The Birds and the Bees and Sokka's Sock Puppets

Summary: Toph wants to know where babies come from. It's Zuko's job to tell her.

Pairings: Mentioned Sukka.

Warnings: Discussions about sex (obviously) and awkwardness.

A/N: Edit: much thanks to Kirsten Erin and BlueLion for pointing out mistakes; they have been fixed now.

Zuko sighed as he stretched out on the ground.

He was laying on the grass, watching Sokka polish his space sword while Katara lazily Bent water. Toph was skipping stones. She was cheating, of course, using her Earthbending to keep the stones from sinking. She called it training.

Really, he knew that he should be practicing his Bending as well, but he just couldn't summon the energy to move. He was too tired. He had been training Aang rigorously for the past few days, preparing for the comet, and now his body was paying the price. He would get up and fight Aang in a few minutes.

Come to think of it, where was Aang? Ah, yes, he was inside the summer house, sleeping. He and Suki had decided to take brief naps, while the others lounged around outside. Naps were nice, he thought, as he observed the way the sunlight reflected off of Sokka's sword.

"Um…guys?" Katara stopped what she was doing, and looked at Toph. Beside her, Sokka did the same. Toph's voice was hesitant, and her demeanor was uncertain. This was not a usual occurrence.

It was Katara who answered her. "Yes, Toph? What is it?"

"I was just wondering…where do babies come from?"

Sokka dropped his sword. The clang echoed in the suddenly silent camp.

"What did you say, Toph?" Katara looked like she was afraid to hear the answer.

"Where do babies come from?" Toph repeated. When no one answered, she continued, "I mean, how do they get made? I used to think that babies just appeared in a mom's stomach, but now I think that's not quite right."

Zuko realized that his mouth was hanging open. He closed it with a 'click.'

"No one's told you?"

"I asked my mom, but she said that I was far too young to be thinking about it. I asked your uncle too." At this, Zuko paled. He remembered his own 'Talk.' It had been a horribly awkward affair, with a mortified Zuko desperately trying to convince his uncle that he did, in fact, know where babies came from, and there was no need for him to explain everything. Of course, his uncle had blithely continued talking, apparently oblivious to his nephew's deep red face.

"I didn't really understand what he was talking about though. He kept saying something about birds and bees and delicate flowers blossoming." Zuko remembered that too. "No on will tell me where they come from! I even asked the gardener, but he wouldn't tell me. He just started stammering about how it wasn't proper for him to say. What's the big deal? It's not like it's some big secret, is it?"

"Give us a second, Toph," Sokka said, as he pulled Katara and Zuko to the other side of the camp. "We just need to have a little talk." Toph scrunched her eyebrows together, but didn't object.

"Let me take care of this," Sokka whispered to Katara.

"Sokka!" she hissed. "No sock puppets! Remember the last time? Those children were traumatized!" Zuko wasn't sure that he wanted to know what they were talking about.

Sokka waved his hand airily. "That was all a just a big misunderstanding."

"You scarred them for life! For life, Sokka!"

"You're exaggerating. They were fine after a few talks with Gran Gran. Besides, I'm not going to use sock puppets this time. Don't worry," he added. "Just let me handle this."

Katara looked far from convinced, but didn't stop him as he walked back to where Toph was standing. It occurred to Zuko as he trailed behind Sokka that Toph had probably heard their entire conversation. Her eyebrows were raised, sightless eyes trained right on Sokka. He winced. Yeah, she had definitely heard.

Sokka rubbed his hands briskly. "Okay, Toph, before I answer any of your questions, I need to ask you one. Are you planning on having babies?"

"Not for a long time."

"How long?"

"Like, until I'm thirty. At least. I don't want any kids 'till I'm done traveling the world."

"Then you don't need to know until them. Ask me when you're thirty, okay? Glad we had this talk. Well, bye!" He turned to go and was met with Katara's steely glare. "What?"

She said nothing, just gave him a Look. "Fine, fine. Okay, Toph. Here's what you need to know. Babies come from…well, Zuko knows! Ask him!"

"What?" Zuko yelled. "Why do I have to? Katara's a girl! She can tell Toph!"

Toph glared at him. "Is it that big of a problem to tell me where babies come from?"

"Well – "

"Yes," Sokka supplied helpfully.

"Oh, for crying out loud, I'll do it!" Katara muscled her way between Sokka and Zuko.

"No way." Toph crossed her arms. "I want to hear it from Zuko."

