I felt the chapter was incomplete, when I reread it, so I rewrote it

I laid on the bed with the boxes scattered around me. This is the fifth fucking time we've moved the past two years, and I hated it. I hated moving around, and getting to know people only to leave them biting the dust. I held up my arm and looked at my yarn bracelet, leather band clad wrist, on my other was a wide rubber band. Yeah, I cut.

"Kendall?" My mother's voice sounded weary and tired

"Mom, I'll unpack the rest of the boxes. Why don't you go to bed?" I asked her, she shook her head, her hair flaring around her shoulders

"No, I'll" She yawned, trying to quickly to pass it off as something else "Finish, just help with the living room" I nodded and watched as she closed the door. It's just me, her and Katie; and no dad, no father figure, no Super Dad, nothing. I got up and opened my bedroom door, to see my mother lying down on the couch asleep; I smiled and picked through boxes until I found a blanket and placed it over her. I walked past the kitchen and into the small hallway, and quietly opened Katie's door; she was asleep too, with her DS in her hand. I chuckled before closing her door and marched back into the kitchen; I picked a few boxes and I started to unpack, mostly dishes, glasses, kitchen things. As I made my way to the bottom of the box, when I noticed the small picture frame. I sighed and a flash of anger and rage ran through me. It was a picture of us, as a family and, and him. He was fucking dead to me, I hated him, with every ounce in my body.

"K-Kendall?" I turned around to see Katie, looking very teary eyed at me. I could tell she had that dream, the one about that bastard leaving. Her lip was out, in a pout and she was seconds away from losing it.

"Come here" She ran into my arms, and I carried her back into her room. I hated him for breaking up my family, I detested him. I could feel her sad tears soaking into my shirt, I hugged her closer.

"You know he didn't leave because of you" I whispered to her, I could feel her little head nod

"B-but…"

"No buts, because he didn't. Katie Watie Pooh" She giggled at her nickname, I made that up for her, whenever she was sad; I'd call her that and she's smile. She looked up at me and smiled.

"There's those dimples I love!" She giggled more, as I poked her cheek "Don't worry, everything'll turn out fine" I felt a pang of guilt filling her head with these half-lies, I wasn't sure if everything would be okay, I wasn't sure if she, or my mother, or me for that fact would be okay. She hugged me tighter, and I kissed her forehead. Her arms loosened around me, and I made her settle into bed.

"Want me to tuck you in?" I asked, she smiled at me and nodded. I tucked in the blanket around her until she could barely move, she giggled as I laughed.

"I think I'm tucked in enough" She laughed, I smiled down at her

"You know, when you were a baby, I begged Mom to let me hold you. She was scared that I'd drop you, and when she did let me hold you, you cried. Me being a kid, I didn't know what to do, so I turned to her, and I said 'Mom, I think I broke the baby'" That earned a laugh from her

"Turns out, you just needed a binky change" She rolled her eyes, she hated when I called it that "But when I held you again, I didn't put you down for 4 hours" I told her, she smiled. She always loved when I told her that story, and I loved telling it; it reminded me of the good times.

"Night Kendall" She said, I smiled at her

"Night Katie" I kissed her forehead and turned off the light, and went back to unpacking the boxes. I would have school tomorrow, and even if I don't want to I have too; I've re-lived this day more times than a vampire feeds. After about 6 boxes, I decided to call it a night and plus I have to wake up at 6 tomorrow. I checked on my mom and Katie once again and then I retreated back to my own bedroom, things weren't as bad today. I set my alarm clock for 6 even though it was a few hours away, maybe tomorrow it's be better.

I woke to the sound of my alarm buzzing in my ear and realized that I was 10 minutes behind schedule. I jumped from my bed and into the shower, and quickly dressed. I smiled as I looked over myself, I always wore flannel on the first day, I don't know why I guess because it's like a safety net for me. As I was putting on my Vans, I could hear shuffling in the kitchen, I double checked my books and my bag and flung it over my shoulder as I walked out of my bedroom.

"Morning Mom, Katie" I winked at her, most of the time she didn't want Mom to know about the nightmares, and I couldn't blame her.

