5 Where I Am Now

Title: Thagirion

Author: joudama

Fandom: FF7 (AU)

Status: 5/6

Rating: R

Word count: 8431

Summary/Prompt: Instead of waiting to breed new Ancients, Hojo decides to simply create a new one from Aerith and a terrorist who remembers more than she should.

A/N: This is for illumynare, who won my help_japan auction. :D

There is such as thing as a liquid you can breathe; it's used for burn victims whose lungs are too fragile for people to breathe regular air. I took that and am assuming the mako liquid has the same properties and why in Crisis Core Zack and Cloud didn't have any breathing apparatuses on when they were in the mako tanks. :Db

So I thought this was going to be the last chapter, until it hit the 10,000 word/50 page mark, and I realized I was no where near actually done. So I split the chapter into two, and the next one should be the last one. THE ONE THAT WILL FINALLY ACTUALLY ANSWER THE ORIGINAL PROMPT, SHEESH.

Part IV:

今ここにいる現在

[Where I Am Now]

「でも、過去を書き換えれば、当然ながら現在だって変わる。現在というのは過去の集積によって形作られているわけだから」

-村上春樹、1Q84 Book 1

One year ago

Sample XVIII has recently been located, finally (I fully believe those idiot Turks were, as they were before, completely aware of its location, but chose not to inform me officially until now), and the reports about it show that, as expected, the process worked, and far better than anticipated. Sample XVIII is awake and fully believes itself to be the Ancient sample, down to mannerisms, name response, and rumored 'abilities' (second-hand accounts of flowers blooming underground in the area the sample has been hiding in). However, due to timing, it is unclear what exactly the catalyst was for the final imprinting. The fables from N state that the one the Ohnegesichterin imprinted on died if it successfully 'stole' its face, and although this seems merely a tale, the Ancient sample was terminated during its escape attempt, and XVIII had been unresponsive until then.

However, seeing the extent to which the experiment was a success, I will attempted to replicate it with the remaining viable sample from N. Since S was lost at N, and the attempts at directly cloning S have failed, I will instead attempt imprinting using the sample from Gongaga. Both XVIII and the Ancient sample were badly injured in the escape attempt, so after the N sample's numbers reach those of XVIII prior to its escape, I will test to see if extreme pain can be a final catalyst for imprinting. I will also test the hypothesis that death is needed as a catalyst by temporarily terminating the Gongaga sample, and resuscitating it afterwards-it is too valuable a sample to terminate outright, especially since there is no proof that death is the final catalyst. Regardless of if it is pain, death, or simply a coincidence of timing, I will begin prepping the N sample for the final imprinting experiment by beginning the first rounds of Compound 164 injections and same tank insertions.

Hojo's notes comparing Sample N and XVIII, page 169

"-wa- up

wak- -p

wake -p

wake up

Wake up

WAKE UP!"

Zack had been drifting-it was easier to drift and impossible to fight-when the voice began yelling. It began as a whisper, barely at the edge of his barely-existent consciousness, but it had been growing louder, more desperate, and more familiar, andit-

-pulled him into the space he was now, into a white space that somehow should have seemed empty but did not.

Angeal was there, and he looked nothing like Zack normally remembered him as - he was normally so calm and unflappable, but now he seemed frantic and desperate. "Zack. Zack! You have to wake up! Zack!"

Zack stared at him blankly, not entirely sure what he was supposed to do with that. "What do you mean, 'wake up'? Wake up from what? I mean, I'm talking to you, right? You can't be asleep and talk. Well, ok, you can, but then you say stupid stuff like, 'but the plates are on the penguin'."

Angeal gave him a frustrated look that was also panicked. "You don't have time, Zack! You have to wake up, and you have to do it now."

Zack continued giving him a puzzled look.

"He's coming, Zack. You have to get out of here before he comes. You have to get out before he comes and steals his face for good."

"Huh?!"

Zack knew dreams didn't tend to make much sense, but this one was taking the cake.

"WAKE UP!" Angeal roared, and with a jolt, Zack-

-did.

He would have panicked, but he remembered this, even down to the strange feeling of being submerged but still able to breathe. They'd explained it to him when he first got into the SOLDIER program, before the mako insertions, about how the mako solution was special because the molecules or something were so spread out air could fit between them or something or other; his eyes had glazed over as soon as the science talk started.

But the thing of it was, he had no idea how he had gotten there, or even why he was there. It made absolutely zero sense. The last thing he remembered was-

Niebelheim. They had been at Niebelheim. And since then...

Experiments. There had been experiments. There had been a lot of them, and...and Cloud. Cloud had been there right along with him, and he could, when he struggled, remember Cloud becoming more and more sluggish as the tests went on.

He had no idea how long they had been in the tanks now, but judging by how Cloud looked...he was older, visibly older, and this was all different kinds of not good. Angeal had been terrified, and Zack didn't know if it was Angeal's spirit or his own subconscious, but whatever it had been, it had wanted him OUT, and he wasn't going to blow it off.

It was time for them to go. Past time, he suspected.

