*shutters* three months, three months. *composes herself* Look, I'm really really sorry this took so long.

Anyway, sorry, this really is the last chapter, so please enjoy.

Disclaimer: I don't own FMA

Pride's Hostage

Here are various ways lieutenant Hawkeye could get pride away from her:

Way 15: Edward Elric

Pride awoke in the back seat of a car, which was strange because he didn't remember falling asleep in the back seat of a car. It was also strange that Mrs. Bradley was sitting next to him looking quite pleased. Even stranger than that, Edward Elric was sitting in the passenger seat muttering something about all the awful things he wished would happen to a certain Colonel. Of course, the strangest sight of all was said Colonel in the drivers seat.

Mrs. Bradley noticed Pride had woken up. "Oh selim, you're awake!" She clapped happily.

"Where are we?"

"I'm so happy for you! When those men from the Hawkeye Foundation came by this morning and said you won that 'spend a day with the Fullmetal Alchemist' contest, I thought you would be thrilled, but you looked like you didn't want to go." Wrath's wife seemed to be quite proud of herself, "Luckily, I knew you were just being shy. I knew this was a once in a lifetime opportunity, and I couldn't stand the thought of you passing it up. The men from the Hawkeye Foundation already had a car parked in the front with Edward Elric himself in it! I tried to convince you to go, but you refused."

"So why are we in a car?" Pride asked suspiciously.

"I didn't put anything in your juice!"

"…"

The car came to a stop. Everyone except Colonel Mustang got out and found themselves in a forest next to a large cave.

Mustang waved good-bye. "Have fun," he laughed mockingly and drove off.

Edward ran in the middle of the road and waved his fist in the air, "Damn you!"

Just then, two strange men from the Hawkeye Foundation stepped out from their hiding spot behind a tree.

"That's not suspicious at all," Pride remarked sarcastically.

One of the men spoke to them, "Are you the Bradley's and Mister Elric?"

Mrs. Bradley eagerly shook her head, "Yes, we are!" She looked around the forest, "Why are we here, are we going hiking?"

The other man pointed at the dark cave they were standing next to, "You will be spending your day in here."

Pride rolled his eyes, "Nope, nothing suspicious about that."

Mrs. Bradley worriedly asked, "It's so dark. And what if we get hungry?"

"Don't worry ma'am. We've stocked it with a lifetime supply wroth of food."

"Lifetime?"

Before Pride could even let out another sarcastic remark, the two men from the Hawkeye Foundation roughly pushed him, Mrs. Bradley, and Edward into the cave. Before they could react, there was an explosive noise. The three looked up and saw the cave entrance crumbling down. Pride tried to conjure his shadows but it was too late. The cave entrance was completely sealed off with rubble, leaving the cave pitch dark.

"Well, at least we have plenty of time to get to know each other, now," Mrs. Bradley tried to lighten the mood, "They said they put some snacks in here for us. Let's see if we can find them." Mrs. Bradley began to feel around the floor looking for some kind of snack.

Edward called out, "If you find any Twinkies, there mine!"

"Shut up, you Twinkie obsessed pipsqueak!" Pride shouted irritably. He was pretty upset about letting himself get stuck here.

"What you call me!" Edward screamed and furiously threw a punch with his automail arm where he thought he heard Pride's voice. But he missed and ended up hitting the cave wall instead.

There was a crashing noise. It sounded like E actually managed to do some damage! That's it, Pride thought, that's my ticket out!

"Too bad, shorty! You just missed!"

Edward threw another punch in the general direction.

"Just a little too much to the left."

Edward punched again, this time a little more to the right.

"Aww, so close… runt!"

Edward punched the cave wall with all his might. Which apparently was enough since the entire wall came crashing down.

This was the power of Ed's fury.

Pride ran out of the exit Edward was kind enough to make for him. Unfortunately for the homunculus, so did Ed, and he was still mad.

Edward screamed, "I'm not short!" and grabbed Pride's arms before the homunculus could react. Ed swung him around at great speeds. He released him and Pride was sent flying half way across Amestris and crashed landed on Yock Island.

Meanwhile, Mrs. Bradley was too busy snacking on a Twinkie to notice any of this.

Two days later, the CEO of the Hawkeye Foundation received an important message that her plan was a success.

Way 16: Lady Pride (Thank you, Moonlightpheonix-xX)

Sugar…

Spice…

And everything violent…

These were the ingredients chosen to make a perfectly violent little girl.

But then, Lieutenant Hawkeye accidentally added an extra ingredient

Chemical Pride…

And thus, Lady Pride was born!

Now, using their awesome AK-47's

Hawkeye

Lady Pride

And Black Hayate

Have dedicated their lives to tormenting Pride to the point that he cries!

