Hey everybody!

Sorry I take so long to update. This chapter took FOREVER! I had to rewrite it so many times and it was still awkward.

I also move into my college dorm this Thursday, so updates might be irregular and infrequent, but I am determined to see this story to the end.

On a happier note, has anyone seen the Glee 3D Movie? (Darren Criss/Chris Colfer in 3D ZOMG sdjfhwelsgflsdgldsh)

oh...and I want a mini-Warbler.

Anywhoo, enjoy!

"WRONG!"

"Unlike the Warblers, who are considered the rock stars of the school," Kurt began to explain, "at McKinley, Glee Club is the lowest of the low. We are the only ones who get slushied, and the entire school hates us."

"Except when we perform at assemblies. Then we are like rock stars" Brittany elaborated, "It's totally because of me and San."

"Anyway," Mercedes took over, "Even after Finn joined, no one else wanted to be anywhere near the Glee Club. And we were sort of okay with that, that is, until Mr. Shue decided we were going to perform at our first pep assembly."

"It was horrible" Rachel said, "He was insistent that we do disco. And the choreography was atrocious."

At this, Rachel took it upon herself to demonstrate how bad the dance was, and was soon stoped my Mercedes again.

"Aw hell to the no! I told you if you tried to bust my face again, Berry, I would cut you!" Mercedes yelled. She made a lunge at Rachel but was held back by Kurt.

"Mercedes, you are reverting back to that dramatic, Technicolor zebra again." Kurt chastised, earning a glare from the girl in question.

"Hater. You are still trying to copy me" Mercedes accused, trying to fight off a smile.

Kurt lightly smiled back as Rachel began to narrate again.

"So we were sure that we were going to die at the pep assembly, but then we got a brief glimmer of hope when Mr. Shue performed Kanye West's 'Goldigger' with us."

"Wait a second," Wes interjected, "Your teacher sung with you? Is that normal?"

"Well technically I was supposed to have the solo, but at the time I was still learning how to walk and sing at the same time, so Mr. Shuester took over the solo for me." Finn answered.

"Finn, you STILL don't know how to walk and sing at the same time" Kurt said affectionately, patting Finn on the back.

Blaine felt a small wave if insecurity bubble up inside. He knew Kurt had had a crush on his stepbrother in the past. What if it had never actually disappeared?

Sensing his discomfort, David reached forward and put his hand on Blaine's shoulder.

"Chill. It's just a brotherly gesture."

Blaine sighed and tuned back in to what was going on onstage. Apparently they had moved from Finn's lack of multitasking to Quinn's belief that his being in Glee Club would label her as a gay beard.

"After Quinn chewed me out for minding my own business by my locker-" Rachel began, only to be interrupted by Quinn.

"You were eavesdropping ManHands, and you know it."

"No, you just assumed that I was trying to one up you and steal your boyfriend"

"You were!"

"No, I may have had feelings for him, but I am an honorable person, I won't go out of my way to seduce him"

"Yeah right."

"At least I didn't offer to let him get to second base so he'd quit the club."

"So you were eavesdropping!"

"Actually, you were so loud about it I'm surprised Coach Sylvester hadn't heard you"

"THAT'S IT!" At that, Quinn made a move to attack Rachel, only to be stopped by Finn getting in between them.

"STOP! We aren't here to fight" Finn protested, "I didn't come here to watch you two attack each other and end up in the guidance office again."

"I'll have you know I've only been to the guidance office once" Rachel pointed out.

"Really? I would of thought you would have seen her weekly to overcome your crazy." Quinn snidely retorted.

"If you must know, Quinn, Ms. Pillsbury had me come to her office when she caught me trying to throw up in the bathroom. She then tried to lecture me about bulimia. She even gave me a pamphlet." Rachel replied with a glare.

"Why were you throwing up?" Nick asked from the house.

"I wasn't throwing up. I don't have a gag reflex, apparently." Rachel replied offhandedly, not noticing the suggestive looks all the men in the room, sans Kurt and Blaine, were giving each other, "I was gross and I'll never do it again. All I wanted to do was be thinner, and prettier like Quinn. Then maybe someone would like me."

Everyone was taken back. Not a single soul was prepared for Rachel to be so brutally honest. Wiping a tear from her eye, Rachel took a breath and continued as if nothing happened.