The tank was strong, and for a moment, he was afraid it was stronger than he was, but then he felt-he felt, something, something he couldn't describe, envelop him, something that felt so damn much like Angeal, when he'd put his arms around Zack to show him how to use his sword that some part of Zack choked up-and he hit the glass one more time, and that time, it shattered like brittle candy glass.

It shattered like nothing, showering the floor with shards, and Zack came out of the tank as if being birthed, in a gush of fluid and pain.

He gasped, filling his lungs now with air, as if it were the first time, and he suspected their were tears clinging to his eyelashes along with the mako fluid.

He hauled himself to his feet, feeling as if his legs, weak from disuse, might give out at any moment, but knowing, somehow, he didn't have any time to spare and no time to recover.

His arms shook as the muscles cried out from the first use they had had in far too long.

There wasn't time. He didn't know what or what was coming, but he knew he didn't have time.

His choice was taken away when his legs buckled from under him, and he crouched on the ground, on his hands and knees, then managed to control his fall so he rolled up and was looking at the ceiling, feeling his legs and arms trembling, as he just breathed until they felt steady again.

When his muscles stopped twitching and he could feel the strength flowing through him again, he pulled himself up enough so he was sitting up in the glass and mako fluid, and looked around.

No one had come yet, but he knew it wouldn't be long.

Then he looked over at Cloud. He was floating in the tank next to Zack's broken on, in the same uniform he had been wearing all those...he didn't even know how long it had been, since Nibelheim. He had a few scattered memories, of half waking up and being poked and prodded and then put back under before he could come out completely, or of being awakened and pain, but everything was a messy blur.

And there was a Cloud. The years-it had to be years-were written all over him. His face was older, and he was taller; the uniform that had been slightly too big for him was now slightly too small; the cuffs not reaching his wrists, and the material stretched across musculature that he shouldn't have had, not after years of inaction in a tank, but did, and Zack didn't much want to think about that.

He had to get Cloud out of that tank, and had to do it now.

He had to get to his feet.

Zack took a deep breath, gathering himself, then all but jumped to his feet, and rushed the tank.

He felt it again, that strange warmth, like when Angeal would help him when he still barely knew what end of the sword went into the other guy, and the glass of the tank exploded into shards and a rush of liquid.

He caught Cloud as he was birthed from the tank, and sat on the floor with the other man cradled in his lap while he waited for his muscles to calm down. It took less time than it did before, and by then, Zack could, just barely, hear the sounds of activity on the other side of the door.

It was really time to go.

Cloud let out a loud gasp, and his eyes flew open. "Wh-wh-?" he started, the words slurred and fuzzy, and the pupils of his eyes were blown out.

"Glad you're awake. Now don't move," Zack said, grinning with relief. With a flood of adrenalin, and he moved Cloud off his lap and jumped to his feet as the door burst open.

The one good thing about the Troopers who had rushed in to see what was happening was that they hadn't been expecting what they got - a freshly-awakened SOLDIER who had had time to get his bearings, and they had not been expecting a fight...or been likely anywhere near able to handle a SOLDIER even under the best of circumstances, not if they were pulling the night shift guard duty in ShinRa labs.

And, they had weapons...or they had had weapons, which meant that Zack now had weapons, once they were knocked out into La-La Land.

Cloud had remained sitting on the floor while Zack had taken care of the Troopers, still looking confused and not quite there. He had watched the fight through dulled, hazed eyes, and Zack wondered just what the fuck ShinRa had done to the kid.

And wondered what they had been going to do to him. Whatever it was, it had to have been bad, if Angeal's ghost had come to wake him the hell up.

But all that was something he could worry about later; for now he had to get them out and now, and put as much distance as he could in between them and ShinRa's labs.

He booked it over to Cloud and hauled Cloud up to his feet. Cloud followed without any fight, which Zack was more than grateful for. Adrenaline was doing a lot, but he suspected when he crashed, he would crash hard, and the last thing he wanted to do was push himself closer to that crash by having to struggle with Cloud.

He really wished that the Troopers had had some kind of materia equipped, but nada. ShinRa had always been stingy with materia, and it seemed like, no matter how long they had been out, that was still true.

Still. It didn't seem like they were in Nibelheim, which he vaguely remembered being on fire, or in the ShinRa Tower in Midgar, which meant it was likely going to be far easier for them to escape. He had no idea what exactly he was going to do once they got out, but he figured that was something he could figure out later.

"OK, kid, let's go!" he said cheerfully, grabbed Cloud's hand, and led him out the door.

I am surrounded by incompetents.

Hojo's notes comparing Sample N and XVIII, final page

The first thing Zack did once they got out was put as much distance between them and wherever the fuck they had been - Zack suspected it was Nibelheim, but all he cared was getting away. He didn't know for sure, but figured that was a secondary concern. So he'd stolen the first thing with wheels he could find, a rickety old pickup truck that was almost more rust than truck, and got them as gone as fast as he could.

So it wasn't until much, much later, after he finally had time to catch his breath, that he realized something was very, very wrong with Cloud.