Zuko was sure that the spirits hated him. "Why?"

"Because he doesn't want to tell me."

"Neither does Sokka!" Zuko protested.

"I don't think he even knows where babies come from."

"Hey! I do so!"

Toph continued as if he hadn't spoken. "And even if he did, I'm sure that he'd mess up explaining it to me."

"She has a point there."

"Besides, you're the oldest of us here. It seems to me like adults know how to make babies, and you're almost an adult, so that means that you have to tell me."

Sokka looked triumphant. "You can't argue with that logic." Even Katara looked inclined to agree.

"Okay, um, babies…come from sex."

"What's sex?"

Zuko wished that he was anywhere but there. "Sex is…something people do to feel good. And to make babies."

"But what is it?"

Zuko rubbed the back of his neck. His ears were burning. "It's, uh, okay, you know how guys and girls are different right?"

Toph's expression said, 'duh.' "Right, well, they both get, um, aroused…but, in different places…"

"What does 'aroused' mean?"

He was starting to think that using sock puppets wasn't such a bad idea. "It's a feeling that you get. Um, you kinda feel hot and you start breathing hard. You're heart starts pumping faster…"

All thoughts of sock puppets flew out of his mind when Zuko heard Toph's innocently asked question. "Oh, you mean like how Sokka and Suki felt that night in Sokka's tent?"

Katara's head whipped toward Sokka, her braid making a whistling noise through the air.

"What?" Sokka began to back up, holding his hands out in front of him in a distinctly defensive gesture. With good reason, Zuko noted, Katara looked ready to Waterbend him into oblivion.

"When was this?"

"You know, when you and Zuko were busy with the Southern Raiders? Well, I was kinda…busy…with…Suki…" he trailed off. Zuko thought that he could have worded that a little better.

"What did you do?" Katara's voice was very quiet and very dangerous.

"Nothing! We just kissed a bit!"

"He's lying," Toph said. "I can sense it."

"O-okay, so there was a lot of kissing, but I swear, we didn't, you know, do stuff."

"What stuff didn't you do?" Just like that, Katara's attention was back on Toph. Zuko could hear Sokka's quiet breath of relief.

"Sex. He didn't do sex."

"Yeah, but how do you do sex?"

A light blush dusted Katara's cheeks as she launched into surprisingly clinical explanation. "When a man becomes aroused, his penis becomes hard, and then he – what's so funny?"

"Y-you guys!" Toph snorted between laughter. "You guys are so…funny! You actually thought – thought that I didn't know…about sex!"

For the second time that day, the camp was filled with stunned silence, broken only by Toph's raucous laughter. "I mean, really! I'm not that sheltered!"

A light breeze could have blown Zuko over.

"Wha…?"

"Ah, thanks guys. I needed a good laugh."

"Why did you do that?" Katara asked. It seemed that speech had returned to her. Zuko was still trying to remember how to form basic words like, 'why me?'

"Why? Because I was bored. Bad things happen when I'm bored. You should know this by now, Sugar Queen."

Zuko remembered Sokka had mentioned something about Toph scamming people. Had she been bored then too? It was very likely, Zuko decided, looking at her deviously amused face.

And she was supposed to be 'the Greatest Earthbender in the World'. Suddenly, Zuko felt very scared for the world.

"But, y-you – !"

"Aw, lay off her, Katara. You have to admit, that was pretty funny. Nice one, Toph," Sokka said, apparently already over the awkwardness of just a few minutes ago. Zuko, on the other hand, was still blushing, which was irritating, because even Katara's face had lost its pink tinge. This, Zuko decided, had been an entirely unnecessary and embarrassing conversation that he would never speak of again.

"Your face is still red," Sokka said.

Zuko didn't reply, walking past him with quiet dignity.

"Hey, do you think that Aang knows about sex?" Toph's casual question stopped Zuko cold.

"Of course he does. He's the Avatar."

"Sokka, that has nothing to do with it," Katara said. "Remember, he's only twelve."

"Toph is twelve, and she knows," Zuko said. He ignored his growing panic. There was no way that he was going to get trapped into explaining sex again.

"Well, he's been trapped in an iceberg for a hundred years, so you never know."

"Toph, stop. We're going to assume that he knows about sex, okay? You know, so he knows." Zuko ignored the desperation in his voice.

"But –"

"He knows! Unless any of you want to ask him?"

Silence, then general agreement.

After all, Aang couldn't possibly be ignorant about sex. Right?