"Morning Kendall, do you want me to drop you off at school?" She asked, I shook my head no

"I can walk, besides you'd be late for your confrontation at Katie's school" I said to her as I took a big bite of her bagel and put it back she stared at me "Love you, bye!" I called to her as I walked out the door, locking it and made my way towards the elevator. I liked elevators, but why the hell can't they play regular music? Once the doors opened, I made my way past front desk and towards the door.

"Have a nice day in school!" Called Mr. Bitters, I waved to him and set my way towards the school. I always found walking to sometime clear my head, distract me and before I knew it I was standing in front of Sienna Marrow Highschool. I shook my head and sighed as I made my way up the flights of stairs and into the building; straight to the office. I stood there as I waited for the middle aged woman to acknowledge me as she stared at her nails and mumbled occasional 'uh huh' into the phone.

"Excuse me" I said to her, and she immediately put her hand up; like I was the wrong one. I sighed and waited for her to get off the phone, not even being here for 5 minutes and I've already found someone who pisses me off.

"I need my class schedule" I told her, it was about 6:50, so I was early but still I wanted to make sure I knew where everything was.

"I asked you to wait" I started to breath deeply, she wasn't helping the anger problems that I inherited from my deatbeat father.

"Look-"

"I'm sorry about her" A woman about in her 40's approached the middle aged woman behind the desk "She's…special. I'm the assistant principal, Kylie Marsh" She introduced herself, I nodded "You are…Kendall Knight?" She asked, I smiled and nodded

"Well" She took out a folder of papers and handed them to me "Welcome to Sienna Marrow" She offered a courteous smile, and I politely smiled back at her. I opened the folder and retrieved my schedule. Homeroom was English, Math, Biology; easy enough. I spent about a good twenty minutes finding out where everything went and I went class to class making sure the route was familiar. As I was going back to the office, chastising myself for forgetting to ask about a locker, a brown haired boy walking up towards me.

"Are you Kendall?" He asked

"Depends…" I said, he laughed, and held his hand out for me to shake

"I'm Logan, Ms. Marsh said to show you around. And, she forgot to give you your lock" He said, thrusting the black lock towards me. I nodded, at him before I spoke.

"How are the kids here?" I asked him, as he walked me to my locker

"Most of us are okay, some are jackasses, like Brad DiToliono. Him and everyone associated with him is a jackass" I laughed at his exaggeration in the word everyone. As I put my bag away and grabbed my books, Logan decided to show me the second floor.

"Only classes up here are U.S History and Calculus, along with the library" He said, and pointed to the big wooden doors, I nodded. The bell which is loud as fuck rang in my ear, Logan smiled

"You'll get used to it" He grabbed my wrist and I snatched away. He suddenly turned and looked at me

"I uh, a little sore" I said, and pointed to my wrist, he nodded and we rushed downstairs. I was surprised to see him sit down across from me as I sat down in English. The class started, and to be honest it was a snooze fest, something about Shakespeare or something? As the bell rang, I silently thanked God the snooze fest was over.

"Hey" I turned around to see Logan catching up to me "I didn't know you had English, what class do you have next?" He asked, I pulled out my schedule and handed it to him he smiled.

"I have every single class except for Biology" He said, then he sighed

"What?" I asked him

"Well, James has that class" He said, I raised an eyebrow to him. He sighed before explaining "James is my friend, but sometimes he can be a complete asshole" He said, I nodded "He's a nice guy once he gets to know you" It's funny how he said that the other way around. We went to math together and by the time I realized, it was time for Biology.

"Good Luck!" Logan said as he ran off to get his U.S. History Class. I sighed and walked in as students were getting settled in.

"Ah, you must be Mr. Knight, I'm Mr. Benjamin, or Mr. B. Nice to have you in my class" The man looked no more than thirty, jet black hair, I chuckled when I realized it was a fohawk "We have assigned seats in this class. Sit next to Mr. Diamond" He said, I looked to him for assistance.

"Yo, eyebrows" I breathed deeply and turned. Just as I thought, he leaned against the table wearing a cocky grin. Hs hair was combed perfectly, sideswept bangs dangling over his hazel irises.

"I do have a name asshole" I mumbled as I walked and took the seat next to him

"Well, for now you're eyebrows" Every muscle tensed as he called me that. I would not lose control, I could not, my mother has much to deal with now.