They had travelled for nearly a day and a half, stopping only for food, gas, and bathroom breaks, and Zack had been more focused on putting distance between them and ShinRa than anything else. When his vision started getting blurry from lack of sleep and the adrenaline come down, he'd started looking for a place to rest. Cloud had been quiet the whole time, which was normal for him, so he hadn't thought much of it. Zack'd babbled along, but kept his eyes glued to the road and looking around for anyone that had even a whiff of ShinRa. As the sun was starting to set, Cloud, who had spent a lot more of his life out in the middle of nowhere in the woods than even Zack had, noticed an area that might have a good hidey-hole, so Zack pulled off the side of the road, and parked in an off-road area that would be hard to spot from the road. They started walking, and it wasn't too long before they had some good luck and found a cave - it was tucked away, not so easy to find, and they'd be able to get to the truck if they needed to. Zack knew he was going to have to ditch it soon, but it would do for the next day or so.

Cloud had gone to work almost immediately, clearing a space for a fire and gathering brush.

"Cloud, I'm gonna go rustle us up something to eat. Think you can get a fire going while I'm gone?"

Cloud looked up and nodded. "Yeah. Shouldn't be a problem."

"Great. Back soon," Zack said, and headed out hunting. The woods were always full of monsters, and as long as you knew how to cut them up - things like not nicking a poison sac when you were butchering them - they made for a pretty decent meal. Plus, selling the parts you couldn't eat was bound to get them money, something they were in dire need of. He'd felt no guilt at all taking all the money the guards had had off them, and likewise didn't regret the changes of clothes and money he'd found in the scientists' offices, but they were going to need a lot more money than they had.

He was also glad he'd found Angeal's Buster sword. There were a lot of things he was willing to leave behind, but losing that would have gutted him. He'd found it and some materia on the way out, and while he knew in a pinch, he could sell the materia, he knew it was a better investment to just sell monster bits for now. Sell the monster bits, buy food and low-level extra materia, and level that up until it could sell for enough to get them by and under the radar for longer.

The woods were the woods and it seemed like you couldn't go two meters without something decided you looked tasty and attacking you, so it didn't take Zack too long to find enough both monster bits they could safely eat and monster bits they could sell for gil, so he was whistling when he got back to camp.

His whistling didn't get to last long.

A place had been set for the fire, but no fire had been set. Instead, Cloud was crouched, unmoving in front of a pile of kindling, staring at nothing.

"...Cloud? Hey, Cloud? You gonna light that fire or not? Cloud?" Zack said, grinning.

Cloud didn't move.

"Cloud?" Zack asked, suddenly uncertain. "Hey, Cloud? Cloud!"

Cloud remained unmoving, holding the lighter they'd found in the truck in his hands, staring blankly at the wood.

"Cloud?"

The food he'd hunted dropped from his arms unnoticed as he hurried over to Cloud's side, to see what was wrong. Cloud didn't so much as flinch when Zack slammed down to the ground besides him - the only reaction was some of his hair fluttering from the rush of air.

He waved his hand in front of Cloud's glazed eyes - nothing.

"Cloud? Cloud, man, you're starting to scare me now," he said, his voice sounding high and tight to even his own ears. "Cloud!"

He started shaking Cloud by the shoulders, and nothing. Cloud just stared out at nothing, completely non-responsive to everything.

Zack could feel panic, fidgety and cold, in the pit of his stomach, and he shoved it down hard. "Let me light the fire for you, OK? Then I'll make us some food. We gotta eat, right?" he said, and took the lighter out of Cloud's hands. He studiously ignored how Cloud didn't respond at all, his hands staying in the same position as they'd been, as if still holding the lighter.

Zack lit the fire and picked up the meat he'd dropped. They still had to eat. He still had to figure out what to do, but then, suddenly, everything hit him like a ton of bricks. He hadn't planned out any further than "get as far the fuck away from ShinRa as possible," but he certainly hadn't planned at all on Cloud being...whatever he was happening to him.

He couldn't think about that now. Cloud had been a little vacant after they'd escaped, but he'd just assumed it was shock. But Cloud had snapped out of it after a while, and Zack clung to that. They'd obviously done something to Cloud, and had been planning on maybe doing something more, if and Cloud needed some time to recover. He'd get better. Maybe it was bad now, but since they were away from ShinRa, it couldn't get worse. It couldn't.

He figured all he could do was wait it out, so he instead used some of the water they had to wash the meat - he didn't want to waste anything when he had no idea how long they'd be on the run - and set about making a spit to roast it on.

It was only after the meat was nearly finished cooking that he heard a faint, "Wha?" behind him. He spun around from his crouch by the fire to see Cloud blinking and staring in confusion at his hand. Cloud looked up and his brow furrowed even more.

"Cloud!" Zack yelled, relief flooding through him. "You scared me there, man!"

Cloud looked at him, his eyes going wide. "What...where...it was...what?"

Zack grinned, feeling almost giddy. "You kinda got hit by a Confuse there for a while."

"For a while?" Cloud said, his frown returning, and deeper than before. "One second ago it was barely sunset, and now it's well past that and you've got some food cooked and ready. That's not 'a while.'"