"Anyway, a few days later I was in the principal's office after Finn and I got caught using the cheerio's copier."

"Coach Sylvester said something about 'hobbling', whatever that is" Finn added.

"What possessed you to do something so stupid?" Santana asked the two, "Coach is crazy protective of cheerio funds and anything bought with those funds."

"Well, Finn was worried about having to perform a solo at the pep assembly in front of his chromosomally-challenged friends. I was immediately concerned by his lack of self-esteem and made a creative, preemptive strike."

"Yeah, pretty much what she said."

"So Principal Figgins made us pay for the copies we made and we were on our way. Though Mr. Shue was still adamant that we do disco." Rachel continued, "then, in an attempt to understand my peers and come to an understanding, I joined the celibacy club."

"The what club?" Jeff pondered aloud.

"The Celibacy Club, you know, no sex?" Rachel hinted, "which is ironic since the club was run by the cheerios, and in the end, none of you stayed celibate."

"Watch it Stubbles" Quinn growled, still being held back by Finn.

"After one meeting, I was shocked at the way things were run. After all, it has been proven that celibacy doesn't work in high schools. Hormones drive everyone crazy. That's why girls want sex as much as guys do." Rachel lectured.

"Is that accurate?" Trent asked in awe.

"But, the celibacy club meeting gave me an idea." Rachel said, "The next day, I paid a freshman to ask Mr. Shuester for help with irregular verbs. Then I called an emergency meeting of the Glee Club."

"Sounds like something Wes would do" Trent commented with a laugh, causing the head council member to turn red.

"I thought it would be a great idea to attract potential new members by giving them what they wanted"

"What? Blood?" David joked.

"Better…sex" Rachel answered with a smirk, motioning for the other five on stage to grab another set of costumes out of the box and head backstage, "Now if you all will excuse us for a minute or two, we need to prepare for another performance."

As the six members prepared backstage, the Warblers looked amongst themselves, then to the remaining members of New Directions, who were completely ignoring them. Nick was the first to speak up and try to make a conversation.

"Sooo…I think that Rachel girl is cute. Is she single?"

Blaine began to laugh, "Trust me, you don't even wanna touch that. She's crazy. Talented, but crazy."

"I don't know about Berry" Wes said skeptically, "But that Mercedes is one diva I wouldn't mind hanging around. You think Kurt could introduce me?"

Nick stood up and started to walk towards the stage. Jeff grabbed his arm, "Dude, where are you going?"

"I'm gonna go ask Rachel out." Nick calmly answered.

Nick entered the back hallway behind the stage, looking for where the members of New Directions were getting ready. He paused outside a door where he heard voices.

"Finn, I know that we have had our struggles this past year. But I would appreciate it if we could set that awkwardness aside when we perform so that the overall quality of our performances will not differ greatly from the originals."

"Uh…sure Rach. I guess I can do that."

"Good. Now get out. A star like me needs special preparation"

Nick tried to back away, but wasn't fast enough and the door opened to reveal Finn.

"Um. Hi. Aren't you one of the Garglers…or Chortlers…or whatever? Why are you back here?" Finn asked with an incredibly confused look.

"Hi. Yes, I am a Warbler. I'm Nick" Nick introduced himself, extending his hand to Finn, who took it without a word. "I'm here to talk to Rachel."

"Well Rachel is doing her special preparations" Finn hesitated "Why do you want to talk to her?"

Nick was unfazed by Finn's interrogation. Instead he grinned and changed the subject.

"So Finn, what was your first impression of Rachel?"

"Well at first I thought she was kinda insane, she talks a lot more than she should, and to be honest I checked under my bed to make sure she wasn't hiding out under there." Finn rambled, "But then I heard her sing. It touched something in me. I looked at her differently after that."

"Do you still love her?" Nick asked, genuinely curious, if this was going where he thought it was, then he had a better plan.

"I don't know anymore" Finn said, his eyes clouded over, "I mean, I still care about her, but I don't know if I can forget what she did to me"

Nick smirked. 'Bingo.'

"So you won't mind if I maybe asked her out?" Nick inquired slyly.

The nervous look on Finn's face was enough to let Nick know that his attentions would be better paid elsewhere. Taking this as his cue, Nick winked at Finn, whose hands formed into fists, and walked off.