"And for now, you're name is asshole" He smirked before he turned and opened the book. I was glad that he assigned independent work because I'd rather fight 20 deaf midgets than work with him.

"Hey" I closed my eyes and sighed before I glanced at him. He wore a sly grin, and I just didn't answer him, knowing it's be stupid.

"Hey" He said, a certain urgency ringing in his voice "Hey!" I decided to then ignore him.

"Hey, hey eyebrows" I sighed, don't do it Kendall, don't do it "Eyebrows, yo!" I clenched my fist and looked at him

"What?" I asked him

"You dropped you pen" I looked, and in his hand was my black pen. Somehow it rolled off the table

"Thanks" I mumbled confusedly and took the pen from him

"No problem eyebrows" He said, the grin practically plastered on his face. Before he turned back into his book he winked at me. I turned to my left and saw a blonde girl trying to suppress a smile; well that mystery's solved. I turned back to my book, with nothing to do but just pretend work because I was done. The year my dad left, there would be so much arguing and even though mom was pregnant he still stressed her out, which led to Katie being born prematurely. When it started, I would go to the storage closet; it was the farthest from their bedroom and I'd read. Even before then I liked to read but I read more when they argued, and I used it as an escape; well until I began cutting. I was about 13, when I started, but when I was twelve, I was introduced to it. When my mother was going through her on and off depression, I picked up the slack; one night while I was doing the dishes, I reached my hand into the sink and slice! It was a month after that, my birthday was in that month when I decided to do it; the feeling it gave me, hypnotic, even the dull throbbing afterwards, I loved. The bell rang, sending me out of my daze, and I quickly packed up my things and went onto the next class. Logan and I were seated close in them, I liked it because I began looking to Logan as a…friend.

In one class, I very briefly met some guy named Carlos. He was very hyper, like he had ADD or something; and by the way Logan was blushing, I'd say his boyfriend. After I went to my locker and switched books, Logan met me and we walked to lunch together; it was a little weird. Some people stared at me as if I had 'Bozo' painted on my forehead.

"…and sometimes it's okay but just try not to do it all the time" I looked at Logan, both lips pinched together and nodded. He gave me an you-weren't-listening-at-all face, actually I chuckled because it was funny to get a reaction out of him. We got out lunch and we sat down, and I noticed that Logan was looking around, I laughed.

"Carlos just left out that door" I said, and tilted my head towards the big doors

"WHAT?" His eyes bugged out, and eyebrows furred and I tried not to laugh with my mouth full. Then, as if on que Carlos came and sat his tray down.

"Hey Logie" He pushed his lips against Logan's in a quick kiss, in which the boy flashed 80 shades of red.

"Kendall right?" He asked, I nodded "Nice to meet ya'" He said, and then, someone sat down next to me, as I saw the brown locks swing into my perception. I groaned as a huge smile erupted on his face.

"Sup eyebrows" I absolutely hated that name, but two can play that game

"Hey asshole" I heard Carlos snigger

"It's James" He growled, I could hear the anger finally getting somewhere

"And I really don't give a fuck" I retorted, I could feel my blood boiling through my veins. He just, pissed me off so much.

"Fuck you" You could hear in his voice he was dead serious, and that's all it took for that little spark to ignite. My father said that to my mother once, before I hit him. I could hear my own ragged breaths echoing themselves in my ears, and I shoved James. It was a lot, or too much force because he almost lost his balance on the little bench. As soon as he rose to his feet, I stood.

"I think you're fucking with the wrong one" He spat venomously at me, his hazel orbs clouding with anger and resentment?

"Try me" Trigger words, for me all this came from trigger words. As he stepped towards me, I stepped towards him, clenching and unclenching my fist in this spiralling rage.

"Kendall, calm down" I didn't even register the fact that Logan was talking, or rather trying to pull me back.

"Let the little boy fight his own battles Logan" I snapped. Everything that was coming from his mouth I could hear my father saying, as if his voice was morphing into my father's if his head was changing into the man.

"I'm not so fucking little anymore!" I yelled and slammed his body backwards and into the wall, and he shoved me back. As I charged towards him, and he grabbed fistfuls of my shirt as we pummeled to the floor; I thought I heard chanting, and snapping, like a camera snapping. I could taste the blood dripping into my mouth, but I kept at it. I could hear my father's voice, the boy needs to fight his own battles, you always stick up for him, why don't you pay that much attention to me.