Zack felt himself wilting slightly, but he pushed on. "Well, ok, yeah, that's true. But now you're ok, right?"

Cloud just looked at him. "No," he finally said, his voice completely flat.

Zack wilted more, suddenly feeling like he was on uncertain ground and having no idea what he was supposed to say or do next. He wasn't quite sure what he'd done wrong, but he had the feeling he had and should apologize, but didn't know what for, and he didn't want to make the situation worse.

A small part of him flared up angrily at that, because it wasn't his fault, and why was Cloud acting like he was being a dick?

"Maybe you just needed some food. ShinRa...I dunno, maybe they did something to you."

"You think?" Cloud snapped back, before seeming to turtle in on himself, wrapping his arms around himself and drawing inwards.

The part of him that had been angry at Cloud was drowned out by a feeling Zack wasn't familiar with: shame. He felt it wash over him, because here he was, angry at Cloud for how he was acting, when Cloud was the one who had zoned out.

And then shame twisted in his gut when something at him flared angrily at Cloud for making him feel ashamed of himself.

He started to wonder if maybe ShinRa hadn't done something to him, too.

"Look, let's...let's just eat, OK? We'll figure this out after we have some food in our bellies and have gotten a good night's sleep."

Cloud didn't say anything, just seemed to somehow draw in on himself even more, and Zack wondered if he was in over his head.

The next morning, they headed out bright and early. Zack had no set idea where they were going, but for now "as far away from wherever they had been" was still more than good enough.

They had been on the road about an hour when Cloud finally said more than two words. "Zack...Where are we going?"

"I have no idea," Zack said, his voice full of mock cheer. "Right now, I'm mostly focused on going away."

Cloud actually chuckled a little at that one. "That seems like a good enough plan."

"Glad you approve!"

They fell back into silence. Zack found himself a little surprised at how OK he was with that. He'd always hated it when things were too quiet, too still, but Cloud was...he was a little like how Sephiroth had been, a quiet man who could radiate stillness. Zack snorted a little to himself, thinking that although that had been something he had liked about Cloud from the beginning, maybe that wasn't the best or most comforting comparison to be making anymore.

"What are you snorting at?" Cloud said, sounded both bemused and amused at the same time, which Zack thought was a neat trick.

"Oh, nothing, just thinking about how normally I hate it when it's quiet," Zack said, deciding the keep the Sephiroth comparisons to himself.

Cloud gave him a slightly quizzical look. "But not now?"

"Nah," Zack said. "You're good company even though you're quiet."

Cloud blinked, like he'd been hit on the head. "I...you..." he started, then clamped his mouth shut.

"Cloud?" Zack said, suddenly wondering if he'd said something wrong.

"Nothing. It's nothing. I'm just...it's nothing," Cloud said, looking at his hands and a faint smile touching the corners of his lips.

He was quiet for a long time before he spoke. "It's just...no one has...thank you," he finally said.

Zack laughed. "What, no one has ever complimented you before?"

Cloud looked at his hands, drawing in on himself again.

"No one...no one really liked me back home. No one except...except...mom and, mom and...and...Tifa. Everyone else..." Cloud trailed off, as if he had given up on words. He had frowned as he spoke, looking like he was straining to get through something. "You saw what it was like there."

Zack felt like he had stumbled into something big, like he had just walked blithely into a Bandersnatch den.

"Well, just about everyone in Nibelheim but your mom and Tifa were idiots," Zack said. "And I like you just fine."

Cloud drew in a sharp breath. "Nibelheim...Zack...we were..."

Cloud suddenly let out a harsh cry of pain, clutching his head and doubling over.

"Cloud!"

Zack reached out one hand and put it on Cloud's shoulder. "Hey, you OK? C'mon, talk to me," he said, and rubbed Cloud's shoulder. He glanced over at Cloud, and felt his stomach sink. Cloud had gone pale and had sweat dotting his brow, his eyes squeezed shut. Then he suddenly relaxed and took a deep breath.

"Cloud? D'you need me to pull over?"

Cloud shook his head. "No. No, I'm...I'm fine."

"Bullshit," Zack said flatly. "Whatever just happened, that wasn't 'fine.'"

Cloud sighed. "I'm fine now. It was just...just a suddenly burst of...everything went a little white, and then it felt like I had been stabbed in the head. But it's fine now. It's fine."

"If you say so," Zack said skeptically. Cloud seemed better than he had been a few minutes ago, but "fine" was the last word he felt like could be applied to the situation. Who knew what Hojo and his science freaks had done to Cloud? They'd done something, but he'd be fucked if he knew what.

Cloud pulled into himself, slouching into his seat and his shoulders hunching in. Zack gave his shoulder a squeeze, then rubbed Cloud's back for a moment before he reluctantly drew his hand back so he could put it back on the wheel. "So...where do you think we should go?"

Cloud was silent for a moment. "...Dunno?"

"OK, not the most helpful," Zack said with a grin, feeling like he was back on more solid ground. "We can't just...drive nowhere. Well, ok, we can, but not for long, because eventually nowhere is gonna turn into somewhere."

