. "I- your letters... they were the only things that mattered to me, you know? And one month after I get sent to Iran... I stopped getting the one thing that motivated me to stay alive," he said in a hushed tone, misery absolutely dripping from his voice.

"I couldn't deal with it," Logan whispered. Carlos opened his mouth to snap at him, but Logan pressed on before he could say anything. "I am so... the one person who I love more than life itself put himself in the freaking military and wound up across the world, putting himself in life-or-death situations every single day. I stopped writing to you, but I never... I think about you every single day. Do you know what it's like to wake up every day and have your first thought be that the person you love could be dead, and you wouldn't know? It…" He trailed off, breaking into a new round of sobs. Carlos immediately stepped forward and hugged him, squeezing him tightly like he'd never let go.

"I wish I didn't sign up for four years, sometimes," he said suddenly. Logan peeked up from his chest. "But the only time I feel like that is when I think about you, and James and Kendall, and how I'm not just a nobody who has nothing to go home to. I have you and them, and an entire life here. I love being a Marine, but I love... Logan, I'm in love with you," he said simply. Logan sobbed again into his chest, nodding.

"I'm in love with you, too," he managed, finally wrapping his arms around Carlos and returning the hug for the first time.

They finally broke their hug and walked back into the diner, sliding into the booth James and Logan had originally occupied. They sat on either side of the table, and James and Kendall almost immediately joining them. James didn't sit, though, instead grabbing Carlos and pulling him to his feet for a hug.

"I missed you, man," he said, letting his friend go and take his seat back. James slid into the booth next to the Marine, letting Kendall sit next to Logan. Kendall ran a hand up and down his friend's back reassuringly.

"I missed you guys, too," Carlos said, looking straight at Logan.

Logan stared back. "How did you get them to let you come back?"

All of a sudden, none of his friends would look him in the eye. He glanced from Carlos, to James, to Kendall, and back to Carlos. Said boy was fiddling with his thumbnail, refusing to look up.

"I told you it was hard," Carlos finally said quietly. James and Kendall shifted slightly away, like they were trying to give the other two a little bit of privacy. "I was talking to one of the higher ranks, and he was telling me about his wife, and how he made sure to let her know that he loves her before he was deployed. It's something that's gotta be said in person, he figured. And I kind of got to talking about you, and I told him that I never said anything, and that you weren't even writing to me anymore." Kendall raised his eyebrows at that, but said nothing. James shot him a look that said he'd fill the blonde in later. "So he spoke to a few guys, and… he got me a quick trip home so I could tell you how I felt."

"Wait," Logan said loudly, eyebrows scrunching together. "What do you mean, 'a quick trip'?" No one answered, and Logan became frantic in about .05 seconds. He pressed himself into the back of the booth seat, knuckles white as he gripped the sticky wood table in front of him. "You have to go back?"

"Well, yeah. You can't really just drop out of the Marines, Logie," Carlos explained softly. He finally peeked up at the panicking boy, wincing when he saw Logan was on the verge of crying. He immediately reached across the table and gently pried at the other boy's hands, clasping them comfortingly. "Logan, please don't-"

"When do you go back?" Logan demanded, yanking his hands out of Carlos's grip. Kendall slid out of the booth quietly, grabbing James's shirt and tugging him along when the brunette didn't take the hint and move. Kendall dragged the stumbling James all the way out of the diner, and Logan could vaguely see them walking to Kendall's car and sitting on the hood. Logan switched his full attention to Carlos. "When do you go back?" he repeated roughly.

"Tomorrow morning."

Nothing was said for a few minutes. Carlos was desperately reaching for Logan's hands, but the other boy refused to even move. And then Logan started crying, cheeks reddening and tears rushing down his face at an alarming rate. Carlos quickly stood and maneuvered around the table to sit next to his best friend, wrapping both arms around him tightly. Logan tried to wiggle away, but was pretty much cornered and ended up just flopping back into the puffy booth seat, letting Carlos hug all he wanted.

"Wh-why would you e-even come back?" he sobbed, letting his head fall weakly to Carlos's shoulder.

Carlos had to swallow back his own tears at the question. "I… I thought you'd want to… I wanted to see you," he said nervously, beginning to wonder if he was only hurting Logan more by coming back when he'd have to leave again. "I wanted to tell you how I feel. I mean… I'm not exactly guaranteed life for the next year, you know?"

He discovered that was exactly the wrong thing to say when Logan paled drastically and began sobbing so hard he couldn't breathe.

"Oh- oh, I'm sorry- don't cry, Logie, please don't cry-" Carlos stammered out, frantically trying to calm his nearly hyperventilating friend.

"I d-don't w-want you to-to die," Logan choked out, trembling harshly.

"I-I won't!" Carlos immediately replied, although it didn't seem to make Logan feel any better. That was most likely because it was an empty promise. "Logan, I swear that no matter what happens, whether I return home or not, I love you so much and I will never stop, okay? And-and I'm sorry that I can't stay, but when I finish my contract-"

"You mean if! If you live to finish your contract!"

"Logan-"

"No," Logan interrupted, pushing weakly at Carlos's chest, sending the Latino a half-inch back. "Don't Logan me. You… you come here, and give me everything I've ever wanted, and then you go and tell me I have to lose it tomorrow morning?" Logan shoved at Carlos harder, actually propelling him to the end of the booth. Logan followed him, face turning red and cheeks puffing out in anger. "Forget that! I'd rather not get you than finally get you and have you leave twelve freaking hours later!"

