Jane Eyre
"Buffy, come look at this vampire."
I had made no noise: he had not eyes behind- could his vampire sense feel? I started at first, and then I approached him.
"Look at his fangs," said he; "they remind me rather of a ceremonial knife; one does not often see so sharp and distinct a set of fangs in California. There, he is staked."
The vampire turned to dust. I was sheepishly trying to vanish also; but Spike followed me. And when we reached the end of the cemetery he said-
"Turn back: on so lovely a night it is a shame to sit in my crypt; and surely no one can wish to go to bed while the moon is not yet meeting with the sunrise."
It is one of my faults, that though my tongue is sometimes quick enough to answer, there are times when it sadly fails me in framing an excuse; and always the lapse occurs at some crisis, when a word or syllable is specially wanted to get me out of painful embarrassment. I did not like to patrol at this hour alone with Spike in the shadowy cemetery; but I could not find a reason for leaving him. I followed with lagging steps, and thoughts busily bent on discovering a means of escape; but he himself looked so composed and so grave also, I became ashamed of feeling any confusion: the evil- if evil existent or prospective there was- seemed to lie with me only; his mind was unconscious and quiet.
"Buffy," he recommenced, as we exited the crypt and slowly strayed in the direction of the mausoleum and the big oak tree, "Sunnydale is a quiet place in the summer, is it not?" "Yeah"
"You must have become in some degree attached to the town- you who have an eye for supernatural evil, and a good deal of the heart of heroism."
"I am attached to it, indeed."
"And though I don't comprehend how it is, I perceive you have acquired a degree of regard for that foolish little child Xander, too; and even for Willow?"
"Yes, in different ways, I have affection for both"
"And would you be sorry to part with them?"
"Yes"
"Pity" he said, and sighed and paused.
"It is always the way of the world," he continued presently: "no sooner have you got settled in a pleasant resting-place, than a big bad calls out to you to rise and move on, for the hour of rest has ended."
"Must I move on?" I asked, "Must I leave Sunnydale?"
"I believe you must, Buffy. I am sorry, but I believe indeed you must."
This is a blow: But I did not let it bother me.
"Well I shall be ready when I die again"
"You may die soon- I must kill you tonight"
"Then you are getting a new love interest."
"Exactly- precisely: with your usual awareness, you have hit the nail straight into the coffin"
"Soon"
"Very soon, my –that is, Buffy: and you'll remember the first time I, or Dawn, plainly told you that it was my intention to put my whipping boy days behind me, to truly become Spike again- to take Dru to my bosom, in short (she's going to come back to me): well as I was saying- listen to me, Buffy! You are not turning your head to look for more vampires, are you? That was only werewolf Oz, Slayer, "Returning to Willow." I wish to remind you that it was you who first said to me, with that honesty I respect in you- with that foreshadowing, skill and talent: which make you wise and knowing- that in case I get back with Dru, both you and Dawn had better leave Sunnydale. I will try to keep Dru away from the two of you. However, with the character of my beloved; indeed, when you are far away, Buffy, I'll try to forget us: I shall notice only at odd moments Dawn must go to boarding school; and you, Buffy, must go to L.A."
"Yes, I will find a new town to defend immediately: and meantime, I suppose- " I was going to say, "I suppose I could still stay here, till I find another town to take myself to": but I stopped, feeling it would not do to risk a long sentence, for my voice was not quite under command.
"In about a month I hope to bring Dru back," continued Spike; "and in the meantime I shall myself look out for demons and a new town for you."
"Thank You, I am sorry to give-"
"Oh no need to apologize! I consider that when a love interest has sex as well as you have done, she has a sort of claim upon me for any assistance I can conveniently give her; indeed I have already, through my sources, heard of a place that I think will suit you: it is in New York. You'll like New York, I think: the shopping is supposed to be first rate, I think."
"It is not in California"
"No matter- a girl of your slaying ability will not object to the change in monsters or scenery."
"Not the monsters but the scenery: and then it is so far away-"
"From what Buffy?"
"From Xander and from Willow: and-"
"Well?"