Cloud let out a faint chuckle. "You almost said something profound there."

"Yeah, don't get used to it. I'm usually deep as a puddle."

That got another chuckle out of Cloud, which helped make the icy Blizagga of worry in the middle of Zack's stomach start to melt.

"Seriously, though, we do need to figure out where to go."

"Somewhere far from ShinRa," Cloud said after another long pause of thought. "But we need to stay away from small towns. A big city is better, I think."

"Yeah, so, ok, but those two things don't fit together. A big city is gonna have ShinRa there."

"But people talk in small towns. And they notice outsiders. Nothing makes small town folks more suspicious than outsiders and gets them talking more. All it would take is one ShinRa announcement and showing our pictures for us to be screwed."

"...you're not wrong," Zack said after giving it some thought. He couldn't help but think of Nibelheim, and how suspicious a lot of the people had been of them. They'd stand out, and standing out was the last thing they needed.

"If we go to a big city," Cloud began slowly, "then we blend in. It's easy to get lost there. And ShinRa's not going to expect us to be in a place where we can be found. But..." he trailed off. "But yeah, it'd be easier for them to find us. Unless...unless we find a place they don't really look. Places they ignore because they don't care. We could maybe tr-"

Cloud's words suddenly cut off like he was an automaton whose power had been cut.

"We could what? Cloud? We could what? Cloud!" Zack ended with a yell, when he looked over. Cloud had slipped into the same strange fugue state as he'd been in yesterday, into a strange, unnatural stillness that was like he'd been emptied suddenly of everything that made him what he was.

It was no less terrifying or confusing now than it had been yesterday.

"Cloud, buddy, you can't do this to me. I need you here, man," Zack said, reaching his hand out again and putting it back on Cloud's shoulder.

There was no response, and Zack felt completely lost and out of his depth. He had absolutely no idea what was wrong or how to fix it or...

He suddenly knew one thing: he was in over his head and he needed help.

And there was one person, one person in the world, who wasn't ShinRa who might.

Cloud had been right. They needed to go somewhere they could get lost, in a place under ShinRa's nose where they wouldn't look.

"OK, Cloud. We're gonna fix this." He squeezed Cloud's shoulder again, then put his hand back on the wheel. "We're going to where they would never think to look for us. Right under their noses.

"We're going to Midgar," he said, and only silence was the response.

"I want to say you're a gods be damned idiot, but I think it's a good idea. A really bad good idea, but a good idea."

"That's pretty much the only kind of ideas I have," Zack said cheerfully. "Either really good bad ideas or really bad good ideas."

Cloud chuckled.

"They won't expect people running away from ShinRa to head right into the heart of ShinRa. Like you said, we need to go somewhere they won't look, and they'll never look under the Plate. ShinRa doesn't care about anything that's Under."

"We'll literally be right under their noses," Cloud said, frowning slightly in a way that Zack couldn't read - he couldn't tell if Cloud was thinking about it or about to call it the stupidest thing he'd ever heard.

"Plus," Zack said, deciding to bite the bullet, "There's...ok, you know you've been...weird, right?"

Cloud's faint frown resolved into a firm one. "Yeah, thanks for reminding me."

Zack winced slightly, but pressed on. "Yeah. Well, I think there's someone you should see. Not a doctor!" he added hastily, when the dawning Thunder on Cloud's face starting going full-on Thundaga. "But...but she can fix things. People. Heal. You know what I mean," he said, knowing he was blundering over his words. "She might know what's wrong or how to fix it. Because...because I don't know," he finished. "Aerith could heal me up even when I was super far away from her. So she might, I dunno, be able to do something about whatever's happening with you. Maybe. I dunno. But I figure it's worth a shot."

Cloud sighed. "I guess," he said in a low voice, half under his breath, and the silence that followed after was so awkward Zack wished he'd just kept his big mouth shut.

They were about halfway to Midgar when they got ambushed.

"So it's true. You're alive. And you're the "sample" who escaped," Cissnei said, stepping out of the shadows.

Zack startled - they were still on the road, and had only just camped for the night. How had Cissnei...?

Zack sighed. "Yeah. I guess so."

Cloud went ramrod straight, and tensed, full of nervous energy, like a deer about to flee.

"We thought you were dead. I thought you were dead. How did...oh, gods, what did they do to you?" she said, frowning slightly.

"That's...a lot of things, I guess. I don't fully know," he said, his eyes skittering over to Cloud to see how he reacted. "How many are there of you?"

Cissnei frowned. "Just me. But not for long. And don't think I can't take you alone," she said, pulling out her shurikens.

The last thing Zack wanted was a fight, and definitely not one with a friend.

"Cissnei...please. They...they did something to Cloud. I'm trying to get him help, but if he gets sent back to the labs...look, please. I'm begging you. Please. Let us go."

"How did you find us?" Cloud asked, and Zack didn't like the way he sounded.

"Followed the trail of stolen vehicles," Cissnei said, narrowing her eyes, and Zack cursed to himself. Of course she'd think of something like that.

"I won't go back," Cloud hissed, and his voice was low and dangerous.