Hawkeye, Lady Pride, and Black Hayate then proceeded to beat up every bad guy in town. By the time the police got there, the trio was standing triumphtly on top of a tower of unconscious badies.

-Later-

Hawkeye couldn't help but notice, "You know Lady Pride, you look just like regular Pride, just more feminine, and with longer hair…and you're not a stalker…are you?"

"Only sometimes."

"Right…well, let's go do what it was I created you for."

"Make regular Pride cry?"

Hawkeye actually looked a little proud, "Exactly."

-That Night-

Regular Pride was sitting peacefully in his room, doing regular Pride type stuff, when Hawkeye, Lady Pride, and Black Hayate came crashing in through the roof.

"What!"

Hawkeye dramatically shouted, "Pride! Your rain of terror ends here!"

Pride looked up at the gaping whole in his ceiling, "You know you could have just used the front door." He then got a glimpse of a certain lady standing beside Lieutenant Hawkeye, "Who…what!"

"Regular Pride, I'll like to introduce you to Lady Pride."

Lady Pride smiled and waved to regular Pride, "Hello, I'm here to torment you, and make you cry", she practically sang.

"What?"

"Attack," Hawkeye shouted, and her and Black Hayate brought out their AK-47's and opened fire.

Regular Pride brought out his shadows to protect him, but one glance at Hawkeye had them running scared back under Pride's feet.

Lady Pride then summoned her shadows which, much to her pleasure, were pink! Regular Pride couldn't help but notice this, "That's just insulting."

Just then regular Pride's shadows zoomed out from under his feet, and stopped in front of Lady Pride's shadows. The black and pink shadowy tentacles seemed to be staring at each other. After a whole ten minutes of this, bought pairs of tentacles raced out the door, out the house, and into the city, forcibly dragging both Pride's behind them.

Both Pride's screamed and hollered for the shadowy tentacles to stop.

"What! Hey! Why can't I control them?" Lady Pride screamed.

"Must be one of the disadvantages of Chemical Pride," Pride muttered.

And so, regular Pride and Lady Pride were forced to attend their black and pink shadowy tentacles never-ending dates for all eternity.

And, much to Lady Pride's and Hawkeye's pleasure, Pride did cry.

Epilogue

Way 20: Simplicity

Hawkeye was relaxing at home thinking up some new ways to get Pride away from her when she heard a knock at the door of her apartment.

"Wonder who that could be."

The Lieutenant sat up and walked to the door.

She never would have excepted this.

"Pride? What are you doing here?"

Pride angrily looked up at his 'hostage'. He never would have admitted it, but he was starting to feel like the victim. "You…you are responsible for everything!"

"Responsible for what?"

"Don't play dumb! It's all your fault and you know it!"

Hawkeye cocked an eyebrow.

Pride continued, "The soap opera, the cave, that awful repellent, my shadows gaining a mind of their own and turning into black licorice! Everything, bad that's been happening to me, it's all your fault!"

"It's not my fault about what happened to your shadows." Pride still didn't look happy, "Would it help if I told you the author made me do it?"

"No!"

Hawkeye thought about this, "You know, there's a simply solution to both our problems."

Pride reluctantly answered, "I'm listening…"

"You could just give up."

Pride considered this, "It's a little out of character for me."

"The fact your even here seems out of character. Besides, if that's what you're worried about then just forget about it. Everyone, even your shadows, have been a little crazier lately. I doubt anyone would even notice."

Pride, once again, considered this. "Alright," Pride reluctantly answered, "but only until my next appearance in Brotherhood!"

"If that's the case, it looks like you've got a lot of free time on your hands."

"Yeah…" Pride said, wondering what he was going to do with it all.

Hawkeye would never admit it, but she was actually starting to feel bad for putting Pride through so much, "You know, since your not busy we could always go get something to eat together", she uncharacteristically asked.

Pride's shadows excitedly jumped out from beneath his feet, "Look's like I don't have a choice."

And so, Hawkeye and Pride-and the shadowy tentacles-went to Greed and Roy's Hamburger Joint for hamburgers and, if only for that short amount of time, everything and everyone were uncharacteristically at peace.

At least until Pride's next appearance in Brotherhood…

So yeah! Happy Ending! I know, weak but I wanted to put something...

Moonlightpheonix-xX: Thanks a lot for the idea of Riza creating a 'Lady Pride'. I had a lot of fun writing the PowerPuffGirls reference. That was my favorite show when I was a little girl. Though I doubt you excepted that ^^

Anyways, the reason I'm ending it here is because 1)I'm fresh out of ideas 2) I want to focus on other projects of mine :)

Thank you kindly, to everyone who read this, reviewed, favorited, and stuck with me through the end.

I very much hope you enjoyed my story.

Thanks again.

-FullmetalFan870

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