This fanfic is what happens when I'm really hyper. And sleep-deprived. And insane. Beware. Bleach belongs to Kubo Tite-sama.

Kurosaki Ichigo had had a lot of shocking things happen to him in his life. He'd talked to ghosts, he'd fought hollows, he'd stopped a flaming phoenix thing with just his sword. He should not have been a guy who was easily surprised.

And yet, nothing had prepared him for pulling open the bathroom door and being presented with the naked back of one Kuchiki Rukia.

"Ichi-?"

He slammed the door shut.

There was a moment of silence, and then-

"I-Ichigo!" Even through the door he could hear the fury and embarrassment in her voice. "You didn't see anything, did you?"

"Nope," he croaked. "Nothing. Sorry."

Lies. He had seen wet satin hair falling over bare shoulders, droplets of water streaking down the pale curve of slick skin. He had seen a hell of a lot more of Rukia than he ever had seen before, and he'd have seen more if there hadn't been a towel in the way.

Damn towel.

No! What was he thinking? Ever since she'd shown up two days ago with the other shinigami, supposedly as his backup, he'd been thinking weirdly about her. Even her sitting on his bed was enough to make him freak out. There was obviously something wrong with him.

"Fool! Could you not have knocked first?" the girl admonished, oblivious to what he was thinking about. "I only just got out of the shower, and you know that door does not lock."

"I said I was sorry, didn't I?" Ichigo responded in frustration. "Besides, who wants to see you naked anyway?"

There was a pause.

"Excuse me?" Her voice was icy.

"Yeah, you're about as attractive as a Chappy Doll."

Except a Chappy Doll wouldn't have the sexiest back that Soul Society had ever seen...Damn it, bad thoughts.

"Kurosaki Ichigo," Rukia siad coldly, ever word crystal clear from the other side of the door. "You are going to regret saying that."

"Bananas!" Orihime said decisively to herself. "Tonight I'll have bananas with soy sauce and wasabi bean-paste soup."

It was a wonderful meal plan, she thought as she skipped her way to school. She was certain Matsumoto, who was staying at her house, would appreciate her food selections. Maybe tonight they could even convince Hitsugaya-Taichou to try some.

She was just about to swing around the corner when her cell phone trilled in her pocket. She slowed to a stop and fished it out, checking the name before bringing it up to her ear.

"Hi, Kuchiki-san!" she squealed excitedly. "How are things? I know you haven't made any progress on those people who attacked Tatsuki, Chad, and I, but that wasn't what I was asking. How are things with you and Kurosaki-kun?"

"Why do you sound so excited when you pose that question?" the other girl replied grumpily. "But that is the reason that I'm calling. Inoue, could you help me with something today?"

Please, dear god, let a Hollow show up right now.

Ichigo stared at the pale, translucent reflection of his utterly bored face in the window beside his desk. Through his twin's eyes he could see the trees and streets below, a slight wind blowing along them. If this day moved any slower, he would be dead and in Soul Society before Ms. Ochi finished lecturing about history.

"And then, in the 1800's-"

"Oooooh!"

There was a sudden scraping noise of a chair being flung backwards as Inoue leaped to her feet, staring at the screen of her phone.

"She says it's time!" she chirruped, gazing around her as if she hadn't just interrupted the entire class. "Come on, guys."

Ichigo stared, nonplussed, as Ishida, Chad, Tatsuki, Keigo, Mizuiro, Chizuru, and even Shinji stood up and made their way casually to the door. What was going on? Had they just forgotten to tell him about something they were all doing? His shinigami badge sat silently at his hip, and he couldn't sense anything abnormal. Ichigo rose halfway out of his chair before Inoue spotted him and held up her hand.

"Not you, Kurosaki-kun," she said seriously. "You absolutely have to stay here."

He gaped at them as the whole group turned to the teacher and said, "Bathroom!" before running out the door as one.

"Be nice to Kuchiki-san!" Inoue yelled, closing the door behind them.

Ms. Ochi shrugged, and then turned back to the blackboard.

"I'm sure they'll be back," she said, and then continued teaching.

Ichigo slowly sat down again, noticing with irritation that almost all the boys were glaring at him. Why had Inoue mentioned Rukia? He didn't want weird rumours flying around again. He glanced at the desk next to him to see what Rukia thought about this, but when he registered the empty seat, he remembered that Rukia hadn't come to school today. He hadn't seen her since last night, in the bathroom, and he was not going to rehash that image of her again.

He had only just retaken his seat when he felt a familiar reiatsu nearby. Had Rukia decided to show up to class late? He fixed his eyes on the door, but when he suddenly heard a strange knocking to his left, he looked over.

"Boo!" Rukia said, and then dropped out of view.

"What the-?" Ichigo stared in utter confusion. Had he really just seen Rukia's head, peeking over the edge of the windowsill, on the other side of the glass? He stood up, leaning towards the window so he could see better outside, but there was nothing there anymore.

"Kurosaki," said Ms. Ochi. "Do you have a problem?"

Distracted, he turned back towards the front of the classroom.

"No, sorry, I-"

The rest of his sentence gurgled and died in his throat.

Rukia was perched on the edge of Ms. Ochi's desk at the front of the room, her bare legs stretched out in front of her, spiky black heels hooking over the bars of a stray chair next to the desk. She was leaning back on her arms, staring straight at him, and she appeared to be wearing nothing but one of his long button-up shirts.