Cissnei's face hardened at Cloud's words. "Yeah, you will. It's my duty to take you back."

Cloud jumped to his feet, and then...his face went blank; the fire in his eyes replaced with nothing.

The change was so sharp and sudden that Cissnei gasped. "The hell?"

"Shit, Cloud!" Zack yelped, rushing over as Cloud began to crumple. He caught him and struggled to get Cloud down and sitting, leaning against a tree. "C'mon, come back to me, man. Can you hear me? Cloud?" he said, his hand on Cloud's shoulder.

Nothing. Only silence, and the sound of Cissnei's harsh breathing.

"They...this is because of the experiments, isn't it?" she said, and her voice sounded stunned.

Zack nodded, not able yet to look at her, and still crouching by Cloud's side.

"What happened?"

He made sure Cloud wouldn't list over, then stood and wiped his hands. "I think it's mako poisoning. But this is...this is something weird. It's something else. I know they dunked us in a lot of mako, but they...they did something else, and I don't know what it is, and it's making us...making Cloud sick."

Cissnei gave him a sharp-eyed look at his "us."

"There's only one person I know who might be able to fix whatever this is," he said, gesturing helplessly at Cloud. "He's getting worse, not better. If it were just mako poisoning, this wouldn't be happening more often as time goes on. This is way past what I know," he said, hearing the strain in his voice and trying to control it.

"You can't go to Gongaga. That's the first place they'll look for you."

Zack sighed heavily. "Figured. But that's not where I'm headed. There's somewhere else."

"Fuck," Cissnei finally said, shutting her eyes. She pulled out her PHS, and Zack felt a Blizzaga go off in his stomach.

He'd fight if he had to. If he had to, he'd fight his friend. It was the only way to save his other one. And there was already the blood of people he cared about on his hands. One more dead friend wouldn't break him.

She raised her hand, and he felt the Blizzaga melt.

"Tseng. It's Cissnei," she said with a put-upon sounding sigh. "It was just some hunters out here, not the targets. We're back to square one," she said, shaking her head as she spoke.

When she hung up, her eyes were glistening. "I better not see you again," she said, narrowing her eyes as if she wasn't looking close to tears. "I'll lie for you once, Zack, but I can't do it again. I can't," she said, sounding like something inside of her was breaking.

"You won't have to," Zack said, taking her hands in his. "I promise, I won't make you choose between us and ShinRa again."

"Don't make promises you can't keep," she said, shutting her eyes. She took a deep breath, and whatever indecision that had been there was gone. "Because you know I'll keep mine. If I see you again, I will bring you in."

She looked away, down at her feet. "Go. Take my bike. I'll say...I don't know yet, I'll think of something. It'll get you further and faster than that piece of junk you managed to get your hands on." She pulled her hands away, then dug the keys out of her pocket and held them out. "Just go. Don't tell me where. Go. Before I change my mind."

"I owe you one."

"A big one," Cissnei said, then looked over at Cloud, who was still blank, and staring off at nothing. "Take care of him, OK?"

"I'm trying," Zack said with a lopsided grin, and the look Cissnei gave him was as broken as Zack felt.

Zack knew to be on guard - Cissnei may have helped, but that help was only delaying the inevitable.

Cloud was the one who got them a map, and planned out what Zack could only describe as the most circuitous route known to man.

"We can't go straight," he said, glaring at Zack when he'd yelled that would add days to their trip. "It's bad enough we're in a ShinRa bike. We need to ditch this thing," he said.

"We'll never find anything this fast."

"Or that noticeable," Cloud said sharply. "I'm not going back, Zack," Cloud said, and there was something in his voice that almost frightened Zack. Seeing Cissnei had done something to him, lit a fear in him that he responded to with an almost fiery rage. He had a feeling that Cloud would die before going back - and he was beginning to suspect that Cloud would most certainly kill before he would, and he wasn't sure how he felt about that.

Yeah, Zack had been a SOLDIER and Cloud a Trooper in ShinRa's army, but killing for the army was something different from whatever he was beginning to fear Cloud might be able to do.

Zack was usually pretty fearless, but he had seen enough of the war to know that fear could make you do really stupid things.

"No. We won't," Zack said firmly. "It's not happening."

A memory surfaced, of Angeal's panicked voice in the tank. Whatever had been about to happen, it had to have been big. Whether that had been Angeal's ghost or Zack's subconscious, he didn't know - both were beyond the level Zack was comfortable thinking about - but he did whatever it had been was probably right, it had been time to go.

"So we take this way. It will make it hard for them to track us. And we lose that damn bike."

"Cissnei found us because we had been stealing trucks. If she did, another Turk will, too," Zack said. "The Turks are smart, Cloud. And they know me."

"Yeah. But they don't know me," Cloud said emphatically. "They'll try to figure out what you would do. It would make sense for you to be leading us and calling the shots - you're the SOLDIER and I'm a random Trooper who got in a lucky shot against Sephiroth. Which is why we do this my way."

"And you'll get us to Midgar?"

"I'll get us to Midgar," he said, nodding. Then something uncertain came over him. "Are you...are you sure whoever it is in Midgar can fix me?"