The heartbreak was practically splattered all over Carlos's face. He stared at Logan blankly for a second, before looking down at his lap and nodding. Without another word, he stood and turned, beginning to walk off. He hesitated a few steps away, glancing back over his shoulder to see Logan still sitting in the booth, looking shocked and confused.

"I meant what I said," Carlos told him quietly. "I… I still love you, okay? Even if we're just best friends. So don't… don't ever forget that." Looking at the other boy for one last moment, Carlos nodded to himself, turned away, and walked out of the diner and out of Logan's life.

Logan sat there stupidly for a few moments, until the chunky waitress from before jabbed at his shoulder with her pencil, startling him out of his trance. "I dunno about you, honey, but I'd be running after that boy. It may hurt now, but are you gonna be able to forgive yourself once he's gone and you didn't say goodbye?" she asked, but her tone made Logan think it wasn't really a question looking for an answer. He glanced from her face to the door, and down to the table. Without another thought, he sprang up and dashed towards the exit, almost breaking down the door as he tore out of it. He got down the front steps of the diner, only stopping once he hit the sidewalk because he had no idea where to go.

"Logan?" He whirled around sharply, nearly tripping over himself in the process. And there, curled up in a ball and sitting against the side of the diner, was Carlos. Logan felt a wave of guilt when he saw tears running down the tan boy's cheeks. He swallowed hard, taking two deep breaths before walking to stand in front of his best friend. Carlos shakily pushed himself to his feet, staring somewhere between Logan's nose and anywhere that wasn't Logan. Without a single word, Logan reached out and laid a palm against either side of Carlos's face, only hesitating once before tugging the Latino forward and crushing their mouths together. Carlos froze for one horrifying second, but then melted and slid his arms around Logan's waist tightly, tilting his head for a better kiss.

Logan poured everything he had into that kiss, and only pulled away when his lungs were shriveling from lack of air. He kept his eyes closed, panting loudly and still clutching Carlos's face.

He let go completely a few seconds later, stepping back and rubbing at his upper arms anxiously. "I… uh… I wanted to say goodbye," Logan explained, peering up at Carlos. The latter smiled a little.

"I'm glad." Logan turned to head for James's car when Carlos's hand shot out and grabbed at his sleeve. "Wait! I, um, do you want to…" Logan stared at him patiently, and Carlos decided to just go for it. "Will you spend the night? With me, I mean." Logan paused. Every ounce of sense he had was screaming for him to say no. Relationships that moved quickly were nowhere near his thing. Those kinds never really lasted, and this thing between him and Carlos… it meant too much to end fast.

But… if he said no, there was a very distinct margin that he'd never get another chance to do this with Carlos. Even if he was strongly against going all the way before marriage, or hell, even a proper date…

This could be his only chance to be with Carlos. So he took it.

At five-thirty, Logan felt the bed he was sprawled out on shifting quietly. Moaning in protest, he rolled over and wrenched open an eye. In the dim lighting of his room, he could just barely make out Carlos scooting about for his clothes. Logan forced himself to sit up, and in that sickening moment, everything came thundering back to him. For a moment, he felt so nauseous and dizzy, he thought he was going to vomit right then and there. But the feeling quickly dissolved, and he managed to open his eyes enough to find Carlos looking at him in the dark.

"Sorry for waking you, Logie," he whispered, pulling up his pants and tucking his shirt into them. "Go back to sleep."

"You're leaving?"

Carlos sighed. "Yeah. I have to be back at the airport by six thirty. Kendall is dropping me off; he's already in the car." Logan flopped backwards onto his pillow, running his hands roughly over his face. Carlos finished dressing and sat down on the bed beside Logan, rubbing his stomach comfortingly. "Please don't cry."

Logan lifted his hands to show a dry face. "I don't think I can cry anymore for at least a month," he said honestly. After they had sex the previous night, Carlos cuddled Logan to his chest and let the poor boy cry himself to sleep.

Carlos smiled gently at him, and then stood from the bed, grabbing his duffle bag and heading for the door. "Carlos…" Logan got up from the soft bed, shuffling as fast as he could across the cold floor, hurrying to say goodbye. When he reached Carlos, he wrapped his arms around him tightly and buried his head in the tan shoulder. Neither even cared that Logan was completely naked. Granted, at any other time, Carlos would probably crack a joke and then take full advantage of the lack of clothes, but… this wasn't any other time.

"I love you, Logie," Carlos murmured, squeezing his best friend tightly.

"I love you, too. So much." Logan lifted his head for one final kiss, whimpering slightly when Carlos nipped at the boy's bottom lip when pulling away. "Come back, okay?"

Carlos smiled sadly. "I will. I promise," he said sincerely, although Logan knew he couldn't completely believe it. Carlos gave a final squeeze before letting go and backing towards the door, looking right into Logan's eyes until he reached the doorknob. He turned and opened the door, sending one final smile back inside before closing it silently behind him.

As soon as Logan heard the car door slam shut and Kendall and Carlos drive off, he climbed back into bed and clutched at the one item Carlos left behind. It was a Marines t-shirt, Carlos's favorite pajama item. Logan pressed it as close to himself as possible, and realized sadly that he lied.

He had plenty more tears to shed, and cried his heart out a hundred times over as he curled up miserably with the only thing he had to remember Carlos by.