"From you"
I said this almost involuntarily, and with as little sanction of free will, my tears gushed out. I did not cry so as to be heard, however; I avoided sobbing. The thought of New York struck cold to my heart; and colder the thought of all the miles between the two of us, as it seemed, to rush between me and the man I was now with; and coldest the remembrance of him being with Dru- stupid insane bitch- standing between me and what I naturally and always loved.
"It's not in California," I again said.
"It is to be sure; and when you get to New York, You'll never be to come to Sunnydale again, Buffy: that's certain. Sunnydale is too far away from New York. We have been good lovers, Buffy; have we not?"
"Yes"
"And when lovers are on their last couple of days together, they like to spend them together. Come! We will fight with each other tomorrow: here is the oak tree: here is the tombstone at its roots. Come, we will sit there in peace tonight, though we should have to fight tomorrow."
He seated me and himself.
"New York is not in California, Buffy, and I am sorry to send such a good Slayer there: but if there aren't any better towns, how is it to be helped? Are you as tired of fighting as me, do you think, Buffy?"
I could risk no sort of answer by this time: my heart was still.
"Because," he said," I sometimes have a feeling with regard to you- especially when you are fighting with me, as now: it is as if I sense you are a just as hungry for love as I am. But I am probably wrong. As for you- you'd forget Sunnydale,"
"That I never should, you know-" Impossible to proceed.
"Buffy, do you hear Oz baying at the moon? Listen!"
In listening, I sobbed convulsively; for I could repress what I endured no longer; I was obliged to yield to shake from head to foot with acute distress. When I did speak, it was only to express a wish that I had never been born, or never became a Slayer.
"Because you are sorry to leave it?"
The vehemence of emotion, stirred by grief and love within me, was claiming mastery, and struggling for full sway, and asserting a right to predominate, to overcome, to live, to rise, yes and to speak.
"I grieve to leave Sunnydale: I love Sunnydale: I love it, because I have lived in it a full and delightful live- momentarily at least. I have been trampled on. I have been scared. I have been buried in a coffin, and excluded from all hopes of a normal life. I have fought, hand to hand, with a great fighter, with an equal- with a supernatural being, a talent, and capable fighter. I have known you, Spike; and it strikes me with terror and anguish to feel like I must leave you and Sunnydale forever. I see the necessity of departure; and it is like looking at the necessity of another death."
"Where do you see the necessity?" he asked suddenly.
"Where? You, have placed it before me."
"In what shape?"
"In the shape of Dru, Your Love."
"Love! What Love? We have no Love!"
"But you will have."
"Yes- I will- I will" he set his teeth.
"Then I must go- you have said so yourself."
"No: you must stay! I swear it- and the oath shall be kept."
"I tell you I must go!" I retorted, roused to something like passion.
"Do you think I can stay to become nothing to you? Do you think I am Cordelia? – A selfish person who thinks of nothing but shopping? And can bear to have my life taken away from me? Do you think, because I am strong, charismatic, beautiful, and little, I am soulless and heartless? You think wrong! – I have as much heart as you- and as big a passion! And if god had gifted me with being turning into a vampire, I should make it as hard for you to leave me as it is for me to leave you. I am not talking to you now as a Slayer: it is my soul that addresses your soul; just as if our souls were still together- as they should be!"
"As they should be" repeated Spike- " so" he added, enclosing me in his arms, gathering me to his breast, pressing his lips to my lips: "So, Buffy!"
"Yes, so" I rejoined: "and yet not so: for you are bring Dru back: therefore I am better than you- let me go!"
"Where, Buffy? To New York?"
"Yes- To New York. I have spoken my mind and can go anywhere now."
"Buffy, be still; do not struggle so, like a common demon."
"I am no demon, I am a human being with an independent will, which I now exert to leave you."
"Do you doubt me, Buffy?"
"Entirely"
"You have no faith in me?"
"None"
"Am I a liar in your eyes?" he asked passionately. "Little skeptic, you shall be convinced. I was never going to bring Dru back. I love you, but it seems harder and harder to get through to you."
"Yeah, well I was never going to leave Sunnydale. Please the day I bow down to the whim of a vampire. Is the day I get turned."
"Feel better?"
"Much"
"Good, let's head back to the crypt."