"Kendall, please!" I could tell by the sound of the faint voice that Logan was upset by…this. I could barely hear his inaudible voice as my father's words played over and over my head. James punched me dead in the face and I swear I heard a crack as a loud shooting pain shot through my face. A rough, strong hand yanked me away as I tried to regain my stability as they forcefully pushed me towards the door. I had blood drips on my shirt, as I looked up I saw the man who pulled me up was Mr. B. He ushered me into his classroom and stuck a mirror in my face. I hated what I saw, my right eyebrow was bleeding; sending a drop of the velvet colored liquid rolling down my face, the sight made me shiver as the thought of getting a blade into my hands went through my head. My nose was slightly leaning, and as I reached my fingers to touch it, instantly I winced and withdrew my hand. Blood was dripping from my nose, and Mr. B handed me a box of tissues as I wiped the blood away.

"Kendall, from your transcripts you seem like a bright kid. What happened?" He asked, I shrugged as I carefully wiped the blood away from my nose.

"I got pissed" I said, as I wiped the blood away from my eyebrow. I could see my jaw, swelling like no tomorrow and a few bruises.

"Kendall, do you have problems at home? I mean I know your mother's a single mom but if you need help you can talk to me" It was nice to know they 'pretend' cared. I now fucking hated James more than I ever had. I heard sirens, and I looked up at him, he sighed and motioned for me to follow. I got up, holding a tissue to my nose as I followed him to the office. A EMT guy came up to me, examining my nose as I followed him to the ambulance. Fuck, I had maybe two hundred stashed and that would cover the whole bill; fucking nice Kendall. The silent drive was actually pretty nice, it gave me time to figure this shit out and my mom would be giving me hell since she asked me to 'be good'. As we arrived, I was escorted into a room to wait for a doctor; I hope my nose wasn't broken.

I looked around nervously, until the door opened. A woman, with chestnut brown hair stepped in and smiled at me.

"Hi, you must be Kendall right?" She asked,

"Yeah" She sat down and quickly looked over my files before putting on some gloves and examining my nose.

"It's definitely broken" Great. That's all I fucking needed.

When I got home, I was greeted by my mother sitting on a stool near the counter. She had that pissed off look, which is never good.

"Kendall Francis Knight. A fight, the first day of school?" She asked, I sighed "I thought I raised you better than that. Kendall, you cannot let your temper get the best of you" She said, she looked down and sighed "And the hospital bills" All the while she was fussing, she was looking at me, but not looking at me. She raised her head and a small gasp escaped her lips.

"I'll pay for it" I told her, I didn't want to go through this, not tonight.

"Kendall, where are you…"

"I saved. No big deal mom" I told her as I walked past her, toward my room. I stopped when I saw the picture, of him and me as a baby; I hated that.

"Why do you even keep that?" I asked her angrily, she sighed at me

"Because I like it!" She retorted, there were only certain things that pissed my mother off, and talking about that picture was one of them.

"All he ever did was fuck up our lives!" I yelled at her, I could see she was getting angry, but I guess it's something she needed to hear

"Don't talk about your father like that!" She shouted. Me? Not talk about him? Are you fucking kidding me mom?

"He did nothing but fucking leave us and you still love that bastard" I stormed out of the room, slamming the picture of him and I to the ground. I slammed my door shut, as I paced my room; how could she say that? The man who left us high and fucking dry, how could she still love him? I went into my bathroom, quickly moving boxes and tubes of toothpaste out of the cabinet, until I saw my little killjoy. I picked it up, this, now this took away all my problems, and made everything go numb and float away from me. I sat on the toilet lid, and took off the yarn bracelets and leather band and sat them gingerly in my lap.

"Kendall?" Katie's high pitch voice slipped through the door

"Get out!" I shouted at her, as I tried to control my breathing. As I dragged the ultra thin razor against my skin, I sighed. I could just feel the problems melting away from me, and I loved it; so I did it again. Numbness, that's what it was; I wasn't worrying about Katie, or mom or that motherfucker. As I leaned back, and watched the small streams of red leak from my arm; I felt like my life was okay, even if it was just for a minute.