He felt like he was going to swallow his tongue.

"Kurosaki?"

Ichigo realized that the teacher was still staring at him, as well as everyone in the class. Couldn't any of them see her? But then he remembered that everyone with even a shred of spiritual power had followed Inoue out that door.

"It's nothing," he said, sitting down abruptly. Maybe if he didn't look at her, she would go away, or maybe she was an illusion-

"Nothing?" Rukia said loudly. "I beg to differ."

He couldn't help it. He looked up.

Rukia swung her legs off the chair and slid to the ground, slowly walking across the front of the classroom. The shirt only went to mid-thigh, and with every step it rode up a little, revealing a little more pale skin.

"The look on your face say s that you think differently as well," she continued, shooting him a look over her shoulder. "Have you changed your mind?"

Ichigo stared, unable to respond, unable to do anything. People would think he was talking to thin air!

Rukia laughed, moving back to stand at the front of the row he was in.

"What was it you said?" she asked silkily, lifting her hands to toy with the top button of the shirt. "That I was as attractive as a Chappy Doll?"

She undid the button. Ichigo became uncomfortably aware that his pants were too tight.

"So I'm unattractive, am I?"

The next button came undone. The shirt slipped, the curve of her shoulder peeking out, along with one lacy red bra strap.

"You don't look like you think that now."

The third button was undone. It looked like the entire shirt was just going to slide off her, but then she stopped, her hands falling to her side, her lips curving up in a smile.

Slowly, deliberately, she strode down the aisle towards him. Ichigo's mouth was dry, but he couldn't look away, his eyes widening as she drew nearer.

Rukia sat on his desk, leaning towards him, the open flap of the partially unbuttoned shirt still somehow managing to cover up everything necessary.

"Do you like that I'm wearing your shirt?" she whispered.

She reached out and trailed a finger across the skin at the neck of his shirt, pausing over his wildly racing pulse, before moving down.

Oh my god, Ichigo thought. Her hand is on my leg. Shit, shit, shit-

Her palm slid across his thigh, and his temperature skyrocketed. If she kept moving her hand in that direction, she was going to discover exactly how much he liked seeing her in just his shirt.

"Kurosaki, are you alright? You've turned really red."

The students around him were staring, and he tried to resume some sort of normal facial expression.

"Do you need to see the nurse?" Ms. Ochi asked.

No way in hell was he standing up right now and revealing his boner to the world!

"I'm good," he choked out, scowling ferociously.

Rukia got off the desk and backed away from him down the aisle, unbuttoning the shirt as she went.

"I told you you'd regret saying what you did," she reminded him. "Regretting it yet?"

She turned around, putting her back to him, and let the shirt slowly slide completely off, landing in a puddle at her feet. Ichigo stopped breathing as he took in the back view of red lace panties and bra.

"Have I proved my point yet?" Rukia asked, revolving to face him. He didn't think it was possible, but the front view was even better. "Or do you need a little bit more convincing?"

She hooked her thumb into the waistband of her panties and began to ease them down.

That was it. Ichigo simply couldn't take anymore. He shot to his feet, pointing at Rukia.

"No way in HELL!" he yelled.

Rukia froze.

So did the rest of the class.

All of them were staring at-well, let's just say, an area south of his stomach and north of his knees.

Someone whistled.

"I'm kind of impressed," a girl murmurred.

"God damn it," Ichigo said.

Grabbing the nearest book to cover himself, he ran to the classroom door.

"This is all your fault!" he shouted at Rukia.

Wrenching open the door, he fled.

"I did not know it was so easy for boys to get turned on."

Ichigo grunted, refusing to look at her. Rukia had been waiting for him at the end of his street, still in spirit form, but thankfully wearing her shihakusho. Now, she was following him.

"I erased all of their memories," she continued. "Your classmates and teacher will recall nothing of this incident. As far as they are concerned, you were not even at school today."

He felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of him. At least he hadn't completely ruined his image. Still, he said nothing.

"To be perfectly honest, I find it extremely flattering that you got an erec-"

"Don't say it like that!" Ichigo exclaimed, feeling his face heat up. "Any normal guy would...when they were in that kind of..." He gave up. "You wouldn't really have taken off your...you know, would you?"

She looked at him like he was crazy.

"Of course I would've taken it off!" she responded. "That is what I was moving to do when you so violently objected. You greatly insulted my pride, Ichigo. I had to drive my point home beyond a doubt. The reaction in your pants definitely makes up for what you said last night, however."

Ignoring her last sentence, Ichigo felt anger stirring inside him.

"So you would've stripped for anyone, just to prove that you are attractive? And you did it with all those people there!"

She shot him a look of fury.

"Of course not!" she objected. "What kind of person do you think I am? I made sure that the only person who could see me in that room was you, and I wouldn't have done this kind of thing for anyone other than you. I was initially embarrassed last night when you saw me, but I realized that, if it's you, I don't mind." She skipped on ahead, her black kimono billowing around her. "If it's you, Ichigo, I think I would enjoy it."

Something leaped inside Ichigo's chest as he stared at her.

"Wait-what does that mean?"

Her laugh trickled down the street to wash over him.

"Figure it out yourself!"