"Buffy, come look at this vampire."
I had made no noise: he had not eyes behind- could his vampire sense feel? I started at first, and then I approached him.
"Look at his fangs," said he; "they remind me rather of a ceremonial knife; one does not often see so sharp and distinct a set of fangs in California. There, he is staked."
The vampire turned to dust. I was sheepishly trying to vanish also; but Spike followed me. And when we reached the end of the cemetery he said-
"Turn back: on so lovely a night it is a shame to sit in my crypt; and surely no one can wish to go to bed while the moon is not yet meeting with the sunrise."
It is one of my faults, that though my tongue is sometimes quick enough to answer, there are times when it sadly fails me in framing an excuse; and always the lapse occurs at some crisis, when a word or syllable is specially wanted to get me out of painful embarrassment. I did not like to patrol at this hour alone with Spike in the shadowy cemetery; but I could not find a reason for leaving him. I followed with lagging steps, and thoughts busily bent on discovering a means of escape; but he himself looked so composed and so grave also, I became ashamed of feeling any confusion: the evil- if evil existent or prospective there was- seemed to lie with me only; his mind was unconscious and quiet.
"Buffy," he recommenced, as we exited the crypt and slowly strayed in the direction of the mausoleum and the big oak tree, "Sunnydale is a quiet place in the summer, is it not?" "Yeah"
"You must have become in some degree attached to the town- you who have an eye for supernatural evil, and a good deal of the heart of heroism."
"I am attached to it, indeed."
"And though I don't comprehend how it is, I perceive you have acquired a degree of regard for that foolish little child Xander, too; and even for Willow?"
"Yes, in different ways, I have affection for both"
"And would you be sorry to part with them?"
"Yes"
"Pity" he said, and sighed and paused.
"It is always the way of the world," he continued presently: "no sooner have you got settled in a pleasant resting-place, than a big bad calls out to you to rise and move on, for the hour of rest has ended."
"Must I move on?" I asked, "Must I leave Sunnydale?"
"I believe you must, Buffy. I am sorry, but I believe indeed you must."
This is a blow: But I did not let it bother me.
"Well I shall be ready when I die again"
"You may die soon- I must kill you tonight"
"Then you are getting a new love interest."
"Exactly- precisely: with your usual awareness, you have hit the nail straight into the coffin"
"Soon"
"Very soon, my –that is, Buffy: and you'll remember the first time I, or Dawn, plainly told you that it was my intention to put my whipping boy days behind me, to truly become Spike again- to take Dru to my bosom, in short (she's going to come back to me): well as I was saying- listen to me, Buffy! You are not turning your head to look for more vampires, are you? That was only werewolf Oz, Slayer, "Returning to Willow." I wish to remind you that it was you who first said to me, with that honesty I respect in you- with that foreshadowing, skill and talent: which make you wise and knowing- that in case I get back with Dru, both you and Dawn had better leave Sunnydale. I will try to keep Dru away from the two of you. However, with the character of my beloved; indeed, when you are far away, Buffy, I'll try to forget us: I shall notice only at odd moments Dawn must go to boarding school; and you, Buffy, must go to L.A."
"Yes, I will find a new town to defend immediately: and meantime, I suppose- " I was going to say, "I suppose I could still stay here, till I find another town to take myself to": but I stopped, feeling it would not do to risk a long sentence, for my voice was not quite under command.
"In about a month I hope to bring Dru back," continued Spike; "and in the meantime I shall myself look out for demons and a new town for you."
"Thank You, I am sorry to give-"
"Oh no need to apologize! I consider that when a love interest has sex as well as you have done, she has a sort of claim upon me for any assistance I can conveniently give her; indeed I have already, through my sources, heard of a place that I think will suit you: it is in New York. You'll like New York, I think: the shopping is supposed to be first rate, I think."
"It is not in California"
"No matter- a girl of your slaying ability will not object to the change in monsters or scenery."
"Not the monsters but the scenery: and then it is so far away-"
"From what Buffy?"
"From Xander and from Willow: and-"
"Well?"