Meanwhile back in the auditorium, Blaine was starting to worry. He couldn't see Kurt ever have agreeing to a song about sex. Kurt didn't know anything about sex, much less how to be sexy. And Blaine would know. He had seen Kurt try to be sexy….and it wasn't pretty.

Blaine turned around in his seat to the rest of the Warblers. "Guys, please don't laugh at Kurt, he really is trying and I don't want to hurt his self-esteem and-"

"Shush" David scolded, "The song is starting.

Blaine returned his attention to the stage, where the lights were dimmed on the tableau created by the performers. Spotlights suddenly shone on the group as they sprung to life.

Get up on this!

'Oh no. Not this song, anything but this song' Blaine thought, 'There's no way Kurt can pull off this song.'
Get up on this!

The girls got up from their spots and strutted to stage right, then putting their hands over their hearts and thrusting forward with their chests.

Oooh, baby, baby
Baby, baby

The boys walked stage left, pointing to the girls as they did so.
Oooh, baby, baby
Baby, baby

Blaine watched as the Kurt ran his hands down his body, and…

'Well…damn.'

Get up on this!

Meanwhile, the girls had formed a train walk, which transformed into them doing booty rolls across the stage.

Ow! Baby!
Salt and Pepa's here!

The group got into another formation, with Artie in the front, Mercedes and Tina flanking the sides, and the others in the back.
This dance ain't for everybody
Only the sexy people

Artie positioned his hands above Mercedes and Tina's butts as they moved up and down.
So all you fly mothers, get on out there and dance
Dance, I said!

Artie's wheelchair turned around, and Rachel took over the first verse.
Salt and Pepa's here, and we're in effect
Want you to push it, babe
Coolin' by day then at night working up a sweat
C'mon girls, let's go show the guys that we know
How to become number one in a hot party show
Now push it

The girls began to walk forward, slapping the sides of their hands on their thighs, then moving their hands up to their chests and thrusting forward. They then rubbed their hands on their thighs as they bent down before snapping up again.

Ah, push it - push it good
Ah, push it - push it real good
Ah, push it - push it good
Ah, push it - p-push it real good

Hey! Ow!
Push it good!

The groupthen started randomly pelvic thrusting into each other in different formations.

By this point Blaine's jaw was slack. He didn't know what to think, considering he was sure the Kurt he knew had the sexual ability of a baby-penguin. And this Kurt was DEFINITELY not the Kurt he knew.

Yo, baby-pop
Yeah, you come here, gimme a kiss

Finn made his way to stage left and Tina ground up on him. He then made his way down through the girls, dancing suggestively with each one.
Better make it fast or else I'm gonna get pissed
Can't you hear the music's pumpin' hard like I wish you would?
Now push it

He reached the end of the line where he high fived Kurt who then…

'OH. MY. GOD.'

"Did Kurt just slap Finn's butt?" Blaine vaguely heard Wes whisper to David.

Ah, push it
Push it good

Ah, push it
Push it real good

Ah, push it
Push it good

Ah, push it
P-push it real good

Each of the members started dancing their own personal dance. While some of the audience paid attention to Rachel, and Finn. Blaine was too busy watching Kurt.

'What is he doin- oh lord. Undapper thoughts! Dead puppies, Wes and David in lingerie, NAKED RACHEL BERRY!'
Ah, push it
Get up on this!

Rachel, Tina, and Kurt got down on all floors and began crawling across the stage. The Warblers turned their attention from the stage for a second to look at Blaine, who was frozen in his seat.

Ah, push it
Get up on this!

"Do ya think he's dead?" Jeff asked.

Ah, push it
Get up on this!

"I dunno" Nick responded, "Maybe we should poke him."

Ah, push it

THUD!

Ah, push it!

"Unggghhh"

The group onstage immediately disbanded, obviously embarrassed at their display. The Warblers managed to revive Blaine, although his eyes were glazed over and he was still sort of out of it.

"So….um, anyway" Finn began awkwardly.

"The students seemed to love our performance at the pep assembly. The parents, not so much." Rachel explained, "Principal Figgins limited what we were able to sing to songs about Jesus and Balloons. Then one day Finn asked me for help with his vocals."

"I wanted to be good, like you are" Finn said, hoping to divert Rachel's attention back to herself and away from the direction it was heading. Unfortunately Rachel wasn't having any of it.