Zack's shoulders slumped. "One hundred percent? No. But do I think she's your best chance and someone who won't rat us out to ShinRa? Yeah. She's...I dunno what she is, completely, but I know she's the most powerful healer I've ever met. Aerith makes the miraculous happen," he said, and there was something in his voice, as he remembered the way the flowers grew in her church. He looked over at Cloud, focusing on the smaller man - and Cloud was a man now, and something about that made Zack unspeakably sad, and how many years Cloud had lost - and said sincerely, "And if she can't, we'll figure something out from there. I'm gonna make this right."

There was steel and certainty in his voice. Zack wasn't the smartest and he wasn't always the best, but he was going to see this made right. He'd failed against Sephiroth and caused this. He'd let Cloud down once, and he wouldn't do it again.

"I believe you," Cloud said, and the simple trust in that sentence made Zack more resolved to fix whatever they'd done to Cloud.

Cloud frowned suddenly.

"What?"

"Just...you have a point about Cissnei and the Turks. We've gotta lay low. This bike isn't laying low, but neither is stealing. But..." he said, sounding thoughtful, "I might be able to modify it. I always liked tinkering with stuff." His voice sounded wistful. "We've got some gil from the monsters you've been hunting, and parts are cheaper than a whole new bike. I might be able to do something with his to make it less recognizable. Ditch this side seat, replace it with a passenger seat, do some modifications on the chassis, change out the grips..." he said musingly, something lighting up in his eyes as he thought about the changes he could make. "I'd just need a good set of tools, which would probably be the most expensive thing."

"We'll figure something out," Zack said, feeling unaccountably relieved at Cloud showing enthusiasm about something. Even before, Cloud had been introverted and hesitant with showing interest in too many things, but something about the idea of tinkering with the bike had put a sparkle in his eyes, and Zack figured, with as shit as everything was, that was to be encouraged.

It took a few hunting trips, especially since Cloud had told them one thing they had to do immediately was ditch the SOLDIER outfit Zack was in and the too-small Trooper uniform Cloud was in, but they were able to pick up a set of tools for Cloud and parts so he could work on modifying the bike as they made their way to Midgar. By the time they made it to the Costa del Sol to take a ferry across to Midgar, the bike was both no longer recognizable as being from ShinRa AND running like an absolute dream.

They also had clothes that marked them as civilians and not part of ShinRa, which made slipping into Midgar easier than Zack would have ever expected.

The only problem was that Cloud wasn't getting better. He wasn't getting worse, but he wasn't getting better, either. He would slip into nothingness randomly, sometimes mid-word, and would stare at nothing until whenever it was he managed to pull himself out of it, and nothing Zack did would help. Sometimes it was only a few minutes, but sometimes it was for hours, and Zack had no idea what would set him off or how long it would be. It meant he had to keep a close eye on Cloud, especially when they were in the woods and camping. Zack could just imagine what would happen if Cloud zoned out making a fire and Zack wasn't around. When Cloud wasn't...there...the whole forest could burn down around him and he wouldn't be able to do anything but die. And if some of the gods-be-damned monsters in the woods would make short work of Cloud if they found him alone and out of it.

Cloud bristled at how Zack wouldn't leave him alone for very long, but he had to concede Zack had a point about it. But Zack could see the cracks starting to show; how fear was morphing into anger, and it made him more determined to get to Aerith.

The only time, ironically enough, that Zack wasn't afraid of what might happen if Cloud zoned out was when they were on the bike. Cloud had fixed her up, and one of the first things he'd done was get rid of the side compartment. He'd replaced it with a longer seat that they could both fit on, and he would sit behind Zack, with at least one arm wrapped tight around him. Even when he zoned out, he kept that grip on Zack. Sometimes he would list forward, until his head was against Zack's back, and if that happened, Zack would pull over and wait it out.

Slowly, but surely, they'd made their way to Costa del Sol, and then on a ferry across the channel to Midgar.

It was night by the time they drove into the city, and Zack felt both relief and an almost crushing fear once they entered the city proper. Midgar was where Aerith was, but it was also where ShinRa was. It was where so many of Zack's memories were - of training, of his friends, of his life.

The city had changed, in the years they were gone. It had changed and yet stayed the same. The details were different - a restaurant he went to whenever he went to when he missed home from home that had the best tari in the city had closed. He remembered dragging Angeal there, and how Angeal's entire face had turned red and his nose started running after only a few bites of the mediam spicy tari. Angeal and sworn he was trying to kill him and said he'd take Zack to a place with normal food.

The restaurant Angeal had taken him to, it had been pretty good. It was weird to Zack to eat ground meat in grape leaves, but it had tasted great. And the apple and honey desert thing had been amazing.

Angeal's loss hit him again, along with the guilt he suspected would never leave, of having killed him.

"What's wrong," Cloud asked from behind him, his voice terse, as if he were suddenly on edge. His grip on Zack's midriff had tightened as well, as if he were anticipating an attack.

How had he—?

"Nothing. Just some memories," Zack yelled over his shoulder. "We should get where we're going soon."