"From you"
I said this almost involuntarily, and with as little sanction of free will, my tears gushed out. I did not cry so as to be heard, however; I avoided sobbing. The thought of New York struck cold to my heart; and colder the thought of all the miles between the two of us, as it seemed, to rush between me and the man I was now with; and coldest the remembrance of him being with Dru- stupid insane bitch- standing between me and what I naturally and always loved.
"It's not in California," I again said.
"It is to be sure; and when you get to New York, You'll never be to come to Sunnydale again, Buffy: that's certain. Sunnydale is too far away from New York. We have been good lovers, Buffy; have we not?"
"Yes"
"And when lovers are on their last couple of days together, they like to spend them together. Come! We will fight with each other tomorrow: here is the oak tree: here is the tombstone at its roots. Come, we will sit there in peace tonight, though we should have to fight tomorrow."
He seated me and himself.
"New York is not in California, Buffy, and I am sorry to send such a good Slayer there: but if there aren't any better towns, how is it to be helped? Are you as tired of fighting as me, do you think, Buffy?"
I could risk no sort of answer by this time: my heart was still.
"Because," he said," I sometimes have a feeling with regard to you- especially when you are fighting with me, as now: it is as if I sense you are a just as hungry for love as I am. But I am probably wrong. As for you- you'd forget Sunnydale,"
"That I never should, you know-" Impossible to proceed.
"Buffy, do you hear Oz baying at the moon? Listen!"
In listening, I sobbed convulsively; for I could repress what I endured no longer; I was obliged to yield to shake from head to foot with acute distress. When I did speak, it was only to express a wish that I had never been born, or never became a Slayer.
"Because you are sorry to leave it?"
The vehemence of emotion, stirred by grief and love within me, was claiming mastery, and struggling for full sway, and asserting a right to predominate, to overcome, to live, to rise, yes and to speak.
"I grieve to leave Sunnydale: I love Sunnydale: I love it, because I have lived in it a full and delightful live- momentarily at least. I have been trampled on. I have been scared. I have been buried in a coffin, and excluded from all hopes of a normal life. I have fought, hand to hand, with a great fighter, with an equal- with a supernatural being, a talent, and capable fighter. I have known you, Spike; and it strikes me with terror and anguish to feel like I must leave you and Sunnydale forever. I see the necessity of departure; and it is like looking at the necessity of another death."
"Where do you see the necessity?" he asked suddenly.
"Where? You, have placed it before me."
"In what shape?"
"In the shape of Dru, Your Love."
"Love! What Love? We have no Love!"
"But you will have."
"Yes- I will- I will" he set his teeth.
"Then I must go- you have said so yourself."
"No: you must stay! I swear it- and the oath shall be kept."
"I tell you I must go!" I retorted, roused to something like passion.
"Do you think I can stay to become nothing to you? Do you think I am Cordelia? – A selfish person who thinks of nothing but shopping? And can bear to have my life taken away from me? Do you think, because I am strong, charismatic, beautiful, and little, I am soulless and heartless? You think wrong! – I have as much heart as you- and as big a passion! And if god had gifted me with being turning into a vampire, I should make it as hard for you to leave me as it is for me to leave you. I am not talking to you now as a Slayer: it is my soul that addresses your soul; just as if our souls were still together- as they should be!"
"As they should be" repeated Spike- " so" he added, enclosing me in his arms, gathering me to his breast, pressing his lips to my lips: "So, Buffy!"
"Yes, so" I rejoined: "and yet not so: for you are bring Dru back: therefore I am better than you- let me go!"
"Where, Buffy? To New York?"
"Yes- To New York. I have spoken my mind and can go anywhere now."
"Buffy, be still; do not struggle so, like a common demon."
"I am no demon, I am a human being with an independent will, which I now exert to leave you."
"Do you doubt me, Buffy?"
"Entirely"
"You have no faith in me?"
"None"
"Am I a liar in your eyes?" he asked passionately. "Little skeptic, you shall be convinced. I was never going to bring Dru back. I love you, but it seems harder and harder to get through to you."
"Yeah, well I was never going to leave Sunnydale. Please the day I bow down to the whim of a vampire. Is the day I get turned."
"Feel better?"
"Much"
"Good, let's head back to the crypt."