"I thought that now would be the time to tell all of you what ACTUALLY happened." Rachel announced before turning to Finn, "I didn't realize this until a couple nights ago. You, Finnegan Hudson, are a hypocrite"

"And how do you suppose that, Treasure Trail?" Quinn asked snarkily.

"The day Finn and I were rehearsing, Finn kissed me, thus cheating on you. Then he dumped you when he found out you cheated on him. Then he later dumped me for cheating on him. Then he turned around and helped you cheat on Sam, thus forgiving you for sleeping with and thus getting pregnant by his best friend. And he has yet to forgive me for just kissing Puck!" Rachel ranted, pointing an accusatory finger at Finn.

"Face it Troll! You just want Finn back." Santana snidely commented from her spot on Brittany's lap.

"On the contrary, Satan." Rachel corrected, "I only want to be forgiven for something that is clearly lesser than what Quinn did."

"ANYWAY" Kurt interjected, sensing another fight on the horizon, "After our fiasco at the pep assembly, Quinn, Santana, and Brittany joined the club. Would you three want to demonstrate?"

Kurt quickly shuffled Rachel and the others off stage so the former cheerios could perform.

Quinn turned around so Santana and Brittany were hiding her. The two then shook their hips, then put their hands together, making way for Quinn to move back to the front.

Say a little prayer for you

The moment I wake up

Quinn strolled forward with her hand on her heart. All three of them spread their arms out and turned to the side. Then she formed a compact with her hand and pretended to put on some blush. The two others mimicked her.
Before I put on my makeup
I say a little prayer for you

The three girls did a rotating body roll so they were facing the front. They rolled their arms over their head and down their body.
While combing my hair now,
And wondering what dress to wear now,

Quinn made a dress form with her hands and leaned forward, with Santana and Brittany doing the same. They brought their hands into a praying pose, then swung their arms out in front of them.
I say a little prayer for you

Forever, and ever, you'll stay in my heart
and I will love you
Forever, and ever, we never will part
Oh, how I love you
Together, forever, that's how it must be
To live without you
Would only mean heartbreak for me.

The girls went through a complicated series of hip thrusting, rotating, switching places, and arm movements before ending with Quinn in the middle, with Brittany and Santana flanking her on the left and right, all of them sporting a snide smirk. (A.N. I got lazy and it's like 5 in the morning so I condensed it…a lot)

The audience clapped as the girls got off stage. Blaine had finally recovered and took the chance to ask a question.

"So what happened next?"

Rachel was back on stage in an instant, dragging Mercedes and Tina with her.

"After the cheerio trio joined the club, Mr. Shue took my solo away from me and gave it to Quinn. So I asked to use the auditorium to practice."

Before anyone could get in a word edgewise, Rachel began to sing.

You look so dumb right now,
Standing outside my house,
Trying to apologize,
You're so ugly when you cry,
Please, just cut it out

Quinn saw Sam staring at her out of the corner of her eye and turned, watching as he turned red and looked away.

Don't tell me you're sorry cause you're not,
Baby when i know you're only sorry you got caught,

Rachel met Finn's eyes glaring at her, returning his intense stare with a burning passion.

But you put on quite a show (oh),
You really had me going,
But now it's time to go (oh),
Curtains finally closing,
That was quite a show (oh),
Very entertaining,

Santana starred at Brittany, who had moved back sitting next to Artie, who was holding her close. When Artie noticed she was looking, he glared at her and she glared back.
But it's over now (but it's over now),
Go on and take a bow, ohh..ohh

And the award for the best lie goes to you (goes to you),
For making me believe that you could be faithful to me,
Let's hear your speech out!
(but you put on quite a show you really had me going),

Jeff put his hand down on the arm rest. He didn't expect Nick's hand to already be there, causing him to pull away in shock when their hands touched. Both boys' heads shot up to look at each other, before quickly turning away, light blushes on their cheeks.

But now it's time to go (oh),
Curtains finally closing,
That was quite a show (oh),
Very entertaining,

Mercedes looked out into the audience and caught Wes looking her direction. She winked, which caused him to get flustered and turn away.

But it's over now (but it's over now),
Go on and take a bow

Blaine looked up and noticed Kurt was looking at him. With a sad smile he mouthed the final words with the girls on stage.
But it's over now

Uh oh! Drama for our favorite dysfunctional family.

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