Cloud seemed to relax behind him, and that was enough to pull Zack back firmly into the present. He'd failed Angeal once, but he wouldn't fail him again. Angeal had somehow told him from the Lifestream to take care of Cloud, and by Shiva, he'd see it done.

Which meant getting them to Aerith, not getting upset over restaurants.

He focused his attention on navigating the back streets down to the different sectors under the Plate. Most people took the train, but he figured this was the safer way - it was a lot easier to book it if you were in the open air than it was in an enclosed train full of civilians.

Years may have passed and the names and shapes of some of the buildings may have changed, but Zack knew his way to Aerith's church. He could have made is way there blindfolded, and each kilometer closer filled him both with relief and with dread.

He wanted to see her. He wanted to see her so badly it was almost an ache, one he hadn't had time to let himself feel until the church was in view in the distance.

In his mind, she was the same as the last day he had seen her. But he knew she wouldn't be - he still had trouble reconciling the Cloud riding the bike behind him with the Cloud in his mind. Would Aerith even still be there? Would she have still been waiting for him? Had she found someone else and moved on with her life? Would the church be as bright and alive as it was in his memories, or would it be still and dark, missing her light?

He honestly had no idea what he would do it she were gone. They had lost four whole years, from what Zack had reckoned. Four years was a long time, and she might've...

She had to be there. If she wasn't, they'd figure something out. But for now, she had to be.

He wasn't ready for this.

He turned the motorcycle sharply, heading towards a cheap hotel.

It was getting late. She wouldn't be there at night anyway, and...he couldn't. Not yet. Not until he figured out what he would do if she wasn't there. If he went there now, and she wasn't there, or worse, she was there and she looked at him sadly with someone's ring on her finger...

He'd fall apart, he knew it, at either event, and the last thing he could do was that. Cloud needed him to keep it together too much. He'd take a night, get his head straight, and they'd go in the morning. He'd figure out what he'd do if she weren't there, because he knew even if she had someone else, and that church wasn't a 'hers' but a 'theirs,' she'd still help Cloud. But if the church were empty and dead inside, he'd have to figure out some other way to help Cloud. He'd figure out now, so he'd have a plan to focus on.

"Zack?" Cloud asked when Zack parked the bike.

"It's getting late. I don't think she'd be at the church right now, and I always met her there. We should get some sleep and go in the morning. She always went there early in the morning to gather flowers. That's what she did. She sold flowers," he said as he got off the bike.

Cloud gave him a strange look. "We're going...to see...a flower seller?"

Zack grinned. "I know, I know, it sounds weird. But it was how she kept a low profile and made extra money on the side to help her mother. She made the flowers grow just by being near them, then sold them. It was a pretty neat trick!"

"Riiiight," Cloud said, frowning slightly, but getting off the bike.

It was somehow easier to be confident in the face of Cloud's reticence. "You'll see. But for now, let's get some shut eye in an actual bed."

"Now that I can get behind," Cloud said with a faint smile, and Zack could see the signs of wear in the corners of Cloud's eyes.

Eyes that gleamed like a SOLDIER's, and Zack wondered what Aerith would have to say about that.

—

Cloud fell asleep almost as soon as his head hit the pillow.

Which Zack plenty of time to think.

Which he really wasn't ready for. He took a shower to avoid it, in a bathroom already steamy from Cloud having showered before him.

If Aerith wasn't there any more, they'd...they'd have to go somewhere ShinRa would never expect him to go. Which meant Gongaga was out. There was no safe place they could go where asking for help wouldn't send up red flags, unless...

They'd have to go somewhere with a lot of open mako pools, he realized. Somewhere where it wouldn't be strange if someone got mako poisoning from being immersed in it. But the only places he knew of with open pools of mako that also had people nearby were near Nibelheim and...

"Wutai," he said in a low whisper.

Wutai was perfect. While there was still a ShinRa presence there, the people of Wutai hated ShinRa. They'd hate him plenty for everything he'd done, but he'd tell them what ShinRa had done to them. They'd find someone sympathetic, especially if the people there found out ShinRa was looking for them.

He felt a weight he hadn't even realized he was carrying dissipate, like a spell that had used up all of its magic. If Aerith was gone, they'd go to Wutai. They knew mako better than anyone on the planet, which is why ShinRa had taken all of it from them after the war.

And if Aerith had moved on from him, well, he'd find some way to deal with it. As much as he had fallen for her hard, he knew they hadn't known each other long. He had no right to expect her to have just kept waiting - while almost no time had passed for him, it had been four years for her.

He got out of the shower. They'd go first thing in the morning. Whatever happened then...that was for tomorrow.

He dried himself off and pulled on clean underwear and a t-shirt, and headed into the room. Cloud was fast asleep, and looked for a moment like the Cloud of his memory - younger and smaller.

But he wasn't the same. And Aerith wouldn't be either.

He went to bed.

Tomorrow...was for tomorrow.

End Part 4

"But, if you could rewrite the past, the present, naturally, would change, because 'the present' is built up from everything's that happened in the past."

-Haruki Murakami, 1Q84, Book 1